Do not own Rizzoli & Isles

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Chapter 13

5/2/2013

Maura had went out shopping with Danni and Paula for the day. The woman were on a mission to find the perfect gifts for Amanda and Miranda's upcoming wedding shower. Jane stayed behind to finish putting up the chair molding around the nursery.

When Maura arrived home the house was quiet. She went up to see how Jane was doing on MJ's room. She looked in to see the chair molding was up and finished as was the teddy bear boarder they had picked out. Since neither Jane nor Gus seemed to be home Maura figured they must be visiting one of the neighbor's. She decided it would be a good time to take a little nap.

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Maura walked into the bedroom startled to find Jane sitting on the end of their bed with Gus's head in her lap. She stood for a moment observing the two of them. Gus didn't lift his head or make any movement to acknowledge Maura being home or in the room. Jane had her head down she appeared to be looking at something, but Maura wasn't sure what. As Maura stepped forward she could hear Jane quietly crying.

Startled by Maura, Jane jumped up to face her quickly wiping the tears from her face, "Oh, I did know you were back already Maur. Did you ladies find what you were looking for?"

"Yes, it was a very profitable venture." Maura stepped forward closing the distance between them, "Jane, are you okay?"

Wiping away the last of her tears with her hand, "Yeah, why?"

"Well, for one thing you have been crying while looking at those pictures from the safe." Maura pointed to Jane's hand, "You know the ones you have in your hand?"

"I'll be fine Maur." Jane quickly walked into the closet returning the small stack of photographs to the safe.

Maura walked up behind Jane wrapping her arms around the lanky brunette, "It's okay to miss them Jane. I miss them too and they're not my family. I can't ev…"

Jane spun around in Maura's arms, "Yes they are Maura! They are your family too! Ma loves you as much as she loves me, so don't ever say you're not family. You are my family…forever! I know I messed up before with that whole blood and water thing and it was stupid. But I learned that no matter what happens you are my family."

"As you are mine, Jane. I love you, but you didn't have to put those pictures away on my account. I'm here if you want to talk about it."

"I love you too…more than anything. I should've never had those pictures out in the first place…we shouldn't have never brought them with us in the first place or kept them."

"I don't care Jane! And don't you dare even think of getting rid of those pictures. We've been gone seven months now. I can't forget them and I don't want you to either. Having those pictures is a risk I'm willing to take…I had them out looking at them just the other day myself. It may have been wrong, but we both brought pictures with us for a reason. I know we can't put them out or hang them up, but I see nothing wrong with taking them out once in a while, looking at them."

"I want to go home Maur." Jane blurted out.

"Then let's go Jane!"

"We can't…not yet…it's too dangerous. I won't risk your life or MJ's."

"If you want to go home Jane, we should go. I never wanted to keep you from your family like this."

"I don't want to go home for me. I wasn't looking at the pictures cuz of missing my family. Well…not at first anyway."

"Talk to me Jane. Tell me what you're thinking about." Maura walked Jane out of the closet and over to sit on the bed with her, "Please tell what has you so upset? If it's not missing your family, what is it then?"

"It's about MJ. While I was working on his room I got to thinking…and…well…I got to thinking about our life…you know…in Boston? What it'd be like to be there with him. Him growing up with TJ, having Ma around. Then I got to thinking…what MJ's real room would look like…back there…where his room should be." Jane ran her fingers through her dark curls while blowing out a puff of air with a long sigh, "Maur, I don't want this baby in here…" Looking down at Maura's stomach placing one hand on each side of Maura's ever growing belly, "…to be born under some false name…I want MJ born carrying your name…the name of Isles and maybe he could have Rizzoli as his last name also… I mean from the very beginning of his life."

Jane placed her hands on Maura's shoulders. Dark brown eyes looking into hazel ones, "I want me…Detective Jane Rizzoli…to be married to you…Dr. Maura Isles." Shaking her head in frustration she continued, "You are already thirty two weeks now…we are running out of time for that to happen…I just…Oh God…I just want to scream…you know? I want to go back home with you as my real wife, Maura…no more pretending…I want us to raise MJ their together with my family and yours. I want to go back to living our lives. But God! This is crazy…I don't even know if everything ended today…if…if we could go back to what we had…I don't mean going back to us just being friends cuz I can't do that…what I mean is…if we could even work at BPD any more. I got…I just gotta do something Maur…something to fix this…I'm tired of looking over our shoulders all the time…being paranoid all the time…hiding here isn't going to get our life back. I don't want to have MJ raised in fear for his life…I know it's selfish, but I don't want to be a plumber for the rest of my life…I miss being a detective and I know you miss being the Medical Examiner for the commonwealth of Massachusetts. I don't know who's doing what on your case or if anyone is working to fix this. I hate being on the sidelines and in the dark on this…you are too important to me…I just don't know how to fix this."

"Jane I don't want you doing anything crazy…I can't lose you now…I would rather go back to Boston and take our chances there together if that would make you happy."

"We can't do that both of us know it, but will you trust me to go into Boston for a day? Just one day?"

"No Jane! Not without me."

"Don't you trust me?"

"Jane, I trust you with every fiber of my being…you know that…but I don't want you going into Boston alone. They are looking for you too…they would try to use you to get to me…It's not safe for you either…so yes, I trust you but no, I don't want you going into Boston…alone. You could get hurt or even killed."

