Chapter 13: Graves Instead of Pyres

He should really move…

Really, Zuko had been lying by the fire barely breathing. His pain was so apparent that the flames were actually following his breath: shallow and barely nonexistent. His two baby sitters just didn't get it. No matter how much wood or kindling they added to the fire, it never seemed to grow larger than a whisper, nearly extinguishing every time Zuko thought it too hard to breath.

Agni, everything hurt, even breathing. Maybe he should just give into Pakku, the daily beatings -correction, training- was not worth it. Due to having to run around and dodge, his ankle was not healing quickly and his shoulder ached even more from the rough landing from the ledge. Well, at least neither was broken, that fall from the ledge was brutal but at least he had been smart enough to collapse into a shoulder roll when he hit the ice with his feet.

Though, he was sure he had bruised ribs so that was a larger concern at the moment than a still swollen ankle. Every breath hurt! Pulling himself into a slightly tighter ball to try and press off the pain, he gained the attention of his two sitters.

"You cold, young Avatar?" asked the non-bender, Watto, as he stopped sharpening his blade, his breath coming out as a slight mist.

Nynto gave the other guard a look. That was a rather sympathetic tone. Not that the bender was surprised. Watto was a new father, and he would probably rather be home right now cooing over his cubby son than watching the Avatar, but Pakku had decided to offer some pity on the boy that he had been breaking for the past week by giving him some guards that wouldn't irritated the boy to death. Yes, breaking; it wasn't training. Pakku wasn't foolish enough to truly train the boy for it might offset an already unbalanced Avatar to skip over an element. So, the trainer was going to get some of that spit fire out of the boy… and it seemed Lee was at the breaking point. He had been beaten into the ground for nearly over a week from sun up until sun down since the last escape attempt.

Would the Avatar just give in or take no more and show the spirit he was finally?

"Probably, especially since the fire has refused to grow at all last night and adding more wood would be useless. The cold probably feels better anyway," added Nynto as he went back to his scroll, a rare treat that he was glad he had gotten from the pirates a few weeks back.

Watto gave the other guard a look before he got up and slowly threw some more wood on the fire. He did not immediately go back to his pile of furs though. He leaned down over the Avatar and touched the boy's shoulder. He expected his hand to be slapped away, but all he got was a twitch and soft moan as Zuko pulled back into himself. The new father shook his head, a sad frown forming on his face.

He was not cautious with touching the boy after that. He slowly forced Zuko onto his back which made the Avatar groan again and try to pull away momentarily with a hiss. Though, with continually prying fingers, Lee relented, offered an irritated growl.

"Oh, don't give me that attitude. All bark and no bite you are. Pride can only hold out for so long until you get rib fractures," he stated soberly. Zuko only groaned, finally allowing the older man to place a roll of furs behind his head and unwrapped him from his furs. First thing he did was work off the boy's parka. It took a few hisses from the Avatar and a whistle from Nynto to understand why the fire was so low.

Watto shook his head as he looked at the bruises, stating, "Pakku sure gives good incentive to dodge, doesn't he?"

Zuko was too tired to glare so he just closed his eyes and struggled to breath as the other man's warm hands started pressing on his ribs checking to see if any were broken. He twitched, more from the touch than the pain that stabbed into his lungs making his breath seize.

The only person that really had touched Zuko since he left the Fire Nation was uncle and that was usually never skin on skin, and training just wasn't the same. Agni, he felt like crying, and he missed the tea drinker. The fire bender probably could weep if he wanted too and knock it up to being in pain. It was just becoming too much. He couldn't even think any more about getting away from this frozen underworld. It was like he was drowning, the not breathing part making it twice as difficult.

Or maybe he would start crying from pain… if the small unwanted whine escaping him was any indication. He wanted to get away, he did, but at this rate he'd die first.

Nynto winced at this, finally stalling in his reading. He sighed through his nose and rose to his feet, stating, "That's it. I'm getting Pakku."

Zuko wanted to sit up and protest wanted to spit and hiss, but just trying to move his abdomen made him wince. Yep, he was not moving.

