A/N: Chapter thirteen, once again in the middle of the night because I thought it was a good idea. I am very tired so if I have any mistakes, put it down to that. Or just stupidity, that's an equally likely option. Also, the extract from the Boosh is slightly overly serious, which I apologise for. Enjoy :)

Disclaimer: I do not own the Boosh or its amazing actors. I wish ;)

Episode 2: Apocalypse

Julian shook Noel awake.

"Noel, we're gonna be late. You need to get up." Noel merely groaned and rolled over in his sleep. "Noel, seriously. It's half-eight. The alarm clock didn't go off." Noel's eyes opened and he squinted in the light.

"Morning." He mumbled.

"Morning. Come on, up. Get dressed. We've got stuff to do."

"Ugh. Alright." He rolled out of bed reluctantly, yawning. Julian went downstairs to make breakfast, so that Noel wouldn't have to fart about with it when he was ready. Ten minutes later, they were sat at the table eating vaguely burnt toast. Another fifteen minutes after that, they were out of the door, striding towards the studio.

"Sleep alright?" Noel belatedly inquired.

"Yeah, not bad. You?"

"Yeah, alright. Had a really weird dream though."

"What happened?"

"Well, you and me, we were in this tree house, and we were just sat about really, except we were both wearing all-black clothes, and then the tree house started moving, like it was on wheels…" Julian listened to Noel's full account of the dream, which took until the studio was in sight. "…And then it head-butted me, and then you woke me up."

"You have a very strange mind, Noel."

"Yeah, but that's why you love me."

"Yeah, it is." They walked inside hand-in-hand, almost colliding with Paul.

"Whoops, sorry guys." He said. He checked his watch. "You're late." He berated them.

"Sorry. Clock malfunction." Noel replied.

"Alright. Go and get yourselves sorted out. You know what we're doing today?"

"Yeah, we're on it." They headed for the changing rooms and put their costumes on once again, before heading for the main set. The flat was as full of rubbish as usual, perhaps even more this time around. But it was still a sort of home for them, and they felt comfortable just moving about inside. They got into their positions for the first scene, which was in fact near the end of the episode.

"Alright," Paul shouted. "Action!"

Vince sat down on the sofa and switched on the TV. He was already pretty sure of what he would see, but he had to check. Sure enough, a news correspondent stood in front of an unusual star in the night sky. Except it wasn't a star.

"I'm just outside the city, where the threat to the planet can clearly be seen." He said. "This asteroid is heading towards Earth at an extremely high speed. We expect it to hit within the afternoon. Scientists have said that there isn't a hope of stopping it. So, to our viewers, I wish you the best of luck. Thank you for watching, and goodbye." Vince stared open-mouthed at the screen, silenced. But not for long.

"Howard!" He shouted. Howard walked into the room, headphones still in his ears.

"What d'you want? I'm trying to listen to my jazz!"

"Howard, y'know we saw that star earlier? It's headin' for Earth, and we're gonna die! I don't wanna die."

"Hey. It'll be fine, Vince. The scientists'll sort it out."

"No they won't, they just said they can't." Howard sighed and took his earphones out.

"C'mon, little man. Everything's gonna be alright."

"Ain't that what you said when we was in the tundra?"

"Yeah…"

"And you were wrong then."

"Look, come with me. If we're gonna die, we might as well do something." Vince followed Howard out of the flat and onto the roof, into the night air.

"Why are we up here?" Vince asked.

"So we can see the stars."

"I don't like the stars."

"What?"

"The stars are boring. I'd rather watch Peacock Dreams or somethin'."

"Look, Vince, it's the end of the world, they aren't just gonna put Peacock Dreams on, are they?"

"I dunno, they might do."

"Believe me, they won't. Anyway, don't you want to spend your last moments with your best friend?"

"Not really, no."

"You- What?"

"I'm joking, Howard. I'd prefer it if Naboo and Bollo were here, though."

"Yeah, well, they've pissed off to get high one last time."

"Yeah."

"Listen, Vince." Howard said, more seriously than Vince liked. "If the world's gonna end, I need to say something."

"Yeah? Go on…"

"I- I love you Vince. Really, I do."

"Um… yeah. I love you too." Vince said, trying to back away without falling off the roof.

"I just… needed you to know before we die."

"Like the last time. When we didn't die."

"Yeah. But there's no stopping it this time."

"No." Vince looked at the moon, trying to escape the awkwardness. An idea struck him.

"Oi, Moon!" He shouted. The Moon turned to look at him.

"Ayyy, look, it's the sparkly man! I like 'im, he's all… all glittery."

"Alright, Moon. Listen, there's an asteroid heading for Earth-"

"Aw, I know. Ain't it pretty? I just been watchin' it… Gettin' closer and closer… So bright."

"Yeah, it looks alright. But listen, could you-"

"An' it can talk. It said t' me, 'I like you, Moon. I wanna… do things with you, Moon.' It said, 'I got to destroy this planet, but then we'll go out.' And I said, no, you're too young. And it said, 'Age is just a number', so I'm not listenin' to 'im anymore."

"Look, mate, can you stop it?"

"I mean, he's not very nice. I told 'im, I'm just a satellite, all lonely. I can't have a companion, I go ma own way- OW!" He nearly fell out of the sky as the asteroid smacked him on the back of the head. Vince laughed.

"Brilliant!" He said.

"Oww. He bounced off the back… the back of ma head. He did. I got migraine now. I'm gonna need some huge aspirin…" He spun around again.

"Howard, the asteroid's getting smaller! It's going!" Vince shouted excitedly.

"I know. Fantastic." Howard replied unenthusiastically.

"We aren't gonna die!"

"Yeah, great."

"Howard? D'you still love me?" Vince teased.

"Shut up."

Noel and Julian left the set laughing.

"I loved that last scene, it was genius." Noel said.

"It was pretty intellectual, it's true." Julian replied.

"Ooh, riffing of my catchphrase, are you?"

"I thought you didn't do catchphrases?"

"Yeah, well. Time for a change."

"It was really odd doing that awkward 'I love you' scene, wasn't it?"

"It was, a bit. Since we did it in Tundra, and then they kissed in Party, and now we've basically done it in reality as well."

"Well, you know. Not much exaggeration in the Boosh, is there?"

"There's even bloody less of it these days."

"Is that a bad thing?"

"In the sense of love scenes? Definitely not."

Yay, I finally got to write the Moon! I don't know how well I did it, but it was fun :P Reviews are still just as awesome as the big white guy himself :)