Warning! I should probably warn that there will be a fair bit of swearing. When I say fair, I mean a lot. This is me after all guys. :)
Disclaimer: I own nothing to do with Soap, Ghost, or any other part of Modern Warfare as they all belong to Infinity Ward. I'm just amateur writer who likes to borrow them a little. I do own Lara 'Bones' McCoy of course.
Note from Sassy: So look whose back? With another update that has just kept slipping back and back. My apologies, truly but I've pretty busy with real life recently which means my beloved writing gets pushed aside. I just hope that this chapter is worth the wait anyway! I can't deny that once again I am feeling a bit nervous. On another note, the usual mention and cuddles should go to my beta VerityA for her continued support, and a special dedication must go to MisMot for this chapter, since she proved to be a mine of inspiration and ideas. Thank god for email! Of course another thank you has to go to everyone who still reads this series. You guys are beyond amazing, as I keep telling you. :)
Eiram87: So true about Ghost, and yeah, I suppose he's in a position of power thanks to that knowledge. Will his conscience catch up with him and cause him to tell her? Who knows… :P But thank you for the review! I'm flattered that my writing keeps you up (although I feel a little guilty too, naturally :P)
Lovely Hill: Oh how your reviews make me grin like an idiot. :) I PROMISE to update more often from now on. *hugs* I'm loving your thoughts on Soap and Lara. That would end up being quite the convo (and make up sex) considering their pasts. :P And haha! Ghost's abs! Lol they were my main reasoning for continuing to read the comics if I am honest. They were drawn quite…well. :P On a serious note, as always thanks so much for your awesome review! I just hope you like this chapter too. :D
Tbonechick2011: Awww, I'm glad that you enjoyed Toad and Archer, they are a bit of a favourite of mine. As for Lara, well I like to keep you guessing as to which pairing to cheer for. :P Thanks so much for your review. :)
UrgentOrange: If I haven't already said how flattered I was that you still read CITS whilst on vacation, then I'm saying it here! Thank you! I'm so pleased you're still enjoying this too. :)
xGhostxStealth: Don't worry about it! I appreciate whatever reviews I get, but its great to hear from you again. :) I am so flattered by your review though. I'm really glad that you enjoyed Riley's past and his added complexity. And well…as for Toad and Archer, I can't resist not writing them. Especially after Spotter. :P (Which in my mind is CITS canon… :P) Thank you! :)
Sweet Candy Rain: Don't worry about when you review, I'm just thankful that you're still enjoying this story. :) I'm sorry I've made you wait so long for the next chapter and I just hope that it is worth it. The 141 orgy is definitely my back up plot just in case all else fails anyway :P There's more Roach here too, so I hope you enjoy that too. Thank you! :)
MisMot: In that case I am my own worst critic and then some… lol As always your reviews always make me grin, so thank you first and foremost. The compliment about my dialogue is particularly appreciated! I have to admit that I kind of stole Mactavish's back story from Andy McNabb (tweaked of course) but as you said, sadly it happens a lot. And Archer the gossip queen…LOL, he pretends to be so distanced but he's just as bad as all the other's deep down. But really, thank you. Your praise really inspired me for this chapter. :D
ita-chan01: Thank you again! :)
AwesomeBlonde89: Well it wouldn't be CITS without a bit of drama. But thank you! I'm really glad you're still enjoying this. :)
VerityA:A snail with botulism…that made me laugh :P But really, do not worry in the slightest, I still feel guilty for that review. As always I am glad that you enjoyed the appearance of more Toad (ooer) as well as moody!Soap and threatened!Ghost. I'm sure he will finally get brought down a peg, but by whom remains to be seen. :P I'm impressed that you fixed your meter too, thank you. :)
Her first thought upon waking had been that she really needed to get more sleep. The second had been that she absolutely hated Simon Riley.
There was no hiding it. As she stared angrily at her reflection, Lara tilted her head to one side, her eyes fixed to the spot on her neck. A deep, purpling bruise, oval in shape, marbled with streaks of red. She traced her fingers across the damaged skin. A love bite, no, lust bite. Lara grimaced hard. She clearly remembered making Ghost swear not to mark her. But, just as with everything else, Riley had his own ideas.
