I am very sorry for the long wait. I took a bit more time with this chapter so I could make it up to you guys. I hope you enjoy it (even though it's not the happiest of chapters). Also, I'm going to be a lot better with updating now that it is summer, I promise.

When the alarm blared at 7 am, Alec instinctively smacked the snooze button. At least, he intended to. However, he missed and knocked over something else. Reaching down he grappled blindly for the foreign object on the floor as his alarm continued to blare on. Having just woken up Alec's eyes were still adjusting to the morning light streaming through his window so when he finally found the object and turned his head to see what it was it took him a moment to register what he was looking at. It was a book. He could tell that much. He brought it close enough to his face that it almost touched his nose as he tried to make out the title through his bleary eyes.

"Catcher in the Rye" he grumbled quietly to himself. It was the last book Magnus had leant him. A lot had happened since then, enough so that Alec had never actually gotten around to finishing those last few pages. A task he did not feel like doing at the moment. Staring at the cover Alec started to play through the events of yesterday. He could still hear Magnus's words like a sharp pain in his head, 'that's it'. Frustrated, he threw the book somewhere across his room.

"Alec! Would you turn off that blasted alarm!?" Izzy screamed from down the hall. Alec quietly mumbled 'hypocrite' to himself (or 'phony' if you're Holden Caulfield) but turned off the alarm nevertheless. Heaving himself out of bed, Alec did his best to shake off the memories of Magnus telling him the kiss didn't matter. He had to try even harder to shake the memories of Magnus's lips on his and his long fingers on his waist and the sheets of glitter that poured off Magnus with the rain until he was just a mortal man like the rest of them, like Alec.

Yeah, those memories were a little harder to forget.

Grabbing a towel off his dresser, Alec headed for the bathroom hoping that he could try to wash them away.

Upon emerging from the bathroom ten minutes later, freshly washed and clothed but still replaying the way Magnus had looked at him right before he kissed him again, Alec thudded down the staircase into the living room. Jace was already in the kitchen trying to figure out how their new 'espresso' machine worked. Maryse had just replaced their coffee maker with some high end piece of garbage and Jace and Alec still didn't understand how to use it. Jace let out a string of curse words at the contraption and that's when Alec decided to intervene.

"Hey Jace, want me to go for a coffee run?" Alec asked as he made his way into kitchen. Jace looked up at Alec with adoration.

"God, man, you are my freaking savior" he said grinning. The corner of Alec's lips twitched up.

"What do you want?"

"Well seeing that you're going out on a coffee run, how about some pastrami from Bully's" Jace suggested, his voice laced in his typical sarcasm.

Alec rolled his eyes at his brother. "I was looking for some coffee specifics actually" he clarified.

"Black, like my soul."

"God, you sound like Clary" Alec said looking slightly perturbed. Jace put his hand over his heart and scoffed in mock offense.

"I am a man and black is a manly color. None of those fru fru drinks that your people like- ow!" Jace cried out in pain as Alec punched his arm . . . hard. "I was just joking bro!" Jace said in his defense.

"Well, next time you make one of your little jokes, Jace, I'm going to hit you a lot harder than that" Alec tried to sound angry, but part of him was sort of relieved about how incredibly Jace Jace was being about Alec's coming out.

With a small laugh Jace said "Oh, come on Alec, we both know that I'm a better fighter than you."

Alec gave a slight shrug in admittance. "Fair enough, but 15 years of archery camp pays off."

"What are you gonna shoot me? We could start calling you Robin Lighthood."

"Robin Hood's got nothin' on me." Alec said with a rare smirk. Jace just laughed at this.

"In all honesty, and this may come as a shock, more important to me than your archery skills is your uncanny ability to buy your favorite brother some coffee."

"Max isn't even allowed to drink coffee." Alec said, feigning confusion. Jace glared.

"Har har, just go buy me some coffee before I die of old age." Jace pulled out a fiver out of his wallet.

"So dramatic" Alec chuckled but he snatched the money out of Jace's hand and headed out the door.

