Pianobuggy: (Parked at an airport terminal) Hello everyone, and Merry Christmas (Happy Hanukah, Happy Kwanza, Happy Winter Solstice, Boxing Day, New Year's, National Whiner's Day (that's the 26th for all you weirdos out there who didn't know when Whiner's Day is) National Gift-Return day (also the 26th….. although not an OFFICIAL holiday) and any other holiday you can think of ^_^. For this holiday season, Navi and I are headed for Nebraska (i.e. cow country)….. don't ask why. Navi! C'mere!
Navi: What is it, Pianobuggy?
Pianobuggy: I need you to hide in my carry-on so no one sees you.
Navi: Pianobuggy! Have you never been on a PLANE??! They CHECK the contents of your carry-on….. with a X-RAY!! Do you KNOW what X-Rays do to FAIRIES?!!
Pianobuggy: (Not listening, patting Navi on the head) Don't worry, Navi, you'll have plenty of air in the bag for the trip. Now don't make me late, get in.
Navi: (sighs) I'm going to regret this….. (flies into the bag as Pianobuggy zips it shut)
(Pianobuggy takes her carry-on to the security check and places the bag on the conveyor belt, walks through the metal detector and is about to take her bag back when)
Security Guard 1: What the heck is THAT???
Pianobuggy: (to herself) Just keep walking….. Just keeeeep walking…..
Security Guard 1: Hey you! Stop!
Pianobuggy: (stops, closes eyes, takes a deep breath, smiles and turns around) Yes, sir?
Security Guard 1: (clasps a pair of handcuffs on her wrists)
Pianobuggy: Oh, not again!
Security Guard 1: What was that?
Pianobuggy: (shifty eyes) …..nothing. You can't do this to me, I've never done anything wrong in my entire life!
Security Guard 1: (Takes out a walky-talky, while keeping her eyes suspiciously on Pianobuggy) Hey Bill, I'm gonna need help over here.
Security Guard 2 (i.e. Bill): Hey Jill! What have we got here?
Security Guard 1 (i.e. Jill): Take a look at that screen….. What do you suppose that is? Some sort of nuclear tennis ball?
Bill: (whistles, turns to Pianobuggy) What do you think you were doing trying to drag this in here what with the nation on orange alert and all?
Pianobuggy: What are you talking about? Navi's HARMLESS! Now if I had my SISTER'S muse, THAT'D be another stor…..
Bill: Yeah, yeah, we've heard that before. (pulls out a clipboard) I'm going to need your name, lady.
Pianobuggy: It's….. err….. (helplessly) Pianobuggy?
Jill: (raises eyebrow) What kind of name is that? Don't mess with the law, young lady. It's a bad idea.
Pianobuggy: Oh, come on! You can't expect me to give my REAL name to all the readers out there!
Jill: Miss, you're pushing this way too far. I'll ask you ONE more time, what is your name? And don't lie to me because we'll find out who you are.
Pianobuggy: Well then go ahead, if it's that easy!
Jill: Tell us your name or we'll take you to jail.
Pianobuggy: No, not there! Uhh….. err….. it's….. LOOK BEHIND YOU!!!
{Jill and Bill swiftly turn around}
Pianobuggy: Fly, Navi, fly!!! (Runs out of the airport as her bag follows, floating behind her) Enjoy the chapter everyone!!!
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
~*~*~*~*~ Chapter 13 ~*~*~*~*~
{In a Weyardian warehouse}
Navi: Y'know, Pianobuggy….. That was WAY too easy
Pianobuggy: Hey, it's my fic, I'll do whatever I want. If they wanted to arrest me for trying to get you on the plane, then they're stupid enough to fall for that. (Notices camera on her, while Ivan, Isaac, Sheba, and Felix are all standing to the left, tapping their feet impatiently) Uhh….. right….. um….. Have fun guys! (backs away while Ivan and the rest tie themselves up on the floor and tie cloths over their eyes rather humorously and Navi flies into a glass jar)
Ivan: Why are we doing this?
Felix: (pulls out script) Because we're supposed to be tied up when the chapter begins.
Navi: (moans) not again…..
Sheba: Where exactly ARE we? I don't remember this building from the game…..
Isaac: I just remember getting conked on the head earlier. Wherever we are….. this really sucks. How are we supposed to get through the forest if we're stuck here???
{Suddenly the lights dramatically turn on to reveal the warehouse}
Shadowy Figure: (Freakishly scary voice) You won't.
Everyone Else: (hair stands on ends)
Ivan: (scared) Who's there???!!
Shadowy Figure: (steps out of the shadows to reveal a townsperson) I just HAPPEN to be a very crucial part of this game. I am a member of the town of Bilibin.
Sheba: Ok, that's wonderful, but why have you tied us up here?
Townsperson: (getting angry) BECAUSE, little girl, what you don't know is that the game producers created me for a specific purpose….. one that you very casually overlooked!
Ivan: So what do you want US to do?
Townsperson: Well, my dear Felix, there is a line; a single line that I was born to memorize….. a very IMPORTANT message that I was supposed to deliver…..
