Chapter 12 – departure

Bella's pov

When I woke up I kept my eyes closed, I desperately hoped the pillow wouldn't move this time, I hoped I hadn't fallen asleep on Edward... but once I thought about it I wasn't quite sure if this was true... ok, it definitely wasn't true, I wanted to wake up near – or on – Edward.

Damn, my memory returned from last night, I remembered the whole Paul fiasco and then Edward helping to tidy the house with us, then we all collapsed on the sofa because we were so exhausted. There were still some memories struggling through the hazy cloud of sleep that still permeated most of my brain. Hold on there's more just coming back to me... oh yeah, Seth and Leah were arguing, then... I think I drifted off to sleep for a short while because next Leah was shaking me awake...

Then she was going to wake Edward up... but then I said he would probably sleep on the sofa anyway because there were no spare beds... then I remembered going to get a blanket with Leah... I remembered Edwards sleeping face, the face of an angel... an angel I would be leaving for god knows how long today. Renee was pretty stern about me coming home, what if she wont let me visit any more? Of course she cant stop me seeing my dad, but I wouldn't put it past Phill to try.

I finally opened my eyes with some resistance from my eyelids and saw my darkened room. I glanced at my clock and vaguely registered that it was two in the morning, but I was moving mechanically, without thought, along the landing... down the stairs... into the living room... onto the sofa... into Edwards arms.

This time when I woke up, I was where I wanted to be. This time I wasn't shocked to find my head resting on a chest so perfect it could only belong to one man, it was comforting. Keeping my eyes closed I snuggled closer to him, breathing in his delicious scent. I had nothing to compare his scent to, there was nothing like it, he was entirely unique – except for the whole two eyes, one nose, to ears etc. thing – and that just made him all the more... irresistible.

"Good morning," he muttered, "I must say it was a surprise to wake up like this."

I blushed, "good morning, what time is it?" I replied dodging the awkward observation.

"Erm..." he dug in his pocket and pulled out his phone, "just gone eleven."

I groaned into his shirt, I had only two hours left, and I still had to pack.

"What's wrong?" he asked although I'm pretty sure he had a good idea what was wrong.

"I have two hours, and I have to pack," I whined still hiding my face in his shirt.

"Do you need any help?" he asked tentatively.

"Yeah, but how about breakfast first? Or lunch since its closer to twelve?" my words came out muffled.

"Brunch?" he asked, "sounds good."

I reluctantly rolled out of Edwards arms and went to the kitchen with him following me.

"What would li-" I gasped and almost fell over – not a major achievement for me – when I turned around and saw Edward properly for the first time that morning.

He had one hell of a black eye, the bruise covering all of the skin around his eye and on his temple, reaching almost to his hairline. There was a little swelling around his eye but his lips was puffed up like a balloon. His copper hair was even more dishevelled than usual, but it was mostly plastered to the side of his head. His shirt was all creased and wrinkled and hung off his body awkwardly and some of the buttons had come undone in the night, revealing yet another bruise, huge, purple and fist-shaped, staining his skin just below his ribs.

Edward froze in the act of scratching the back of his neck, "Bella?"

"Oh my god," I breathed, confusing him even further but I honestly couldn't couldn't manage to get anything more coherent out.

Edward was looking kinda worried now, "Bella? What's wrong?" he waited for me to answer then continued when it was obvious he wasn't going to get one, "Are you alright?"

That finally got a reaction, however I don't think it was the one he was going for, "Am I alright?! What about you?! Just look at you! I mean, you're just... you're just," I stared at him in exasperation after my deafening outburst – both in volume and pitch.

"Bella?" he said softly, apprehensively, he was at my side now and looking at me like a policeman looks at a criminal threatening to detonate a nuclear bomb, I was sure he hadn't comprehended one word of me screeching.

"Just look at yourself, Edward," I sighed.

Confused, he complied and went to look in the mirror hanging behind the sofa in the living room. I followed him and watched him grimace as he caught sight of his reflection. He brought his hand up and gently prodded the bruise on his temple and winced slightly at the pressure and dropped his hand.

"I can see why you gasped," he said looking at me through the mirror, "I'm barely recognisable, I look like a thug!"

He turned and started laughing and I joined in. I asked his if anything was sore, and, even though he assured me it was nothing, I made him take some more pain killers anyway. I made some pancakes while Edward sat at the other end of the kitchen, I had never noticed before but he was perched on the edge of the chair as if he was planning on making a run for it at any given moment. His anxiety was subtle and I wouldn't have noticed it if I wasn't looking for it.