It was like being back in school, now surrounded by all the others in the rec room, Lara sat hunched in her chair, flicking idly through her book. She'd tried everything to try and mask the offending bruise, from sickly talcum powder to the last remnants of foundation that lay at the very bottom of her make up bag. The bruise however had hardly faded. In the end she had given up, resorting to slapping some ointment on the mark and wrapping a loose, chequered scarf around her neck. She hoped that she could pass it off as a casual attempt to feminise herself and brighten up her usual drab clothes, but in reality she just felt even more like a prat.
There was a loud laugh from the kitchen area and Lara glanced over quickly, eyes resting on Ghost himself, hisface creased into a familiar smirk. It was raining outside and as a result a cloud of smoke hung within the rec room air, Archer steadily working his way through a pack of cigarettes. A lot of the men hated the habit, but it was rare for anyone to actually confront the sniper about it, today no exception as he continued a low level conversation with Toad and Riley. Everyone else was milling around and chatting, the only two men seemingly absent being Roach and Mactavish. Lara rolled her eyes. The passive smoke disgusted her but at least it stopped her from running into the Captain alone.
"Nice scarf." The cushions dipped beside her and Lara looked up, her eyes suddenly meeting with Meat's. She instantly kicked herself. Of all the men who could have questioned her, it had to be Greg.
"Umm…thanks." Ignoring him felt to be the best option, Lara quickly averting her eyes back down to the splayed pages of her book.
"Looks nasty though…" The linguist continued, his voice heavily sarcastic. "What did you do? Cut yourself shaving?"
"What?"
"Marks like that don't come out of nowhere." He nodded smugly to her neck, laughing as her hands immediately shot up to pull the fabric of her scarf back up into place, hiding the bruise.
"It was an accident."
"Sure it was." He rolled his eyes, his tone still light and amused. "You're not fooling anyone, you know."
"Who says I'm trying to?"
"Why else you acting so innocent?" He shrugged quickly. "We all know…you might as well accept that and move on."
"Fuck you, Greg."
"You'd like that, wouldn't you?"
"What?"
"Hey…don't get me wrong, I'm not saying it's a bad thing." Greg smirked softly. "I just didn't think it was an option…you know, with you having that whole 'ice queen' thing going on…"
"What the hell are you trying to say?"
"Touchy much?" The linguist mused. "Call it me broadening your horizons."
"I don't know what you've heard…" Lara said slowly, trying to keep her voice low in order to not draw attention. "But it's none of your fucking business."
"Never said it was. But face it, Lara. You really gonna want to stick with Riley forever?"
"What the fuck?" She was standing up before she could stop herself, voice louder, causing a few of the room's conversations to go quiet. The change in atmosphere hit her instantly, the intensity of several pairs of eyes suddenly beginning to burn into her body. "Who the hell do you think you are, Greg?"
"Shouldn't that be who do you think you are?" The linguist scoffed. "Face it, Lara. You came here with this huge female chip on your shoulder. Now you've fucked it all up and we're not going to look at you in the same way. Deal with it."
She didn't care who was listening now, her sole concern leaving the rec room as quickly as possible. But it wasn't that simple. As she spun around, heading for the door, she was stopped dead in her tracks, her body jerking with momentum from the sudden action. In what had felt like seconds, Riley had made his way to her side; his arms folded seriously and yet the same, smug expression fixed to his features. When he spoke his voice was light, almost amused.
"Got a problem 'ere, mate?"
"You've got to be kidding me." Meat rolled his eyes, leaning back in his seat casually. "What are you now? Her fucking knight in shining armour?"
"Please…" Riley scoffed. "As if she needs one. I could just hear you from all the way over there." He nodded abruptly towards the kitchen. "Fancy toning it down a bit?"
"On whose authority?" Meat was standing up, squaring his shoulders almost out of instinct.
"Mine." Ghost replied quickly. "Or have you forgotten the lieutenant bit in front of my name?"
"You're pulling all that rank bullshit then?"
"If I have to." Riley shrugged. "So maybe you should just try shutting your mouth for a change."
"Maybe she should try shutting her legs." The linguist nodded to Lara with a smirk.
"Funny." Ghost let out a soft, amused laugh, stepping closer so that their faces were inches apart. "Maybe someone should have said that to the bitch that brought you into the world?"
"What the fuck, Riley?" Meat lashed out instinctively, his hands pushing against Ghost's chest. "What the hell is your problem?"