Since the Lightwoods typically have their own wonderful coffee maker, they don't have a coffee joint like most New Yorkers. However, a couple blocks down is Java Jones, and even though Alec certainly wouldn't call himself a regular, he has been forced to endure some horrible poetry and music by Simon's band there on multiple occasions. Although, he did try to avoid going as much as possible. He wasn't even sure what their band name was (that wasn't really his fault though seeing how it changes every week). Fortunately, the coffee they served almost made up for their poor choice of bands. The smell of coffee beans greeted him even before he reached the entrance. Pushing open the door, for a split second Alec enjoyed the peaceful morning buzz of drowsy city dwellers being reawakened by delicious mugs of hot joe.

Of course, peace was a rare thing for Alec.

And as he made his way toward the barista who seemed to be taking orders like a mad

woman, that momentary peace shattered as a boisterous man with glowing gold-green eyes turned away from the sugar and cream station too quickly and crashed head on into Alec. A sharp intake of breath could be heard as the man's hot coffee poured all over him.

"Oh my, I am so so-" the man cut himself off mid apology. "Alexander." Alec looked up from his coffee soaked shirt at the quiet declaration of his name.

"You've got to be kidding me!" Alec practically yelled in Magnus Bane's face. If everybody wasn't looking before, they were certainly looking now. But Alec paid no mind to the people staring at him, because at this point he was really beginning to believe that he'd been cursed.

"Oh god, Alexander! I am so so sorry! I didn't even see you there." Magnus muttered as he furiously grabbed napkins from the woman standing near them (who had unfortunately wound up in the splash zone too) and began trying to clean up Alec's sweater.

"You know, once is a mistake. Twice, and I'm starting to think you're trying to tell me something" Alec muttered angrily. Magnus would've tried to laugh it off usually, but there was an uncomfortable and unusual flicker of fury in Alec's eyes, that took him slightly aback. "Oh, wait" Alec continued, "you did tell me something yesterday. Your feelings were clear enough. You know what? I believe that you don't care about me. You don't have to spill coffee on me to fucking prove it." Magnus stared at Alec, surprise and concern evident in his eyes and that only made Alec more angry. Where does he get off acting like he's suddenly concerned about me.

"Alexander, I- I'm so sorry. I truly didn't know you were there. I never would've purposefully spilled coffee on you. I'll buy you a cup of coffee. Two, three. Whatever you came here for, let me pay. And I can give you a shirt." Magnus rushed his words as he already began rummaging through his bag for another shirt. He was moving so quickly, so intent on trying to find a way to amend the situation that he didn't even notice the stuff that was falling out of his bag. He looked almost . . . nervous? Suddenly, the anger that had overcome Alec at seeing Magnus (and getting a second chance to try his coffee on for size) faded. Alec realized he may have been a little too harsh. He hadn't intended to send his teacher into a fumbling panic.

"It's fine, don't worry about it" Alec said roughly, his walls were still up but at least he wasn't yelling or cursing anymore. Magnus looked up from his bag surprised at how quickly his tone had shifted. But even if he stopped yelling his blue eyes still looked coldly at Magnus, as if the ocean had frozen over. It made Magnus's heart ache a little that he was the cause of such anger and hurt.

"I- I really am sorry Alec. About everything." But Alec wasn't in the mood for apologies. Of all the goddamn coffee places in the village, how is it possible Magnus goes to the same one he does? Just going to have to find a new coffee shop, I suppose Alec thought to himself. Masking his real anger with simple irritation.

"Don't worry about it" Alec repeated, but his voice was tight and Alec feared that without even wanting to he still managed to reveal so much of his heart. After a moment of painful silence Alec muttered "I'm just going to go."

"Oh no, Alec, I'll leave. You buy your coffee. Here." Magnus said trying to give Alec some money to make up for the shirt (among other things).

"I don't want your money" Alec answered back stiffly, refusing to look at Magnus anymore, because a part of Alec knew that if he did, he would just about melt. And, rather than feel angry, he would feel something much more painful and difficult to carry, so, for now, Alec was just gonna stick with angry.

Magnus pulled back his hand, dejectedly. He was taller than Alec, but, in this moment, he felt so much smaller. Clearing his throat Magnus tried to defuse some of the tension. "So, um, will you be in class today, Alexander?"

Still refusing to look at him, Alec gave a short reply. "Yes, Mr. Bane." Alec said 'Mr. Bane' with such vehement distaste that Magnus had physically flinched. That name, for some reason, stung more than anything else Alec has said.