I piled all the pancakes on one big plate and set that on the table along with two other plates – for me and for Edward – and some fruit and spreads, such as jam – I know jam on pancakes sounds weird but with the help of Renee's "adventurous" cooking, I discovered that it actually tastes pretty good. I included some sugar and golden syrup as well because sweet pancakes are so much more exciting and... it was my last day here. Sigh.

Have you ever wanted to slow time down, or just stop it completely? Whether it's because you're really dreading something coming up or you're just so happy where you are and you don't want things to change? Or even both? If you haven't, l can inform you that time takes no pity on you, it mercilessly speeds up laughing in your face, mocking you cruelly.

Me and Edward packed up my things until I was set and it was time to leave. I didn't want to leave, saying goodbye was always hard, but I had a feeling that this time was going to be so much worse.

I didn't want my time with Edward to end, sure I had fun and laughed with everyone else, but no one made me forget my problems in phoenix as thoroughly as Edward did, and just being around him... It wasn't a cliché warm fuzzy feeling in my tummy, it was more of a deep enjoyment and tingly excitement that left my stomach in pleasant knots and zinging electricity all over my skin that made me feel hyper aware of everything – especially Edward, that goes without saying! – and made me feel... more alive than I had ever felt before. I felt everything more extreme while I was around him, like a damper had been put on me and Edward had the power to lift it off.

Plus I was leaving him alone to deal with the problem of his secretive family. Couldn't I just take him with me? Grrr, and have him live in my house with Phill? I don't think so. Dammit, why was everything so impossible? See Edward even made me feel more confused than when my mum tried to explain the mechanics of where babies come from at five years old, at the time I had no idea what little swimmers were!

Damn, why did one o'clock have to come around so fast? I heard people moving downstairs and registered in the back of my mind that Seth or Leah must be up, but that was just an abstract thought that didn't receive much attention. I felt a lump the size of a football form in my throat as I looked at Edward and thought about how I wouldn't be able to see him for about seven weeks, that's forty-nine days or one thousand, one hundred and seventy-six hours! That's a hell of a long wait however you look at it.

I couldn't help it, I threw my arms around his neck and hugged myself tightly to him, "I'll miss you," I whispered into his shoulder while inhaling his amazing – and wondrously intoxicating – scent, I was probably being a bit too intimate for him, but it was like I had to feel him in my arms one last time.

So, it really surprised me when he whispered, "me too," into my hair and hugged my waist securely.

We stood like that for a while and I barely managed to hold back the tears as we held onto each other. But eventually, we had to move, to carry my suitcase out to the car. I watched as Edward carried my big suitcase downstairs with improbable ease and I carried a small bag filled with a bottle of water and some entertainment for the flight including a book and my ipod etc.

I watched while Edward placed my suitcase in the boot and lingered by the end of the car, waiting sadly for the time I had to drive off and leave him behind. But then my dad came out, followed by everyone else, and I went to hug each of them goodbye – not my dad, he was driving me to the airport – and even though I'd already hugged him, I couldn't help but be reluctant to let Edward go... again.

With tears in my eyes I said goodbye and got into the car, we drove off and out of the back window I saw Edward start to walk home, down the road we were just driving along.

"Wait!" I shouted when we got to the end of the road.

My dad immediately stopped the car, "What's wrong?"

"I need the toilet, I'll be back in a sec," I said hurriedly as I opened the door and started running down the street back to my house.

I ran wildly down the street with tears in my eyes, I just had to say goodbye to one last time – although I wasn't completely sure I would be able to let go this time – I just wasn't ready to go, I didn't want the last time I saw Edward to be just a crappy little hug outside my house with everyone watching.

I saw him walking around the corner less than a second before I ran straight into him and automatically flinging my arms around his neck again. But this, a plain, simple hug, wasn't enough for me, it would be so long before I could see him again, maybe I could show my feelings now it wont be awkward being around each other – because we won't be around each other. He probably just thinks of me as a friend after all. Edward wrapped his arms around my waist, returning the hug after a moment of surprise, well, it was now or never.

I pulled back and let my eyes roam all over his face, his smooth skin, his brilliant green eyes, his full lips, parted slightly, almost begging for me to kiss him...