"Right now, you." The lieutenant shrugged dismissively. "So treat me with some fucking respect, and we'll forget the whole thing."
"And if I don't?"
"Then you can look forward to licking clean every inch of the showers. And believe me, no one's going to step in and help you there."
"Fuck off." His tone might have still been aggressive but Meat took a step backwards subconsciously, his eyes rolling.
"Think you're missing something there, Greg." Ghost simply replied with an almost sickening smile.
"…Sir…"
"Better." Riley nodded, waving his right hand. "Now get out of my sight."
Lara had remained quiet for the whole exchange in a desperate effort to not make things look even worse for herself, but beneath it all she was seething, her body burning with embarrassment, her mind begging the earth to just swallow her whole and put her out of her misery. The room around her returned to its previous levels of noise, sensing that the fun was over, but this did nothing to soothe her anger, her nails subconsciously biting into her palms. She didn't know who she despised more. Meat for talking to her like that in the first place, or Ghost for stepping in and drawing even more attention to the rumours that had so obviously worked their way around the base behind her back.
"Thanks a fucking lot." She hissed at Riley having just enough restraint to not reach out and slap him across the arm. "I didn't need that."
"I wasn't doing it for you."
"Then why the hell did you do it?"
"Meat gets too cocky every so often…needs to be brought down a peg or two." The lieutenant shrugged idly.
"Like you?"
"Yeah…except there are fewer people to bring me down." He smirked at her quickly. "Believe me, Bones, the only place I'll watch your back is when we're out on ops. Here, you're on your own."
"You've still made everything ten times worse…everyone saw."
"And?" Riley rolled his eyes. "Fuck 'em."
"Easy for you to say." Lara shook her head, her face disgusted as she stepped past him. "Stay away from me. Ok?"
"Where you going?"
"I've got work to do." She gave him a dark look. "Contrary to popular opinion I'm still more than the base whore."
She knew that it was a mistake, but she did it anyway. In an ideal world, Lara should have simply shrugged off Meat's words and sat back down, proving to everyone else in the rec room that she hadn't given a shit about what he had said. In reality however, Lara had to leave. The realisation that everyone seemed to know about her mistakes was bad enough, Meat's words being the final insult to push her over the edge. But that wasn't the worst part. The harsh reality was that Greg had been right. She'd come into the task force trying to fit in, to be like one of the boys and avoid any unnecessary confrontation. But after promptly sleeping with her XO, how could she ever expect anyone to treat her the same again?
She really had just fucked it all up.
So distracted by her thoughts, Lara never once saw the figure in the hallway in front of her, her mind focused on leaving the barracks as quickly as possible and little else. They collided with reasonable force as she cleared the corner, two hands instinctively reaching out and holding her shoulders to steady her. The pain in her left arm caused Lara to bite her lip and she looked up, her eyes meeting with Gary Sanderson's.
"Shit…" Roach breathed, removing his hands as soon as he remembered her injury. "Sorry…I didn't think…"
"Do you ever?" Lara rolled her eyes, no longer caring about her shoulder.
"Lara…I-"
"Leave it, Gary." She shook her head, barging past him and heading for the door. "I don't have time for this."
She headed out into the rain decisively, the water no longer falling in torrents having turned into little more than a light drizzle, the kind of soft spray that felt as if it soaked you to your skin in seconds. It was grey, cold, the sun blocked out by heavy cloud, spheres of blurred light surrounding all of the base's floodlights. She begun striding out towards the infirmary, her mind fixed on a hot bath and whatever paperwork she could stomach.
"Lara!" The sudden voice caught her off guard and she stopped dead in her tracks, heavy feet beating off asphalt as Roach ran to catch up with her. In seconds he appeared in front of her vision, tiny, immaculate beads of water clinging to his short, dark hair. He sighed, his eyes well and truly defeated. "Don't do this."
"Do what?" She attempted to step around him but he predicted the action, moving to block her.
"Shut me out."
"I'm not."
"You're avoiding me."
"I don't want to do this now." She shook her head almost desperately. "Ok?"
"Fuck that." Roach reached out, a hand gripping her good right shoulder, holding her in place in front of him. He worried his lip, water beginning to shine off his skin. "I'm sorry…ok? For all of it."
"That's all you can say?" She rolled her eyes.
