Chapter 13:Mall clops
Disclaimer:You serious? I'm am sick and tired of writing this damned disclaimer list of stuff everyone knows I don't own,I've done this for like,4 stories and you refuse to read it! I don't own Silent Hill,Overblood,Left 4 dead,Mega man,Haunting ground,Alan Wake,Halo,Mario Party,Heavy Rain,Metal Gear Solid,Hamtaro. I do own Johnny and Parker.
The Assistant of the Asylum handed the cursed game to the pawnshop owner.
"5 bucks." He said.
"Phit,that's it?" The assistant asked. Angry,he took the money and left. The owner priced the game 25 bucks. Zoey from Left 4 dead came in and saw it. Foolishly,she bought it and took it home to show her friends,Francis,Bill and Nick,that's right,she's through with Louis.
"Is it any good?" Bill asked,puffing a cigarette.
"I'm about to find out." Zoey said as she put it in her PS2.
The gang strolled down a hallway,Harry got a message when he approached a gate with graffiti on it.
"Hey Girls! What to unleash your inner warrior? Then come on down to the Experience! We provide all kinds of experience points! We even sell Ability and Magic points! Get you Level 1 ass down here and level up!" It read.
"Hey,Food!" Johnny screamed as he ran for this coffee and donut on a tray on a trash can. As he approached it,it swept off onto the floor,he slammed his face on the trash can,and Harry got another message.
"Malcolm. Doing that thing you asked me to do. I planted a tracer in the underwear of that hot ass teenager. Man,she looks just like (static) from the other game. It's a shame she's not as cool though. Anyway,I also arrested Mega Man,who kept kicking cans into the bakery for cash. Also,some crazy journalist jacked a golf cart and was driving it all over the place. Finally,a bunch of looters stormed the Bad games depot and stole all our decoy games,it's only a matter of time before we catch them." It read.
"Hey look,a pet store!" Raz said as he pointed to the Family pet.
"So?" Harry said.
"Now we can adopt a pet to make this game cute!" Raz said as he ran inside. Shortly after that,a scream was heard. Harry ran inside. Johnny pulled an old newspaper out of his mouth and also ran inside.
"What?" He asked.
"Hamtaros dead!" Raz shrieked,pointing at a dead hamster inside a cage.
"That show was somewhat better than most crap you see on Cartoon Network these days." Harry said,as a tear rolled down his cheek.
"Except MAD." Johnny said. Harry opened the cage and grabbed a roll of film.
"What the truck is this doing in here?" He asked before he and Raz walked over to the dog cages.
"Hmmm,In some countries,people eat hamsters." Johnny said as he ate Hamtaro's corpse. Harry got a message when he passed a cage.
"I'm looking for a dog,that one. Oh,your looking for that dog? No,I'm looking for a replacement for the one I ran over,OF COURSE I'M LOOKING FOR THAT ONE! Sorry,I didn't know it was yours. Yeah,I've been looking all over for him. It's a girl. Her." It read. Johnny stole some cash from the register and they went into the back hall. Gunfire could be heard in the pet shop after they left (Reference to Silent Hill 4). A little shadow girl ran away from them.
"MERYL! Get your ass back here now!" Harry yelled. He saw a poster for Toluca security,which he called.
"Toluca security." It answered.
"Hello,my daughter is running around loose in this damn mall,I need you to restrain her!" Harry said.
"Are you kidding? There ain't no one in the mall." The officer said.
"Well we are! Can you please tell us how to get out?" Harry said.
"How come I can't see you on the cameras? How did you get in?" The Officer said.
"There aren't any cameras installed in this place. We got in through that pull door that you push." Harry said.
"That door was stuck,you couldn't have gotten in that way. Nice prank kid,but-" The officer started.
"Truck you,truck your mother,truck your father and truck your damn Mall!" Harry yelled before he hung up. "I thought the police were supposed to help you."
They continued through another door and entered a toy store.
"TOYS!" Raz squealed with delight. He started running around,observing all the toys. Harry saw a poster about a recall on this toy car.
"Damn it! I was gonna get that for Meryl's birthday!" Harry said as he called it's support number.
"Hello,Why the hell did you bastards recall the super red hot rod?" He asked.
"It had some hazards." The operator said.
"You mean like a choking hazard?" Harry asked.
"Actually,it used real gasoline. That could lead to poisoning,flammability,and explosions." The operator said. Harry hung up and looked to the side and spotted a safe. He went over and twisted the knob.
"Damn it,will you assholes shut the hell up? I'm trying to listen for the click!" Harry yelled.
"I didn't even breath." Johnny said.
"I'm not talking to you,I'm talking to the options menu to turn off the damn background music,I can't hear with it on." Harry said. The background music shut up and he heard the click and opened the safe. He pulled out a green stuffed dinosaur.