Felix: (Whispering to Ivan) Oh no….. this is one of those non-player random townspeople that only say one line over and-
Townsperson: (losing control) SHUT UP, INSOLENT CHILD!! NEED I REMIND YOU WHO IS TIED AND BLINDFOLDED HERE????!!!
Felix: Hey, buster! I may be small, but I am NOT a child….. I…..
Sheba: Uhh….. yeah you are, Felix.
Isaac: (Whispering to Felix) I think this guy has a delicate psyche….. perhaps we should try being nice…..
Felix: (nods)
Townsperson: WHAT ARE YOU WHISPERING ABOUT??!! DO NOT IGNORE ME AGAIN!!! (gets on his knees) I….. I….. was so enthused….. to deliver my message to you….. I….. I wanted it to be perfect…..
Navi: Wow….. This guy is off his rocker…..
Townsperson: (ignoring them) and….. I memorized the quote….. and stood near the entrance to the town….. so I'd be….. the first one you'd see….. Neither rain nor sleet nor snow kept me away…..
Sheba: What's he talking about?? The weather is ALWAYS perfect in Bilibin
Ivan: (elbows her)
Sheba: OW!
Townsperson: (realizing they're not really listening) …..and YOU NEVER CAME!!! YOU WALKED RIGHT BY!!! YOU DIDN'T LISTEN THEN AND YOU'RE NOT LISTENING NOW!!!! ….. (starts breathing heavily)
Isaac: (nervously) He's not holding any sharp implements, is he?
Townsperson: Ah, my friends, but now you will pay….. (insane laughter) tee hee! Tee-hee hee hee! (Runs to the lights and dims them down to an eerie green light) Ooh hoo! I'll have my revenge now, hee hee!
Ivan: Sheba….. Sheba, I'm scared…..
Townsperson: SILENCE!!! You will listen to my line, and you will hear it OVER and OVER again for the rest of TIME!!!!!! MWA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA!!!!!
TEEEEEE-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
OOH HA! *Snorkle* HEE HEE!!!!
(A/N: okay, I admit it….. I had too much fun with the laugh….. ahem*)
All: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Townsperson: (calming down now, but still wacko-crazy-mental-institution-worthy, runs around and removes everyone's blind-folds)
Everyone: AHH!
Townsperson: Oh shut up! I'm not ugly! …..Well, not THAT ugly, Ahem! (pauses and assumes WAAAYY scary ultra-friendly face) Welcome to Bilibin! Please, just ignore that strange tree out front!
Ivan: The horror…..
Townsperson: (smile fades, over-perky voice gets an edge) Welcome to Bilibin! Please, just ignore that strange tree out front!
Isaac: Guys! We've got to find a way out of this!
Townsperson: HA HA! HEE HEE! (shouting now) WELCOME TO BILIBIN! PLEASE, JUST IGNORE THAT STRANGE TREE OUT FRONT! MWAHAHAHA!!!!
Felix: Pianobuggy, how could you be so cruel?!!! Can anyone MORE diabolic think of a more evil fate for us?!!
PDV: Ha ha, don't challenge me, Felix.
Townsperson 2: (entering from behind the boxes) Yo, George! Whazzup, buddy?
Townsperson: (pointing significantly at our tied-up heroes while getting very giddy) WELCOME to BILIBIN! Please, just IGNORE that strange TREE out front!!!
Townsperson 2: (Enthused face) OOH!!! These are those rotten player-characters, aren't they?!
Ivan, Isaac, Felix, Sheba, and Navi: (wince)
Townsperson 2: (changing the lights to blue) When spring comes, I want to see that angelic Mia… err SHEBA… again!!!
Sheba: NOOO!!!!
Townsperson 3: (Walks in and changes the lights to red) heehee! Any travelers heading east are stuck here until the road opens up. Until then, I'm gonna make lots of money!
Townsperson 1: (changes lights to green) Welcome to Bilibin! Please, just ignore that strange tree out front!
Mayor of Vault: (Changes lights to purple) Hey! That tickles….. Being tickled by a boy isn't so fun. (A/N: I'm serious….. this is really in GS….. Mind-read the mayor in Vault, you'll see)
{More townspeople start to enter, and form a dance circle around the tied-up GS crew. Cries of "Welcome to Bilibin" "travelers heading east" "Remember me? I was that tree!" and other random lines muddle together as the lights frantically change colors. The random NP character do a tribal dance, and then start discoing. All the GS crew and Navi glare at Felix, who hopelessly turns to the sky.}
Felix: Wait, guys! We have one last hope! Oh great and powerful Razamataz the wise and yadda yadda! Please sick your djinn on Pianobuggy for us and save us from this demented and rhythmically annoying fate!!!!!!
All: AMEN!!!
Random very religious NP character: (smacks each in the face in turn)
Razamataz's Voice: Could have done a bit better with the title, but Razamataz has heard thy plea, and will thus take it upon herself to cast her wrath upon Pianobuggy!!! Cuz I luv u Felix!!!!!!
Felix: (blushing)
{Suddenly Ivan, Isaac, Felix, Sheba and Navi disappear from their bounds and reappear right in front of Mogall forest.}
Ivan: That….. Was….. INSANE!!!!
