Author's Chapter Notes:
Lily is now convinced that her boyfriend is a werewolf, and is hurt that she wasn't in on it. Will James at least attempt to put her right? And who is she going to go to for extra Patronus practice? You'll have to see!
Thanks to Stacey and Alex for beta'ing.
After Lily's outburst, she avoided James for the next week. She even refused to patrol with him, swapping duties with Remus instead. Remus was smart enough to know that there was no way either James or Lily would tell him what it was that had broken them apart; from what he could gather, James had insulted Lily in some way, and Lily had clearly taken it personally.
The fact that Lily and James' dispute occurred the day after Remus' transformation was not missed by Remus either — and like his usual, astute self, he asked James if their argument had anything to do with him.
"No way!" James had said immediately, trying to look affronted by his friend's query as he sat up on his unused bed in their dormitory. It was a few days after James' row with Lily, and the Marauders were getting one of their rare breaks from studying (although, admittedly, Remus was rereading his Transfiguration notes as he spoke to his friends).
Remus raised his eyebrows, his expression sceptical, and mirrored by Sirius and Peter.
"Prongs, give it up," Sirius told him sternly, folding his arms.
"We know you're lying," Peter added, sounding (unintentionally) patronising. This did not help.
"Does Lily know?" Remus asked quietly. He did not appear to be annoyed, James noted. Then again, Remus very rarely became angry; the angriest James had ever seen his friend was during the prefect meeting when one of the Slytherins insulted William. "What about Mary?"
Still, James said nothing, examining his socks. Sirius sprang up from his chair.
"You told her?" he said, in an even quieter tone than Remus.
"No, he didn't," Peter interjected shrewdly. James, Remus and Sirius turned towards him. "Otherwise Lily would've asked Remus by now. Or Mary, if she knew. But she knows something, doesn't she? Lily? She suspects something?" The last was directed at James. Sirius and Remus both looked questioningly at him as he nodded.
"She thinks I'm a werewolf," he told his friends in a small voice.
"And that was a good enough reason to break it off with you?" asked Sirius. "She hates werewolves that much?"
"No!" James replied quickly, shaking his head vigorously. "It was worse...she thinks you guys are risking your lives...for me."
Remus' pupils suddenly became much larger, similar to what happened when he transformed.
"She doesn't know we're Animagi, does she?" breathed Peter.
"Exactly," said Sirius, realising what Remus was thinking at the same time as James. "But that doesn't mean—"
"You've got to stop going with me to the Shrieking Shack," Remus said firmly. "Prongs, if it's going to be like that...if you have to choose between me and her..."
"Remus," James interrupted. "Stop being such an eejit, OK? Lily's just got the wrong end of the stick. And I didn't want to correct her because that would mean she would know about you being a werewolf, and whatever happened, I wasn't going to sell out one of my best friends, even if it means my girlfriend — ex-girlfriend, whatever — hates me."
"Besides," Peter added hastily, "we're not in danger. That's the whole point. We're not risking our lives and it's making your life a hell of a lot easier every month."
"But—"
"But nothing," Peter interrupted. "Moony, we're glad to do it. Aren't we, Prongs, Padfoot?"
They nodded fervently. Remus sighed. "So what, I'm meant to live with the guilt that my friend got dumped all because of me?"
"Remus, you have no reason to be guilty," James insisted. "None of this is your fault. And don't worry about me and Lily. We'll sort things — somehow. I'll just...er...give her time to, um, cool off."
You're never going to find them, Mudblood. Either of those little children. Don't bother trying. If you do, you'll end up in your grave without your filthy Muggle parents to bury you. Just like those little girls. You may as well go shopping for your coffin. While you're at it, tell the girls' family to as well. Whether you like it or not, bitch, you'll die with your secrets. And if you're lucky, you'll get one of their fingers to bury.
The parchment had arrived with some fine, brown hairs, which Lily recognised as Jenna's. She tried to stifle her horror-struck gasp as her vision became blurry with tears; crumpling up the letter (the hair fluttered to the ground, ignored), she ran out of the Great Hall, her dinner unfinished, unnoticed by Mary, Alice and Davina, who were having an animated discussion about the latest robes from Madam Malkin's.