"You called me Mr. Bane." Magnus stated the obvious, which was quite unlike him.

'Yeah, you are my teacher after all." Then Alec finally looked at Magnus, and Magnus wished he hadn't. "Nothing more." Alec practically spat. Magnus winced. He knew that the best thing to do in this situation was to just get the hell out.

"Well, alright. I'll see you in class then" Magnus mumbled as he made his way out the door. What Magnus didn't realize is that his dismissive response to Alec's anger hurt Alec even more than if he had gotten angry as well. Alec felt like Magnus had just brushed off his feelings and it made Alec feel even more foolish. What Alec wouldn't say, but knew in his heart was true, was that he was much angrier at himself for believing that he could have any sort of relationship with his teacher than he was at Magnus for rejecting him. With a heavy sigh, Alec turned his attention to the barista and ordered some coffee.

During lunch, later that day, Alec had an unusual quietness about him that, honestly, no one seemed to really notice. Alec was happy to go unnoticed though. If his friends started to ask questions then Alec would have to come up with some lie and lying wasn't really his strong suit. He had a tendency to make his feelings pretty clear to people. But Alec was realizing that this particular tendency was much more a burden than a blessing. Quietly shoving around his food, Alec wasn't really paying attention to anything going around him. Not like he was missing much. Simon said something stupid, Izzy was being flirtatious, Clary was laughing at the odd couple like usual and Jace was watching her. Same old, same old. Yet they all seemed so happy to do it. They had all seemed to have found their place- where they fit. And Alec was slowly but surely coming to terms with the fact that we was their fifth wheel. How did he not see it before?

When the bell rang for sixth period it was almost a relief. Almost.

"Let's go, Alec" Jace said, "if you're late Mr. Bane might throw some more coffee at you and you can't afford to stain any more shirts." When Alec had gotten back to their apartment this morning in a huffy mood he told Jace the truth, sort of. He'd run into Mr. Bane (literally) and gotten soaked in coffee. Jace thought it was hilarious, and Alec forced a smile too, trying to act like it was no big deal. Just some spilled coffee. Nothing more. Nothing more.

"Ha ha. Well if I run out of clothing I can just borrow your ginger shirt."

"Bad comeback man, because I love that shirt. You can't make fun of that shirt" Jace defended.

Clary looked up at him rolling her eyes. "Jace, that shirt makes fun of itself" she said. Jace looked down at her, totally offended.

"You bought that shirt!"

"As a joke! I never thought you'd actually wear it in public" Clary exclaimed. Jace looked down at the shirt, which he was currently wearing.

"I look good in it" he said weakly, pouting at Clary. Clary couldn't help but laugh at him. Alec watched this whole exchange, trying to look amused by their antics but each time Clary laughed while she looked at Jace with affection it just made Alec's heart hurt. Why couldn't he be like them? Have something like them? It was never hard for them. They were the same age. They were straight. They could be in love and have the whole world know and it was fine. It was better than fine. It was wonderful. And for a split second Alec had gotten to know what 'wonderful' felt like. Heading out the cafeteria door with his friends, Alec felt oddly alone.

"Alec, do you need to stop at your locker?" Jace asked, turning to look back at him with a giggling Clary tucked into his side. Alec blinked, coming out of his mental dialogue.

"Ah, no, I went before lunch."

"Cool" Jace said as they reached the stairwell that led up to the Lit floor. Reaching down to give Clary a quick kiss, Jace and Clary said their goodbyes and promised to meet up after school, before she spun and headed off to her sixth period. Jace and Alec headed up to Mr. Bane's classroom with Alec dreading every step that brought him one step closer to Magnus. Coming into the room, Alec's breath caught a little. He thought he was prepared to see him after this morning, but with the way the light was streaming through the windows and catching the bits of glitter that had stayed in Magnus's hair and reflecting in his bright eyes, Alec felt his heart ache a little. Magnus caught his eye and Alec suddenly found the floor very interesting as he quietly trudged to his seat beside Jace.

The class dragged on and Alec didn't raise his hand or offer an opinion once. Now, this wouldn't be unusual in any other class, but Magnus wasn't kidding when he had called Alec his best student. Alec usually always had some wonderful insight to offer, but he didn't today.

Or the day after.

Or the day after that.

And he was quiet still the day after that.

