The More Things Change

by calliopechild

The chance of a lifetime turns the Turtles' world upside down. New doors are opened, old ones are closed, and suddenly, anything is possible. But as they soon discover, no matter how far you run, you can't escape your past...

13. Chapter 13

Disclaimer: See previous chapters.

Not much to say about this one, since it kind of says enough for itself. This is probably the tipping point for the story, because things are gonna start picking up a lot after this. And hopefully the update speed will too, because holy crap, guys, how can I seriously have been working on this for two years? I'm kinda embarrassed that I haven't gotten farther than I have, but hopefully I'll be able to pick it up a bit. I have a lot more of the second half of the story written than I did of the first half when I started posting, so there's less to write and more just to polish. Hopefully. . Honestly, I'm gonna do my best to work to get a chapter out each month, rather than every two months, but we'll see how it goes. Regardless, this will be finished, and it'll never, ever be abandoned, no matter how long it takes me to finish it. ^_^;;

Anywho, thanks so, so much to all the lovely people who reviewed the last chapter: Amalia Janeway, The Wolf's Shadow, J-Kid, RabidWrackspurt, NinjaMisha, Dipsey, LoganX, Sabrinasidd, Kallasilya, evilpinkpen, sleepyfan, Mourning Star under the Moon, and animeflunky. You guys make me smile, and make the countless edits totally worth it. ^_^

(Also, there will be both some mild violence and more swearing in this chapter; apologies once again for the language. ^_^;; I consider this to still be perfectly acceptable for a T rating, but if anyone thinks it needs to be bumped up, just let me know.)

---

Leonardo

Despite my attempts to think about anything else, my upcoming date continually crept into the back of my mind. Still, I managed to keep it at bay while I was escorting Yuki-san or visiting Hitoshi-san, so I was able to make it to Wednesday without feeling too nervous. I was trying to stay busy, though, so Yuki-san and I had ventured farther than usual on a visit to Ellis Island, and I was fairly sure she was somewhat tired by the time we returned to the hotel. Still, she smiled and said goodbye as she normally did, and I waited for her to board the elevator before turning for the doors.

"Leonardo-san!"

I turned to see Seiichi-san approaching, just stepping out of the other elevator. "Seiichi-san, good afternoon."

"Would you walk with me?" he asked, gesturing down the lobby hallway, which I was pretty sure led to yet another sitting area.

"Of course, but—is everything alright?" I'd only just seen Yuki-san, and I didn't think there was any way something could have happened.

He smiled easily. "Everything is fine. I just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate your work and the lengths you are going to in your duties. My sister speaks well of you, and she seems to be truly enjoying herself, which is all I could ask for. Even though I've been rather busy of late, I wanted a chance to thank you myself."

I blinked, surprised. Yuki-san never complained about any of the places we visited, nor the traffic or crowded conditions of the subway, but she was still fairly reserved about the things she enjoyed too. It was good to know she'd been having a good time. "Oh. Well, I'm glad to hear it. Yuki-san is excellent company, and I'm seeing parts of the city I think I might have otherwise overlooked, so it's sometimes an adventure for both of us," I said honestly. "How are things going with your talks?"

Seiichi-san shrugged, tucking his hands into his pockets as we walked down the hallway. "Progress is mixed, to be honest. Given the state of the business we're pursuing, I would have expected the owner to be more receptive to my offer, which I think is rather generous given their current issues. However, they still seem resistant to the idea of selling, even though it's in their best interest. I almost believe that they expect things to turn around, but given what I've seen of the profits for the past few quarters…" He shook his head and laughed. "I am sorry, I must be boring you; you are far too good of a listener."

"No, it's fine. Do you mind if I ask which company you're pursuing, or is it private?"

He shook his head. "It's hardly private; the information will be out in the news once we make the final purchase anyway. The company is Oroku Corp."

I stumbled, feeling my heart stop momentarily. It couldn't be. "Oroku Corp?"

Seiichi-san glanced at me and smiled ruefully. "I know that there have been quite a few rumors flying around about the company's history," he admitted, and I struggled to collect myself, glad that he had misinterpreted the reason for my shock. "And supposedly some are even based on a seed of truth, but I find that I can't put much stock in them, especially given how wild some of the rumors are. As odd as Oroku-san's father might have been, the same behavior hasn't been seen in her. And besides, if I can acquire the business while most of its contacts are still intact, it will be a fine deal; I am confident that the company can turn around once under proper supervision. Not to mention, it offers a strong chance to gain a foothold in New York's economic division; yours is a hard business world to break into, Leonardo-san."

"Yes," I said faintly. "I hope it goes well for you. Do you expect the talks to be finished soon?"

"Well, as I said, Oroku-san is not as cooperative as I would hope, so it is hard to make a prediction," Seiichi-san said with a shrug. "We have another meeting this coming Tuesday, which is the next day you'll be working, so we'll see how things go then. Thus far, our progress has been limited to my laying a tentative offer on the table, and Oroku-san establishing the fact that she is willing but reluctant to sell. We are going to be spending the next few meetings discussing exactly what it would take for Oroku-san to be satisfied, and I hope she will be willing to be more reasonable by the next time we meet."

I managed to keep from snorting. If time was all it took for Karai to become more reasonable, the history between us would have been a lot less bloody. "Hopefully. What are your hopes for a timeline?"

Seiichi-san sighed slightly. "Of course I would want things wrapped up as soon as possible; when we arrived, I had expected the proceedings to take little more than three weeks. Given the state of things, though, it seems now that at least another month is more likely. I have no pressing matters awaiting me back in Japan, however, so it doesn't cause too many problems. I just have to keep being firm, and seal the deal as soon as possible." He smiled at me. "You would be invited to the celebration, were we to have one...and given how stubborn Oroku-san is proving, I might indeed be in the mood for such a thing by then."

I forced a laugh. "I bet. I appreciate the invitation."

He laughed as well. "Indeed! Well, I know you are likely just as busy as I am, so I will stop wasting your time. Have a good weekend, Leonardo-san."

"You as well," I forced past numb lips. "I'll see you on Tuesday."

We parted and I headed back to the apartment, my mind racing. Given how distracted I was, I'm surprised I didn't get hit by a car. Seiichi-san was attempting to buy Karai's business. How could it have ended up that the job I had been so surprised and glad to find would end up putting me so close to Karai? I had never really placed that much stock in destiny or fate, but there was a point at which coincidence stopped being a reasonable explanation for things.

Was this inevitable, or just more of our usual "Turtle luck"?

Why is it that the more things change, the more they stay the same?

---

Michelangelo

I had crashed on the couch to watch some TV as soon as I got home, just trying to tune out a little bit and get the soundtrack from the last game I'd tested out of my head; I was gonna make sure to mention tomorrow that it was insanely annoying. Still, even zoning out, I heard the door open and close, and craned my head over the back of the couch. "Hey, Leo, how was—" I blinked and sat up straighter to look at Leo directly. He was pale, and his face was really closed-off. "Leo? What's wrong?"

Leo blinked at me a few times, like he didn't even know how he'd gotten home, then shook himself and tried to smile. "Hey, Mikey. I'm fine; it was just a long day—"

I snorted. "Bull. You look awful, bro." I jumped over the back of the couch and grabbed Leo, dragging him over to sit down and giving him my most serious look. I didn't know how to guilt information out of people with just a look the way Leo could, but as strung out as he looked just then, I figured it was worth a shot. "Now spill. What happened?"

"I…yeah," Leo just kind of deflated suddenly. "You probably deserve to know. I found out today who Seiichi-san is doing business with."

Right. I waited a couple seconds, but it seemed like that was it. And maybe it was just me, but I didn't see how that was a huge issue. "Okay, I guess I'm missing something, 'cause that doesn't sound that—"

"It's Karai."

"—bad. Um…holy shit," I finished weakly. "I mean—" I blinked, considering, trying to fight the way my stomach felt like it was curdling like old milk. "No, I really do mean holy shit. Are you serious?"

"Yeah."

"Geez." I sat back, kinda freaked. I mean seriously, what were the chances? I knew Donnie could run some sort of calculating thing on his computer and get the exact percentage or whatever, but all I could come up with was somewhere between "really freaking unlikely" and "practically impossible." "Man, talk about weird."

"My thoughts exactly," Leo muttered. He groaned, leaning over and putting his face in his hands. "I'll have to quit," he mumbled. "I'll make my apologies to Seiichi-san and Yuki-san, and Hitoshi-san, and find a new job. I need to figure out what to tell them…"

"Whoa, whoa, what? Back up, why would you quit?"

Leo looked up at me like he thought I was crazy. "Are you kidding? Mikey, this is dangerous—"

I held up my hands. "Okay, wait. Just hear me out. Were you and Karai introduced?"

Leo opened his mouth, then closed it. "Well, no."

"Okay, what exactly happened, bro?"

He laced his hands together behind his neck. "I spoke to Seiichi-san for a while today, and he mentioned that his business deal was going rather slowly because the owner was reluctant to sell. I asked who it was, and he said it was Karai. That was about it."

"So you weren't introduced?" I pressed.

"No."

"Did you even see her?"

Leo shook his head.

I heaved a sigh, relieved. Well, there was that, at least. "Then we're fine. What's the problem?"

The "my brother is nuts" face was back. "Mikey, I'm too close. She's too close. It'd be too easy for us to meet and—"

"And what?" I interrupted. "She won't recognize you, dude. I'd bet she wouldn't even believe that it would be possible for us to become human. Look, not even Master Splinter knew the whole story behind the Utroms' ooze and experiments, right? And he lived with Master Yoshi, who was a Guardian and knew about them. And according to the story we heard from 'em, Shredder was a little too busy killing people and terrorizing civilians to really keep up with the scientific stuff the Utroms were working on. That means that no matter what else he told Karai about the Utroms, he couldn't have told her anything about this, 'cause he didn't even know about it."