"I mean it…"
"Too bad it's not enough then." Lara let out a petulant scoff. "I trusted you, the one person in this fucked up place I thought I could actually be honest with…and what do you do?" She laughed darkly. "Well congratulations. Now everyone thinks I'm a slut too. You must be so fucking proud."
"That's not fair." Roach shook his head, the grip on her shoulder tightening subconsciously.
"Isn't it? You thought it, right? And now you've seen to it that everyone agrees with you." She shrugged off his hand. "Sounds pretty decisive to me."
"Don't give me that …you would never have told me if I hadn't seen Riley that night."
"With good reason!" Lara was unable to stop her voice growing in volume, her tone bitter. "Just look at what's fucking happened since!"
"Do you think I meant for this to happen?" She might have been the first to raise her voice, but Lara was still taken aback when Roach yelled in return, causing her to instinctively take a single step away from him. "Do you genuinely think I went so far as to fucking plan this?"
"Of course I don't…" She wavered, hanging her head. "But you didn't think…you went in there all guns blazing and I'm the one suffering for it…"
"And if I could take it back I would…" Gary sighed, half turning away from her, his hand messing through his now drenched hair, the short strands plastered to his skull. This time he didn't meet her gaze. "I don't think you're a slut…I never did." His shoulders hunched, he continued to stare at the barracks behind her. "I just wanted Riley to back off."
"Why? To protect me?"
"I guess. Like I said, I'd stopped thinking then…and Riley doesn't exactly make keeping calm easy…"
"You know him better than me…you have to realise that half the stuff he says is there to antagonise people and nothing more." Lara shook her head, although her voice had softened. "I don't know what he said…believe me, I don't want to know. But he knows that you give a shit about me…I guarantee that he was just trying to push you."
"He succeeded. But I'm not innocent in this…I did one hell of a lot of pushing back."
"Blatantly…" Lara laughed weakly, indicating to the deep purple that still surrounded Roach's split lip, the edges beginning to swirl brown and yellow. "You two made one hell of a mess out of each other."
"You're telling me."
"Gary…" Her hand resting on his shoulder, Lara paused, waiting until the sergeant finally met her gaze. "I know you were just trying to look out for me…and I appreciate it." She bit her lip. "But I don't want you to keep trying to protect me. I don't need you to. If I'm strong enough to fire a gun and accept the consequences then I'm strong enough to look after myself." She attempted to soften her words with a smile. "Like I said…I'm not made of glass."
"I know…"
"And what I said wasn't fair. This is my mess…no one else's. I was naïve to think that I could keep it a secret." She shrugged, letting go of him and sighing. "It would have gotten out eventually."
"That supposed to make me feel better?"
"It's the best I've got."
"Then I guess it'll have to do." Roach visibly shivered. "Although I'm freezing my balls off here."
"You and me both." Lara laughed, nudging him quickly. "Come on…we'll finish this inside."
"Don't you have work to do?"
"Don't you?" Lara rolled her eyes, already stepping towards the infirmary. "First, I think some of Jimmy's emergency whisky is necessary." She threw a small grin at him over her shoulder. "It's been that kind of day."
"Aren't you on pain meds?" Roach raised an eyebrow, although he continued to follow her.
"Yeah."
"Then isn't that a bad idea?"
"Completely." Lara smirked, laughing softly. "But when has that ever stopped me, eh?"
There were times, and they certainly weren't rare, where John Mactavish just wanted to stay in bed, haul the sheets up over his head and forget every single responsibility that rested on his shoulders. That morning had definitely been one of those times, the grey oppressive weather doing nothing to cheer him up. He'd resigned himself to a day in his office, catching up on his neglected work and slowly smoking himself to death. However word that Shepherd was on the base and wanted to speak to him soon put an end to all of that, forcing him to welcome the general into his office with a false smile and feigned interest.
It hadn't exactly improved his mood either.
"Antonov knew exactly what kind of operation he was running." Shepherd stated matter-of-factly, his hands knotted across the desk. "But he still had records…"
"On Makarov, sir?" Soap replied with a curt nod.
"Not exactly. From what we've found, Antonov was telling the truth. There's nothing to suggest that he met Makarov face to face. There's no trace of either of them even having any direct contact." The general nodded slowly, handing a black and white photo of a harsh looking man to the captain. The man was instantly intimidating, his mouth curved almost into a snarl, tattoos clearly spilling up his thick neck and onto the sides of his shaved head. "Instead they worked through this man."