"What the truck? This idiot keeps a stupid beanie baby in his safe? Is he an ABDL?" Harry said as he threw it in his memento box. Raz was playing with a toy train. He placed a Halo action figure (Master Chief) on the rails.
"Oh no,Master chief is in the path of the train! What shall the residents do?" Raz said. Harry tried the front door to the shop.
"Damn,it's locked. I'd guess we'd better go back to-" He said before Raz's train crashed and fell over revealing a key.
"Wow,a giant golden key!" He said. Harry took it and unlocked the door. They left and Raz stood at the bottom of an escalator.
"Why do these damn things take so long?" He said. The others helped him up and they entered another back corridor. There was a mannequin back there.
"AAAAHHHHH! What is this games obsession with mannequins?" Harry said,startled. They walked away from it and heard a scream. The mannequin's head was cut off and blood was in it's place.
"Silent Hill 3,Hilltop center storage room." Harry said.
"OOOHHHH! A Ball!" Raz squealed as he dived towards a ball laying on a bench. It bounced up,and Raz smashed his head against the wall. Harry got a message.
"Look what I Got! He licks me and keeps me safe from big dumb guys on Steroids!" It read,along with a picture of a little girl and dog.
"Hey,that's Meryl! Then,that means the guy who was buying the dog...was an Imposter! Someone else has taken my identity! It's probably that damn Alan Wake! I'll fix him,the next time we meet!" Harry said. They entered a wide room with 2 stores to enter. A card store,or a Nail salon.
"Should we let the readers pick?" Johnny asked.
"Nah,they had their chance,but they were too busy ogling serious stories." Harry said.
"Where to?" Johnny asked.
"Lets go to the card shop,we can visit the other one in the 'Extras' Chapter." Harry said. They entered the store.
There were all sorts of cards. There were cards for Aliens,deaths,war and window washers.
"Window washers?" Johnny asked. Harry got another echo message when he passed the keypad on the exit door.
"What was the combination for the keypad? (Bang) (squeak). What the hell does that mean? THE WAR CARD AND WINDOW WASHER CARD! Oh." It read. Harry looked at the war and window washer cards.
"50th war." The war card read.
"23rd window washed." The other one read. Harry typed in 5023 and unlocked the door.
"Hey,I found a card for Milly!" Raz said as he held it up.
"To my dead cloned girlfriend." It read. They went in the back hall. There was a book laying on the trash bin.
"How to make yourself look like Xena?" Johnny read out loud. Harry got a message when he approached it.
"The store was attacked by these half naked chicks in leather with their breasts hanging out! They stole my cash and killed all my customers,claiming it gave them 'experience'. This one chick cut off my ear and said she was going to sell it to some guy for caps. What the hell is wrong with the kids today? Oh well,I've got to put on my Order outfit and meet with the founders to discuss how we are going to sacrifice the next child." It said. The guys moved into the next room,which was a camera shop.
"You guys Hungry?" Raz asked as he opened a Memory card's box and took a bite out of it. Bits of Circuitry fell out of his mouth as he chewed it. Harry got another damn echo message.
"Another thief. It was this hot ass blonde chick who shoved a memory card down her bra. It's worse than the evil path in Fable. I bet every man in this store would want to be that memory card." It said.
"Mmmmm,this phit is good,you guys want some?" Raz said as he started eating an Iphone.
"Dude,your stomachs gonna get torn up if you keep eating electronics." Johnny pointed out.
"Aww thats just a rumor." Raz said,as his chest started bleeding.
"Speaking of which,I better grab one of these for my phone,I'm running out of space on my phone." Harry said as he grabbed one and inserted it in his phone.
"I thought you only took like,10 pics." Johnny asked. Raz ate a DVD player.
"I took a few more." Harry said as he showed his phone. He had a picture of Him when he crashed his car,him in a thong,Johnny screaming at the sight of a Rawshock in the sinking car,Raz hanging upside down from a light post,and a picture of Eileen from Silent Hill 4,in the shower.
"How did you get in her apartment?" Johnny asked.
"She left her keys in my apartment." Harry said,vaguely remembering his past. Anyway,they left the shop and saw a shadow figure by a bench surrounded by a police no cross line. Harry snapped a photo.
"More ghost evidence,I should have been in Metal Gear Solid." Harry said. The photo turned out to be a hot teenage girl sitting on the bench with a body on the floor.
"911? I killed this guy! I thought he was trying to molest me so I pulled out my switch blade and stabbed him a couple times in the groin. What? Yes I'll hold. I can't believe a security guard tried to molest me." The message said. The guys came to a giant statue of a toucan,which they saw earlier.