I reached out and poked Leo in the side when he tried to interrupt. "And then there's the fact that she couldn't even recognize you if she saw you. Not that you'd really have any reason to talk to her. I mean, what is Seiichi gonna do, introduce you? Karai isn't gonna give a crap who is keeping Seiichi's sister company. Think about it: the whole reason that you've got the job is 'cause Yuki isn't gonna be involved in the deal and doesn't need to be there, right? So there's no reason for the two of you to meet. It's already been almost a month since you started, and nothing's happened. And even if you do run into Karai, just act like you don't know her, or ignore her."

"I can't ignore her if we're introduced, Mikey. And she might recognize my voice," Leo pointed out.

He had a point; Karai wasn't likely to forget what Leo sounded like after all these years of them talking and yelling at each other. "If you can't ignore her, talk a little differently, more casually, or lower your voice or whatever. Basically, as long as you don't overreact or freak out and get weird around her, it'll be fine. You only have what, a month or so before the talks will probably be over? Just keep doing what you're doing."

Leo nodded jerkily. "Yeah. That—maybe that will—" He shook his head, scrubbing a hand through his hair. "It's only short-term, Mikey. Everything I think of, all the things I think we could try, it's all only short-term. I can't do anything about the long-term; I can't make sure things don't fall apart. Avoiding Karai, the ambushes in the sewers, they'll both only work for so long. Even if both tactics work, what then? If this deal goes through, Karai won't have anything to split her attention any more; she won't have to worry about her business, she can focus on us completely. That's why we were dangerous to her as turtles; we were completely off the map, and we didn't have to worry about reputations or appearances."

"Yeah, just about being killed, right?" I asked disbelievingly, not even trying to keep the sarcasm out of my voice.

Leo's eyes were bleak when he glanced at me, and I almost felt bad, seeing him so stressed. "We knew how to strike, Mikey, and when; you know I never led us anywhere if I didn't think I could lead us all back home again alive."

"I didn't mean because of you, bro, I meant because we're always insanely outnumbered; we've had enough close calls to know it was possible. And we had plenty of stuff to worry about other than just staying alive."

"I know. But we could always retreat. It's the advantage of being the attacking party; you may lose the advantage of being on familiar territory, but you gain the advantage of only having to protect people, not a place. If you're attacked in your home, you're already trapped, while your attackers can leave if the battle goes badly. You saw what happened in April's shop, and when Karai attacked the Lair; if you can be found, you're already in danger."

"Yeah, and we've been living with that for years. Same problem we're having now."

Leo shook his head. "It's easier for our enemies now. When Karai attacked the Lair—it must have taken her months to find our home. And she had the advantage, just like we did when we attacked Foot HQ or the Foot when they were out in the city. We could strike and disappear, and we had somewhere safe to disappear to that no one could find. All we had to worry about was winning the fight and getting out unseen. But now—" He waved a hand at the apartment. "We're sitting ducks, Mikey. We're in every computer. Anyone with access to a library could find us. If Karai loses her business and can focus all her attention on us, it won't matter if she doesn't have those resources; all she'll need is time. Time will make her realize she won't find us in the sewers, no matter how long or deeply she looks. And if she was obsessed with getting revenge for Saki's exile, she'll never stop if we cause her to lose her father and her business."

"Except that it's completely not our fault," I pointed out. "Saki had it coming to him, and if she sucks at running a company…" I shrugged. "It's not like we've been messing with her stocks or something."

"Do you think she'll care, Mikey? Over the past few years, she hasn't exactly been a shining example of reasonable behavior. If she can blame us, she will. If looking for us doesn't turn anything up, she'll look to April and Casey. And either she'll attack them, in which case we'll be there for the battle, or she'll see one of us leave their apartment, and follow us back home. And if she gets an address, all she'll need is a computer, which will give her a name, and that's all she'll need to find us. It'll happen somehow." He gripped the side of his neck and stared up at the ceiling. "It's just a question of how much time we have."

Somehow Leo's resignation pissed me off and worried me more than his pessimistic paranoia. "Why do you automatically assume this is gonna end badly? Why are you so sure that we can't avoid this?"

He glanced at me, almost looking confused. "Because we can't, Mikey" he said bleakly. "After what happened when she attacked you guys in the Lair…she won't make that mistake again. Assuming our enemy to be dead has been a costly mistake for all of us, on both sides. We assumed Saki was dead, and being wrong nearly got us all killed. Saki assumed we were dead, and was caught off-guard. Karai assumed she'd killed the three of you and Master Splinter, and not being certain left her open for attack. She's stubborn and single-minded, but not stupid; she won't be satisfied with anything less but corpses this time, Mikey."

"Even if she does come looking, we'll be ready for her," I said stubbornly.

"For how long? How long can we regiment who we talk to, when we visit April and Casey, how often we go out? How long can we stay paranoid and hyper-vigilant?"

That was just it; if he was willing to give Karai so much credit, why was he counting us out automatically? "Well, seeing as how you started at fifteen and managed about six years, the rest of us should at least be able to manage a few months," I snapped. "Even though you obviously think we suck, we ought to be able to handle at least that much. None of us have ever gotten caught or led the Foot back to our home before, and we won't now."

The apartment itself seemed to be holding its breath, and I recognized that awful, waiting silence; it was the same one Don and I had been caught on the edge of all the time when Raph and Leo were fighting and one of them had just said something that drew blood. I felt sick to my stomach. I'd never, ever meant to throw the Foot ambush back at Leo, and that wasn't even what I'd been talking about now, but replaying what I'd just said, I knew Leo would take it that way. The hurt was obvious in his eyes, and I'd've sold all my video games and my 'chucks and destroyed my Battle Nexus trophy myself for the chance to take that back.

"No, none of you have ever been caught," Leo said quietly. "But everyone seems to be in agreement as to how popular my paranoia was, and how well I turned out as a result."

I wish he'd just yelled back at me. "Leo—look, I didn't mean—"

"I'm gonna head out for a while," Leo interrupted softly, not meeting my eyes as he stuck his keys and phone back in his pocket.

"Leo—would you just stop for a second?"

"I can't, Mikey," he said, and I could tell he wasn't just talking about leaving now. "I just—I need to go out for a bit. I'll be back later, and I have my phone."

"Bro, seriously—"

"Is there anything you want me to get?"

I wanted him to get his head on straight. I wanted him to look at me and at least let me apologize. And I wanted him to get a plan together, because part of the reason I was so mad at him was because the more I thought about it, the more I suspected he was right. But I also wanted him not to break, and since it felt like I'd already cracked him down the center, I guess that I meant I wanted him to go out for a bit too. "Grab some popsicles, would ya?" I managed.

"Regular popsicles or the ones in the plastic tubes?"

It would have been better if he'd just nodded and left, but Leo was Leo, and even hurt and stressed, he still wanted to get everything right, even a fake request. "The tube ones, dude; everyone knows they're the best ones."

"Right."

The door closed gently behind him, and I wished he'd just slammed it.

I wished a lot of things, actually. I wished he was still there. I wished I could've taken back what I'd said, said something else instead, made him understand that there were other options than just waiting for the ax to fall. Just because I couldn't think of any didn't mean anything; I might be able to figure something out, or Leo would, if he'd just stop freaking out long enough.

We'd always counted on Leo being right, about how a fight or mission would go, when to retreat, how an enemy would move. I knew that no one spent as much time thinking about our enemies—and probably Karai and the Shredder (both versions) in particular—and no one could get in their heads better.

But I wanted Leo to be wrong. It couldn't go the way he was thinking, he was just—slipping a little, thinking like he did after the way things went down on Shredder's spaceship. There was another way around it.

I just had to convince Leo to find it after I explained that I hadn't been blaming him for being ambushed.

I slid down the couch until I was sitting on the floor, my head propped against the cushions, and wondered if this was what Leo felt all those years when Raph walked out, refusing to even talk to him after he said just one comment too many. Even though both of them lashed out a lot, neither of them thought that maybe the things they said were said just in order to win the fight, not because they really meant them. I'd just wanted Leo to stop thinking we were incapable of staying on guard; it was supposed to come out like "we can keep up with you," not "hey, you're the one who blew it, not us."

No wonder Leo sometimes looked like he wished Raph had just hit him; anything was better than hurting someone and having them believe you and just walk away instead of hurting you back.

---

Leonardo

Every time Raph had stormed out of the Lair during or after a fight, I'd always been so frustrated with him; I thought he was acting like a child, running away instead of just staying and discussing things like an adult. I'd realized eventually that he was leaving before he started throwing punches, and that leaving was actually his way of controlling himself as well as he could.

I hadn't really understood just how much control that showed until now.

When I was trying to think of some kind of plan, and Mikey had just kept arguing that everything would be fine—I could hardly breathe through my frustration for a minute. As it was, I'd almost wanted to shake Mikey for believing things would be okay, for wanting a plan, when I had no clue. I'd never been so mad at him before. Mikey had always understood me, and to have him not get it—was almost as bad as him pointing out that he and Raph and Don had never screwed up the way I had.

He was right. He was, even if I could tell by the way the blood drained out of his face that he hadn't meant it the way it sounded. Mikey didn't ever try to hurt people like that. But hearing it, knowing that for all my plans and effort he was right, I was the one who'd screwed up the last time we were in a stalemate like this—how could I come up with a plan? I'd already seen, personally, that even being visible when the Foot were searching for us was dangerous. How could he really fault me for just wanting to lie low and prepare as much as possible?

I didn't want the future I saw. I didn't want to be right, but I couldn't just ignore the most obvious outcome. It wasn't that I doubted my brothers, it was just that I—I couldn't think of anything else that wouldn't cost them what they wanted.

Yes, there was another option. If I was alone, I'd just disappear, vanish from the short life I'd started now and—deal with things. After that, I could live somewhere else, travel to Japan, possibly reinvent another life in another state, though I couldn't really think of living anywhere but New York. Or maybe I'd stay invisible. Or depending on how things panned out…maybe the decision would be made for me and I wouldn't have a future to worry about.