"An intermediary?"
"That's right. Grigori Baskov. Intel suggests that he may have served under Makarov in Chechnya, discharging himself from the armed forces around the same time."
"And our money's on him working for Makarov ever since?"
"Precisely." Shepherd nodded. "It's logical that he would be one of the few men Makarov trusts." He indicated for the captain to take a seat opposite him, sliding a folder across the wood of his desk. "The man's hardly whiter than white."
"You surprise me." Mactavish reached for the dossier that was handed to him, his hands flicking it open immediately. It was thicker than he was used to, paragraph after paragraph of bold black text assaulting his vision. He raised an eyebrow as his gaze found a selection of maps and topological intel. "So he's the link we need to get to Makarov?"
"In short, yes. Unlike Makarov himself, Baskov seems to have no desire to lay low. If what we know is right then he's dug himself into Chelyabinsk…" The General indicated to a town circled red on the map. "…A border-town, ideal for opium trafficking through Kazakhstan into Russia itself."
"From Afghanistan I take it?" Soap looked up momentarily.
"It doesn't matter where he's getting supplies, only that the money he's making is for damned sure ending up in Makarov's hands." Shepherd shook his head. "Minus Baskov's cut of course."
"So we take out Baskov and we put a dent into Makarov's bank account." Mactavish shrugged quickly. "While at the same time taking out one of his closest men?"
"Exactly. Makarov's losing friends and cash…He can't sit back and take it forever." Shepherd smiled, although the action was strained as he leant across the desk, his hands still knotted together tightly, his voice low. "But I want whatever Baskov has on Makarov first. I'd rather take the fight to that bastard then wait for him to come out of hiding."
"And if he does talk…?"
"We don't bargain with criminals, Mactavish." Shepherd sounded almost disappointed. "Baskov is to be neutralised one way or the other. Just try to get him to talk first."
"Understood, sir."
"I want my best men on this operation, captain. No mistakes. You don't need me to tell you that this operation is delicate to say the least. I want stealth and nothing less."
"Yes, sir."
"Then organise a team and notify me immediately." Nodding decisively, Shepherd stood, edging around the desk so that he was stood beside Soap. He watched him carefully, reading his expression. "You get one shot at this, Mactavish. Don't let me down."
Shepherd seemed to have no time for awkward silences, instead turning on his heel and heading towards the door. For a moment, Soap wavered, opening his mouth to speak and suddenly realising that he wasn't sure how to say the words, his body taking a step forward instead out of instinct. He shook his head, shrugging off any pressure he might have felt and finally allowing himself to speak.
"…Sir?"
"Mactavish?" Shepherd spun around in an instant, although his hand still hovered over the office door handle.
"With respect, I think I should lead this operation. Personally."
"In the field?"
"Yes, sir." Soap nodded, a hand rubbing across his head thoughtfully. "As you said, we have one shot at this. It's not fair for me to rest that responsibility on someone else."
"You're aware that you're still on my injured list, Mactavish?" Shepherd raised an eyebrow. "By rights you shouldn't even be on the base."
"I'm healed enough to work again."
"That so?" The general looked hardly convinced. "No one's asking you to play the god damned hero here."
"Not my intention, sir." Soap shook his head quickly. "I assure you that I'm fit for duty."
"Then we'll see. Either way, you're going to have to pass medical."
"Medical?"
"That wound rattled your brain too?" Shepherd laughed quickly. "You know protocol, Mactavish. To be put back onto the active roster, you need to be cleared for duty. Medically."
"By any of the medical team…?"
"By your medic." The general sighed. "You need to be assessed by someone with field knowledge, in other words, Dr. McCoy. If she tells me you're medically fit then I don't see why you can't lead this operation."
"McCoy?...Sir, I don't need-"
"There a problem here, Mactavish?" Shepherd raised a confused eyebrow, stern eyes staring the captain down. "…Or any reason why McCoy isn't able to examine you?"
"…No, sir."
"Good. Then I'll wait to hear from you." He nodded abruptly, opening the office door. "Just don't take too long. I want to get underway as soon as possible."
"Yes, sir."
The door to his office closing behind the general, Soap let out a deep breath that he hadn't realised he'd been holding, his body slumped as he leant against his desk. A weary, slow hand moved up to cradle his skull, his fingers massaging idly at his temples.