Lily's head was bent as she rushed through the doors and outside the castle, her red hair swinging to cover her face — and her tears. She ran, on and on through the grounds, in no particular direction, pausing only when she realised she was out of breath. At last, she halted, bending down and holding her stitch, leaning against a tree for support. As she finally got her breath back, she slid against the bark, barely registering the tiny ripping sounds of her robes against it, and sat there, her head in her hands. She never thought it would be possible to be as overwhelmed with guilt like she was now.
While Lily's reaction to her letter was unnoticed by her friends, James saw as she ran out of the hall. Without saying anything to his friends, James stood up and followed her, ignoring calls from Remus about helping him with the DADA homework, and Sirius, loudly wondering where he was going.
He walked steadily on, only just keeping Lily's red hair in sight. She hadn't noticed him as he was following her, but he had to maintain a distance to make sure she didn't see him. He didn't know why he couldn't simply walk up to her and ask her what was wrong.
As James continued to follow her, he noticed that Lily appeared to be heading towards the Forbidden Forest. However, after a moment she veered to her right, heading towards the small copse of trees in the grounds near the Forest.
James halted to watch where Lily was going; eventually, she settled near their favourite beech tree, and he only just managed to hide behind a tree on the very edge of the Forbidden Forest before she looked in its direction, narrowly missing James.
He searched his pockets for the Invisibility Cloak, but then he remembered, vaguely, that he had leant it to Sirius so he could sneak out to Hogsmeade with Peter tonight.
What was he going to do? He could see Lily's lips quivering as tears fell from her eyes and wet her shirt, but he also knew full well that there was no point in trying to comfort her, as the best response he could receive would be a push in the other direction.
He backed deeper into the Forest, remembering the Marauders' last foray there, during Remus' transformation. That night, the four of them had roamed the place, scaring away a unicorn when Remus almost got out of control.
He could hear faint traces of Lily's sobbing from where he was in the Forest and realised that as a stag, his hearing was much better, so after a moment, James transformed and became Prongs.
The stag cantered forwards, far faster than James would as a human. He daringly approached Lily, and when she caught sight of the creature, Lily managed a weak half-smile, holding out her hand. Eagerly, James ambled smoothly towards her, relishing the feeling of her hand stroking his neck.
"You're gorgeous, did you know that?" she murmured to him. "I just wish the rest of the world was as perfect."
And then, before Lily could stop herself, she told her story to the stag.
He listened in horror as the events were (at times) tearfully unfolded by Lily. The use of the Tongue-Tying Curse on her explained exactly why Marlene was so angry at her, so much so that neither girl could look the other in the eye. And, when he thought about what Marlene's sisters must be going through, he could hardly blame Marlene.
James also realised that Lily would be unable to say much on the subject if he asked her about it as James, so eventually, when it became dark, James, in his stag form, finally extricated himself from Lily's presence, galloping back to the Forbidden Forest before doubling back to go inside the castle once he was sure Lily had already gone in. Lily's final words to the Animagus were still ringing in his ears.
"Now, though, I know that I'm definitely going to die with my secrets."
"Miss Evans, I really fink you need to revise on Patronuses," Professor Frensham told her sternly in a DADA Arts lesson the next day. "You're really not doin' well, to be perfectly honest. And if you want tips on who to ask about Patronuses, I recommend seeing either Mr Po'er—"
"No, Professor," Lily interrupted angrily.
"Lovers' tiff, eh?" the teacher asked, slightly amused. However, the humour disappeared and Professor Frensham's eyes became narrowed again as she continued, "OK, so if you don't want to go to Mr Po'er, there's always Mr Lupin or even Mr Black."
"I think I'll stick with Remus," she muttered.
"That's se'led, then, Miss Evans. Please try and see where you're going wrong, because I fink you need one-to-one tuition if you're struggling tha' badly. And if Mr Lupin can't help — although there's no reason why he shouldn't be able to — come to me, and we'll arrange something. Bu' that's only if it's completely necessary."
To Lily's relief, Remus accepted Lily's request readily, arranging their first meeting that evening in a spare classroom. However, it took them several (failed) attempts before Remus realised what was amiss.