But I wasn't alone. And I couldn't abandon this life, not when it meant leaving my brothers and disobeying Master Splinter. And that was why I could hardly think straight; it was twenty-one years of the instinct to be invisible being countered by twenty-one years of obedience towards Master Splinter, and it burned under my skin like a fever. It was being a ninja versus being a human, and Sensei had ordered me to be both, but I couldn't be both at once.

I was going to scream if I didn't do something. The last time I'd felt like this, like my skin was crawling, like I had to act now before something happened to my family, all the while knowing there was no safe plan for victory—I'd attacked my own father, for what I saw as him standing in my way of fixing things. But I needed someone to just understand—

Raph. He'd promised me that he wouldn't let me lose it like I did last time, and if anything, I felt like I was closer to the edge of a mistake than I'd ever been back then. I grabbed my cell and hit the speed dial for Raph, shouldering past people as I desperately headed for the park. I needed air.

Even as hard as I was listening for Raph's voice, I hardly caught it amid the noise of the streets. "Yeah?"

"Raph."

"Leo? What's up?"

"Are you free?"

I could tell Raph heard the tension in my voice, because the background noise from the TV on his end cut off suddenly. "Leo, are you okay?"

"I'm fine." Liar. "I just wanted to know if you wanted to go for a run or spar or something. Anything. Just if you're not busy. If you are—"

"Shut up, Leo. I'm not doin' anythin' that can't wait. You wanna head over to the park? Fewer bystanders there."

I couldn't help snorting. Raph could obviously tell the kind of sparring I was talking about, the kind where we don't hold anything back, when people were likely to think we were trying to kill each other if they saw us. "Yeah, sounds good."

"Cool. Gimme ten minutes and I'll be over. I'll meet you by the south entrance."

"Alright." I hesitated; it varied all the time, whether Raph would accept gratitude or brush it off, but I figured I owed it to him to try anyway. "Thanks."

"Shut up, Leo. I'll see you in ten."

"Bye."

I was at the park in about five minutes, and waiting was almost impossible. I paced further into the grounds, out of eyesight, into the area where "normal" people don't usually go alone, staying just visible from the entrance.

Maybe calling Raph was a mistake; he'd want to know what the plan was too, even more than Mikey. Raph had never been good at waiting for trouble or danger to find us; he always wanted to take it head-on, to hell with preparation. Maybe I should have waited. But I had to talk to someone, someone who understood how bad things could get. Raph was about as realistic as it was possible to be. Maybe I could just—wait to tell him, later or tomorrow, once I could breathe and think.

"Would you knock it off with the pacin'? You're makin' me frickin' dizzy."

I whirled around to see Raph watching me from a few paces away, just the barest hint of concern at the back of his eyes. When had he gotten here? How could I tell Mikey that we just had to stay on guard when I apparently couldn't even manage to hear my own brother? "Raph."

"Yeah, obviously."

I waited just long enough for Raph to arch an inquisitive eyebrow at me, then lunged at him.

---

Raphael

I both was an' wasn't surprised when Leo took a swing at me with little more than a "hey-how-are-ya" once I got to the park; the guy was radiatin' an antsy tenseness that I could feel tightenin' my own muscles as soon as I saw him. I had no freakin' clue what had gotten him wound so tightly, but it was obviously eatin' at him if it was bad enough for Leo to need to fight it out of his system.

I wanted to ask him what was goin' on, but it was a couple minutes before the frantic look in his eyes dimmed enough for me to think it was a good idea, so I just threw myself into the motions. Fast blocks, faster strikes, forcin' Leo to the kind of speed that I knew made it impossible to think, so all you could do was react. It was hard to think past instinct in the middle of a fight, and that was the best kind of quiet I could give Leo at the moment.

"So what happened?" I asked finally, gruntin' as I blocked a roundhouse kick.

"Nothing," Leo bit out, his voice tight. "Too much. Just…" Leo sent a punch towards me that nearly clipped me on the jaw, his eyes hard. "I'm trying, Raph. Even if it doesn't seem like it, I'm really trying. I've gone out to a bar, to a museum full of people, even to a garden club."

Garden club? What the hell?

Leo kept going. "I'm trying everything Mikey suggests, because I promised Master Splinter I'd learn to live like—like a normal person," he growled, snapping a kick towards me. "I'm balancing."

I stepped to the side an' caught his ankle, plannin' to throw 'im by his leg, only to have him chamber the kick viciously, yankin' me back towards him and a waiting fist. I dropped his ankle and swept his feet instead, expectin' him to jump to avoid it, then rollin' backwards quickly to avoid the ax kick he brought down as he landed. The fact that he was this serious told me just how much things were wearin' on him. "So what's the issue?" I asked, rolling back to my feet a few feet away.

"I'm not a normal person, Raph!" I winced at the volume, hopin' no one else had heard him yellin'. "I'm not. I'm trying, I swear I'm trying, but I have nothing to go on. The three of you, you know how to be normal, how to just—just be, how to just exist as people. I don't! I've always had to be something, the leader, the oldest brother, and I've never had the time to just watch people and figure out how to be like them. And now Master Splinter just tells me to go out and "be myself," to live as a human, to enjoy it. How am I supposed to do that when I don't know how? I'm trying what Mikey suggests, but I can't handle people all the time. Every day, I'm fighting my instincts; I'm letting you go like I was told. But I can't act like a human when I don't know what that means, and I can't be just a human when our old life won't let me go!"

That explained a lot more than it didn't. Leo had always relied on knowin' what he was expected to do. For all that we'd gotten used to him always havin' the answers, Leo had always looked to Master Splinter to know what was expected of him. An' now he was lookin' for somethin' specific that he was supposed to be doin', and he didn't even realize that he wasn't supposed to be doin' anything other than just bein' himself—which was exactly the problem, 'cause what Leo knew best about himself was that he was a leader to us an' chuunin to Sensei.

No wonder Leo didn't think he had anythin' left.

Mikey had said that Leo was goin' out with him more often, an' I'd thought that was a good sign…but apparently he was just goin' along with the first set of orders he could get, an' tryin' to figure out what to do by watchin' Mikey. But Mikey was different from Leo, in lotsa ways, so it was no wonder that seein' what worked for him wasn't helpin' Leo at all.

Leo dropped his hands, shakin' his head as he stared at me. "I don't know how I'm supposed to do this, Raph."

I rubbed the back of my neck as I straightened, tryin' to figure out what to say. I knew that tellin' him what to do wasn't gonna help, as much as I could tell that that was what he wanted from me. "Look, Leo, I know you've got good reason to be pissed right now, an' I understand why—"

"You think so?" Leo interrupted, his hands fistin' again. That was about the time I remember how much I hated havin' those words said to me; but hell, I didn't know what else to try. "You think you know everything about anger? Just because it consumed so much of your life doesn't make you an expert, Raph!"

Alright, he had a point, but of the two of us, I still had a better track record for gettin' over it in a healthy way; no one had ever had to ship me out of the country. "Okay, look—"

"I gave up everything for you!" Leo yelled. I don't think he even realized how loud he was, but I wasn't gonna say anythin'; Leo could say what he liked, but I knew about bein' pissed better than anyone, and I could recognize it when there was somethin' someone had to say.

He shook his head, knuckles goin' white. "I tried to be glad that Master Splinter thought I was up to the challenge, that he thought I could handle it, but he was wrong. I was just a kid, too, just your brother. I didn't want to be your leader all the time! I tried not to resent you, any of you, but you made it really damn hard sometimes, Raphael," he grit out. "Not just you, but all three of you. You were never willing to listen, Mikey never wanted to be serious even when it was his life on the line sometimes, and Don just wanted to ignore it and hope it would all go away. None of you seemed to believe me when I kept saying that maintaining our skills and vigilance wasn't just a matter of rising to our potential, it was a matter of staying alive."

I grit my teeth to keep from interruptin', knowin' Leo needed to finish, even though I just wanted to fire back at 'im. That wasn't what he needed, though, even if he was spoilin' for a fight.

"But no! I was just a blowhard, a stick in the mud, Splinter Junior," he spat, an' I swear I'd never heard him say that nickname with that much hate. "You always believed Sensei, always trusted the things he said and listened, but when I said the same things, I was just throwing my weight around. Why was it so different coming out of my mouth? Why weren't you guys willing to listen to me too? And why, if you all listened to him so well, couldn't he have just led you himself? I shouldn't have had to!"

Leo looked like he'd swallowed his tongue once the last words came out of his mouth, an' I was willin' to bet I looked the same.

The spiel about us bein' annoyin' little twits an' thinkin' Leo was just playin' the boss—that was old stuff, stuff I'd heard before and that was true, if I was gonna be honest. In our defense, though, it had been hard not to think Leo was takin' advantage of bein' named the leader when all we could see sometimes was our brother.

But the stuff about Sensei…I'd never heard him say anythin' against Master Splinter. No matter how hard Sensei worked him, no matter how many lectures he'd gotten when he hadn't been able to keep us in line, Leo had never talked back, never complained about the responsibility, an' rarely questioned a thing. The only time he ever had, in all our years—at least, that I saw—was durin' their sparring match before Sensei shuffled him off to the Ancient One, an' that had only been about his anger, not Sensei's orders. But now…now Leo was actually sayin' the kind of stuff I never expected, even if I might've thought it at one point or another. "Leo, you…"

I had no clue what I was goin' to say, an' it didn't even matter, 'cause Leo took off, running away from me down the path an' further into the park.

I swore as I took off after him. Of all of us, Mikey was the fastest, hands-down; I wouldn't have even tried catchin' him, but Leo I could keep up with. Still, I knew from personal experience that havin' something you're trying to run from always gives you a little extra speed. And even if Leo had never beaten Mikey in a race, he regularly whipped us in endurance runs. Not that I had the patience for one right then; I was catchin' up to him one way or another.

