May 2013- Eight months after the blackout
"I'm officially going to hell."
Bass looked up from his Sudoku puzzle to see Miles sitting on the edge of the bed with his hands pressed against his mouth. He stared straight ahead at a point where the floor met the wall and rocked back and forth slightly.
"Officially? You got your acceptance letter and everything? Well, congratulations." he smirked at the irritated grunt his friend let out but sighed dramatically and gave him his attention. "What did you do to Nora?"
"Who says I did anything to her?"
"Uh, ever since we stayed that night in those cabins, you two have acted like the other has cooties. Plus, before then, I saw you having your little nerd chats all the time." Bass propped his feet up on the chair next to him and turned his attention back to his puzzle. He frowned deeply, then flipped the pencil over to erase one of his boxes. "You're beating yourself up because you think she is too young. You always made faces any time I picked up a girl who was two or more years younger than me and there's a full decade between you two. Now you're just a hypocrite and think you're a pervert."
"You come up with that all on your own?"
"Don't try to deny it. So what did you do?"
"I haven't done anything."
"Then why are you going to hell? You can look and fantasize. Just don't touch. I would say touch but I know you have a stick up your ass so you won't make a move."
"This is your fault and also the fact that I haven't gotten laid since the blackout."
"Dude, you hadn't gotten laid in quite some time before the blackout. You better make sure everything still works before you try and get in her pants. She'll really think you're old then."
"You're an asshole."
"Yeah, basically. If all this is is that you're feeling guilty over lusty thoughts, I'm tuning out. When something good happens, let me know."
"I kind of walked in on her... getting dressed."
"Accidentally or were you timing this and walked in at the right moment?"
"Accidentally. What the hell is wrong with you?"
"Well, I don't know! You could totally be one of those voyeuristic creepers." Bass smirked behind the book and filled in a couple numbers. "How'd she look?"
"Bass."
"It's just us and she's an adult. Nothing wrong with gossiping. It's like... accidentally walking in on someone at the gym, or a spa."
Miles scowled and said nothing, refusing to be baited by his best friend. Still, it was difficult to shake the image of Nora standing in a black bra and the matching snug, lacy underwear. She had grabbed her shirt quickly to cover herself up but he still got a good glimpse of her. Long legs, curves in the right places, a flat, toned stomach-
"You're drooling." Bass's laugh snapped Miles out of his daze.
"This is ridiculous."
"You're right. I bet she's very willing. I think she has that hero worship thing going for you. You're both adults-"
"Stop saying that."
"Well, it's true. It's important that you don't forget that. Yeah, she's young but she's not that young."
"Is that how you rationalize your many girlfriends?"
"Pretty much. Sure, they can, at times, be emotionally stunted but I'm not looking for in depth conversation. Nora... well, let's put it this way. With the apocalypse upon us, I don't think any of the girls I slept with would've been able to find their way out of their apartments."
"At least you admit you have low standards."
"Depends on what kind of skills you're looking for. In some areas I have pretty high standards. Anyway, Nora bundled up her sister and walked from San Antonio to find her father and managed to keep them both alive while doing it. She's not some weak, innocent kid. She's been through a lot, she has a good head on her shoulders. Even before the blackout it seems like she was pretty well put together. She's a mature young woman and any person would be lucky to have her. You need to stop being so honorable. The world isn't what it used to be."
"It's only because I haven't seen another woman in months."
"Okay."
"Now you're just patronizing me."
"Pretty much."
"I don't like her. I saw boobs and an ass. I was set. Then I realized who I was looking at."
"And the fact that you find her mentally appealing has nothing to do with it. Miles, this isn't complicated. You have to throw yourself out there. Take control."
Maybe. Maybe he would attempt to hint that perhaps they should... should what? It wasn't like he could take her to dinner and a movie.
They were never alone long enough to discuss the possibility and he sure as hell wasn't going to make a scene in front of the others. It was bad enough he had Bass continually whispering that he needed to find an opening like some awful devil sitting on his shoulder. He could only imagine what would happen if Jeremy and Mia caught on as well.
All these thoughts and more were running through Miles's head as he made his way down the stairwell of the hotel they had sought refuge in. They had gone three days without any major incident and that afternoon, they had broken their streak. It killed him the sort of things they were seeing and being forced to deal with. Why couldn't they just make it to Indianapolis without getting jumped by robbers or cannibals or whoever the hell else seemed to be crawling out of the woodwork these days? He knew he wasn't going to get an answer, or at least an answer he liked. The world had gone crazy and humanity had decided to throw caution to the wind and do whatever the hell it pleased. He was disgusted.
He was also in the process of trying to find Nora. They had settled into the rooms about an hour before. She had attempted to help Jeremy and Bass patch up Mia's sprained ankle before giving up and saying she was going to find something to eat for them all. Unless she had left the hotel, he highly doubted she had gone for food, especially given her mood when she had left. He would have put money on the idea that she was hiding from them.
He found her on the first floor in a bathroom near the Applebee's that served as the former restaurant for the hotel. She stood at one of the sinks, scrubbing her hands raw with a bar of soap. He watched from the doorway as she reached for the water bottle sitting on the edge and spilled part of it out because her hands were shaking so bad. She poured some into her hand and began scrubbing again.