Boots nearing the fur door, the water bender pushed it open and the next thing he knew he nearly fell backward when he noticed that Pakku was leaning against the opposite wall, waiting. The two men met gazes, and the guard frowned before offering a small bow.

"Master Pakku, just who I was looking for. Lee…"

"Does his temper seem any better today? He will not get a healer unless there is a compromise," stated the Master in a cold tone.

The guard frowned.

Pakku could be a cruel man sometimes, and it seemed to be all over that woman. Yes, the Master had tried many other women, but he could never finish the engagement necklace for any of them. A person could love many people, but there were different levels of love and sometimes once a person had had a certain kind of love, they look for that in everyone. The truth is, love is like snowflakes, not one is ever the same.

Feeling slightly daring, the guard's voice was almost harsh, "He is the Avatar. Water can be harsh at times as storms can rage on, but it is also the element of healing. It can be kind and soothing. You are not breaking him… you are torturing him. Fire needs to be calmed, not smothered."

The Master was silent for a moment as if thinking over what the other man had said, and then stated in a soft tone, "Go speak with the healer, Chiyo. Tell her that, hopefully, she will get to have a look at the Avatar today… maybe he'll finally allow a healer to touch him."

Nynto frowned, "Was this all over him kicking the other healer?"

"Partially, and for waking me up every other night, but mostly I needed to beat that Fire Nation propaganda out of him. It was far too thick," murmured the elder man before he rose up and headed for the room away from the slightly upset soldier, stalling for a moment. "I will try to be a little kinder, Nynto. We had the same water Master and for that I respect you and your advice."

Nynto, who was one of their Master's last students, closed his eyes and tried to compose himself. He trusted the elder man's words, but still … the child was already scarred. He needed a kind hand… unless that was Pakku's plan all along. Break the kid and once he starts obeying, shower him in praise. Kind of like brain washing if one thought about it. Pakku could have been a natural born earth bender with a skill like that, especially with how stubborn he could be.

Watto nearly balked seconds later when not his partner or even a healer kneeled next to him but instead Pakku. The Master frowned down at the bruises, the Avatar's eyes closed as he winced with each touch.

Pakku knew the teenager had trust issues so he was surprised the boy was even allowing his eyes to be close while under the touch of someone. The Master's frown increased and his voice was soft, "Anything broken?"

Zuko winced at the second voice's intrusion but made no moves, probably figuring it was his other guard.

"Not that I can tell. He just seems to be badly bruised though I am no healer. I now some basic first aid, but healing is a woman's art for a reason. They have the patience needed for it," added the warrior as he continued to eye Lee.

Raising a brow at the other, Pakku nodded but moved his hands in a circle nonetheless calling up an orb of water from the walls and floor around them. The melting water then became thin, little streams until a collection of little orbs formed around the bender's hands, threatening to become ice crystals. The reaction was instantaneous when the bender placed it on Zuko's abdomen. There was a blue glow, some of the bruises seeming to fade from the minor touch alone, but the real reason for the touch was to numb the boy's wounds because the Avatar wouldn't be sitting much longer.

Zuko was sitting up, scooting across the room in record timing, a wind seeming to be created by his very speed; though Pakku was sure the wind was more likely created as an unknown protective air-bending since it was a defensive art.

Pakku didn't even twitch at the boy's pained and slightly angry look as he pressed his back against the ice wall, hand wrapped around his lower abdomen. The Master sighed and stood up, walked over to the youth and looked down at him, offering a hand to help him up.

"Avatar Lee, I'm giving you a choice today. We can either learn some more dodging or you can go to the healers today and allow them to touch you," stated the Master, his voice gravelly but soft. Training, if it had revealed anything, was that stubbornness would only last through so many bruises and that there was defiantly something wrong with that eye.

Zuko, who had been ready to spring, loosened up with a confused look, his growing hair falling into his eyes. The Avatar shifted, uncertain, and then he added, "That's all?"