I was pretty sure we had crossed most of Central Park before I finally started gainin' on 'im. Part of me was wonderin' why I was still chasin' him, since he obviously didn't want to be caught, but I knew I had to; Leo was right in what he'd said, an' he needed to hear that. I knew why Sensei had raised us the way he did, knew it was the best choice an' that that choice—an' Leo—had kept us alive an' mostly unscathed all these years…but I also knew that it had messed things up between us. None of us had really known how to deal with that kind of a power dynamic when we'd gotten older, because even though we'd sorta been raised with it, it got harder to accept over time, not easier. And I'd be the first to admit I caused most of the problems, but the fact remained that Leo bein' named the leader had put him between a rock and a hard place, Sensei and us. An' no matter what he thought, he wasn't in the wrong for gettin' pissed about it.

'Course, realizin' that didn't mean I'd be able to explain it t'Leo; me an' words didn't always work all that well together. I'd only ever been the angry one in a situation like this. I'd never been in the position to be the one chasin' one of my brothers, tryin' to catch him and calm 'im down, an' so I had no idea how to do it. I knew what my brothers had tried with me; they'd leave me alone, let me run or train it outta my system sometimes. Mikey would joke with me, Don would give me some space. An' Leo, if I'd let him, would be there for me to fight it out, to fight against him the way I couldn't always fight my problems. Sometimes certain things worked, sometimes they didn't.

But that was me. And while I knew my temper better than anyone, I didn't know how to help Leo with his. But hell, I'd lived most of my life just wingin' it, so why stop now?

Another few steps brought me on Leo's heels, and when he moved to duck around a tree, I lunged for his arm. "Leo, would you frickin' stop?" I snagged Leo's sleeve an' yanked him to a stop, tryin' to fight the urge to smack him. "What the hell is up with you?" I was almost as freaked as he was, 'cause in all our years, I'd never seen Leo run from anythin' or anyone. The guy never knew when to give up, which was one of the few things we shared.

He pulled back, moved to jerk his arm out of my grip, and I switched my hand to the back of his neck and shook him. "Leo. Ya called me for some reason. You had Mike there to talk to, or you could've called Don's cell; they're usually the go-to guys for talkin' about crap, which is obviously what you need right now, fightin' aside. But instead you called me, which means you either don't need to talk, or ya need to talk about somethin' you don't want them to hear. Now tell me why the hell I'm here, an' why you tried to run. Is it 'cause of what you said? 'Cause it ain't anythin' that surprised me, bro."

I could feel it when every muscle in the back of Leo's neck went stiff, an' when he just kinda deflated, leanin' forward to drop his forehead on my shoulder. "He was wrong," Leo whispered into my shirt.

I blinked, tryin' to get a handle on Leo and his damn mood swings and topic changes, but Leo bein' this open was even weirder than him runnin' from something. "Who was?"

"Master Splinter. Making me the leader, having us grow up the way we did…it wasn't—it was necessary, I know that, but—it wasn't fair. Not to me."

I waited for a second for the rest of it before I realized that was it. I sighed an' set my feet more comfortably. "You only just figured that out?"

Leo pulled back to stare at me miserably, an' I realized that includin' now, I could count on one hand the times Leo had openly disagreed with Sensei. If I grew up ignorin' authority, Leo grew up followin' it to a tee. I sighed an' towed Leo over to a bench, pushin' him slightly until he sat down an' I could join him. "Look, Leo, you're right, but this is only news to you. Mike, Don an' I…we know we had it good. Even if Master Splinter didn't consider you responsible for somethin', chances were you'd make it your responsibility anyways, 'cause that's what he expected. We didn't have to worry about much. But even if it was good for us, havin' someone lookin' out for us, that doesn't mean it was fair to any of us, you for havin' to be responsible for us all the time, or us for never havin' you as a brother first. Thinkin' that it wasn't fair…there's nothin' wrong with that, 'specially since you're right."

"I just…he was right to do it, but now that I look at how things were…" He leaned his head back against the bench. "From when we started our training to now…that's almost ten years that I never had this, the chance to talk to you without any ideas of authority between us. Ten years, Raph. And yeah, things have been better between us the past few years, but still...that's a long time to miss someone you live with."

I reached out hesitantly an' gripped his shoulder. "I know. Maybe we could've tried harder, but…" But we hadn't. Neither of us had really known how to or been willin' to; Leo was more used to relating to us through the whole leadership thing, an' I had been tired of playin' follow the leader by age twelve. "At least we got a chance now. An' hey, our life expectancy has gone up now that we're outta the damn sewers, so—we've got a chance to make up for it, bro."

Leo actually smiled at that. "Yeah."

"So that was it? That was what had you freakin' out?"

The tension lines were back around his eyes. "No. Well, yes, but that's not it. I got some—news today. Seiichi-san—Yuki-san's brother—is talking to Karai. That's whose business he's trying to buy."

No. Freakin' way.

I ran through every single frickin' swear word I knew, an' a few I made up on the spot, because damn. And Leo just sat there an' nodded like I was sayin' somethin' profound. "My thoughts exactly."

By the time I realized I was startin' to repeat myself, I started to think about what it really meant. Other than bein' a great example of just how unbelievably crappy our luck was, if it'd really been a threat, somethin' woulda happened by now. "So what's the plan?" I asked.

Leo stiffened like I'd touched him with a live wire. "The plan is nonexistent," he said tightly. "I don't know how to plan for this, Raph. I don't know how to set us up to fight an enemy who we can't even face directly. We shouldn't fight, not now. Initiating this isn't going to help. And Mikey says I shouldn't just throw this job away on the off-chance that I might run into Karai, but that's suicide, because if I can manage to find the one job in New York that will bring me close to her, then it's just a matter of time before we somehow run into each other. But he wants to just wait, and I can't—"

"Whoa, chill out, bro. If you don't have a plan, that's fine; we've got time to make one." It was weird, 'cause Leo always had a plan, but obviously he was about to blow a blood vessel thinkin' about this. I chewed on my lip, my brain catchin' on what Leo said about Mikey. "Ya know…Mikey's got a point. It ain't like there's any reason for you an' Karai to meet. An' hell, this way you've got inside information on what's goin' on with her without actually havin' to do any work yourself." I glanced at him. "You're not going to cop out on your job just 'cause it might throw the shit at the fan, right?"

"I should," he said bleakly. "I have to, because I'm a liability otherwise. But I…don't want to. That's selfish, isn't it?"

I grinned. "Yeah, it is," I agreed, slappin' him on the leg. "It's a step in the right direction."

"Raph…"

"Look, Leo, one thing at a time, okay? Let's start with your job; if you stay there, yeah, you might run into Karai, but unless you talk, she's not gonna know a damn thing. Just ask what's-his-name—"

"Seiichi-san."

"—whatever. Just mention to 'im that you'd rather not meet her, make up some bull about bein' bad with celebrities or bein' worried about her targeting Yuki, or whatever. Problem solved. An' if you stay there, you'll know what's goin' on. You can know exactly when—if—everything's gonna go pear-shaped an' we'll have some warnin'. Or you can leave, an' it won't be a problem 'til Karai figures out we aren't in the sewers anymore. Then we'll just keep waitin' for the shoe to drop, and in the meantime, one or both of us will go insane waitin' for somethin' to happen, an' we'll still prob'ly be caught out if Karai finds us." I smacked him in the back of the head lightly. "Which means…"

"It's safer to stay where I am," Leo finished softly. "But—"

"No buts, moron. Lesser of two evils an' all that. Besides, you like it, right? All the more reason you need, then."

Leo just looked at me patiently, like he thought I was jokin'. "It doesn't work like that, Raph."

"It's allowed to, Leo."

"Raph…"

"I'm freakin' serious, Leo. Do I look like I'm jokin'?" I demanded, swatting him on the back of the head again. "You're allowed to let what you want influence how you make decisions, idiot; that's kinda how most people do it."

"Most people don't have to lead their brothers like soldiers or worry about being attacked by the second generation of a blood feud," he pointed out dryly.

"Point, but what I said still stands. That's what your problem is with all this stuff you're trying, goin' out with Mikey an' freakin' garden clubs—an' that better be a euphemism for a strip club or somethin', 'cause otherwise you are embarrassin' as hell to me right," I added. "But seriously, just—it's a simple concept, Leo. Do what you want to do, don't do what you don't wanna do. It's that simple."

Leo dragged a hand down his face like I was the one bein' dumb as a brick. "That would work if I didn't have obligations."

"Don't pull that crap," I growled. "Any obligations you have to us, you have at least that many to yourself. Look, I get that half of this "go along" thing you're doin' is because you're scared an' you don't know what you want to do, but just doin' things 'cause you're told to ain't the way to go."

"Excuse me?" Leo pulled back from me, lookin' annoyed, which was a step up from overwhelmed, in my opinion. "I'm scared? Of what, exactly?"

"Not knowin' what to do. You've always had one set of orders or another, Leo, but you gotta start followin' your own. You just traded Master Splinter for Mikey, as far as I can see. You've still got someone tellin' you what to do, what to like—"

"No, I don't! I'm tryin' to grow, Raph, and expand my—"

"Oh, bullshit," I interrupted. "Don't try an' feed me any "I'm expandin' my boundaries" crap, 'cause I ain't buyin' it and you know it's bull too. You're followin' Mikey 'cause you figure he knows what he's doin'. But guess what? He doesn't have a plan! He never does. It's Mikey; he lives in the moment, that's just what he does. He gets what you don't about this whole situation, that it ain't about fittin' the molds anymore."

"Like hell it isn't!" Leo retorted, an' I had to fight to keep from grinnin' at hearin' him swear. Gettin' him mad, I was findin' out, was a great way of gettin' the truth about things from him; he had so little experience at gettin' pissed an' gettin' over it that he tended to just blurt things out. I mean, yeah, Leo could repress like no one could, but he hardly ever let himself get outright pissed off, work through it, an' then let it go. "This is about nothing but fitting into molds! If we come off as too strange, if we don't fit in, we come under suspicion. I have to do what I know works."

So that was it. Leo's face got darker as I smirked; he'd admitted exactly what I was tryin' to prove. I figured I'd better cut him a little slack before he shut down again, though, so I switched tactics. "Right. Okay, look, Leo, what did you do in Central America, when you were off on your own for trainin'?"

He looked confused. "How does that have anything to do with this?"

