Love of My Life – Chapter 13: Shopping Trip

Tai-Tai's POV

Two weeks have passed and I still kept my secret to myself. I just don't have the courage to tell anyone right now. I feel ashamed that this happened to me. Why? Why did this happen to me during this journey? Why couldn't have this waited? Every night, I repeatedly punch myself in the face, figuratively, until my mind drifts off into sleep. Sometimes my dreams don't let me rest from thinking about it.

I often dream of Sanzo's reaction when I tell him and it's always a bad one. My dreams often end with Sanzo, Goku, Gojyo and Hakkai all with their backs turned to me and walking away, not even turning back when I call to them. So I am left there crying, hating myself. I keep telling myself that Hakkai would never leave me like that, same with Goku and Gojyo. My heart tells me none of them would leave like that… but my fears tell me otherwise.

One night, I was talking in my sleep and Sanzo shook me awake. I opened my eyes and his eyes were alarmed. I stared back at him, shocked.

"You were talking in your sleep." He said, calmly. His hands gripped my shoulders.

I hoped that I didn't say anything in my dreams that I shouldn't have. "Was I?" I asked.

"You kept saying my name and begging me not to leave." He let go of my shoulders. "Are you afraid I'm going to leave you or something?"

I can't tell him this now. I can't tell him that I was really dreaming about. I can't, I just can't. So all I say is, "Yes," I put on my best poker face. "I'm afraid that once things are back to normal, you'll forget about us." I stroked his cheek. I really am great at lying.

Sanzo stared at me for a moment. It took me a while to notice he was straddling me and just hovered over my body. His hand reached to fix a misplaced strand of hair. Then I felt a flick on my head. I flinched.

"Don't be stupid." He shifted back over to his side of the bed. "Why would I do something ridiculous shit like that?"

I shrug.

"Well I'm not going anywhere. So get that out of your head." He rolled back on his side, facing away from me. "Now go to sleep."

I faked a smile. "Okay." I rolled over on my side so I faced away from him. My fake smile faded away to my concerned, worried face. I'm such a chicken.

Every day that goes by, I have to tell Hakkai that I still can't tell Sanzo. He gives me a disapproving, sympathetic look.

"I know, I know." I hang my head.

"Well, you can't take your time with this. It's dangerous for you to…"

"It's not that easy!" I protest. I could feel myself starting to cry again. Fuck my hormones.

"I understand, Tai." He puts a hand on my shoulder. "But you have to do what's needed."

I nodded my head. He's right. I can't go on like this.

I decided to do something different today. I barely ever get to go shopping with Hakkai, Goku and Gojyo, so I decide I go just to clear my mind a little. Sitting in a room with only Sanzo has been hell on earth. Not that he's unpleasant to be with. I love being with him. But with the situation at hand, I can't do it.

"Since there is an even number of us, we should split up so the shopping trip goes by faster." Hakkai says, smiling. "Goku and I will look for this half of the list and Gojyo, you and Tai can look for the other half."

"It's whatever with me." Gojyo shrugged. I was nonchalant with it too. I barely ever get to connect with Gojyo anyway, besides the time before this journey when I would relay messages from Sanzo to him and Hakkai.

I remember the time when he hit on me the day we met. That did not end pretty.

The next thing I knew, we had a bunch of bags. Gojyo was carrying most of them anyway. I carried two bags.

"Hey, Tai, wait a minute. I need a break. My arms are getting tired." Gojyo said, sitting on a bench nearby.

"Okay, fine. But we can't rest for long. We have to meet back up with Hakkai and Goku." I said, sitting down next to him.

We were quiet for a minute, probably because Gojyo was smoking his cigarette. It's disgusting that he smokes so much. I shouldn't be around this.

That reminded me of why I even went shopping in the first place. My mood changed immediately. I can't have this on my chest anymore.

"Gojyo," I said. He looked over at me. "I need to tell you something."

"What is it?" He asked, curious.

I hesitated. "I-I'm…" I chocked on the word. It was stuck deep in my throat. I took a deep breath and finally said, "I'm pregnant." I didn't look at Gojyo when I said it. I know he'd be shocked.

I didn't hear anything come from him. Not a gasp or a yelp of shock. I looked up to make sure he was still paying attention. His face was a look you give people when you can't believe what they just said. That and when someone has three heads.

"I-I-It's… not mine… is it?"

I punched him right in the face. "Of course fucking not, you idiot!"

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry!" He said, holding his nose. "Who's the lucky guy?"

I calmed back down to give him the even more shocking news. "It's Sanzo's."

He was silent, but then he burst into laughter.

"It's not funny!" I snap.

"I'm sorry!" he held his stomach. "But it's just hilarious that the holy monk got a girl pregnant!"

I became fed up and tears filled in my eyes. God, I have fucking crying all the time. I got up and started walking away from him.

"Hey… Tai, come back! I was only joking!" I could hear him running after me.

I turned around. "This isn't a fucking joke!" The tears started rolling down my cheeks. Great.

Gojyo's expression changed. It softened up. "Okay, I'm done laughing." He put his arm around my shoulder and led me back to the bench.

I began sobbing because I was crying and I hated crying. It was weak. I hate showing weakness.

Gojyo's POV

Wonderful, I'm sitting on a bench in this small little town with a crying pregnant woman. Not to mention we have a bunch of groceries around us. This is looking bad for me.

I was completely vulnerable now all because she's crying.

"Does he know about this?" I ask.

Tai shook her head. "Only you and Hakkai know."

"When did you find out?"

"When Hakkai took me to the doctors two weeks ago."

I nod. I still have my arm around her. Even though we're not romantically involved, I don't wanna move it.

I suddenly felt two arms around me and a face dig into my side. I looked down and saw Tai sobbing.

"Tai, please stop crying." I lean her up so she can look at me. I've never seen her like this before. I try and wipe away her tears and give her words of encouragement. "It's gonna be okay." I smile for her. She started to calm down. "You know, crying women are a weakness of mine."

She chuckled a little. Success. "I'm sorry. I'm just scared to tell him."

"Well, if you want me to be with you when you tell him, I can be." I say, wiping a stray tear with my thumb.

"Thanks, Gojyo." She hugged me and I embraced her back.

As we made our way back to our designated meeting place, Tai turns around to me and says, "Oh, don't tell Goku this, okay?"

I smile. "I promise."