"Is everything all right, Lily?" he asked tentatively, holding out a hand to stop her.
"Fine," she replied curtly.
"You've got to think of something happy," Remus said for the third time as he sat on a desk. "What memories are you thinking of?"
"When I got my OWL results," she admitted after a moment, a grudging smile forming on her lips. Remus grinned back encouragingly.
"Oh yeah, what was it you got?"
"Eight O's and three E's," Lily said with a hint of pride in her voice.
"Well, Lily, while I do commend you on your results, I don't think it's a strong enough memory to form a Patronus. Can you think of any others?" he enquired.
"I don't know," she said, shrugging. "Too much has been going on this year for me to think of anything happy."
She thought of what happened yesterday. If Layla and Jenna were dead...but that couldn't possibly be true, Lily reassured herself.
They're just bluffing, she insisted. The bastards are just trying to get me scared.
Lily was jolted out of her thoughts when Remus spoke.
"What about..." he began, but then he thought better of it.
"What?" she asked, leaning on the teacher's table.
He shook his head. "Forget it," he dismissed.
"No, what were you going to say, Remus?" Lily persisted, standing up again. "Look, I'm failing Defence Against The Dark Arts because of this damn charm, so any help would be appreciated, OK?"
"I was going to say...maybe you could think of a memory when you were with James?" he suggested quietly.
Lily sighed. "Don't you know that I'm not talking to him? The last thing I'd want to do is think about him."
"I'm sorry," he apologised. "I did say to forget it, though."
Lily did not know how to respond to this. There was silence for a few seconds, before Lily thought of something. "Remus? Can I ask you something?"
"Go ahead," he said, watching her calmly as she sat on a nearby chair.
"Is...is James a werewolf?"
Remus chuckled humourlessly.
"What's so funny?" she asked indignantly.
"Nothing. You just confirmed what James said your suspicions were."
"And they're right." There was a pause, and Lily's voice became less certain as she said, "Aren't they?"
He sighed and shook his head. "You're wrong, Lily," he told her. "James is not a werewolf. He is fully human and has never been tainted with that hated curse."
"Merlin, Remus," Lily gasped, as realisation kicked in. "You're a...?" She trailed off, unable to say the word.
"You can say it, you know," Remus said sadly. "And if you don't feel comfortable around me because of my lycanthropy, feel free to—"
"Oh, be quiet," she snapped. "See, this is why I stopped talking to James. OK, so I got it wrong, but he, like you just did now, automatically assumed that I'd think the worst of you, just because you're a — you're a — werewolf! It just shows how little you think of me!"
"Lily, that's not fair," he protested. "I think very highly of you, and James thinks so too. Even more highly than I do, I'm sure. But you've got to realise it's the norm to hate werewolves and giants and centaurs and all these other half-breeds—"
"You're not a half-breed," Lily declared. "You're a human being, and a remarkably intelligent one at that. And I could never hate you."
She leapt up from her seat. "Come on," she said. "Let's have another go."
"Are you sure you're ready?" he said, surprised at her sudden spurt of confidence.
"Yeah," Lily replied, slightly nervous nevertheless.
"OK. On the count of three, then: one, two, three."
Lily closed her eyes, concentrating on her and James' encounter underneath the Invisibility Cloak the day they came back from the Christmas holidays. She even smiled widely as she said loudly, "Expecto Patronum!"
A beautiful silver doe whooshed out of the end of her wand and Lily stared at it in awe as it came to pause in front of her, bowing its beautiful head in her direction.
"Wow," Lily and Remus breathed in unison. He actually broke into applause at Lily's successful attempt at a Patronus.
"Lily," Remus asked, "did your Patronus have any other form before this?"
She considered. "Actually, it did," she said. "The closest to a Patronus I ever got to was a very faint form of a cat, I think. But that was last year." Pausing, she suddenly understood. "Wait...then why on earth is mine a doe?"
"Sometimes," Remus said gently, "an emotional shock...an unexpected upheaval...they can make your Patronus change."
Lily digested this in silence, wondering what he meant. She was feeling rather giddy — both with relief and astonishment that she actually managed to produce a corporeal Patronus. Then her stomach swooped as it occurred to her what she now had to say to James.
