Here we have it, Nature file number two. Each lie in this installment is fairly consecutive with the one before it. Ahh, the joys of camping. Have fun!!

LIE #59

Stephanie sagged against the doorframe as she watched the car pull out of the driveway. An entire weekend to herself! It was a dream come true, she just hoped that Ranger and his men took care of the kids.

"Can you count backwards from ninety-nine?" Tank asked Emmet as they drove down the street.

Ranger shot him a look from the driver's seat. "You are not going to sing that dreaded song are you?"

"We could always try 'A song that'll get on your nerves'," Lester laughed from the back seat and the kids joined in.

Ranger shuddered at the thought. "Why can't you just sing normal songs, or better yet, not sing at all!"

Bobby shook his head. "Ranger, man, this is a camping trip! We have to sing these corny songs, it's like a law!"

"Ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall," Tank started, "Ninety-nine bottles of beer," guys joined in, "Take one down pass it around, Ninety-eight bottles of beer on the wall. Ninety-eight bottles of beer on the wall…" Fade out…Fade in "Take one down pass it around eighteen bottles of beer on the wall. Eightee-."

"Enough!" Ranger exclaimed, "Find something else to do!"

"Why don't we play 'Eye-Spy'?" Peigi suggested.

"Sure Piggy," Bobby agreed, "I'll go first." He looked out the window for a moment. "I spy with my little eye, something beginning with 'H'."

"Hair?"

"Hare?"

"I said that!"

"You said hair," Peigi said tugging one of his curly locks. " I said hare, like a rabbit, but different."

"Oh."

"Hat."

"Hammock."

"Happiness."

"Horse?"

"Horrid smell?"

"How can you see a horrid smell Uncle Tank?"

"It doesn't matter you're all wrong so far."

They all thought for a moment. "Hair pin bend!" Lester exclaimed.

"No again."

They were all looking at each other with confused expressions now. "We give up!"

"It's a Hammer Head Rabbit!" he said gleefully.

"Hammer Head Rabbit?" Ranger asked, "Who's ever heard of a Hammer Head Rabbit?"

"Are you kidding? They're savage!! Not to mention they can smell a carrot twenty miles away under water!"

The car was filled with laughter and that was the end of the game of 'Eye-Spy'.

000ooo000

LIE #60&61

Ranger sat his kids down on a log once the tents were pitched and the Merry Men stood behind him to listen to the rules. "Right, nobody goes anywhere alone. Don't eat the plants, they might be poisonous. Don't approach the animals they might be dangerous."

"Don't kiss a three toed sloth!" Lester chimed in.

"Why's that?" Tank asked.

"It'll turn into a six toed sloth," Lester explained.

"How's that possible?" Peigi asked.

"It'll get pregnant."

Ranger shook his head in dismay at the conversation. He was a goner. But at least there will always be comic relief when he wants some.

"Oh, and another thing," Bobby said, "Don't cut a badger in half with an axe."

Ranger turned to him, a menacing look in his eye. "Why do you think a five and eleven year old are going to cut a badger in half?"

Bobby shrugged. "Anything is possible."

"What happens if you cut a badger in half with an axe Uncle Bobby?" Emmet asked eagerly.

"It turns into two chipmunks, and lord knows there's already enough chipmunks in the world."

Lester and Tank were laughing their heads off, as was Peigi, which left Ranger simply shaking his head at the prospect of having an entire weekend of this.

000ooo000

LIE #62

Peace at last! Ranger thought, lying back in the hammock revelling in the silence left behind. Tank, Lester and Bobby had offered to take the kids on a bush walk so that he could have a break. His only worry was that they would tell them scary stories and neither of them would be able to sleep tonight. This would be a lot better if Stephanie was here with me.

Taking a deep slug of his beer, Ranger was just about ready to fall asleep when there was a scream from not far away. I know that scream he thought, sitting bolt upright. There came the sound of crashing trees and Peigi came slogging through the undergrowth followed swiftly by Emmet and at the tail end were the assumed source of the problem, Tank Bobby and Lester.

"Daddy!!" Peigi screamed again. "Daddy … frog… peed… witch…."

Ranger was having trouble understanding what the girl was trying to tell him as there was still the immense sound of the men traipsing through the bush. Finally when they had all emerged he managed to calm Peigi down enough to decipher what she was so panicked about.

"Daddy the frog peed on me and now I'm going to turn into a witch!" the child exclaimed gesturing wildly as she paced in front of her father.

"Why are you going to turn into a witch?" Ranger asked, a little confused. HE shot a glance to his men who were standing with their heads hung in shame just awaiting their punishment.

"Because the frog peed on me Daddy!!" she stared her father in the eye, imploring his help.

"Who told you that you would turn into a witch if a frog peed on you?" he demanded, looking from his daughter to his son who was cowering away from Peigi near the tent. Emmet pointed directly at Tank while Bobby and Lester simultaneously took a step back. "Listen to me Peigi, don't believe a word they tell you. And besides, your mother and I would love you even if you had turned into a witch."

Peigi's eyes filled with tears. "But I'll be UGLY!"