"Just answer the question. What'd you do?"

He shrugged slowly. "Trained. Meditated. Worked on my stealth and speed, on how to be invisible even during the day. I…helped the villagers who lived down there, by dealing with rogue soldiers who would rob them of all their supplies in the name of protecting them; paying for "protection," the same as what happened to Casey when he was a kid," he said quietly, glancin' at me as if I'd be pissed. Years ago, I might've been, if I'd known he was givin' me crap about my Nightwatcher gig when he'd done exactly the same stuff. But now…now it was just kinda good to know he'd still been Leo while he'd been gone. "And I traveled and explored a lot. It's a beautiful area."

"Didja have a specific routine?"

"Sometimes. Things generally followed the same pattern, and it was comforting to have some semblance of normalcy down there. But things are a lot less predictable in the jungle than in the city, and I learned to be a lot more flexible."

I nodded. I hoped he had, 'cause even though it sure as hell hadn't shown when he got back, it'd help him now if he could start livin' like that again. "So basically you just did whatever you wanted, whenever you wanted."

Leo blinked. "Yeah, I guess."

I rolled my eyes, punchin' him in the arm. "So do that now, brainiac. That's what Master Splinter wants for you, just for you to do whatever. He didn't leave a specific list 'cause there wasn't anythin' in particular he wanted you to do. So just…do whatever it is that you feel like doin'. You don't have to do anything; the stuff Mikey's showing you is just the kinda stuff he likes or thinks you'll like, just a way to get you out there an' show you the options we've got now. But that doesn't mean you gotta try everythin'. It's not like you don't know how to say no to the chucklehead."

"But he's…"

"He's what? Right? An expert on bein' human?" Leo glanced away, an' I could tell that was what he'd been thinking. I shrugged, 'cause he had a point; Mikey got along with everyone, an' he'd sure as hell watched a lot more TV than any of us. The chucklehead could improvise better than anyone I knew, an' he knew how to just roll with a situation, even if he didn't have a clue what he was supposed to do. "Yeah, maybe he is. But that doesn't mean you have to do everythin' he suggests, or that even if you do, it's gonna somehow magically help you act like the perfect human. There's no checklist, Leo, no criteria or standard to meet; whoever you are is whoever you are, and the rest of the world gets to move around that."

I shut up for a couple minutes, tryin' to let him get his head around it. Lettin' him know there was no threshold to reach that would let him blend perfectly was probably a letdown, but he needed to hear it. If he stopped tryin' to be and do everythin' he thought he should, he'd start makin' some progress. The idea of doin' somethin' just because he wanted to, not because it was part of a schedule or a Ninjustu skill ladder, was gonna frustrate the hell out of him to begin with, though.

When I figured he'd had enough time to think about it for now, I grabbed his shoulder and shook him a little, makin' sure he was listening. "Look, the biggest thing it comes down to is this: you don't answer to anyone anymore. Not Master Splinter, not Mikey, not Don, not me. No one, okay? You answer to yourself first an' foremost, got it?"

Leo stared at me like he'd never seen me before, but he finally nodded slightly. "I think."

Which meant that he probably understood it, but gettin' him to actually live it…that was a fight for another day. One freakin' issue at a time. I let out a breath an' cuffed him lightly upside the head. "Good. We'll keep workin' on it. Now come on."

"Where?"

I stood up and stretched, gettin' my bearings before headin' west. "Wherever we feel like. I'm gonna show you what it's like to be your own boss."

Leo looked suspicious even as he fell into step beside me. "Why does that make me nervous?"

I grinned. Prob'ly 'cause he had good instincts. "Look, one of the things Mikey got right is that sometimes, the best way to find out what you do an' don't like is to try everythin' at least once. Then you've got somethin' to build on, somethin' to work with." I shot a glance at him, laughin' when his expression turned wary. "You had fun at the bar, right?"

His eyes narrowed but he nodded slightly, like he was wonderin' what agreeing with me would lead to. "It was alright…"

"Great. Now we're gonna see what you think of my kind of bar."

---

Tiffany Lancaster

After you work in a bar enough years, you learn to read people. You get to the point where you can pretty much tell at a glance why people are there. Some are there to look for company, some for distraction, some to forget, some just to unwind and drown their sorrows after another long day.

And some are just there for trouble.

They're the easiest ones to spot, and that's why, when the redhead came in late Wednesday night, I knew right away that something was probably going to be started, and it was almost guaranteed to end badly.

He came in like he owned the place, looking over everything and everyone in a way that made me think he was either looking for someone to fight, or memorizing the entire bar. Maybe it was both. His eyes flicked over me for a moment, and he smirked when he saw me watching.

Now, I've seen a lot of guys over the years, and some of them have been extremely good-looking. But this guy…he was the kind of guy every girl wanted to try at least once, no matter how firmly your mom and friends warned you against it.

He had short auburn hair, spiked and carelessly messy. He was dressed casually, in just a pair of jeans and a plain t-shirt. Nothing fancy about him, yet he was still the best-looking guy there. He was obviously fit, with toned arms that filled his sleeves and a well-defined chest I could see even through his shirt. There was a cocky self-assurance around him that would have been a turn-off in anyone else, but that I had a feeling was justified in him.

I could tell he was bad news.

It was obvious in the way he eyed everyone. For some reason or another, he was spoiling for a fight. He glanced over at the pool tables, slowly, like he was just checking out the game. No one paid him much notice, other than to toss back a few sullen glares, either because they didn't care or they knew better. Even with the rowdier crowd back there playing, they could probably tell he wasn't someone to screw with; beyond the muscles that rippled all over him, he walked like someone without a single concern. He wasn't worried about anyone jumping him or trying anything, he was hoping for it, like he knew he'd be the one to finish anything that got started.

Fortunately for my sanity (and furniture), no one was biting, so he ambled over to the bar and slid onto a stool. I took a deep breath and approached. "What'll it be?"

He looked me over, his gaze appreciative, though he didn't ogle me like some of the scumbags that came in occasionally. "Just a beer."

I bit the inside of my cheek. This close up I could see that his eyes were dark green, startlingly so, and he had a sharp Brooklyn accent, the kind of self-assured drawl that made my toes curl. "Budweiser? Heineken?"

He smirked slightly. "Whatever you got on hand." He glanced to the side, like he expected to see someone beside him, and scowled suddenly. My hand clenched on the towel I was holding; with just that, he went from dangerously attractive to just dangerous. He glanced back at the door. "Would you get your ass over here?"

I bristled, thinking he was talking to me; there wasn't anyone at the door for him to—

Except suddenly there was.

A second guy seemed to just kind of melt out of the shadows and smoke near the door, walking up to the bar reluctantly. He moved the same way the redhead did, just without the bravado. The threat was still there, just quieter.

He was no less built, either, though he wasn't as obviously muscled as his—friend, I suppose. He glanced around at the place and his fellow bar-goers, looking both uncomfortable and vaguely unimpressed, and slid onto a stool to the right of his friend. I tried not to gawk at him. I'd never seen someone with such black hair, and it didn't help that he was just as good-looking as his friend. I grabbed for a mug and a towel just so I'd have something to do with my hands. "Can I get you anything?"

He glanced up and I gave up on trying not to stare. His eyes were a light grey, and set off by the black of his hair, they were just captivating. He seemed uncomfortable by the attention and glanced back down at the bar. "Jack and Coke, please."

I nodded, glad for the chance to turn away from them, feeling the heat in my face. There was a snort from behind me that sounded like it came from the redhead, and I glanced up at the mirror above the bar without moving my head, just in time to see the newcomer elbow the redhead in the side.

"Raph."

"What? I didn't say a word, Leo." He caught my eyes in the mirror and grinned. "Hey, on second thought, a shot of Jack for each of us, to start with," he said, ignoring his friend's grimace.

"You got it." Raph and Leo. Those definitely weren't names you heard every day, but they seemed to fit the two of them. I handed them their drinks wordlessly and moved off to clean some of the mugs and check on the levels of the various bottles of liquor I had available. The two of them talked quietly as the hours wore on, ordering another round of drinks, and, at Raph's insistence, more shots at one point. Given that I was at the bar, it was impossible not to hear parts of their conversation, and I heard snatches of talk about Central America, some guys named Mike and Don, and something about splinters that made absolutely no sense. Still, I'd always made it a point not to eavesdrop on purpose, which was easy enough to avoid considering how quietly the dark-haired one spoke. There were tension lines around his eyes, and his was the look of hundreds of other guys who came in here with problems they couldn't handle right away, though I found myself hoping that whatever was on his mind would work out. He seemed young and old at the same time, but he was still a stranger to me, so I did my best to tune them out, choosing to keep an eye on the pool group in the back instead. A large part of the job, after all, was making sure that fights didn't get started; especially now, when our bouncer had quit before we could find a replacement.

As much as I'd hoped the group in the back wouldn't pay attention to the two at the bar, it had been impossible to miss them when they came in. And between the numbers of drinks the pool players had gone through, and the way both of the newcomers had visibly dismissed the bar at large, I was willing to bet the six in the back were willing to be offended at just the slightest thing.

Raph and Leo were generally ignoring everyone, thankfully, though both of them kept glancing up at the mirror above the bar occasionally. The redhead kept eyeing the group in the back like he was waiting for them to try something, while the dark-haired one kept an eye on everyone, including me. He seemed oddly uncomfortable having anyone at his back, and while I would be the first to admit that the bar wasn't the classiest establishment in the city, it wasn't like it was a complete dive.

I was ready to be offended for the sake of my place of employment…at least until the pool players headed for the bar in a group. I muttered a quick prayer that nothing would happen and shifted closer to the silent alarm button that the owner had installed under the bar.

The six from the back all moved up to stand behind the two at the bar, and I watched as the redhead turned on his stool slightly, eyeing the men behind his friend. The redhead—Raph, I remembered—was still relaxed, lounging against the counter, but somehow I was sure that he'd be on his feet at the first sign of anything. He took a pull from his bottle and glanced at his friend, tilting his head towards the group and raising an eyebrow in what looked like invitation. I held my breath, hoping Leo wouldn't take him up on the offer.

