Chapter 13: Revelation
As soon as I woke up, I got dressed and opened the drawer that held Loki's note and the bracelet he had given me in Asgard. Without thinking, but needing, I slipped the jewelry around my wrist and clasped it together. Suddenly dizzy, I grabbed the cabinet to steady myself, feeling the pendant's power stir inside me with renewed energy after resting for eight hours. Once the dizziness subsided, I turned my attention back to the bracelet, as if trying to discern some secret from its metal. Why was I still as drawn to Loki as I had been since we first met? The man who had regarded me as a prize before he regarded me as a friend. The one who would possess me on my own, but who would never share my friendship with others.
"What are you not telling me?" I whispered at the bracelet, as if I was speaking directly to the god himself.
If you only knew what I would do for you…
At that moment, there was a polite knock on my door. I went to it hastily, my heart leaping at the idea that it might be Loki, that he might come back to me…
It was Steve.
The super soldier must have seen my crestfallen face, because he bowed his head, as if to either erase the image, or give me a chance to collect my thoughts.
How could I have forgotten about Rogers? Yet another piece in the puzzle that was holding my life together and tearing it apart at the same time.
"Did you… Did you sleep well, Kaila?" Steve must have been nervous, because his hands were rubbing together the way Banner's did, at odd intervals.
"Yes, thank you. You were very kind." My brain was whirling. I almost hoped that Steve would have fresh news on the Razors or some new mission to debrief me before I spilled all of my emotions on the floor to stain it like red wine. How could I deny Steve any truths about my feelings when Loki had lied to me about so many things from the beginning?
"I have a message from Loki," he said.
Well, that comment stopped me in my tracks.
Steve licked his lips, as if being the messenger boy was something he had done before and something he was loathe to do again.
"He wants you to meet him in Central Park."
I blinked when Steve stopped short. "And…?"
"That's it," Rogers muttered. "I guess there might have been more, but Loki told Thor, who told Bruce, who told Clint, who told me that he wanted to see you."
In contrast to previously verging on melodramatic, now I laughed out loud at the lunacy of the situation.
"Is it possible to get Loki a cell phone in the future?" I asked and gathered my lightweight violet pea coat to step out. in It was a pleasant June morning, and I could use the sunshine.
However, before I could leave, Steve grabbed my arm. Bright blue eyes glowed into mine, and his expression was grim.
"Stark bets that Loki might be working with the Razors, that he might be trying to bait you."
"Tony also bets that he can lick his own elbow. I'm not holding my breath."
I attempted to move away, but Steve held me fast. "Call me at the first sign of trouble."
Scoffing at that, I said, "I don't believe Loki is a bad guy anymore. And it's your doubts that are driving him away."
Rogers released me but stopped me again with his words. "I will drive away anyone who wants to hurt you. Kaila, he's been hurting you all along."
I paused, sifting his words through my thoughts over and over, each time their content stinging like needles.
"Steve, he's never been given a chance. I'm giving Loki that chance right now. And I'm never giving up on him."
I was in the hallway, in the process of putting my coat on, and Steve was beside me again.
"I'll never stop looking out for you, Kaila."
That hurt. That hurt deeply. And as I placed my hand on his cheek, pressing into the smooth warm flesh, it was almost like he understood my feelings for him, the conflicted emotions, and the impossible commitment he was asking from me.
"You'll always be there for Loki," he said, ever stoic, but his eyelids creasing with feeling, "and I'll always be there for you."
What more could I say? I gave him my best Han Solo response, said, "I know," and walked away.
As I found myself in the glory of Central Park on a sunny summer day, I couldn't help feel a pang of doubt about what I was doing for Loki, and what I had just done to Steve. I couldn't imagine a win-win scenario in this case. How could I stay with Loki without breaking Steve's heart? And how could I acknowledge all that Steve had done for me without breaking Loki's? My mind was telling me that I was giving up on a wonderful relationship with Rogers, but my heart was telling me to pursue the god of mischief. With Steve, my love was a gently glowing candle. With Loki, my love was a flame.
So I decided to cultivate that flame. The day was perfect, patches of warm sunlight dappled on the sidewalk, playing with the shadows. Children were running around, giggling. There were groups on rollerblades, joggers, dog walkers, and babies being pushed in strollers.
Of course, he stood out like a vampire on Easter day.
