I feel like I keep starting these with apologies, so I am not going to this time. It took me a bit longer to post this than I had planned, per usual, but again for some valid reasons. Some lovely friends stayed with me recently. And then I had to put my dog down yesterday which was quite sad, so I've been a bit distracted. Mr. Max was 16, so a very old man, but I've been having a proper cry about it nonetheless.
Huge thank you to ifsomebody'sgotsoul, yy4nmes, LoveTypeThing-SureTypeThing, SkinsUSfan, rockyourworld, T, Colonial-Cuddlez, and Poprox for reviewing, it really does mean a lot. (and yes, ifsomebody'sgotsoul, that was the infamous pig T-shirt from the series in the last chapter.)
I think you'll enjoy this chapter a bit more than the last. Another step in the race if you will. Please let me know what you think. And as always, thanks for reading.
I don't own Skins or anything of the sort.
Chapter XIII: And what I am to you, Is not what you mean to me
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Naomi had a headache. That much she was sure of. She didn't even need to open her eyes to confirm it. Instead she placed the heels of her hands over her eyes, hoping to block everything, sunlight included, out. She lay in her self made darkness for a moment as memories from the previous night seeped in. Unlike the light, she couldn't keep them out. "Shit." Naomi mumbled to herself.
It was her first girl kiss. That was a lie. She kissed Kathryn White on the playground when they were six. It was her first girl kiss with consequences. That was true. Her and Kathryn, or Kat, had remained best mates until her father's transfer a few years after. Things were simple then. This was not.
She heard the door open and Panda slowly crept into the room. Panda looked up and saw that Naomi was awake.
"You're up." She whispered in surprise, her whisper being her normal volume with a hushed undertone to it. It was only half past ten, early by usual standards after a hard night out. Naomi wouldn't get up until well after noon some days.
"Panda, you don't need to whisper. I am, unfortunately, awake." Naomi said gloomily.
"Good night?" Panda asked sitting down at her desk. Naomi still had not removed her hands from over her eyes, preserving her artificial darkness for a bit longer.
"Drunk night." She replied simply. She removed her hands from over her eyes, regretting the action immediately. "Why is it so bright out?" Naomi groaned. Wallowing in her hangover.
"And yet the sun shall follow the moon." Panda sang out from behind her computer. Naomi grumbled in response.
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Naomi had successfully avoided leaving her room all afternoon living off of water, aspirin, and a few garibaldis when she could stomach it. She had ignored Andy's texts saying how great of a time he'd had last night and had refused Panda when invited out with her and Thomas.
She kept flitting between turning off her phone and checking it compulsively. She wanted to avoid everyone and she wanted to speak to Alex. Alex, who still was not back yet. Naomi had sent her a panicked message on Facebook before she'd gone to bed last night. She decided to check Facebook again, maybe Alex had checked hers in America.
She heard a slight knock on the door and jumped. Looking up she saw Sophia standing in the doorway. She silently cursed herself for not shutting her door. Sophia had a nervous resolved look. Naomi felt her anxious. She wondered if this was how a wild animal felt when metal jaws clamped upon it's legs. The blood was pumping frantically through her heart.
"Hi." Sophia said quietly. Still hovering in the doorway.
"Hi." Naomi replied equally quiet. There was an awkward stillness in the air. So much for avoiding.
Sophia suddenly walked forward placing her arm on Naomi's desk and lent forward kissing her on the lips. Naomi was taken aback. She leaned as far into her chair as she could bracing her hands against Sophia's shoulders creating space between the two.
"What are you doing?" Naomi asked in a hushed incredulous tone. She wildly looked past Sophia to make sure no one had walked by and seen Sophia kiss her.
"I wanted to kiss you again." Sophia said wistfully leaning toward Naomi again. Naomi turned her head, locking her elbows.
"What are you doing?" Naomi repeated.
Sophia suddenly froze up, standing up straight though not distancing herself from Naomi. Her hand still on Naomi's desk.
"We kissed last night." Sophia stated as if an explanation.
"We were drunk last night." Naomi countered.
"So, if we weren't drunk, that wouldn't have happened?" Sophia asked.
Naomi opened then closed her mouth. What could she say? What should she say?
"You think that would have happened if we were sober?" Naomi offered.
Sophia let out a long sigh. "No…"
"So don't ask me that then." Naomi said.
"But you don't want to kiss me now?" Sophia asked imploring her with her eyes.
No. Naomi thought, but didn't think that would go over so well. She let the question hang in the air for a moment. "No…" Sophia looked dejected, "I don't know. Alright? We were drunk. I don't really know what to think. Or how to go about this yeah? I've never really done this before…so no, I don't know."