And so that's what it became, day after day, class after class. A quiet, sullen Alec sitting in his chair in the front row, never speaking. Not even listening. Magnus noticed. Of course he did, but he didn't say anything. He never asked Alec what he thought. He didn't want to embarrass him in front of his peers. So, Alec just sat there letting it all pass by him. Never saying a thing. Alec didn't have any other way to retaliate. He couldn't say anything. That was the whole point. He wasn't allowed to say anything. What had happened between them . . . no one could know. So, Alec thought, if he wasn't allowed to say anything, he wouldn't. He wouldn't say anything at all. But what Magnus started to realize as a week went by of Alec not saying anything in class, it wasn't just in his class that Alec had stopped participating. It was everything.

One day when Magnus was heading up to his classroom during lunch time to start prepping for sixth period, Magnus paused for a moment outside the cafeteria. A quiet boy with bright blue eyes caught his eye through the window of the cafeteria door. Alec was sitting with his brother and sister and Clary Fray (he had Clary in the same British Literature class that Isabelle was in). There was also some nerdy looking brunette holding hands with Isabelle, but Magnus paid no mind to him. Instead he was watching as Alec sat at the table not saying a word as his friends all seemed to be laughing around him. It was like they didn't even notice him. Like he was invisible. Alec just stared down at the table, fidgeting with his hands, as Magnus watched on.

Magnus noticed it in the halls too. When he passed by Alec in the hallway, on rare occasions, Alec was always surrounded by other people, yet he seemed utterly alone. Magnus watched as Alec seemed to fade into Jace's shadow. Alec seemed like he fit right in. Like he was used to being in the shadows and it made complete sense for him to go back there. Like he was returning home. And Magnus ached at the thought that Alec considered himself to be nothing more than his brother's shadow, because, to Magnus, Alec was the bright spot in a crowd of students, and everyone around him was in his shadow.

It was sixth period on a Tuesday. It had been a week since Magnus had spilled his coffee (for the second time) on Alec. A week since Alec had yelled at him, thinking Magnus didn't care about him. How wrong he was. A week since Alec had stopped calling him 'Magnus.' A week since Alec had last participated during a class discussion.

"Hey Alec, Clary took my pen. Can I borrow one of yours?" Jace asked leaning towards Alec's desk as the rest of the class began the small writing assignment Magnus had just given them.

"Uh, yeah sure" Alec responded reaching into his backpack. Magnus looked up from his papers with a start.

A week since he had last heard Alec's voice.

Magnus hadn't even realized it but he hadn't heard Alec speak once since Alec chewed him out at Java Jones. And his voice. God, his voice. It was low and soft and gentle and Magnus couldn't think of a sweeter sound. How had he lasted a whole week without it? And it was pathetic, Magnus knew, but suddenly all he wanted was to hear that voice again. So, when everyone finished with their short free write where they reacted to The Sun Also Rises (the book they had just finished reading) Magnus did something he probably shouldn't have.

"Alright, everyone finished? Great. Um, how about we have Alexander share?"

Alec looked up startled at hearing his name (it had been a week since Alec had heard Magnus say 'Alexander' and it made his heart speed up for more than one reason). Magnus was looking at him expectantly and trying to mask any other emotions that were threatening to flicker across his features. Steeling his nerves, Alec cleared his throat.

"Well, I- uh" Alec looked down at his paper searching for something intelligent to say. He didn't notice Magnus grip his desk at the sound of Alec's voice. "I, um, I felt like, the, uh, book was about disillusionment. People, um, all the characters, they seem a little lost. Like they don't really have a path, they're just wandering aimlessly." Alec bit his lip nervously when he stopped speaking. Magnus noticed, of course.

"Absolutely, but what I wanted to know is how you feel about the book? The characters? What's your emotional reaction to it?"

"I uh, well, I guess it was frustrating." Alec said after a moment's hesitation. Magnus looked at him intently. It was a sound adjective, made sense in regards to the novel.

"Could you elaborate a little?" Magnus inquired, genuinely intrigued by Alec's thoughts. However, Alec felt like Magnus was just trying to make fun of him or something, he wouldn't seem to let up. But Alec channeled his inner Jace and played it cool. At least that's how he started off.