I sat beside him on the bench by the sidewalk. Behind us, small rolling hills depicted an idyllic scene that seemed to stretch even further than the tops of high-rises and skyscrapers in the distance.
There would have been no contact fitting for the moment, so I was content cutting to the chase.
"Tell me what's going on."
Loki's expressionless stare covered everything with a dull interest, wavering for an instant. He let out a long sigh so desperate that I wanted to take his hand and never let it go.
"I didn't think you'd come."
A beat. "I would do anything for you."
"I thought you'd rather be with Rogers." Loki nearly laughed, a sad empty laugh. "He's a million times better than me, you know."
"Stop it!" I said, and I brought his hand up and kissed it. Loki barely acknowledged the movement; he was still staring into space, as if lost in a sea of memories from the past.
"I killed hundreds of people in this city. Because of my actions, they died."
"You were lost and abandoned," I said, trying to comfort him. "You were trying to take control of your own life—"
"By controlling others'," he said with disgust. "Every day, it haunts me, Kaila. And the strangest part is that sometimes I feel I would not hesitate to do it again."
I must have blanched, because his attention turned back to me, his eyes searching, judging what my reaction might be if he told me the truth at last.
"What happened after Manhattan?"
Loki smirked. "They took me away. Fury, the other Avengers. They put me in that glass cage and questioned me. Thor protested my treatment at first, but he had to go back to Asgard and report to the All Father. So he never saw what they…what they did to me."
His voice faltered, and I squeezed his hand harder before he let go, slowly unbuttoning his black long-sleeved shirt with pale and trembling fingers. At last, he pulled the shirt open, revealing his biggest secret, the one he had nearly told me all along.
In the middle of the warm summer morning, I suddenly felt cold all over.
Small, thin, white scars crisscrossed his abdomen, symmetrical and feathery. But unlike Banner's scars from the Razors, these marks would never heal. I couldn't imagine what form of instrument (or instruments) they had used to so deeply pierce his flesh in such a cruel and permanent way, but they had. The zigzag pattern culminated in a jagged X across his heart, surrounded by puffy and pink-raw flesh.
I winced, slowly bringing up my palm to press gently against this old wound. My hand poured out healing magic subconsciously, but it had no effect. Loki's eyes were closed, his head bowed, silent, almost defeated. Slowly, a lone tear trickled down his cheek.
My initial shock turned into bitter anger. "Who did this?" My jaw clenched firmly.
Loki opened his eyes, but they remained downcast. "Fury gave the order. Stark and Banner carried it out. Other scientists and doctors from S.H.I.E.L.D. helped…"
"Why?"
Loki paused, then brought a hand up to gently touch the swirling pendant around my neck, grasping for the stone inside it.
"This…"
I felt as if a wave had just crashed over me, the pounding of my heart drowning out all other sound.
No, no, no, no.
All of a sudden, everything made sense: Loki's anger at Tony and the rest of them, his refusal to become part of the team. How difficult it must have been for Loki to return to Earth, back to those who had harmed him—no, tortured him.
"They took elements of my magic and combined it with their knowledge of Asgardian power…"
But I barely heard his words; I could only succumb to the intense current of rage that was freely flowing through me. My vision had turned red, and I could feel my teeth grinding together. Stark and Banner would pay—
"Kaila?"
I blinked and felt Loki's hand on my arm. That's when I realized that my right hand had gripped the bench armrest so tightly that I had formed a handprint in its rigid metal. I let go abruptly, muttering an apology.
Loki slowly began to button his shirt again, and I put a comforting hand on his shoulder. Even though his chest was once again covered, those scars were burnt into my memory and would forever stay there.
"They did it to help America, to help your realm protect itself against others like me. They didn't mean to hurt me—"
"Don't defend their actions, Loki. It wasn't right, even if their intentions were good. I can't believe how far you went to please me, when all this time you must have been dying inside…"
Loki smiled weakly. "As much as I hate them for what they did, I understand that it was my penance."
My head was spinning, and I could barely contain my fury. "How did you keep this from Thor?"
"I didn't tell Thor, because I see what the Avengers mean to him, not only as an ideal, but the people he calls his friends. He would never forgive them if he found out. Any pain I might have felt when I returned to Asgard Thor probably attributed to my battle with the Hulk."