Felix: But I gotcha out, didn't I?
Sheba: Yet it wouldn't have gotten nearly as bad if you had resorted to Raz earlier.
Felix: (shrugs) Well, I…..
Isaac: Oh, it doesn't matter! Let's just get through this crappy forest!
{In the forest}
Sheba: So, uh….. which way do we go, Isaac?
Isaac: Uh….. (closes his eyes and spins around, pointing. Everyone ducks, except Felix of course ^_^, and Isaac stops and opens his eyes) THAT WAY (heads off in the random direction)
Sheba: ISAAC!!! C'MON! You don't know where you're going!
Isaac: uh… YEAH I DO!!
Sheba: OH PLEASE!!! Guys refuse to ask for directions, I know, but they don't have to be so OBVIOUS that they don't have a CLUE what they're doing!
Felix: Isaac knows where he's going….. His Venus vibes tell him the way. (goes after Isaac)
Ivan: (agreeing as if Felix's argument made ANY sense whatsoever)YEAH. (follows after Felix)
Sheba: o_O…..
Navi: Apparantly we women are the only ones with a modicum of intelligence, Sheba.
Sheba: Isaac doesn't even HAVE Venus vibes anymore…..
Navi: Nayru, help us…..
{Sheba and Navi follow after the guys, and, of course, a we ALL know what happens if you try to get through the Mogall forest without the orb of force, they get hopelessly lost}
Sheba: Way to GO, brainiac! Now we don't even know how to get BACK to where we STARTED!!!
Isaac: (trying to sort out the forest puzzle by drawing a map in the ground) Well, we don't WANT to go back to where we started, Sheba….. Unless you LIKE disco music????
Sheba: (shudders)
Navi: I think we should go and get that orb of force like the note said.
Isaac: Oh, please! What good will THAT do us??? What're we going to do? PUSH our way through this stupid thing? No. What this puzzle needs is a brain…..
Ivan: (coughs to stifle a giggle)
Isaac: Okay, I think I got it….. This way!!!
{At the entrance to Mogall forest}
Isaac: No one….. say….. anything…..
Navi: (smiling slyly) To the waterfall?
Isaac: FWAP!!!*
{In the waterfall}
Felix: (poking at the log at the entrance warily) Uhh….. so what do we do now?
Navi: (In a little fairy sling….. not to be confused with the fairy slingshot ^_^) Well, since I'm obviously the one with common sense here, I think we should roll across on that log.
Isaac: Okay, 1) We don't even know if this idea is going to work, and 2) I think, since this all was YOUR brilliant idea, YOU should go get the orb of force.
Ivan: Well, someone is bitter…..
Sheba: (smacks Ivan on the back of the head) YOU FOLLOWED HIM!!!
Ivan: (smiles, rubbing the back of his head) You only say that because you love me…..
Sheba: (Smacks him again) THAT MAKES NO SENSE!!!
Ivan: oww….. Girls….. So grumpy…..
Isaac: Well, I guess we should (throws arms up in mock revelation) roll across the freezing water on the log, all together, in a single file!
Navi: (shrugs) Yeah…. It is a game, after all.
{In the really dark room}
Isaac: (sarcastically) Well, THIS was a success! I can see the orb of force right now! In fact, it's right here! (walks right into the wall) ow….
Navi: Well EXCUSE ME Mr. Polite, but maybe we should explore the rest of the cave before we go blaming me, EH??
PDV: Are we arguing, people???
Everyone: NO!!!
PDV: (satisfied tone) that's what I thought.
{In the spiky room}
Felix: Well SOMEONE was in a foul mood when they made this room…..
Ivan: Weeeiird….. (perks up) Hey Isaac?! You think we can get all those random NPCs in here???
{Author's getting lazy…. Dragon's lit up, and we're @ the bridge)
Sheba: There is NO WAY I'm walking on thin air…..
Ivan: (adopting baby-voice) Wazza matter wittle Sheba? Not so wittle are we???
Sheba: (flaring up) IS THAT A COMMENT ABOUT MY WEIGHT????!!!!!!
Ivan: o_o err… no (C'mon! He's not STUPID)
Isaac: I think this is the part where NAVI gets the orb of force, RIGHT Navi???
Navi: uggh….. FINE.
{Navi flies over the "bridge" and into the room with the orb of force and brings it back [A/N: WHAT???? She can lift my duffle, she CAN lift the orb of force]}
Isaac: Good….. NOW we can go into the forest!
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Navi: Well THAT took forever!!!
Pianobuggy: Yeah, well, writer's block is a CONSEQUENCE of a lack of reviews….. SO R&R!!!!
Next chapter~ Mogall forest!!!
Ooh- notes:
Pureauthor – Muchas Gracias for the review… I made sure to update right away after you sent it ^_^
Saraby: Aww….. YOU'RE not part of the covert operation….. the ath department is left out ^_~
THANKS TO RAZAMATAZ FOR LETTING ME USE HER AS A CAMEO AGAIN!!!!
(And no… just because my sister is Ra does NOT mean we support Michael Jackson in any way)
R&R!!!!