A medical…Soap allowed himself a small, shallow laugh, his head hanging backwards, eyes closed. How could I have forgotten?
For the first time in what felt like days, Lara McCoy was feeling a little more like herself.
Her talk with Roach had changed very little, but at least it reminded her that she wasn't quite as alone as she thought herself to be, the whisky they'd shared still sitting warmly in her stomach. She was showered, dressed and finally warm, long wet tendrils of hair scraped back with a loose clip to stop them dripping water onto her desk. In her right hand sat a well chewed pen, hovering thoughtfully over her latest report, the mind numbing paperwork feeling oddly welcome due to her current state of mind. She was trapped in her own little bubble, earphones pressed firmly into her ears, her mp3 player sitting dutifully beside a mug of half demolished coffee on the desk beside her.
Her current song was heavy, dark and immersive, a new addition to her music collection from a CD that Toad had recommended to her. Repetitive drum sections assaulted her eardrums, combined with a deeply involving rumbling bass line that swung from one ear piece to the other. Lara smiled again as she sucked thoughtfully on her pen. The music was just what she needed to blot out the rest of the world and especially the men of the 141.
It was for this reason that the repeated knocks to her office door went unnoticed, as did the gruff voice that called out her name repetitively. Even the door opening was unbeknownst to her as Lara continued to work regardless. It wasn't until a hand tapped her on the shoulder that she looked up with a shout, her eyes suddenly resting on a set of less than amused features.
Inside her stomach was flipping with shock so hard that it was threatening to rise up into her throat, her breath catching at her captain's sudden appearance. On the outside however, Lara tried her hardest to maintain a façade of decorum, her features indifferent as she flicked the earphones out of her ears.
"Don't you knock?" It was a quip that felt out of place as soon as she'd said it, Lara trying to hide an ashamed flinch as much as possible. She hesitated as Mactavish continued to watch her, his face now less angry and more passive, sleeved arms folded across his chest. "I mean…it is customary."
"I knocked…and yelled." The captain's voice gave very little away.
"Right." Nodding, Lara quickly dropped her pen, her eyes unintentionally looking the captain up and down. He seemed to be waiting for something, the silence between them feeling so brittle that she felt pressured into speaking. "Look…I didn't expect you to come back so-"
"I'm not here to talk." He replied almost bitterly, cutting her off mid sentence. "I'm here medically."
"Oh…right, I see." She cleared her throat, more to buy herself a little time than because she needed to. "Then how can I help?"
"I need you to clear me for duty."
"Sorry?"
"A medical…" The captain said slowly, as though he was speaking to a small child.
"I got that bit." Lara rolled her eyes. "But you shouldn't be up for a medical for at least another few weeks."
"No time." Soap shook his head. "I need to be fit for duty now."
"Then with respect, sir, tell that to your body. Because I can't clear you unless you are actually fit for duty."
"On what grounds?"
"It's unethical. It's dangerous. And more importantly…I'm a medical professional." She sighed. "I can't lie about this."
"Professional?" The dark, amused edge to his voice was enough to rile her, Soap holding his arms tighter to his chest. "Fine. Take this as an order, then. Give me a clean bill of health."
"Your rank changes nothing." Lara shook her head, resisting the urge to add 'for once' onto that sentence. "I won't be ordered…or blackmailed into letting you get yourself killed."
"That's not your problem."
"I think it is." Lara rolled her eyes, her temper already beginning to flare. "The last time I checked being a good military doctor required patients who are actually alive…sir."
"You watch your tone…"
"And you shouldn't watch yours?" McCoy shook her head. "I'm sorry, sir, but I won't let you talk to me like this. I'm not some mindless slave who you can bully into doing anything to appease you." She watched as what she hoped was realisation dawned upon Mactavish's features, the captain's posture wavering slightly as she continued to look at him. His lips remained tightly pursed together, but something in his eyes had softened slightly, their harsh glare lessened. Lara felt her own anger subside in turn, however much she knew it shouldn't. "Look…I'll examine you…at least, change your dressing. Ok?" She indicated over to the examination table at the far end of the room, watching as the captain nodded in compliance. "Take a seat…you know the drill by now."