"Okay, so what if I took someone with me?"

"There is nobody to go with you, Jane. Please this is crazy."

"I been working with Phil everyday…he's a good guy Maur…but it's only a matter of time before he asks me about my hands…he keeps looking at them…like he knows something, but just hasn't asked me yet. I think he seen my ankle holster the other day too…I think if I told him…I think we could trust him to help us. Think about it…it's like four hours round trip for what I gotta do…I need to see four people while I'm there…then I'll be back…so maybe…ten hours? It would kinda be like I was working a job."

"So you want to put more people in danger? These people, Jane…our friends and their children…young children…I couldn't live with myself if something happened to them. Could you?"

"Maura, they're in danger everyday because we live near them…and they don't have a clue…they have no way to protect themselves and it's because we didn't tell them that they're at risk. I feel guilty everyday…what do we do? Should we go live in a cave? My guts telling me troubles coming either way. Of course I don't want anyone to get hurt, Maura. That's why I want to end this."

Maura started sobbing, "I…I…I c-can't l-lose y-you J-Jane…I c-can't! P-Please d-don't ask."

Jane pulled Maura into a tight enbrace rubbing her back trying to sooth the smaller woman, "Shhh…shhh…it's okay…it's okay sweetie. I'm sorry. Really sorry…we'll stay here I won't do anything. We'll just keep doing what we're doing okay? I promise…just please…please don't cry."

Jane held Maura rocking her until Maura calmed down, "I'm sorry Maur…I'm so sorry that I upset you. I promise I won't do anything, okay? Life here isn't really that bad…it's really good actually. Please don't cry…I'm sorry, Maur. We'll stay."

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5/10/2013

Jane was true to her word even though it was killing her, she did nothing. She went on about her business as if they had never had that conversation. Living their new life in Northampton.

It took Maura week to work through everything she and Jane had discussed during their conversation about Boston. She came to the conclusion that Jane was right. The continuous lies and deflection was difficult even if it was done through omission of the facts. There hasn't been a day that has gone by that she hasn't at some point wanted to go home herself…she wanted her life back…she missed her job. She missed the Rizzoli family. She wanted nothing more than to be married to Jane. Truly, officially and legally married to Jane. No more pretending, no fake marriage document like they have now. She really wanted to have MJ carry on the Isles-Rizzoli name because the Rizzoli's were the family she never had, the family she always wanted growing up and the family who loved her very much. The family she took Jane from. Jane was honest with her asking to go home and allow her to take some measures to make that happen. The fact that Jane so openly admitted it to her was what was effecting her the most.

What took so long to sort through everything was her fear. The fear that if Jane went back to Boston on her own that she might lose the love of her life. What happened that night seven months ago when she was separated from Jane again told her that she couldn't live without her. It was bad enough when they were fighting after the Paddy incident. Maura now knew that Jane is as much a part of her as her own beating heart. Jane is like the blood coursing through her veins keeping her alive. Jane had been putting her life on the line for Maura everyday since they left Boston and asking nothing in return. What has Maura done for Jane? She needed to give Jane the chance to get their lives back…but how could they both get their lives back and not lose each other in the process. That is what really scarred her.

Would Phillip really go out on a limb to help them? It seemed almost too much to ask of a husband with two young children to do. Any of their neighbors for that fact, but living there was doing just that. Jane was right. Maura never planned on getting as close to their neighbors as they had. She never had that many people to call her friends. What would they think once they knew they had been deceived? Their trust and confidence betrayed by two strangers they took in and befriended. What if any of them got hurt? She needed to talk to Jane again.

Maura decided she needed to show Jane how much she cared about her too. Jane was always making her feel special with romantic gestures maybe it was her turn to show Jane. Jane had given up her whole life for Maura. Maura wanted Jane to know that she loved and appreciated everything Jane has done for her. Jane needed to know how much Maura loved her. She would do a nice romantic candle lit dinner for Jane. And that is exactly what Maura did. She made Gnocchi using Jane's Nona's recipe. She sat the dining room table for a formal meal. Placed lit candles all around the house and dressed for the evening.

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Jane walked in to be greeted by Gus as usual then was greeted by Maura who was right behind him. Jane took in Maura's wardrobe choice for the day. Seeing Maura in one of her new maternity dresses and her hair curled. She panicked, "Geez Maur, I'm sorry did I forget date night or something? Ah…let me just…um…I'll just go get cleaned up real quick and I'll be ready to go in just a few minutes, okay? Sorry about being late."

Maura smiled at Jane lifting herself on her tip-toes to give Jane a chaste kiss on her lips, "You didn't forget anything. I…I just wanted to fix you a special meal tonight."

"Oh okay" Jane took a moment to take in the wonderful smell filling the house then she noticed the candles around the room, "It does smell great in here, but is it okay if I go shower real quick…got stuck doing sewer work today…it really sucked. I really stink and since you went to all this trouble…I…um…should put on some better clothes, huh?"

"Go ahead don't rush we'll do dinner in thirty?"

"Great Maur…thank you…twenty's good…thirty's even better…okay, I'll be down in a few." Jane bent down giving Maura a quick kiss on her cheek patted Gus on the head and disappeared up the stairs.

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Just a little break...will continue soon.