"You've never kissed someone before?" Sophia asked surprised.
"What? No." Naomi rolled her eyes. God the girl was slow sometimes. "You have seen me kiss Andy, obviously not my first kiss." She added less tactfully.
Sophia grimaced. "Right."
"My first snog with a girl." Naomi corrected.
"Oh." Sophia said, again surprised.
Naomi started at her for a moment. "Does really no one believe that I'm not gay?" she asked annoyed.
Sophia shrugged sheepishly causing Naomi to roll her eyes again.
"So do you like him?" Sophia asked suddenly.
"What?"
"Andy, do you like him?"
Naomi sighed, things would be a lot simpler if she did. "Not like that, no."
Sophia brightened up a bit. "Do you like me?"
"I…were friends Sophia."
"So you just want to be friends?"
"Will you stop with all these questions!"
"I'm just trying to figure you out. I never know what you're thinking."
"Why do you care so much?"
"Because I like you." Sophia said, trying to encourage the blonde. "I do."
Shit. Naomi thought. Shit, shit, shit.
"Were friends." Naomi repeated lamely, at a loss of what to say.
"Is that all it meant to you?"
"I don't know." Naomi said tiredly.
"What did it mean to you?"
She was trapped. Panda had gone down to the local farmers market with Thomas and wasn't going to be back anytime soon. Naomi hoped and dreaded for someone to walk through the door causing this conversation to stop. But such thoughts were futile. No one came. Naomi wondered if this was how a trapped animal felt before it began to gnaw its own limb off as a means of escape. And Sophia continued to just stare at her with that expectant look in her eye.
"I don't know." Naomi repeated. It seemed to be about the only sentence she could form. Though it was the truth. She had absolutely no idea what the previous night meant. She had no idea what to do with the knowledge that it happened, no idea what to do with herself, least of all what the hell she was supposed to say.
"So what do you know Naomi?" Sophia said frustrated.
"I don't know! Okay? I guess I know I'm not as adverse to kissing girls as I thought I was. I don't know. Were friends yeah?"
Naomi liked Sophia, they got on well, could have a good laugh, but she didn't get that feeling in her gut when she was around her. That flutter. She didn't like her like that. And that was supposed to matter, right? She didn't know. The only thing she did know for sure was that she was not capable of handling this situation.
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Naomi placed her head onto the table with a dull thud. She felt like shit. She had almost made it through the weekend. In an attempt to avoid her hallway, to avoid Sophia, she had decamped to the library early Sunday. It was mid afternoon as Naomi found herself facedown on one of the tables in the back of the library. Despite her current state she found herself slowly progressing through her workload. Avoiding her hall suddenly opened up a lot of time. Part way through problem nine of her math assignment thudding her head down onto the table seemed in the best interest of figuring out the answer.
She heard a bag land on the table next to her head. "Good night?" She heard a distinct husky voice ask.
Naomi grumbled not moving her head.
Emily chuckled. "I'll take that as a yes."
"I think I'm still hungover." Naomi mumbled out turning her head to face Emily still resting it on the table.
"From your formal?" Emily asked.
Naomi nodded her head not lifting it.
"Wasn't that on Friday?" Emily laughed raising an eyebrow as she began to unpack her little red rucksack.
Naomi nodded her tired head again. Scrunching her face up. "Is it possible to die of a hangover?"
Emily rolled her eyes at Naomi with a small smile on her face. She leaned over Naomi and viewed her open notebook. "I don't know about a hangover, but death by math sounds quite plausible if you ask me."
Naomi burst out a shot of a laugh earning a look or two from the few other fellow inhabitants in the back of the library.
"C'mon," Emily said poking Naomi with the dull end of her pencil. "Back to the living you go. Help me with this crap. I haven't started problem two yet, damn books only giving you the odd answers."
Naomi begrudgingly sat up and stretched letting out a huge yawn.
"It's aliiive." Emily teased earning an eye roll from Naomi.
If this had happened a few days prior Naomi would currently be freaking out in her head that Emily not only saw her in the library but decided to join her at the large four seater table she'd claimed for herself, taking the seat next to her. But it was not a few days ago, and there were much more stressful things presently at the top of Naomi's internal freak out queue.
"Alright," she said through a second yawn, "Let's see what you've got so far, yeah?"
Emily nodded.
"Nice shirt, by the way." She added smirking at Naomi with a look. Naomi looked down to see what shirt she was wearing. It was the pig USA shirt Alex had sent her.
"Thanks," Naomi laughed, "Alex sent it to me."
Emily laughed as well, "Of course she did."
There were too many things going on in Naomi's mind currently that stressed her out. But this? This was nice.