Pakku tried not to smile. He was afraid he had reached out to Lee too soon, but the timing seemed just right. Squatting down with his old joints, he met the teenager's gaze as he added, "For now. Today will be a slow day if you are compromising. You'll allow the healers to get a real look at you, maybe get some meditation in, and then have dinner with the Chieftain and his daughter. In exchange, if you behave, there will be rest for the next day or so. Is that agreed?"

Zuko didn't want to give up. He wanted to fight, wanted to hiss and bite like a caged dragon, but he was tired and weak. He didn't think he could take another one of Pakku's lessons. He had to survive. He knew that he already was failing in health because he was not use to the constant cold nor the lack of light. Zuko doubted that the old man would allow him to meditate with candles, but it didn't sound like a complete negative. Plus, dinner would probably just be like the ones he use to have when Grandpa was still alive, silent and awkward.

The healer was another matter. The fire-bender was not okay with that. It always felt like his fire bending was being drowned and that he'd be forced to become fluid like the element water, abandoning his past and fully claiming the fact that he was the Avatar. It was a fact that only the Avatar could bend water when he or she had been born from fire. A rejected part of him had acknowledged the fact that he was that Avatar, but it still felt surreal and that he wasn't actually here. Even the pain seemed false, but water… it penetrated his very soul, his inner flame.

Yet, the threat of Roku's words was far more concerning. His pride could suffer if it would spare his Uncle. So, despite himself, Zuko nodded. Yes, he would allow water near him. The Avatar could do that, though the bender still wanted to believe that that person wasn't him. It just felt wrong, a bad joke with no punch line, a universe with a sick sense of humor.

…

"And then she said ice to meet you," laughed Juku as he slapped his fellow guard, Omu, on the shoulder. The two babysitters then laughed heartily together, Zuko doing his best not to cringe or start the two fools on fire. This was just cruel; his two most hated guards, and childish to boot, were his watchers for the day, proving one of Zuko's previous thoughts about the universe.

The universe didn't have a sick sense of humor, it had a bad one. This whole situation was like one of those idiots that thought all their jokes were funny when they really weren't.

Juku, the non-bending guard and around the age of seventeen-eighteen, turned his grin towards the Avatar, asking, "Wasn't that funny, Lee? Get it: ice? Funny, right?"

Omu curtly agreed, laughing in Zuko's ear; Zuko merely cringed. He should have picked option B and allow the crap to be beaten out of him. Anything was better than this. In fact, he was looking forward to the healing quarters because it at least got him away from these two idiots. He couldn't take much more of this. Thankfully, Zuko was right, not even a minute later, he found himself being half dragged into an ice hut, Pakku turning from the conversation he was having with an old woman.

"You got here in one piece," stated the old bender as he rose to his feet and took Zuko from his two leads.

Zuko jerked his arm away though, he wasn't helpless, and limped into the room by himself. He may be obeying for now, but he would get out of here. Uncle was waiting for him.

"What? Did you think we'd hurt the Avatar?" asked Omu, smirking.

"No, I was wondering if he'd kill the two of you," smirked Pakku, having picked these two boys as the Avatar's final test of surrender. If the two didn't come back maimed, it meant that Lee had yielded. Let the teaching begin. First lesson would have to wait though, but at least Lee would be in prime condition to capture the wind.

"Us, never. He loves us," stated Omu, Juku grinning as well as they exited.

"I'm sure he does," grunted Pakku as he directed Lee to sit down, wondering how he had ended up with those two fools to begin with.

The boy did as he was told, breath catching as he sat down. Pakku, making it a testing move, patted the Avatar's shoulder in a comforting manner knowing that he had to be calm like a spring's waters to keep the Avatar docile. Lee grumbled slightly, but did not press away, not even when Pakku started to help him take off his parka since the boy seemed to stiff to even move his arms. Lee didn't rebut much, except for a growl, having the older man slowly help undress him due to his injuries.

Then, one more figure entered.