"Good old Tookie. Wow,I didn't know that I'd know that." Harry said.
"Know what?" Johnny asked.
"I said- RAZ! Get down from there!" Harry yelled when Raz climbed on the toucan's head.
"Weee. Come on Toucan Sam,show me your fruit loops!" Raz said as he bounced up and down on it.
"Raz,damn you!" Harry said as he climbed up after him.
"AAAAHHH! The magical fruit loops are mine!" Raz yelled as he stepped out on the beak.
"Raz,this thing's made of plastic,I don't think-" Harry said before the statue fell over and broke into pieces due to the weight.
"I don't think we should have been up there,it wouldn't hold us." Raz finished Harry's sentence. Harry socked him in the face. He saw a poster about Joining Tookie in an upcoming feature,he dialed the number.
"We are sorry,but we are no longer recruiting children for "Tookie's children's crusade". If you are angry,please don't vent it here. You should have entered your brat in some of Tookie's other movies,such as "Tookie's blood sacrifice","Tookie's little girl rape" and "Tookie eats your children". Thank you,and have a nice day." It answered. The guys entered the Cinema.
"Damn,it's called a Cinema? I hope Charlie and Lola aren't here." Johnny said. They came to the lobby,which had a toy machine,games,and popcorn machine.
"Good times." Harry said,referring to the games. He reached in his pocket.
"Damn it! That bitch Cybil still has my wallet! Damn You Cybil!" Harry yelled. Raz was at the toy machine trying to get the Frankenstein figure.
"Damn,this is harder than that time I took that anti gravity device." Raz said.
Flashback...
Raz and his little robot friend were in a lounge of some kind. There was a floating statue of a woman with no legs or arms.
"Man,I wish every woman was like that,eh Pipo?" Raz nudged his robot friend.
"whee whee whheee." Pipo said,nodding. Raz saw something at the foot of the statue. He inspected it.
"Anti-gravity device. Cool,I can fly with this!" He said as he took it,the statue fell on him.
"Argh,Pipo,help." Raz said,the statue weighed a ton.
"Whee Whee Whee." Pipo beeped.
"On second thought,I forgot how long it's been since I've seen anything close to a woman. Might as well practice on this one. Hey sexy? How are you?" Raz said,rubbing the statue's breast.
Present...
Harry shoved Raz aside.
"You have to move this,than press this." He said as the crane grabbed the toy,then dropped it.
"You piece of PHIT!" He yelled as he smashed the glass and just grabbed the doll.
"This is like that crane game from Mario Party 1. It's rigged!" Harry said as he kicked the machine. He threw the doll in his memento Box.
"mmmmm,Popcorn." Johnny said as he went up to the popcorn machine. A hand pressed itself against the glass.
"Hey! Get the truck out of there man,your ruining the popcorn!" Johnny yelled. Alan Wake shoved his inked,Bleeding face against the glass.
"I'M GONNA KILL YOU!" He screamed as he smashed through the glass. Harry pulled out the knife he'd been carrying since the forest level.
"You bastard! You stole my identity!" He said.
"What? I never even cared about your boring ass life." Wake said.
"Care this!" Harry said as he threw the knife at Wake,and missed by an inch.
"Phit." Harry said as he and the guys ran into the theater. The movie from the beginning of the game was playing.
"Those bastards stole my Home movies!" Harry said as he and the guys hid under the seats.
"Come out,come out wherever you are." Wake said,creepily,Revolver in hand.
"Dude,I think I'm sitting on an old lollipop." Johnny said.
"I found some old popcorn." Raz said.
"Shut the hell up!" Harry said.
"Hmmm,I wonder what movie this is?" Wake said as he sat down in the chair above Harry. The movie eventually faded to the close up of a woman.
"Whoa,must be a horror flick." Wake said.
"Now,our feature presentation." The narrator said. The actual Movie opened with some guy getting out of bed,with several different screenshots.
"Wait a minute..." Wake said,nervously. The man picked up a note.
"I'll pick up Jason for his birthday party." The note read.
"It can't be!" Wake said. The man went into the bathroom.
"It's...Heavy Rain! The only game worse than mine!" Wake screamed as the man took off his briefs and got in the shower.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Wake screamed before his head exploded. The guys came out from hiding.
"ewww,is that guy naked?" Raz asked,pointing at the film.
"Let's get the truck out of here before we explode too!" Harry yelled as they ran through the exit doors. Harry saw a poster for The cinema,which he called.
"Welcome to the cinema hot line. To learn what movies we have showing,press 1. To learn how you can kill yourself with the crane game,press 2. To learn how you can avoid stories by Leon 13,press 3." It said. Harry pressed 1.