Lily had a rare free period before dinner the next day, and for once she spent it, not on homework, but worrying about how on earth she was going to make it up to her boyfriend. As well as that, she continued to fret, more than ever before, over the fates of Marlene's younger sisters.
She skipped dinner, too nervous to eat. Instead, she waited in the Heads' common room for James to arrive, but it seemed that he was avoiding her as much as she him. When Lily saw the clock reach nine, she decided that she'd had enough.
Marching out of the common room and into the Gryffindor one, her eyes sought James, playing chess with Peter. She could tell that his heart really wasn't in the game and that he was only playing to pass time, because every now and then James would look up and glance around surreptitiously, although what or who he was looking for was unclear.
"Checkmate," Lily heard Peter say smugly. James' chess pieces immediately began to protest at their owner for not doing a better job, and James rolled his eyes and looked around again hopefully. Unbidden, his eyes locked with Lily's. Lily was unable to look away, but after a moment, James did so, standing up and gathering his chess pieces.
Impulsively, Lily strode over to where James was, knocked the pieces out of his hands and kissed him full on the mouth, her arms snaking around his neck. Ignoring the wolf-whistles which came from every corner of the room, James kissed her back, relishing the taste of her, which he had missed for an entire week.
It was only when a catcall came from Sirius — "Get a room, will you?" — that Lily finally pulled away from James, and even then, their foreheads remained close together, their noses still gently bumping into one another.
"I'm sorry," she murmured, still disregarding everyone's stares.
"Me too," James whispered back.
"Can we talk? In there?" He knew what Lily was referring to and nodded. Taking her hand, he led her to the Heads' common room, bestowing a small, nondescript thumbs-up to Remus, who was grinning as he watched them leave.
James stepped back to allow Lily to pass before entering the room himself. They both settled on the sofa and Lily pointed her wand at the fireplace, so the heat from it warmed the cold air of the common room.
"I take it Remus told you about...?" James started, but didn't finish his question, not wanting to risk anything.
"Yeah," Lily interrupted quickly. "I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am for what happened. I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions like that. It was wrong."
James nodded and kissed her on the forehead. "Apology accepted, Lily. And I'm sorry too — for keeping secrets from you. But you've got to understand that Remus's lycanthropy wasn't my secret to keep."
"I know." She snuggled up to him and they sat in silence, watching the fire.
"James?" Lily said after a moment.
"Yeah?" he replied. He had a feeling she was going to ask the question he dreaded and mentally braced himself for another outburst.
"Where do you go when it's full moon?"
"The Whomping Willow," he said. "The year Remus arrived at Hogwarts, it was built specially for him."
This was absorbed in silence.
"Hold on," said Lily, cottoning on. "If Remus is a werewolf, then what do you guys do when he transforms? But—" she exclaimed frantically, "that means that you're all in d—"
But James silenced her by placing a finger on her lips before getting up. Lily watched him curiously, wondering what was going to happen. He hesitated. Then, without warning, James became Prongs.
"What on earth?" Lily said loudly, transfixed. "You're an Animagus?"
The stag nodded, nuzzling his neck against Lily's knee. "Hey!" she laughed. "That tickles!"
Just as shocking comprehension dawned on Lily, Prongs became James again.
"And before you ask, Lily, no, I am not risking my life when I'm with Remus. Neither are Sirius and Peter. We're safe when we're in our animal form because werewolves only bite humans."
"They're Animagi too?" she asked, temporarily distracted from her perplexed tangle of thoughts.
"Yep," James affirmed. "We became Animagi in fifth year. It was harder than any exam we'd ever taken, that's for sure."
Lily took a moment to take it all in. Then, at last, as she looked at him, it clicked.
"Hold on," she said slowly. Lily reached forwards and took his face into her hands, staring at his eyes. The stag had eyes of the same shape and colour, and even the markings around his eyes matched James' glasses. "That means that it was you who..."
"I heard every word," James said quietly. "I can't believe that's what you had to go through in the summer, Lily. And I understand," he quickly added, "that you can't say anything because of the enchantment."
"But how...?" Lily said in amazement. "I looked it up — no human could possibly hear me say..."