As she shrugged off her sling and reached for her gloves, Lara heard the characteristic sound of a belt being unbuckled slowly, the soft rustle of denim dropping to the floor. For a millisecond her thoughts returned to the nights before, her frantic hands struggling to no avail with Riley's overly complex belt buckle, her cheeks flowing crimson with embarrassment from her difficulty. Lara swallowed hard, pushing the images from her thoughts. Right now, Ghost was the last thing she needed on her mind. Thing's were complex enough.
Kneeling in front of Soap, Lara busied herself with removing the dressing as gently as possible, the wound revealed to her inch by inch. She let out a small grunt of approval at the sight of it, the affected skin pinker this time showing that it was healing well, the wound no longer having the intensity and anger that it had once possessed.
"How's the pain?" It was a necessary question but one that did nothing to defuse the tension in the air.
"Bearable."
"With or without medication?"
"Without." Mactavish shuddered slightly as her fingers brushed against the outside of the wound. "Medication would allow me to work."
"Correction…it'll just make you less aware of the pain in order to work."
"Same thing isn't it?"
"No. And you'll heal slower because of it." She shook her head slowly, deciding on a lighter bandage due to the improved state of the wound. "Ideally you still need rest."
"Who said we're living in an ideal world?"
"A little defeatist, don't you think?
"It'll still heal." Soap's voice was flat, almost lifeless. "It'll get better. Eventually."
"You're too stubborn for your own good." Lara rolled her eyes, pressing the dressing gently against his skin. Her mouth and brain were at loggerheads as to whether she should go on speaking, but in the end her mouth won the battle. "…This is about guilt, right? You wanting to get back out there?"
"What?"
"You told me that you hated sitting back here and still sending men out to risk their lives." Lara sighed, securing the dressing. She didn't dare look up at him, but she could sense the tension in his body at her words. "That's what this is about, yeah?"
"…You remember that?"
"I listen." She shrugged weakly, still not meeting his gaze. "Part of being a good doctor."
"It's part of it." Mactavish stated almost bluntly.
"And what's the other part?"
"Realising that it's doing me more damage staying behind." Soap half murmured. "Like it or not, my men are my responsibility. If they're risking their lives then it's the least I can do to risk mine too."
"That's terrible logic."
"Maybe, but it's what I live by."
"I get that…at least." Finally Lara found the ability to look upwards, rocking back on her heels to look at him properly. "Guess I must really be losing it."
"Or you're just starting to fit in."
"That too."
She'd planned on standing up and prescribing him stronger painkillers, but when a strange hand flicked out towards her face, Lara stopped stock still, her weight still resting completely on her heels. In a slow, almost measured gesture, Soap's fingers reached out, grazing ever so lightly across the skin of her neck, his features pensive all the while. Lara fought the urge to blush. The knowledge that he was staring at the mark that Riley had given her was beyond mortifying and yet she did nothing to stop him.
"Why Riley?" The question seemed so random that Lara wasn't sure she'd heard him right at first, her features quirking into a confused look. However, by how Soap continued to stare at her she soon realised that she owed him some kind of response.
"...John-"
"No. Tell me why…"
"…Because for everything he isn't…at least he's honest." The hand moved away as quickly as it had come, but Lara continued to speak. "I know he doesn't care about me…and I don't want him to. It's simpler that way."
"And you say my logic is bad."
"Despite what you think I was never out to screw things up on purpose." She shook her head. "I'm still adjusting here…stumbling around in the dark and making mistakes… But I never intended to make waves…not like this."
"You didn't think."
"No, I didn't." She made sure that he was looking her in the eye, her voice serious. "I've done a lot of that recently… Everything I said to you wasn't fair…I shouldn't have-"
"I don't want an apology." The captain replied gruffly. "I said enough myself."
"You had a job to do."
"And sometimes I forget that command requires a little humanity." He shook his head, staring at his wound now rather than at her. "I can't pretend it's going to be all happy families and friendly pats on the back…because it isn't." Slowly he met her gaze again. "But we can't carry on like this…All this tension and bad blood." He shook his head softly. "It's as damaging as anything else. And with Shepherd throwing us into riskier ops practically blind…" He hesitated, worrying his lip. "We don't need it."
"You're right…as always." Lara sighed, defeated.
"Then we agree on something, at least."
"Yeah."