A blush quickly entered the boy's face and he pushed away from Pakku's prying fingers which were taking off his white under-shirt. Zuko trained shirtless in front of the men on his ship all the time, but they were fellow soldiers…. Not girls. He'd never admit it to anyone, but for his age he was rather inexperienced. He was always so focused on obtaining his honor, be it by finding the rumored air-bender clan or slaying an extinct dragon, that he hadn't noticed just how hard Uncle had tried to get him some well needed experience. The unneeded stops at port, all this talk of pretty girls, and listening to the men's tales of how they met their wives, and far more intimate things were meant to offer that needed knowledge.

Now he felt like a fool. He couldn't even talk a girl, who wasn't a soldier, especially when she was looking at him bare chested.

Chiyo, the elder healer who had been talking to Pakku, laughed at the easily noticed embarrassment that came over the Avatar when her young student entered. Still chuckling, she signed for the younger healer to sit down next to her.

The girl was fully situated before the elder woman spoke, "My, my, Xue. It seems that the Avatar may have nerves of steel jumping off a ledge, but he can't even take a young pretty girl watching him undress."

Xue immediately went flush, and the two graying water-benders merely chuckled to themselves.

Zuko, in turn, only grew more flustered, anger rising. He was never laughed at. Not by Uncle or the crew, even when he failed his kata's again and again. He would not be a laughing stock! Rage overcoming his pain, the numbness already starting to wear off, Zuko rose to his feet, grabbed his parka from Pakku and storming out of the healer's room.

Omu and Juku both jumped to their feet at the Avatar's exit, Pakku rising to his feet in reaction and yelling, "Where are you going?"

Zuko stalled, knowing that storming away wouldn't work on these benders like it did Iroh. Swallowing some of his hate, he stated, "I need to go to the facilities."

And with that, the Avatar stomped off, leaving Pakku feeling confused as the Master signaled for at least one of the guards to follow the fuming Avatar. Omu was the one to volunteer though that did not make the Master feel any better. Maybe chuckling at Lee hadn't been the wisest idea. Now thinking about it, Pakku doubted the teenager had much luck with girls with a scar like that.

Though, since what was done was done, Pakku wasn't going to stop laughing. It seemed that there was now another way to integrate the Avatar into their culture: a pretty girl. Not that that was going to be his first objective, but it was best to allow the Avatar to socialize.

…

"You know… some people might actually want to use that."

"Shut up and leave me alone!"

Omu licked his teeth and leaned against the ice wall to the facilities that, in the North Pole, was at least more than a hole in the ground. He tapped his foot for a moment and then a wicked smile converged on his face. He remembered his first words to the Avatar, 'Are Fire Nation girls hot?' He had thought it was funny though slightly true. The truth was: Omu was a bit of a womanizer and a flirt. He had flirted with more than a number of girls be them twice his age and married or even a pirate. It was a bad habit, and he knew it was, but he wasn't married yet so he figured it was fair game.

Not that he ever wanted to be chained to one woman.

"Soooo you think Xue is cute, don't you?" stated Omu, evil mode coming into full swing.

Zuko threw open the flap, a blushing youthfulness to his form as he cried, "No!"

Omu played the exuberant cry no mind, using it a spring board to continue his torture, "Soooo … you don't like girls?"

"Of course I like girls!" yelled Zuko, taking a step forward, hands shaking though he didn't strike out and get into trouble; he had finally gotten a break.

Omu laughed at the Avatar's explosion, deciding to drag this out. He'd tried to get a rile out of Lee from time to time when he played guard duty, but usually one of the older guards would glare at him a few minutes in. After all, the fire inside the room would be blazing with Lee's contained fury, and Omu would have to stall in his prying to stop the room from melting. What? It was obvious that Lee didn't talk about his feelings and little was known about the Avatar's life. It wasn't that Pakku didn't try to pry from time to time; it was just that the boy was so vexed and vengeful that the only reaction Pakku would generally generate from the conversation were second degree burns or a bristling battle of words.

It was nice to know that Lee was human from time to time. It was such a human thing to be afraid of intimacy.

Feeling a slight kinship forming, he continued to pry, but decided to end this quickly with a bit of manipulation, "Sooo … you like Xue then?"

Lee's voice squeaked like a teenager and his eyes dodged side to side as he noticed passerby's watching, "No! It's just… it's just… I've been at sea a long time. I haven't been on many dates."