"Nora," he spoke quietly, not wanting to startle her, but she jumped anyway. Her head shot up and her red rimmed eyes met his.
"I don't-did he-what did I-" she couldn't speak. She tripped over her words through hard sobs and he stepped forward slowly.
"You did what you had to."
"He-he's dead isn't he? I killed him."
He said nothing but gently pried the soap away from her.
"You're going to peel the skin right off your hands."
"I-I don't care." she hiccuped. "I-I can't make it, it stop. My hands-"
"-will be fine. Calm down."
"I can't, can't stop shaking. M-Miles, I-I killed that person."
"Shh," he pulled her hands over the sink and poured more water over them to get the soap off. "I know it's tough."
"We're n-not supposed to, to kill o-others."
"He was going to hurt your sister. You were protecting her. You did the right thing. It's rough and I know this sounds blunt and mean but now, you either have to kill or be killed. If you want to survive, you're going to make some tough decisions. He was killing to be evil. You were doing it in defense. You didn't go up and shoot him between the eyes because you felt like it. I'm sorry that I wasn't able to protect you two."
His back ached from where he had hit the tree after grappling with the looter and he couldn't stop playing the scene over in his head. The gun had gone flying, Mia had been grabbed and started to get dragged off, and then he heard the shot and saw Nora with the gun, a pale, horrified expression on her face, and the bastard laying on his stomach with a pool of blood forming rapidly around him.
"Dry your hands off." he ordered gently. She pulled her hands out of his grasp and wiped them along her jeans. Tears were still flowing freely down her cheeks and she brought her hands up to bury her face in them. "Hey,"
He reached for her hands, pulled them down enough so they could see each other. He kept them in his, holding firmly.
"You did the right thing."
"It doesn't feel like it."
"You acted on instinct. Mia was in danger and you knew you needed to keep her safe. Anyone in your position would have done the same. Don't beat yourself up over it."
She laughed hollowly, unable to believe how he was talking. Then, she remembered, he was a marine. He had killed plenty of people probably.
"Does it ever get easier?"
"You learn to deal with it."
She nodded weakly, not necessarily agreeing with him, and took a step forward. She leaned against him and snaked her arms around his waist. He froze at the sudden contact but understood she needed the comfort. Seeing how distraught she was, he wasn't in the mood to fight her. He put his arms around her shoulders and rubbed a hand awkwardly over her back.
After some time, he felt her head move and he looked down to find her staring up at him, tears clinging to her eyelashes. He didn't like the way she was looking at him, as though he was some damn hero who had swooped in and rescued her. He also didn't like the way her gaze made his stomach somersault as though he were a prepubescent idiot again.
He had about half a foot on her height-wise so she braced herself on his shoulders and pushed up on her toes. At first, he didn't know what she was doing but then she was in his face, their mouths nearly touching.
"Nora," he tipped his head back slightly and she sunk back down.
"You don't want to."
"This is a bad idea."
"Why?"
"You're not in a good state right now."
"I know what I'm doing."
"You'll regret it later."
"No I won't." she leaned in again. "Miles, please."
He gazed down at her, swallowed thickly, and said nothing. She took this as a good sign and lightly pressed her lips against his. Neither of them moved at first. He didn't want to push her in any way. He would let her take charge. She slowly kissed harder, then he felt her mouth open. Half of him was saying this was a terrible idea while the other half said fuck it. The latter part won and he reciprocated, though he tried to restrain himself.
Her hands slipped from his shoulders up into his hair while he held her hips tightly. They were not doing this. But they were and yes, he was going to hell, because he was enjoying it. No, you haven't touched someone in months. This is a natural human reaction. Shut up Matheson. You care about her. Otherwise you wouldn't have come looking for her. You wanted to kiss her. You didn't deny it. You said she wasn't in a good state, not that you never wanted to do this.
"Alright," he managed to find the strength to pull away from her and took a step back, untangling her hands from him. He went to put his hand over his mouth, figured that would insult her, and scratched his head instead. "Okay,"
They stared at each other, neither sure what to do at this point. Her face was red and he watched as he brought her hand to her mouth, biting on her nails like she did any time she was nervous.
"I'm sorry." she mumbled around her finger. He shrugged quietly, rubbing at his head again. What the fuck was wrong with him? She was clearly distraught and he allowed himself to take advantage of her. She was upset and looked for comfort in the wrong place and he took her in for his own reasons.
Still, on some level, he knew she wasn't sorry because she was looking at him like she wanted to try again. Like this had been the only bright spot in her otherwise shitty day. He cleared his throat, trying to ignore the tiny voice in his head that said he wanted to try again too.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"What?"
"That-" she mimicked his shrug, dropping her hand.
"I-I don't know." he shrugged again and averted her gaze. She nodded slightly and tilted her head down, trying to hide the hurt expression on her face. He saw it anyway, which made him feel like more of a jackass.
Silently, she moved past him to leave the bathroom. He didn't try to follow after her.