"Good." Mactavish stood up quickly, his hands already pulling his jeans back into place before Lara could say anymore, the medic straightening up herself. She turned her back on him, glad of the emotional respite it gave her as she stepped towards her desk and reached for her notebook.
"I'm prescribing you stronger painkillers." She made a quick note onto the pad of paper before heading for a nearby cupboard, unlocking it with a set of keys that she kept attached to her belt. "They'll make you more comfortable."
"Thanks."
"I'll also send Shepherd a report on your condition…" She added, although she didn't turn around to face him. "…Giving you dispensation for this operation."
"…What?"
"I'm clearing you." She turned around slowly, finally meeting his gaze. "Against my better judgement…but still."
"Why?"
"Because I get what you said to me." She shrugged softly. "If you honestly think you aren't going to be a liability then who am I to stop you? Just understand the medical risks."
"I do."
"Then there's little more I can do." She sighed, absent mindedly pushing a few wet strands of hair behind her right ear. "I'm just sorry I can't go with you." A weak smile split across her features as she indicated to her left shoulder. "I, unlike you, know my limits."
"A fair point." Mactavish nodded to her quickly, allowing himself a brief smile. "I…appreciate this, Bones."
"So you should. But I swear if you get yourself killed out there…" Her voice tailed off, her body slumping slightly in defeat as the words escaped her. "…Justbe careful, alright?"
"Always am."
"Good." She gave him another strained smile, closing the distance between them and handing the pills over to him quickly. "I'll make sure my report gets to Shepherd as soon as possible." Finding herself nodding again, Lara moved round to the other side of her desk, a gesture that she hoped would show Mactavish that their conversation was finished and that he was free to leave. However, he didn't, and as Lara sat down behind her desk, Soap remained, an awkward silence building to an almost piercing climax around them. Lara cleared her throat, busying herself with replacing her sling so that she didn't have to meet his gaze. "Was there anything else, sir?"
"No…I just…" The captain shrugged, the pills in his hand rattling from the action. "I'm just-" He paused, sighing heavily, as though his brain had finally caught up with his mouth and reprimanded it for being so foolish. "…I'm sorry, ok?"
"I thought we weren't apologising?"
"I didn't mean for that." He shook his head resolutely.
"Then what for?"
"That much should be obvious." Soap laughed softly, the action more out of exasperation at himself than any real amusement. "It doesn't matter. Just watch yourself. The sooner this blows over, the better for all of us." He nodded to her in a gesture of brief thanks. "McCoy."
With Soap gone, Lara immediately tried to push her thoughts back to her work, her fingers tapping quickly at her laptop as she logged in. But it was a hopeless act, her head hanging as soon as she brought Mactavish's medical file up onto the screen. It was bad enough that the man himself was so intent on presenting himself as an enigma, his words always feeling precise and measured. But what was worse was the fact that everything seemed to be so simple for him. His life was compartmentalised, divided equally into the good and the bad. It was just him and his command, as it would always be, in his own words any real emotion he felt towards Lara needing to be swept aside because it got in the way. She sighed softly. He wanted everything to just blow over and she agreed with him that it needed to. However achieving that from her perspective was no easy task.
Lara closed her eyes, wishing that like Soap, her world could be so clear cut, so black and white. As it was, she was lost amongst several shades of grey. And unfortunately grey was something that Lara simply just didn't know how to handle…
So it's high time I start getting into some plot here, and as a result, we have shades of my pre MW2 plot coming into effect (alongside all the characteristic CITS emotional turmoil that I hope we all know and love :P). But on a serious note, this has been another beast of a chapter. I live in fear of making Soap pathetic and so writing genuine emotion for him is definitely a challenge, and so as a result I look to my own past experience to try and capture his dialogue. ANYWAY, I hope that you're still enjoying this chapter despite my worries and slower updates. I promise to get back on track now, honestly. :)
As always, thanks so much for reading! If you've enjoyed this chapter or the series so far as a whole, then you know how much I would love to hear from you. :)
-x-Sass-x-
My musical muses for chapter 13 were:
Still Alive – Lisa Miskovsky (I was feeling soppy, and realised that the lyrics fit Lara's POV on Soap perfectly)
Ain't Nobody (Breakage remix) – Claire Maguire (dubstep)
In a House – In a Heartbeat – John Murphy (gotta love 28 days later)
Oh That I had – (gorgeous dubstep)