I could see those gray eyes flick up to the mirror to look at the men behind him, then back down at his drink. Leo shook his head slightly.

The redhead looked disappointed and glanced back at the loiterers. "You need somethin'?"

Apparently I wasn't the only one who caught the dismissal in his voice, because it seemed to piss off the others. "More beer. You wanna move so we can get some?"

Raph raised his other eyebrow, glancing at the empty stretch of bar beside him, and me standing a good six feet away. "Looks to me like you got plenty of room," he drawled, tilting his head towards the opposite end of the bar. "An' look! There's even a bartender. Way down there at the other end."

If this was Raph's idea of discouraging the animosity his friend seemed anxious to avoid, he was doing a really bad job.

I could see them all tensing and spoke up, not willing to have a fight start just an hour before closing. "Can I get you guys anything?"

They all glanced at me, and the mouthy one scowled. "'Nother round of beers," he ordered.

"Coors again?"

"Fine."

I pulled six bottles out, setting each one on the bar in front of me as I popped the caps off, subtly ensuring that the group of them would have to leave the two at the bar alone to get them. I knew from experience that it wasn't a good move to pick sides, but based on how harmless Raph and his friend had been (so far), I was more inclined to take up on their behalf.

It seemed like I was a little more obvious than I'd thought, because there were more than a few mutters and glares thrown my way as they came to collect their drinks. They no longer had a pretense to hang around the bar, though, so they slapped their money on the counter and reluctantly returned to their table in the back.

I kept an eye on things as subtly as I could, the unease in my stomach increasing as the group in the back went through their beers more quickly than the first few rounds. Raph ignored them, thankfully, apparently heeding his friend's decision not to start anything. I kept hoping that Leo, who was obviously the less antagonistic of the two, would convince him to leave, but he seemed absorbed in his drink and whatever had driven him here in the first place.

My luck ran out when the beer did. Apparently one more bottle had been all the more liquid courage that Roger, a loudmouth I finally recognized from an incident a few months back, had needed to resume his pissing contest with Raph. He hauled himself up from the table and stormed back up to the bar, standing much closer than was polite. Raph turned around with that same casual assurance. "What?"

"Get your ass up," Roger growled, his friends gaining their feet and grumbling back in the corner. "I'm sick of your shit."

Raph just looked disinterested, though there was a gleam in his eyes that told me that even if his friend didn't want a fight, he wouldn't mind one. "The hell's your problem? I haven't said more'n a dozen words to you all night, bud."

It was true that Roger had nothing concrete to pin his anger on, but it was also true that Raph had been radiating a "try your luck" vibe all night. "You think you're so damn funny, don't'cha."

I was waiting for the expected retort of "I think I'm hilarious," could practically see it on the tip of Raph's tongue, but then Leo shifted slightly, and I saw his lips move in a quiet murmur. Raph's hackles went down just like that, though he sighed like he was disappointed. "I think I'm just sittin' here enjoyin' my beer," he drawled, tipping the bottle at Roger in mock salute, "and you're interruptin' me. I'm not lookin' to start a fight."

Based on the look in his eyes, and his earlier grin, it was an obvious lie. Given the fact that I could see he was willing to listen to his friend, though, I could step in. I wasn't willing to support anyone who was trying to pick fights in the bar. "Roger, why don't you go sit back down. You know we don't put up with any fighting in here."

Roger flicked me off, and I could feel the blood rushing to my face in response to my temper. "Shut the hell up, bitch. I see you takin' their side, just 'cause you wanna jump 'em."

I saw red. No one ever talked to me like that, and I wasn't about to start putting up with it. I opened my mouth to tell them to get out—

"Apologize."

The word was quiet and clipped, but it cut through everything. I glanced over to see Leo staring at Roger in the mirror, his face blank. He looked intensely focused now; Raph just looked interested.

"'Scuse me? Who the hell—"

"You don't ever talk to a woman like that," he said lowly, not even blinking, still watching Roger in the mirror with those odd grey eyes.

"Yeah, you'll stand up for her 'cause you hope she'll put out—"

I was the one who interrupted Roger this time, so furious at his implications I could hardly see straight. "Get out, Roger. Right now, or I call the cops."

"You ain't doin' shit," Roger growled. He flung his empty bottle at me, and even as drunk as he was, it didn't matter how bad his aim was at this distance. I tried to get my hands up in front of my face—

And then the point was moot.

I saw a blur, and Leo snatched the bottle out of the air, slamming it down on the bar so hard it cracked. I was completely in shock; people didn't—couldn't—do things like that, and he'd done it like it was nothing. I looked up to meet his eyes.

They were dark grey and hard as ice.

He turned to face Roger, who was gaping like the rest of his friends, and I swallowed. I was in no mood to stand up for Roger, not after what he'd said, but I had the strong suspicion that Leo might actually kill him if I didn't. I knew it wasn't concern over me that had made him snap, not entirely, but whatever had driven him here tonight; Roger's behavior seemed to just be the last straw.

"You owe her an apology," Leo said lowly, his voice completely empty of inflection. "You are going to deliver it, and then you are going to leave."

Roger had obviously never been that bright, because instead of listening, he just sneered. "I ain't gonna do—"

It was the second time I missed seeing Leo shift into motion.

There was a thud, and the next second he had Roger bent backwards over the bar, his shoulders pinned, their faces just inches apart. "I don't think you're listening," he said quietly, and it almost would have been more comforting if he'd been shouting; I'd never seen someone so restrained even when they were so obviously furious, especially not after a few drinks. I was familiar with the actions of drunks, but not of someone in a deadly calm like this. "It's never acceptable to speak to a woman the way you have, let alone try to hurt her. You owe her some respect. I know the concept of chivalry is likely something you've never heard of before, but you're going to learn."

Roger gaped at him, his mouth opening and closing soundlessly as he tried to get his breath back, and Raph nudged his friend's hip with his toe. "Leo, if you kill 'im, he can't exactly apologize," he said casually, not looking the least bit concerned. He glanced up at me. "Plus she's prob'ly gonna put it on our tab."

Leo eased up, just enough to use his forearm to tip Roger's chin back until he was staring at me upside-down. "Apologize," he repeated lowly.

Roger's eyes were wide, and his throat worked for a second before he gasped out a strained "sorry." Leo looked up at me, and I nodded frantically. "It's fine," I said quickly.

His jaw ticked slightly, but he pulled back and let Roger go, who slid to the floor, pale as a sheet. Leo pulled out his wallet and laid a few bills on the counter, giving me a deep nod that was almost more like a small bow. "Sorry about this." He glanced at his friend, looking just as antsy as he had when they'd come in. "Raph."

Raph sighed and finished his beer. "Yeah, fine." He fished out his wallet as well, paying for his drinks. He darted a glare at Roger. "Thanks for totally screwin' up the evening, moron."

Leo turned for the door, and that seemed to snap Roger's friends out of their haze. I heard a small click and saw one of them snap a blade out, lunging for Leo's back. I opened my mouth to warn him—

And then Raph moved.

Raph stepped forward and clothes-lined the guy right across the chest with an arm the size of a small sapling, and the guy's own momentum drove all the air out of his lungs. He collapsed to the floor, the knife dropping from nerveless fingers, gasping as he tried to breathe again. Raph's good humor seemed to run out at the threat to his friend, and the sense of danger that had always been there settled over him. "Bad move, jackass." The mocking tone in his words was gone; all that was left was a rumbling growl. "You oughta be glad I didn't aim for your throat."

Given the way my luck was going so far, it wasn't much of a surprise that even seeing two of their friends taken down within seconds didn't deter the rest of the group from trying their luck. Another one swung his fist at Raph, who just rolled his eyes, grabbed the guy's wrist, and used his own momentum to throw him into a wall. The fourth stepped up, swinging a pool stick at the back of Raph's head, only to have Leo step right into the motion, raising his arm.

The pool stick snapped in half across his forearm.

Leo didn't even blink, just gripped the back of the guy's neck, folded him in half and drove a knee into his gut. The remaining two didn't wait around for their turns.

The guy Raph had hit was still gasping like a beached fish, and the one Leo had struck wasn't in much better shape. While Raph just toed the two of them disinterestedly where they were lolling on the floor, Leo still looked primed to fight.

I nearly cried with relief when Raph stepped forward, wrapping a hand around Leo's upper arm. "Hey. I'm fine, bro. Calm down."

Leo turned to look at him—were they really brothers?—his face expressionless, and said something in a foreign language. It sounded Asian, but I couldn't tell.

Whatever Leo said, Raph just snorted and shook his head in reply. "He's a cowardly piece of shit. Prob'ly wouldn't've done anythin' more than give me a headache. I'm hardheaded, remember? You've said it dozens of times yourself. 'Sides, I've taken harder hits than that from Donnie over the years, an' I'm fine." He shook Leo's arm gently, and I held my breath as Leo's fists slowly uncurled. "C'mon. We'll go for another run, an' if you're not frickin' exhausted by then, I'm pourin' an entire bottle of Jack down your throat an' dumpin' your ass in bed anyway."

Leo sighed and nodded, some of the tension in his shoulders disappearing. He turned and moved soundlessly to the door, and I let a heavy breath out. I was still trying to process what had happened, eyeing the guy Raph had thrown into a wall and wondering if he was dead or just concussed. Should I report them? And what would I say, that the two guys who'd been defending my honor—and how the hell did that suddenly happen at this bar?—had completely flattened the attackers, even at three-to-one odds?

Raph glanced at me at the sound, a small smirk lifting one corner of his mouth. "Sorry 'bout all the excitement," he said casually, sounding only slightly repentant. "You alright?"

I nodded silently, hoping he would just leave.

He seemed to pick up on that, a brief flash of sheepish guilt flitting across his face. "Good. Uh…you want me to take these guys outside for ya?" he offered, awkwardly gallant as he nudged one of Roger's friends in the face with his foot.