"Sure, I just mean that it's frustrating because everyone seems to be searching for something real, a feeling. They get drunk, travel all over Europe, go to an endless stream of parties, because they are trying to feel something. Anything really. And it's frustrating because Jake and Brett already have something real and honest and beautiful. They found something to live for. They love each other. But they ignore it. They let a small problem-"

"Well, I wouldn't call Jake's impotence a 'small problem.' Wasn't small to Brett, or Jake for obvious reasons" Magnus replied, the rest of the class giggled a little.

"No, that's not really what I mean" Alec tried to explain, "I mean that what they found in each other is rare, they both know it. It's not something they're going to truly have anywhere else or with anyone else, but Brett, she just throws it away. Yeah, there's a problem. And it's not a small one by any means. But if Brett stopped being so worried about getting a small amount of pleasure from all the other men, then she may realize that she has something lasting with Jake."

"But I think she knows that. What they have, whatever you want to call it, it is lasting."

"But it's not good enough" Alec retaliated. He was starting to get worked up. "They love each other. Why can't they just be together?" Alec was looking at Magnus with pleading blue eyes and Magnus had to look away.

Softly Magnus responded "it's not so black and white, Alexander. You know that." Magnus still wouldn't look at him. The room had filled with an eery silence. Some noticing the personal nature of the conversation. Alec shook his head angrily at the book, at the story, at Magnus. Mostly at Magnus.

"Well then it's just fucking stupid" A collective gasp could be heard around the room. Even Jace looked at his brother with confusion and a little bit of shock (Jace was never rattled). Magnus pursed his lips but didn't seem all that surprised at the outburst.

Quietly Magnus said "Alexander, see me after class." Alec just looked down at his desk, he wasn't expecting anything less. There were some 'ooohs' from some obnoxious students and Jace was still looking at him completely taken aback, but Alec just kept looking down at his desk. After an uncomfortable moment of silence, Magnus continued on with the lesson.

When the bell finally rang, Alec was still staring down at his desk in quiet fury. Magnus was watching him patiently as students filed out of the classroom. When the last straggler was gone Magnus cleared his throat. Reluctantly, Alec looked up from where he was twiddling his thumbs.

"Alexander" Magnus started. Alec began chewing on his bottom lip. Magnus heaved a heavy sigh. "Alexander, I understand that I upset you last week, but your behavior in class today was unacceptable." A flicker of anger sparked in Alec's blue orbs.

"Why'd you call on me? I wasn't even raising my hand. You never call on students who don't raise their hands. Were you just trying to humiliate me?" Magnus was so taken aback by the last question he hardly noticed the vulnerability that had seeped into Alec's voice.

"'Humiliate you?' No, I was being your teacher. I was asking a question. This is a discussion oriented class and participation is important here. Whatever occurred in weeks past is beside the point. The point is that we exist in a professional environment, and your behavior was inappropriate." Alec was shocked by each passing word. How could Magnus act like this? Brush him off like this? By the time Magnus reached his last world, Alec hit a breaking point.

"You want to talk about inappropriate? Tell me teach how appropriate is it for you to stick your tongue down one of your student's throats?!" Alec regretted it the moment he yelled it. He regretted it even more when he saw the look of shock, hurt, and, worst of all, disappointment on Magnus's face. How could he have said that to him? Alec knew it wasn't like that. He wasn't some kid assaulted by his teacher. Alec had kissed him back. Alec had wanted him too (still did).

"A-Alexander" Magnus began with a shaky voice. The anger had completely drained out of Alec. Now he was just filled with guilt.

"No, Magnus, that's not what I-" his voice hitched "I'm sorry." Alec looked down at his hands and shook his head with disbelief. Anyone standing outside this classroom could have heard him, how could he have been so stupid?

"Alec, maybe you should leave." Magnus said quietly. Alec grabbed his backpack and swung it over his shoulder. He gave a solemn look at Magnus was staring down at his desk now.

Heading out the door Alec mumbled "I'll transfer out of your class." Magnus looked up at him but Alec was still heading out the door, not looking at him.

"There's no other AP Literature teacher" Magnus reminded him.

As Alec pushed open the classroom door, he risked a glance back at the man that had turned him into this person. This person Alec hardly even recognized. "Then I'll drop." And with that he left with a loud bang as the door shut close behind him. Magnus just watched, even after Alec left, staring at the closed door.