"I don't think it applies for Animagi, Lily," James said. "The Tongue-Tying Curse, as far as I know, is ineffective with animals. Is...what happened in the summer...is that why..." he began tentatively, wondering how best to broach the subject, "the...the Astronomy Tower happened, then?" Lily nodded, trying to swallow the tears now stuck in the middle of her throat.
"I couldn't possibly stand being the bearer of a secret I hated having to keep," she said, trying to keep her voice steady, and even then, a tear rolled down her cheek. James carefully removed it with his thumb, allowing Lily to bury her face into his chest. "There was nothing else I could do," she whispered.
He thought of what happened on Boxing Day. "I know," he sighed. And somehow, this time, their knowledge did not strengthen them; rather, the information they had inadvertently gleaned poisoned their minds and stained their memories forever, and for once, James really did think that ignorance was bliss.
"Let's go, Lily," James whispered from under the Cloak. They were both Disillusioned, just in case, with the Invisibility Cloak over them, waiting outside the Slytherin common room for a Slytherin to arrive and say the password in order for them to get in.
It was already eleven o'clock but James knew, judging by the number of people caught when they patrolled, that certain Slytherins stayed out of bounds far later than that time, so he simply had to hope that they would arrive quickly, because already, Lily was getting restless.
"Are you sure—" Lily began, but James immediately put his hand on her mouth to stop her talking as a few Slytherins had rounded the corner and started towards the common room entrance.
She nodded furiously and James removed his hand, mouthing a quick, hasty apology to her. Lily waved it off and focused her attention on the Slytherins, who they could now identify: Katie Montague, Malcolm Mulciber, Aiden Avery and Evan Rosier. The group sauntered towards the door.
Rosier said the password: "Emendatio," and stepped back to allow the others to pass. Katie, Mulciber and Avery entered the room.
With no time to lose, James threw a Dungbomb at the wall, narrowly missing Rosier's ear. In the confusion, James and Lily managed to sneak past and go into the common room, invisible, trying to make as little noise as possible (although this was almost pointless due to Rosier's loud cursing). James silently thanked God that the Slytherin common room's entrance was not a hole like Gryffindor's; it was a normal door.
Lily and James went daringly close to Avery and Katie, who were, they noticed, the only ones left in the common room (Rosier now followed Mulciber up to the dormitory). Lily held James' wrist tightly as they listened to their conversation — it appeared they were having some kind of argument.
"But they're little girls, Aiden!" Katie was complaining. "It's not as if they're Mudbloods or anything. And even if they are, they're being abused, for Salazar's sake! You've got to tell John to stop."
Avery, her boyfriend, roughly took her by the shoulders, obvious menace in his eyes. "Listen, girl," he said forcefully. "We don't give a shit about them. And you don't either." Then, in a voice that was ever so slightly less harsh, he said, "We're under strict orders — you know that, Kat. There's nothing you can do, short of sneaking them food, and even that looks suspicious."
"I already do that, Aiden," Katie admitted. "After dinner, before I come back to the common room, I always sneak something from the table and give it to them." He simply looked at her with a scathing expression. "What?" she said defensively. "If I didn't give the little cows food, they'd be dead by now!"
"I forbid you to do that anymore, Katie," Avery ordered. "The Dark Lord's orders—"
"Yes, yes, I know what the Dark Lord's orders are," she shot back. Then, it appeared her shoulders had crumpled; Katie seemed to give up, accept defeat. "All right," she said finally. "I won't give them more food. But Aiden, I don't care what these girls' blood statuses are or what their father or mother has done. They don't deserve to die. They're just kids."
"I know, babe," he said. "But if the Dark Lord says to do something, we do it. Never mind whether or not you like it." Pulling her into a kiss, James noticed that his tone was completely different from what it was just a moment ago.
Lily dropped James' hand, staring in disbelief. What the hell was she going to do?
Chapter End Notes:
Dun dun DUN! What did you think? Katie does have a heart, believe it or not, so I'll be interested to see what you make of her. By the way, I hope this chapter wasn't as diabolical as the last one. I really hope so. So please review — it'll make my day! (While you're at it, why not take a look at Blood and Roses, my Mysterious May challenge entry? It's Rose/Scorpius :D)