Omu's smile slowly disappeared. So, it was a lifestyle thing. Weird. Just how long had he been on that ship? Generally, boys weren't allowed to be sailors nor soldiers, and that certainly wasn't a family ship. Too many spears.

Coming into the Avatar's line of sight, his unscarred eye, Omu asked in all seriousness, "Just how long have you been at the ocean's pull? From the way it sounds, you were just a child?"

Lee turned his gaze away as if embarrassed, prompting the other to continue, suspicion rising as he asked, "Lee… why were you on that ship?"

Zuko raised his chin, proud, though the pain in his eyes was far too easily seen as he admitted, "To regain my honor… my country's honor."

Honor, huh?

Shaking his head, Omu's statement was almost cold as he made a hand signal towards the healer's rooms, "But you are not just Fire Nation anymore, are you, Avatar? You are Water Tribe, Earth Kingdom and Air nomad as well. What do you need with Fire Nation honor?"

…

Zuko didn't recall how he had gotten back to the healers room or if he or someone else had undressed him all the way down to his skivvies. All he knew was that those words Omu had muttered hurt. It was as if all the punishments that Pakku put him through compared nothing to how the younger water bender had reached out and drowned his inner flame with words alone. If was as if Zuko was being buried in a casket of sand, an expressionless Lee staring down at him draped in Earth Kingdom tidings.

His mind might have even slowly watched as Zuko beat against the sands, his flame dying as he struggled for air. It was going to take a long time to suffocate, but his coffin was sealed and he was already thrown into the earth… Prince Zuko wouldn't even be allowed a pyre for his funeral.

"Boy, snap out of it!"

Zuko started, drawing back slightly when he realized that the old healer was kneeling in front of him, snapping her fingers.

Part of him wanted to strike back at the old woman for invading his personal space like the proud fire bender he was, but he did not. Flames required air, and he felt he was running out of that, slowly. He sighed and dragged his hands into fists, stating in almost a whisper, "Sorry, I was in my thoughts."

The woman merely huffed and gently wrapped her wrinkled and callused fingers around one of his wrists, directing him to lie down. The boy did so without complaint, ignoring the looks that Pakku was throwing to a shrugging Omu. It was instantaneous, the cold feeling falling onto his crest like water from a night's rain falling into his grave. He couldn't help but tightened as the old woman started to run the blue orb of water over his flesh, his body pulling it in like a sponge.

She chided, glaring at Pakku for a moment, whispering something about being a mean old bird, before she told her student to assist. Zuko actually had to close his eyes as he watched the pretty girl lean down, her long hair that was unbound falling downward in a stream and threatening to touch him with feather touches. He knew that if wasn't in such a downtrodden mood, he might have actually been blushing and squirming. But… he didn't much support necrophilia.

He felt dead inside.

He was dead.

He wanted his uncle.

He wanted his honor.

Shivering at the thought of the old man being dead or something worse, he barely noted that the water had been pulled away and a pair of real hands fell onto his chest. He went stiff, wanting to sit up and rid himself of the touch, only to feel Pakku's gnarled hand reach upward and slam him down.

The old man quickly mumbled "Be still. They are checking your ribs for breaks or fractures."

Zuko grudgingly did as he was told, turning his head so he found himself staring at the wall behind Pakku. She was touching him, directed by the old teacher's fingers as they pushed on his ribs. He winced once or twice, feeling the old woman stall and then slowly press on that rib, asking if it was a sharp or dull pain. Zuko always answered quickly in a neutral tone, not looking at her and the girl whose hair was whizzing across his bare chest from time to time as she leaned over with her teacher's assistance.

He wished that he could be like any other teenager his age and if there was a pretty girl leaning over him, he'd feel aroused or at least be attracted to her. All he felt was ashamed. When he was younger, he had imagined that he would be like his father and uncle and find a beautiful Fire Nation girl, become betrothed, and have children. With the scar his thoughts of girls diminished, but burns were common in his land so he was sure once he reclaimed his honor, he was sure he would also find a good wife.