I crashed my lips to his and clutched his neck closer to me, it was the best feeling in the world, I felt like I was flying – even higher than I thought possible, I briefly wondered if this feeling was like the high from drugs, but nothing could feel this good. My lips, my hands, every part of my body that touched his felt alive with electricity, a spark so strong, people miles away should have been blinded by it.

It was a chaste kiss, I didn't give him time to react, to push me away and either run away screaming or tell me firmly that we could only be friends.

I stepped back to whisper goodbye to his still shocked face and turned to run back to where my dad was waiting. I got half a step away before his grip suddenly tightened. I braced myself for the humiliation that would surely follow, I guessed it was the firmly stating that we could only be friends option that he would reject me with, but I knew it would still be swift and sharp, and painful. So, imagine how surprised I was when he pulled me back to his chest and started kissing me back. It took my body less than a second to react, my hands wound through his soft, bronze locks and secured his face to mine, my body pushed against his well-defined – or should I say perfectly-defined – body and my lips danced with his in such a beautiful dance, I never wanted it to end.

I could hear his ragged breathing along with my pants and felt one hand cupping the back of my neck tenderly, while the other was on the small of my back, crushing my body closer to his. We broke apart gasping for breath and leaned our foreheads together. His hand came from around my neck to cradle my cheek and his thumb wiped away a tear that I didn't know I had.

"I'll miss you so much," he whispered, his breath warmly caressing my face.

"Same here," I whispered back.

We stood there for I don't know how long, but eventually I had to go back, "You better go, or else you'll miss your flight," Edward reluctantly reminded me.

I briefly considered mutiny, staying here and missing the damn flight on purpose, but it just wasn't worth the aggro I'd get from Phill, and possibly my mum – well, it was but I just couldn't leave my mum all alone in phoenix while pregnant.

I reluctantly pulled away and started walking back to the car, the very car that would take me to my doom... ok, I'm kidding, I probably wont be murdered when I go back.

The ride was short and quiet, I never wanted to reach the airport, maybe it wasn't that bad, maybe in my mind I was just exaggerating things, making a mountain out of a molehill, in a petulant kind of way. Maybe Phill was just a little callous and rough while mum was in her own little world all of the time and I was feeling lonely and left out, maybe...

I sat down on the flight and sighed, morose that I was going back, yet resigned to my fate... I swear I never used to be so melodramatic.

As per usual, my mum picked me up from the airport and started rambling on about her latest interest, or fad. I tried to listen but most of it went straight over my head, you really had to be familiar with the finer points of tai chi for her speech to make any sense. She suggested that we could go together and have some sort of mother-daughter bonding session.

When we got to the house I immediately went to my room to deposit my bags before I relaxed and stretched my slightly cramped muscles out. I hauled my heavy bags up the stairs and stopped dead in the entrance to my room...

the walls were painted in rainbow colours, there was a big cot standing shamelessly – almost majestically with the floaty curtains surrounding it – where my bed had been. My bed was nowhere to be found, had they forgotten that I actually lived there?

I searched through all the upstairs rooms in the house, then went downstairs. When there was still no bed, in a last ditch attempt to find my beloved morning companion, I tried the basement, my bed was there, shoved against the wall and all my precious belongings were chucked carelessly in a box dumped on the end of my bed. All my photo-frames that had been gifts from extremely close friends – cough, people from Forks, cough – were crushed at the bottom, the decorative wire on some of the the more delicate frames was bent. I held the first one up gingerly and gazed with wide, horror-struck eyes at the destruction, I was appalled, those photo-frames, plus the photos the housed, had immense sentimental value. I choked on hot air as I burned when my mum – I don't know how she got there – roughly snatched the frame from my hand and, with an exasperated sigh, began yanking the wire back into shape. She got it wrong but I didn't have the heart to correct it – at least not at that moment anyway.

"This will be your new room from no on, sorry we haven't got any paint for the walls yet, but we had to get loads of colours for the new nursery, and Phill says we cant move my clothes here from our dressing room, with me being pregnant coming down here to get dressed in the cold wouldn't be good for the baby," my mum shuddered as she thought about getting dressed in my new bedroom.

I sat on the bed in shock, feeling strangely betrayed and like my legs had just been swept out from under me. Mountain out of a molehill... yeah right! I shivered at the cold from the concrete floor seeped through my worn slippers and into my bones. I stared blankly ahead and the beige-greyish, colour-of-nothingish wall opposite me, a few tears escaped but I didn't have the energy to cry, feeling like a prisoner while my mum remained oblivious left me too drained to care at that moment.