Loki continued after a pause. "Now you know why I tried to persuade you against wearing the pendant, why I tried to convince you to stay in Asgard and never become involved with the Avenger."
I sat in silence, his words washing over me. So that's why he had revealed his secret to me.
"You are going back to Asgard."
Loki barely nodded in assent. "It pains me to leave you, but I cannot stay with the Avengers, and I cannot support you when you wear that jewel around your neck. Its power is enticing but ultimately self-destructive, I believe."
I had no rebuke this time; I was still taking it all in.
"I also go back to Asgard with a need to discover the origin of our recently-made enemies, the Razors. There is something about them that reminds me of home, an ancient Asgardian aura. I cannot explain it, but Thor agrees with me. I will go to investigate."
"And us?" I felt like I was a broken record. Why did our relationship status have all the characteristics of a light-up yo-yo?
Loki bowed his head again gravely, and he wouldn't look at me. "You belong here, with them. I do not."
I hadn't noticed the subtle changes in the environment, the way the sky darkened, as if from storm clouds, and the rush of people as they ran away. I had been too wrapped up in our conversation, but my pendant began flashing violent bursts of scarlet, as if in response to the impending danger. Loki slowly raised his head, realization dawning in his emerald eyes.
The cloud became particles of dust, a filtered grey haze that covered everything, from sidewalk to treetop. Was it ash, or smoke? No, it was the shadow of a vehicle, drawing shivers in its wake—the Razors!
"No," Loki whispered, and we were off.
He took my hand, and we raced, faster than I'd ever run before, through trees, off paths, and streaming past other people desperately trying to get out of the ship's way. I held onto his hand tightly, flashing back to when we were racing through headquarters after the attack in the kitchen. My heart was skipping like a hummingbird's, and I dared a look back, fearful of what I'd see.
I did not expect to find Iron Man blazing a trail behind us, hot on our heels. My first instinct was to pummel him into the ground, but there was no time. I would have to set aside my feelings of anger and disgust for the time being.
"Hey, rookie!" he shouted, and Loki jerked back his head so quickly that he might have gotten whiplash.
"Tony," I panted as we continued sprinting through the park. "What's going on?"
"Well, aside from a hundred or so mean-looking stone giants with crazy eyes behind us, not a lot."
We suddenly leapt over a bridge, and I was briefly reminded of a morning memory from my stay in Asgard, finding the bracelet in the stream. Then we landed on the other side, and I hurtled back to the present.
"I'm so glad you're here, Stark," said Loki with bitter sarcasm. "We were in desperate need of some snappy one-liners." He ducked an oncoming branch just as its tendrils slashed across my cheek, drawing blood. I felt a trickle run down my face, but I kept on.
Tony stayed with us, flying effortlessly as we gasped in front of him.
"Loki," he said, totally deadpan. "I live for your comebacks."
Even though we increased our speed, the floating grey mass was gaining on us, and soon we would reach the city.
"There is a rendezvous point, right?" I wheezed.
"Waiting for that right now, rookie. Captain Crunch must be painting his nails."
"Just as long as we don't go back to…the roof," I murmured, and Loki agreed with my request by dramatically bobbing his head.
When I felt that my lungs were going to burst, Stark grabbed my shoulders. His metal hands were slick and cool to the touch. I felt my feet leave the ground, and beside me, Loki lifted up too.
"Here we go," muttered Tony, and we were off, soaring above the park and over the city. The ship lagged behind us, and we zipped and meandered around skyscrapers until they were out of sight.
"Kaila!" I heard the cry behind me and spun my head around, realizing that Loki was faltering, losing altitude, and slowly falling. He couldn't keep up with Tony's arc reactor pace.
"Tony, we've got to get Loki," I said quickly.
"My priority right now is to get you to the safe point. Fury has directed the team there, and we will protect you."
I twisted easily in his firm grasp and stopped him mid-air, fighting with his grip until he was holding me by one hand. I did not know if I'd be able to sustain myself in the air, but Loki's safety was my priority at the moment.
"Look, I know what you did to him, and you're not brushing him aside this time. He's coming with us, Stark, or I'll gladly let the Razors have me."
Stark's face was unreadable because of the mask, but he barely paused before swooping down (with me in tow) to catch the gradually plummeting demigod.
"So dramatic," Iron Man grumbled, but I could sense the hint of surprise in his voice.