He'd be lucky if he would ever be able to step on the Fire Nation's rocky soil again for that matter find a good Fire Nation bride.

What does the Avatar need with love anyway? He is but a tool for the spirits. The part of him that was meant to have human wants was drowning in a grave of elements.

Zuko shivered a few minutes later as he sat there, cross legged, hands on his knees, his eyes closed; they had just finished up his back. The older, water healer chuckled as she looked at the bare-chested boy eyeing his muscled, youthful and pale body. With the fact added that he was now nearly bruise-less only made him look healthier as well as powerful. She smiled at her young assistant, noting how the other healer was trying to look anywhere but directly at the Avatar. She knew it wasn't because Xue had any want for the young hero; she had a betrothal necklace under that collar of hers. It was just, well, even she had to admit if it wasn't for the scar, the Avatar would be very handsome.

Speaking of which…

"Now that the easy work is done, it's probably time we take a look at that eye," her wrist whisking as some hot mixture of water and medicine dodged out of a nearby boiling pot. Zuko stiffened and looked at her, eyes wide… one of them at least.

Lee turned to his Master immediately and the old healer could just hear the betrayal in his voice, "This wasn't part of the agreement."

Pakku ignored the look from the older healer and straightened up, offered the Avatar a somewhat stern look, "The agreement was that we go to the healers. I never stated that she would not be looking at your eye. Besides… you need it. You have trouble guarding on your left side and if your scrimmages over the training field have taught me anything: it is that if you are not completely blind in that eye, you are at least partially."

Zuko stiffened as if slapped. He wanted to reach a hand up and place it over his eye to hide it. He was not blind! True, that eye did have issues, but he was not blind. He could see!

… Shadows.

It was as good as being blind, wasn't it?

He felt his body wilt, his hands becoming fists as his head hanged, he hung his head in shame. Uncle and the others had known and seemed to overlook it. They were always so straightforward; they never struck from the left.

Zuko swallowed, glared at the Master and wanted to strike out it rage. He wanted to yell, scream and holler, but he knew otherwise. Roku had made his intentions known and if his pride had to drown for a few weeks, so be it. He'd escape this place with a healed body and maybe… a bit of his sight back.

Lip twitching, he looked at the healer and slowly turned to face her, whispering, "Will it hurt?"

The old woman actually laughed at him, despite the frown offered by Pakku and reached out and cupped the young man's chin, cackling, "Only if you move. Now squat down a little. I'm an old lady, I'm short."

She just continued to giggle, her smile seeming to wash away years of age, releasing some of the stress in the room. Zuko did as she asked.

Giggles subsiding, she added in a soft voice, "Now, close your eyes. I just want to see how bad the damage is, alright?"

Frowning, he closed his eyes, every muscle going stiff. He didn't want to give in, but he was the Avatar. If there was one thing he was certain about, they'd never kill him. At least not now, he was defeated. At least that was what they thought.

When the water touched his face though, he still felt like he had been shot with an arrow, and he would have lost all balance and fallen to the floor by the sudden intrusion of the water bender's energies in his body, but he felt a sturdy hand grab him.

The pain didn't stop though, and he found himself crying out for what felt like the first time and jerking away into his Master's chest. Why did it hurt? Why did it still burn? Agni! His flesh felt like it was burning off, again, and the only reason he wasn't clawing at his face was that Pakku was holding his wrists, angrily whispering to the healer.

It took about two minutes for the burning to subside, and by then Zuko was spiritually and physically spent. He didn't recall who helped him to his feet or who dressed him. All he heard when he left the small room, draped over his babysitters' shoulders, was the healer whispering to Pakku, "It's a spiritual wound… I don't know what I can do."

XXX

Paw07: I love the imagery of Zuko being buried and the thought that the Avatar is not allowed to love. So I already know what half of my reviews will be about. Anyway, next chapter we get to see may have some Roku in it. Yeah, angry old spirits! Also, I took this chapter down momentarily so it could be proofread and have some minor things rewritten. Not much is changed but feel free to reread it.