"You have selected movies we have showing. This weekend is 'Make your child cry' week. We have several depressing animated films including,Bambi,The Ringing Bell of Chirin,Secret of NIMH,Plague Dogs,and Watership Down. We also have a selection of 'Scar your child for life' movies which include Watership Down,All dogs go to heaven,Brave little toaster,Adventures of Mark Twain,Mountain of the Dinosaurs,Animal Farm,The Mouse and his child,and Fritz the cat." It said. He then got a message from Dahlia.
"Hey man,where are you? I'm feeling lonely." It read.
"Why won't this stupid bitch leave me alone?" Harry said as he deleted the message. The guys went through another door and ended up outside.
"And we're back in the frozen tundra! Geez,where is this town located? Alaska?" Johnny asked. They came across a shadow figure laying behind a car.
"Ewww,I can see where this is going." Harry said as he took a picture and got a message.
"We hit something. Yeah,no phit. I constantly tell you to watch where the hell your going! Will you shut your emo pie hole for once in your life? Get out and see what we hit! Fine,I hope it wasn't Artyom again. Oh phit. What? Oh phit. I just said that. Damn it,I just got him 3 days ago! He costs 100 bucks! What am I going to use to keep her busy now?" It read. The figure was a dog.
"So much for a Haunting Ground scenario." Harry said as he saw a parking sign with a phone number,which he called.
"Towing service." it said.
"Yeah my car crashed into a pole somewhere near this auto shop,I was wondering if you could tow it to a shop." Harry said.
"How long ago was the crash?" It asked.
"About 2 and a half days ago." Harry said.
"Sorry,we only tow recently damaged cars." It said.
"But-" Harry started as it hung up. They soon came to the Green Lion pawn shop.
"This is the address I spent Half of the game looking for." Harry said.
"Isn't this the place where you found an ax behind the wall?" Raz asked.
"It was,god knows whats in there now." Harry said. They went inside,it was like a dirty toy shop.
"If only I had a woman to use this stuff on." Johnny said. Raz tried the door.
"It's locked,we need to find a control panel to unlock it." he said.
"Raz,this isn't Overblood. Here,we use keys. And I see one in this protection cage." Harry said as he stuck his hand through the opening and reached for the key which was on a shelf,his arm was too short through.
"Oohh,A wooden stake! This will be handy against vampires!" Raz said as he took the peg that was holding the shelf up. The shelf fell down,smashing Harry's hand and throwing the key on the spinning disk. Johnny was trying on a Gimp costume.
"Owww,Damn it Raz! I almost had it! What do we do now?" Harry yelled.
"Let's play roulette!" Raz said as he spun the disk thing on the counter around and threw the keys into Harry's face.
"Raz,I will kill you if you do something like that again!" He yelled as he unlocked the door.
"I'm gonna check behind that cage and see if theres anything we can loot." Johnny said as he went behind a cage. He opened a blue box and found a ring,which he showed Harry.
"Hmmm,this just looks like a piece of junk. I would go well with your blood stained pink jacket and butterfly nailed in your chest though." Harry said as Johnny put it on. The guys went up the stairs. There was a stuffed Tookie doll on the shelf.
"Awwww,I love these plushy animals!" Raz said as he squeezed it.
"Honey? Is that you?" A voice in the next room said. Harry went in and saw this old ugly hag.
"Who the hell are you?" She asked.
"Harry Mason." Harry said.
"Harry,sweetie,I thought you were dead!" The bitch said.
"Where's Meryl?" Harry asked.
"Cheryl? Still at the lighthouse maybe." The hag said.
"Are you serious? I spent half of the game wandering around to reach this area and now I have to do it again?" Harry said.
"Thats what the guide says. I'm so happy your alive." The hag said,taking his hand. She wore the same ring as he did.
"Now we can cuddle again." She said.
"Ewww,Your my wife?" Harry asked as the world froze over yet again.
"Well,these nightmare sequences are better than making love to a rapidly aged emo bitch." Harry said,as he left the room.
Parker was sitting on the couch,eating one of those freeze popsicles. He heard a knock on his door. He walked over to it and opened it,revealing Zoey,Bill,Francis,and Nick,all whom look like they've seen a ghost. Zoey procured the Cursed game and shoved it in Parker's arms before they ran away like hell.
Parker looked at the game,he almost pissed himself. The game had somehow found it's way back to him. There was no hope that Alex could finish it,he was traumatized by playing nothing but Fatal Frame and Alan Wake. There was only one left to finish it,and that was himself.
To Be continued...
Whoa,this was one mother of a chapter,ehh? Now we're going to have to go through another boring-ass nightmare sequence. I can't wait till I finish this story so I can work on Bio-Jock. By the way,did you guys know that there was a hammer used as a weapon in Silent Hill 1? My strategy guide told me nothing of it.
Supremacists Suck!