I cleared my throat, making myself speak up. "No, it's fine. They won't cause any more problems." I glanced over at Roger. "Will they?"

Roger looked like he wanted nothing more than for Raph and Leo to leave so he'd have a clear shot at the door. He shook his head and muttered something.

Raph narrowed his eyes and opened his mouth, only to have Leo stick his head back inside the door. "Raph?" His voice was quiet, his face unreadable as he looked over all of us again.

Roger swallowed audibly and glanced up at me. "No more problems," he said quickly, like he hated to say it at all.

The smirk on Raph's face couldn't be more obvious. "Sounds good." He nodded to me. "Have a good night."

He slipped out after Leo, and about two minutes later, Roger and his cronies did the same, dragging the (hopefully just) unconscious one up off the floor and snapping at each other the whole way. I glanced around the empty bar, grabbed the open bottle of Jack, and poured myself a large shot.

These were the nights when I regretted not joining my sister at cosmetology school.

---

Michelangelo

I was kinda prepared for a few different scenarios that night, and given that Leo was gone for about five hours, I'd had plenty of time to figure them all out in detail. Option one, Leo would come back pissed off after an evening spent plotting and worrying and giving himself yet another ulcer, and then yell at me. Option two, Leo would still come back in his funk and spend the rest of the night not even looking at me. Or option three, Leo wouldn't come back at all, but would call me and say he was gonna spend the night at April's and Casey's, or back at the Lair, and that he really needed to think things over. Pretty much all the options were gonna suck, though I was willing to admit that options one and three probably weren't all that likely.

'Course, what actually happened was nothing like that.

It was late enough that I was starting to think about calling Leo and seeing if he was okay, when I finally heard a key scraping in the lock. By the time I made it from my room to the living room, Raph was letting himself in, one of Leo's arms draped over his shoulders. He glanced up, grinning at me. "Hey Mike. Sorry 'bout the noise, I was tryin' to be quiet."

I don't know how Leo always looked so serious when Raph came creeping in late, 'cause I was just glad to see 'em…except that Leo wasn't moving. "You guys okay?"

He blinked, then seemed to realize what it looked like. "Oh, geez, Mikey, it's not like that," he said, cringing a little. "We're fine, Leo's just a little…totally plastered."

"Am not," something that might have been Leo's voice mumbled from underneath his hair. "'M fine."

Raph snorted. "You're drunk as hell, trust me."

Leo looked up, swinging his head to look at both of us. "I do. I trust both of you. Don't say it enough, but—" He looked at me and I winced a little, waiting for some kind of explosion, but Leo's face just kind of crumpled a little. "Mikey, 'm sorry. Didn't mean to make you worry. You guys are—"

Raph just grimaced. "Right, we love you too. No mushy crap tonight, alright? I just got you outta Emo-land as it is." He looked up at me. "You gonna just stand there, or are ya gonna help me get his ass in bed?"

I blinked, wondering when the pod people who had apparently replaced my brothers were gonna attack, but figured I might as well get 'em to let their guard down first. "Sure. I mean, yeah, lemme grab him." I bounded over to Leo's side and slung his other arm over my shoulders, and we dragged him over to his room.

'Course at that point, Raph and I realized we'd have to either leave Leo in his clothes—which, by the way, smelled like skankety places, smoke, and beer—or venture into the no-man land of brotherhood, in which we tried to change him.

We compromised.

Raph held Leo up while I wrestled his shirt off, and while I give Leo props for trying to help, since he was working with almost zero coordination, it was pretty much the opposite of helpful. It took about five times longer than it should have, but we finally got his shirt, shoes and socks off. I looked over at Raph. "Now what?"

He made a face. "Grab 'im some water, will ya? He'll prob'ly gut himself in the mornin' otherwise."

I glanced at Leo, who may or may not have actually been asleep standing up. "Right. I'm on it." I was back in a couple seconds with a bottle of water, which I pushed right against Leo's chest. "Drink that," I ordered, trying to mimic the Leo Voice.

Leo stared at it, held it up like an inch from his eye, then looked up at Raph suspiciously. "The last thing you told me to drink tasted like…like poor life choices," he said accusingly.

I tried not to laugh, but seriously? It tasted like poor life choices? I had to write that one down. "That was Raph," I said reasonably. "This is me."

"Oh."

Raph rolled his eyes. "It's water, brainiac. Besides, it's not like you can really get any drunker at this point."

Leo blinked. "Oh. Okay." He chugged about half of the bottle of water, then looked like he forgot what he was supposed to be doing. "Now what?"

Raph ordered him to the bathroom, then made him get changed by telling him Master Splinter was coming over for practice.

Leo, who'd apparently managed to forget that Sensei was in Japan, totally believed him and opened the door a minute later in pajama pants, looking more than a little unbalanced. His eyes went a little crazier when he saw me, and he yanked me forward by my shirt. "Mikey, I can't find the incense," Leo hissed, like he was worried Master Splinter was going to hear and crack him on the head with his walking stick if we couldn't find the nag champa.

I was trying so hard not to just laugh in his face, and not really doing all that well. "It's okay, Sensei decided to postpone practice for you until tomorrow morning." I swallowed a snicker, wishing someone was taping this and trying to think of something that would distract Leo from accidentally killing himself as he tried to practice while hammered. "I'm going first. He, uh, he hid the incense, and uh…he's making me find it! For training. Strengthening the senses."

There was a second of silence, and I steadfastly refused to look at Raph, who'd actually shoved his fist in his mouth to keep from laughing, 'cause I knew we'd both lose it if we looked at each other.

Worst lie ever? Close.

Did Leo still buy it? Absolutely yes.

"Oh." Leo's eyes narrowed suddenly. "I didn't hear the phone ring," he said slowly.

How the crap he managed to focus on that and yet missed the whole "Master Splinter isn't even on this continent" thing totally boggled me. "He called my shell cell," I lied easily. "I had it on my silent ringtone."

He nodded like that made total sense, and laid his hand on the top of my head (I think he was aiming for my shoulder), looking really serious. "Try closing your eyes. Losing one sense helps to amplify the others."

I gave him a thumbs-up. "Got it. I'll wear a blindfold."

Leo nodded back. "That's what I did. Worked on the Foot Tech when I was being chased…after I got kicked off the building, I didn't think of it b'fore then…"

Things stopped being funny at that point. Leo had never really talked about what happened the morning he got attacked, though we were able to figure out the gist of it ourselves, and while I had kinda always wanted to know what had happened, I didn't want to find out like this. "Yeah, okay, that's great," I said quickly, hoping I could derail him; I didn't want to hear this, not tonight, and I especially didn't want Leo to tell us this way.

"S'effective. Even with how loud the rain was—"

Raph made a face. "That's enough of that," he grumbled, grabbing Leo by the side of the head and towing him over to his bed before pushing him over on top of it. Leo dropped like a lead weight, legs still hanging over the side. I swung his legs up after him and rolled him over so he didn't suffocate on his pillow.

Leo made a valiant attempt to focus on us before giving up and pointing in our general direction. "Don't lemme sleep through practice," he mumbled, trying to fight the way his eyelids were falling.

I held up one hand with my fingers spread. "Scout's honor."

"Good." And with that, Leo passed out cold.

Raph glanced at me. "You do realize that's the hand sign for "live long an' prosper," not the Boy Scouts, right?"

"Yep."

"An' you've never even been close to bein' a Boy Scout."

I shrugged. "We also don't have practice tomorrow, so hey, moot point all around."

Now that Leo was asleep and the hilarity of him of all people being drunk (something I'd totally revisit in the morning) had died down, it occurred to me that while he was walking around freaking out, he'd called Raph for company, not me.

No big surprise, after how things had gone that afternoon, but still.

It was a little-kid thing to think, like I was eight again. Leo was always a role model for me when we were little, since he got the biggest, shiniest weapons, and he could usually do the moves Splinter taught us first—unless it was flips or acrobatics, 'cause those had always been my specialty. Still, Leo had been my favorite toy back then, and I wanted him to like me best. It was the same big brother adoration all little bros grow up with, and I'd been no different, except for the whole turtle thing. I'd been jealous then, when Leo had spent most of his time with Raph (pre-leadership Leo had, anyway).

I was jealous now.

It was stupid, and I knew it, but I couldn't help feeling like I was the one who was supposed to be closest to Leo now. We were living together 'cause Don figured we'd mesh the best, and because he figured I'd be able to help draw Leo out of his shell, pun fully intended. I'd heard the tail-end of his talk with April, and I agreed with him.

So it was supposed to be me hanging out with Leo, helping him relax and learn to just be himself. Instead, all I'd done was make him even more freaked out. And then not only did Leo call Raph to help him calm down or go beat things up, they go out for one night of Raph-style relaxation, and apparently that does the trick.

Since when had Raph's version of fun ever been something Leo enjoyed? And since when had I been the one snapping at him? And since when had Leo ever been the one to run from anything?

What the shell had happened to the way things were supposed to be?

"Mikey?"

I glanced at Raph, then grabbed Leo's stuff to go throw it in the bathroom, giving myself an excuse to turn away. "Yeah?"

"What's up?"

"Nothin', why? I should be asking you that; where did you take him, anyway?" I asked quickly. "I've never seen him that bad, not even at your twenty-first birthday." Leo, to his embarrassment and our eternal amusement, did not hold his liquor well.

"Hey, he only had a few shots and a couple drinks. 'Sides, he seemed like he needed it tonight."

Leo's stuff fell from my hands. "Yeah, I bet he did." Did Leo tell Raph what I said?

A heavy hand landed on my shoulder and pinned me in place until Raph could step in front of me. "Look, Mikey, I don't know exactly what set Leo off tonight, or why he didn't stay in, but it's not about you."

I snorted, feeling pissed. No, it wasn't, 'cause I couldn't fix anything; I just screwed things up, apparently. "Yeah, I got that much."

