January 2219

"You better be taking it." McKenzie stared down her son. "Even if it's only a few months, for the sake of everybody around headquarters you better take it. You need to be back on ship, for all that is right in the world, you need to be back on ship."

"You talked to your granddaughter didn't you?" Reed laughed. "She said the same thing. But it was for her sanity. If she moved out the problem would be solved. But, she and the girls aren't going any time soon."

"She did say she'll take Jon for the year, it might be good for him to escape from your over protectiveness. Plus, you need the one last tour to make Admiral." She looked at him stronger. "And if they let you make Admiral after the whole Maggie debacle, well you accept it and run with it."

"Your confidence and support never cease to amaze me Mom." He shook his head. "I'm still debating, it's only six months, and I need to get out on ship, for my sanity. I was never cut out to be a desk jockey. Even Bit is ready to send me away."

"Bit's making total sense on that, you're a field officer not an analyst." She speared a piece of her salad. "You know how I feel about it. You can't analyze a report for shit. Go out and have some fun before you become stuffy brass."

"Spoken like a true non commissioned lifer." The Captain looked at his mother. "Quinn will be serving in Engineering, so it's not like I won't have a keeper to knock me into place. And you know he will. I need a voice of reason."

"That you do. But you'll be in better shape without Maggie on the bridge next to you. You could never get your head straight around her." The retired Seargent-Marjor laid it straight. "We all know that, you're still not ready to admit it."

"Now I know Ellie is mine without question. I'm afraid if I leave, she'll clean out the closet finally. The amount of Maggie stuff keeps dwindling. But I still don't want to bury it all yet." He sighed. "I still want to believe that she'll come home any day."

"That won't change for years to come." McKenzie sighed. "She's always going to be your downfall Dan. She has been since you two were teenagers. It's one of those things as your mother I hated that I couldn't control."

--

August 2219

Ellery plopped down into the deck chair with a large glass of wine; it was the escape she needed. It had been rough with her father's choice to go back on ship, but after a decade he needed it. She needed to have him quit feeling useless. Her baby brother's questions were just going to make the six months seem like six years.

Rick joined her and smiled. "The troops are all down for the night, even the inquisitor. I know it's been hard." He looked at his wife's glass of wine. "But we can't blame him for having questions. You and I both knew her, he has no clue as to what she was like. I would be worried if he didn't have any questions."

She sighed. "I know. It's just how do I broach it? Mom was an unstable drama queen. She always put herself before anyone else. Quinn and I heard she was pregnant and we knew it was going to be a disaster for the baby. Dad can't talk about her, because he's still heartbroken and sure she can come back any day? He's only ten he doesn't need that emotional damage."

"He's a good kid. Dan's been over protective. But I think after missing out so much of you, he needs to be." He met her glare. "Listen, you would want some explanation if the roles were reversed. I mean you and I are pretty sure she's no longer out there, but everyone else still hopes she is. Jon should know the positive."

"All I ever wanted is closure to it. Even after 10 years, I don't care if she's alive or not, I want closure." The linguist sipped her wine. "And even if she did come home, things have changed way too much. It would cause another breakdown. Dad hasn't moved on at all. The Admiral refuses to retire--she knows she won't be able to cope without either her daughter or her husband. It sucks that we just can't bury old Maggie."

"Keep the answers simple. When Jon is old enough you walk him through it all." He began to work on the stress knot in his wife's neck. "If you were ready to bury your mother, you wouldn't still have all that stuff in the closet."

"Part of me really does still miss her. Our girls will never know their grandmother. When I get stressed, it would be nice to be able to vent to her." She smiled. "Especially when her own child stresses me out, it would be nice to hand him off to his crazy mother. But I know I would worry endlessly about him."

"I still wonder where your maternal side came from, not Maggie for sure." Rick laughed. "We will have closure Ellie. It's just a question of when. And I think she would be letting you hear about it for eons that you settled for me, only because you got pregnant. You should've traded up to a cuter, higher ranked, husband by now."

"Yeah she would be saying that." Ellery smiled. "But all the time Dad spent pining for her, I would never want that. I think in a way that really is what is still tough for him, he waited 25 years. And with the exception of a few drunken weekends, she was always un-attainable. I couldn't live like that, a serial monogamist who didn't want to admit that her best friend was always in love with her."

"That's your grandmother talking." He kissed the back of her neck. "Jenna, not the Admiral. Amazing how she's always been the voice of reason. Even with the craziness in her background."

"Another thing I can't explain to Jon. Dad, Grace, Grandma, they're the bones of Federation Intelligence." She rolled her eyes. "This all sucks. Him wanting to know things, it makes my life a big giant mess. I mean I want him to stay living in that bubble. It would just have things run so much smoother."

--

January 2220

Jonathon found himself staring down his sister once again over breakfast. "You're worse than Dad when it comes to talking about her Ellie. I deserve to know what she was like. I'm tired of you and Rick avoiding it."

"You're asking too many questions kiddo." Ellery tousled his hair. "I really don't know if going into all the details about Mom is going to be healthy for you. I know Quinn has been opposed to it from day one. And I do need to respect his wishes on the matter."

"So what my opinion doesn't matter. She was my mother." He was getting past upset. "It's my right to know what she was like. You people all have her up on this pedestal that makes her seem as perfect as could be. I know she wasn't, she wouldn't have done what she did if she was."

"She has her issues. She's always had her issues, it was part of her charm." Ellery smiled. "I know she loved you. She was so overwhelmed when I was little, and Grandma and Grandpa were around constantly. It takes a lot to recognize a personal weakness. I guess that's why I'm so neurotic with the way I handle things around here."

"You're beyond neurotic Ellie." The youngster smiled. "Could you talk to Quinn though? I want to know some things about her. Even if it's not all the tough stuff."

"I'll make a deal. If I show you some pictures, will you lay off on the Interrogation for a few days?" She gave him a raised eyebrow. "After dinner tonight, I'll see what I can pull together. Now finish breakfast so you're not late for school. I'm tired of running late every morning."

Ellery walked into her boss's office with a look of worry on her face. "Jon's really on the question kick lately. I've stalled long enough—it's time I give him some information. It's totally not what I want to do, but I have to."

Bit smiled at her. "It's your hormones talking El. Before you got pregnant you were way too good at dismissing any of his inquiries. And you know I'm right." The director laughed. "I mean telling him that we planted the file that sent Maggie over the deep edge is not something I'm advocating at all. Especially since Dan still has no clue."

"He'll go on a rampage if he ever figures out how she got the file. And I've raised Jon for a year, and I'll be very ready to hand him back over next month. He's too much like my mother. Way too much of Maggie in him." She placed her hand on her mid-section. "I so don't want my girls to be anything like my mother, it might send me over the edge."

"Then eventually you'll just have to stop having daughters. Our people can help Rick on that front." Bit winked. "All it takes is a hypo spray or two. Really though, you're so much more levelheaded than Maggie ever could be, your girls won't be a thing like her."

"Yeah, but so is the Admiral. And she raised Maggie." Ellery sunk down into a chair. "I know you'll give me something to tell Jon. I'm running out of ways to stall him. And Quinn's head is buried in the sand, he thinks it's best if Jon knows nothing."

"Listen, I know there's a reason only a few people know who I was born as. I get Quinn's point." Bit smiled. "Let me think of some way to be diplomatic about it, we'll make Jon feel like he wasn't some total mistake."