I flicked his suit with one fingernail. "That's what I'm here for."
Loki reached out a hand, and he was beside me once more. Tony sighed heavily and continued on his way, although a bit more encumbered this time.
"Any thanks for me?" Stark asked as we looped in the sky, heading toward the sea. When Loki remained silent, Tony chuckled. "Perhaps later. You guys don't need to stop off anywhere else, right? You brought all the snacks and travel games you need?"
"Where are we going?" Loki asked, repulsion thick in his question.
"We're taking a little cruise, Lokesters. You might even be able to get a tan."
As the city passed by, we sailed through New York Harbor, nearly touching the top spires of the Statue of Liberty's head. I marveled at the feeling of flight, usually too afraid of heights to enjoy it when traveling on an airplane, but now fully astonished at the freedom. I grasped Loki's hand, and he squeezed back, as exhilarated as I was.
Tony took us far out to sea, the ocean glimmering with the heat from the sun. The tops of the waves were a deep green, the color of jade, and then I saw the helicarrier.
It was massive, resting on the surface of the ocean as if it had been forged there.
"Fury spared no expense with this baby," said Stark, and with a whoop we were diving lower. Craning my neck back around, I was astounded to spy the dark cloud looming. They were coming for us.
Correction, I thought with a wince. They're coming for me.
From the multi-colored specks below, I spotted other S.H.I.E.L.D. agents, as well as Avengers, preparing for an attack. From out of nowhere, like a bullet, Thor ricocheted around us and touched down to the ship's deck with the crackle of electricity and the clang of his mighty hammer.
When we touched down, Bruce ran over to brief us. All of the battleship's guns were poised on the alien craft.
"We need to get her down below," said Rogers as he jogged over to us.
Stark nodded and began to take my arm, but I easily got away from his grasp.
"No."
The others stopped.
"What?" Rogers said, as if he hadn't heard correctly.
"I'm staying with you. I'm fighting with you."
Loki leaned over, whispering in my ear, "Kaila, this might not be the best plan—"
"Please. Let me do this."
And he could tell through my posture and tone of voice that I was serious, and all of them relented.
There was the twirl of a black jacket, and Fury was striding over purposefully, his gait oozing pissed off. He spoke into a communicator on his wrist. "Talk to me, Hill. Affirmative."
Clint was adjusting his compound bow, intensity in every muscle as he carefully examined each arrow in his quiver. Nat was walking around him, catlike, loading her guns and adjusting the knives and other gadgets on her utility belt. Banner was conferring with Tony, wringing his hands, and Steve was close to Fury. Every other moment or so, Rogers would glance over at me, a familiar worry in his eyes.
"Ready?" he asked of Barton and Romanoff. They acknowledged him, drawing up alongside Tony and Bruce. Thor approached Loki and I with obvious approval, and for a moment, I thought he might pat his brother on the back. The god of mischief was still wary, however, and Thor knew better than to show affection towards Loki when it was not wanted nor returned.
"So, we go into battle together once more, brother. It has been too long."
"It may not even come to that, goldilocks," Stark interrupted, pointing toward Fury. When we eyed the director, he was giving the command.
"Do it."
The missile blast was swift and shot from the ship faster than I could blink. It destroyed the alien ship in an explosion that rocked the mammoth structure out of the sky, sending pieces of it falling into the churning ocean below.
Other explosions created bright flares and larger chunks began breaking away, falling…no, flying from the ship. How could this be? The magnitude of the rocket's impact should have sent the entire grey mass into the sea.
In horror, I watched as all the pieces I thought would fall into the ocean began picking up speed, hurtling towards us instead. As they flew they transformed, and I realized that these pieces were indeed mini ships.
I was almost too stunned to notice Loki's hand clutching mine, but when I sought his eyes, I saw his concern.
"Stay with me," I whispered.
Loki nodded in assent, and all hell broke loose.
The Razors were upon us in a matter of seconds, and I vaguely heard Fury bark commands over the sound of machine gun fire. Dodging blasts from S.H.I.E.L.D. agents, the rest of the Avengers team got into a routine formation, forming a semi-circle around Loki and me as we headed to the stern.
As the bullets flew, it was all too obvious that they had little effect on the Razors. The massive stone giants swatted the ammunition away like flies and landed on the ship's deck with resounding clunks.
It was time to battle.