Raph growled, knuckling his eyes. "I didn't mean it like that. It's not you, it's just—it's all that stuff. Leo told you about the whole Karai thing, right?" I nodded. "That just sent him over the edge. That and all the tryin' to blend stuff…look, I know you're just tryin' to show 'im the kinda stuff you like an' waitin' for 'im to find somethin' among all that. But Leo thinks he's supposed to try all of it, an' he just can't handle that; it's too much for 'im all at once, Mikey. But he still thinks he's gotta try it, 'cause that's what Sensei told him and that's what you're doin'. And from where Leo's standin', you know how to be human the best. So he's tryin' to follow instead of lead for once, but…" He shrugged. "You guys are different people. He can't do what you can."

"Since when?" Even if I was a little mad at Leo for this afternoon, and for staying gone, he was still Leo; I'd never stopped thinking any of my big brothers could do anything they wanted.

"Leo's Leo, an' he can do a lot of stuff, but not this; he can't be you," Raph said simply. Leo started to snore quietly, and Raph reached out and shoved him a little until he stopped. "Maybe it's just somethin' that's gonna take a few years. Maybe after a while he'll be better around people, and he'll be good with goin' out an' doin' stuff more often. But not now. It's not somethin' he can handle yet. And he's still stuck on followin' orders and not lettin' anyone down, and if he can't keep up with you, he thinks he'll disappoint you. An' we both know that ain't the case, but unless you tell him that, you can wait 'til you're both old an' fat and he still won't figure it out on his own."

I slid down the wall to sit on the floor, staring at Leo on the bed. "So what'm I supposed to do then, Raph? If you've got all the answers?"

Raph squatted down beside me. "I don't have all the answers, moron; never have, prob'ly never will. I only know this 'cause I had to go to Casey of all people to get some advice, an' I thought about it for almost a whole day."

"Yeah? And what'd you come up with?"

"You gotta stop givin' him someone to follow, bro. He's never gonna learn what he wants if he's tryin' to do what we want 'im to do. Let 'im take it at his own pace. I'm not tellin' you to stop tryin', 'cause the truth is Leo needs us to keep an eye on 'im. But you're supposed to be doin' your own thing too; we've seen the trouble Leo's had with balance, an' we gotta keep the same things in mind."

"How am I supposed to be some kinda expert on this, Raph?" I demanded. "No one's ever trusted me with something like this! You guys have always been all about the whole "save Mikey from himself" gig. And yeah, I know part of that's me. I was cool with it, with being the little brother and not having to worry 'cause I knew you guys could take care of things, and all I had to worry about was keeping you from each other's throats. But I don't know how else to be responsible for someone, Raph. Everything I know comes from watching you guys. Leo, he's always taken the "be there for everything" road, Don makes sure he does everything he can to make us comfortable, and you beat up anything and anyone coming after us. But with Leo…there's no one to beat up, Raph. We've got all the stuff we need, and even if we didn't, I couldn't build it anyways. Leo's way is the only one that could vaguely apply here, bro, except apparently that's not helping." I thumped my head back against the wall. "I can't be a role model, Raph. I don't wanna be. I just wanna be myself."

"No one's askin' you to babysit 'im, Mikey." He kicked his heels out and sat down with a thud. "You said Master Splinter told you to be more responsible, right? That doesn't mean learnin' to be responsible for someone, it's just not like that. I don't think Sensei would ask one of us to try that again."

"I know that. But do you wanna tell me what it is like, Raph? You took him to a bar, dude, and he came home smashed; Leo, of all people. Don't tell me he didn't say something. Did he tell you what he wants? What's wrong about our new life? 'Cause he won't tell me, and so I'm just trying to help him deal the only way I know." I sighed. "And now this stuff with Karai blows up, and apparently I'm an idiot for thinking that things will take care of themselves. I don't know why you guys think I'm gonna be able to fix anything."

"Mike, we don't think that. I think Don figured that with it being you, plus your good intentions...it'd work out. Leo's always been soft on ya." He looked over at Leo. "I don't know what to do any more'n you do, bro. Sensei asked me to keep an eye on Leo, an' I'm tryin', but…it's Leo. The only way to do that is to make him let you keep an eye on 'im, but he's got to learn to live his own life an' to stop takin' orders. All we can do is just…be here." He frowned a little. "And go easy on him for the bar thing, alright? It was probably just a one-time thing, but if we give him crap every time he tries somethin' we think "isn't him," he's gonna stop tryin' new stuff."

"I wasn't gonna give him crap about it," I retorted. I hadn't planned to, other than maybe a little teasing, but Raph had a point; if we kept poking at each other every time we did something that wasn't our usual stuff, it wouldn't help. I thought back to how Donnie had chosen to stay out of the sewer trip, and realized how we'd reacted to that probably hadn't helped him any; this was Donnie's baby, and it made sense for him to go a little crazy with the "being careful" part of things.

I groaned and bounced my head against the wall again. "Our problem is that we don't know how to find middle-ground," I muttered. And we didn't. We either knew how to be completely in each other's business, or we backed way off to let each other figure things out (and screw stuff up) alone.

Raph snorted quietly. "We've got a hell of a lot of problems, Mikey, that's just one'a the most obvious ones."

I glanced at him. "Why are you so…"

Raph tilted his head, looking confused. "So what?"

"So…not pissed? About the whole Karai thing. I'd expect you to be all ready to just charge into Foot HQ and blow her up."

"I already did the pissed thing, when Leo told me. But really…nothing's happened yet. An' even if, or when, it does…" Raph shrugged. "This ain't a surprise to me, Mikey. I've kinda been half waitin' for somethin' to happen ever since we started this. I figured that sooner or later, everythin' from the sewers was gonna crawl out after us and find us here. Yeah, so it happened a lot sooner than I figured it would, but at least this way we don't have to sit around an' wait for it. It's just how our luck is; it's always been like this."

There it was again. "So you think it's inevitable too. That things are gonna fall apart either way."

Raph raised an eyebrow. "'Too'?" he repeated. "What, you're sayin' Leo thinks the same thing?"

"Yeah."

I could feel Raph's eyes on me, but I didn't look up. "That why he went out alone instead of bringin' you?" he asked.

"Yeah. I…yelled at him," I admitted quietly, my eyes on the floor. "When he told me about Karai and then started freaking out about it. He just kept going on about how all this crap with Karai is inevitable, and how everything's gonna go to hell sooner or later and there's nothing we can do about it other than just wait for it. I got pissed, and I yelled at him."

"You say that like it's a big deal. I've been yellin' at 'im for years, an' he's still in one piece." Raph nudged me in the shoulder. "So what'd you say? If you'd just yelled at him, you wouldn't be lookin' like you sold his swords for scrap metal."

I ducked my head farther. "I said that we didn't have to do anything, that we could just keep our heads down. He asked how long I thought we could stay on our toes waiting for Karai to come after us, and I said that if he managed to do it since he was fifteen, we could do it for a few months. And even though he obviously thought we were pathetic, it wasn't like we'd ever been caught or led the Foot to our home before."

"That's all?" He frowned, and I could tell he was trying to figure out why that was a crappy thing to say. "That's not that—oh. Oh." He winced.

"Yeah. Pretty great thing to say, huh?"

He looked sympathetic. "Hey, you had a good point, you just—worded it like shit."

I made a face. "Yeah, I got that much, thanks."

"Look, it's what you think, right? Which means you've got every right to say it. We're a team, Mikey; it's not a dictatorship. Leo's been wrong before, an' maybe he's wrong now." Raph shrugged, shaking his head. "Or maybe he's right. That's happened before too."

"Okay, but—"

"But nothin'," he interrupted, catching my eyes. "You don't always have to agree with him, Mikey. An' either way, we aren't gonna figure out who's right or wrong tonight. Leo's dead to the world, you're beatin' yourself up 'cause you said somethin' stupid, I'm tired as hell from spendin' the night tryin' to rewire Leo's brain, an' Don doesn't even know what's goin' on yet. Save it for tomorrow, Mikey; we'll get together an' figure out what the hell we're gonna do then." He dropped a heavy hand on my head and pushed up to his feet. "So for now, just know that Leo isn't that pissed at you, an' we'll deal with it in the mornin'."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Now get some sleep, chucklehead."

I hoisted myself up and followed Raph to the door. I wondered if he could even tell that he was stepping in to back up Leo's position; Raph was never the mushy one, and he'd always preferred letting us know he cared by showing it and taking up the slack. I couldn't help wondering if he was just gonna take Leo's place for him and give Leo a chance to breathe. All our lives, we'd always followed someone; was Raph gonna step in now? Or were we all gonna have to learn how to live without orders? I couldn't see Raph staying sane having to play leader, but I couldn't really see Leo not being the leader either.

"Hey, Raph?"

He paused in the doorway, one hand propped on the doorjamb as he looked back at me tiredly. "Yeah?"

"Are we ever gonna be normal?" I tried to smile, but I couldn't quite make it sound like a joke.

Raph stared at me for a second. "Normal's overrated," he said quietly. He tossed a wave back over his shoulder and pulled the door shut behind him.

There were way too many ways to read that, given how un-Raph-like Raph had already been tonight. But we were supposed to be changing, right? So maybe it was a Raph-like thing to do; maybe he was starting to get back to being Raphie, the way he'd been when we were kids, before we'd all realized the sewers were all the bigger our world was gonna be, and they ended eventually.

And maybe I was thinking way too much about all this stuff. Raph was right; there was way too much crap to think about tonight, and I'd never been the planning type anyways. Tomorrow I could step things up some more. I could help us come up with a plan, and keep Leo calm, and take my turn at being the one who took care of things.

I was about fifteen years past the age of believing the whole "things will look better in the morning" bit, but tonight…

Tonight, it couldn't hurt to be a little gullible just one more time.

---

A/N: Another one bites the dust! And now that we finally broke the dam on Leo's issues, the rest of the guys are gonna be taking their turns in the spotlight. (Mwahahaha…) The next chapter is already in the works, and about…10ish pages of it are written already. I have it (mostly) planned out too, so writing it should go a little faster. I'm really, really going to try and aim for updating again in a month, but we'll see how it goes. As always, thanks for reading, and please review; pointing out typos is always appreciated too. ^_^