Just want everyone to know that unfortunately neither Cloud or any other wonderful charatcers from Final Fantasy VII belong to me no matter much I wish they did.

Chapter 13: To Admit Defeat

Reality had never been something of value to me; in the world were I was never good enough. In the world where the one known as "Cloud Strife" wasn't actually known at all; instead I simply existed as a mere shell always hiding within someone else's persona.

I always hide behind a false mask, one which I spent my entire life creating so that maybe one day I didn't have to be me. I thought one day I could be something worth acknowledgement, some one worth looking at; I wanted someone to know me. I needed someone to know who I really was, deep down behind this self forged mask but I knew there was no way that I could allow myself to hurt someone so much by showing them the "real" me. I didn't even know if there was a "real" me any more, or even if there ever had been; I suppose my mask worked so well that I even managed to fool myself.

They only thing I knew for certain was the monster that I had always been; I could feel it tugging at my mind constantly, it was the only pain I could never forget.

Something so evil, so crazed with hatred that it seeped through my entirety; it over exhausted my sanity more than once pulling me into the depths of the darkness. Now it that very darkness, I lay wondering how it is that I can remember such things, things that had always stayed dormant in their place at the back of my mind yet everything else was fogged in the vision of my mind.

Tifa... I knew that name, the woman I gave my life to; I so desperately wanted to be accepted by her, maybe to be loved, but I always knew she couldn't love a monster such as myself.

That was the beginning of my cruel game of hide and seek begin, I tucked myself deep down and never to be found; and all too soon the game became one sided when I gave up the seek and lived the game - my life - simply hiding; hiding to protect her.

It's true that my mind slipped on more than one occasion allowing my true self to float up from the pit of my mind, but each time, with more anger and determination I beat the worthless part of me back down into its corner.

After so long that beaten and battered self began to die, even now I can feel it decaying inside of me, he cries for freedom and I rip out his tongue; he pulls himself out of his dark hole and I cut his hands off. It has always been that way; I suppose I am running, from myself, from the truth I could never accept.

I always knew there wasn't something right about who I was and that's why I now see the dismantled from of my true self laying torn to pieces.

So afraid of myself that I couldn't bear allowing that part of me too live, although it's too bad that even I never knew who I really was, it may have helped to know what I was fighting against. After so long hatred built up against me, hatred directed towards me from me. It was becoming so strong that even the crumpled form, destroyed and barely moving began to push back.

Things were still unclear in my mind, I could only tell what I felt, I couldn't remember but something was begging me not to forget. So I hung on to what I knew, begging for power, for luck, for anything that would allow me to remember what caused things to end up this way...

"Cloud..." softly spoken, sad and alone; the voice became known to me in this place that I couldn't name.

"...Please wake up" I recognized the voice, remembering my history piece by piece, a sliver at a time. It started with the name, Tifa I thought before a doorway in my memory seemed to open and things began to flood into my mind. Her soft voice always strong and compassionate matched itself in my mind along with the sight of a memory.

Starry skies. The end of the world... But it's all okay because I am here in the arms of the woman I love. Her head on my shoulder and my arm wrapped over hers. She looks... happy. Surely this can't be because of me, this monster... I could only ever hurt her, all I could ever do was hurt. Hurt her, hurt myself, and hurt everyone around me; after all it is what I was made to do, but even so I can't help smiling myself... She looks so beautiful.

Something is tugging, pulling anxiously at my thoughts holding me in its grasp with an iron fist. I want to fight it but somehow my strength has left me and now I am defenseless, hopeless as my mind is forced clear and I know there's no winning.

"Wake up!"

My body burns violently, panting, gasping for air in a semi-conscious state as something begins to manifest itself in the forgotten regions of my mind.

Something is building, this feeling, fear, hatred, and anxiety all push beyond the extreme making it harder to breathe.

My eyes burn, my throat is dry, I want the scream but it is too painful. I can't push down the pain, the anxiety just keeps growing; I feel like I'm being attacked from the inside, unable to run pinned into a corner and stripped of my strength.

Faintly I feel something against my arm and within an instant the pain grew ten fold; stabbing at my mind and body. I wanted to scream in protest, to run away as fast as I could from the touch, but the pain was relentless and suddenly I felt like I couldn't breathe, my lungs seemed to tighten and refused to work but quickly regained their function as the touch was released.

Breathing heavier now, I couldn't control myself, my body forced away my will and acted alone as everything suddenly stopped and my eyes flung open blinding me in the process.

"You can't run anymore, Cloud..." the words immediately brought fresh tears to my eyes, burning my mind before they took their torturous decent bringing back all the pain and frustration along with the anxiety still fresh in my mind.

I scrambled in my place trying to move, something in my mind just screamed run to me and if not for the weakened state of my body I would have obeyed without hesitation, but here I sat panicking, terrified, flailing about almost as if to bat away an invisible terror.

Moments past and it became worse, crying furiously, silently begging for redemption from this unknown horror; I dug my fingers into my head willing away the pounding, while throwing my head about trying to shake away the frightening voice.

"You can't escape..." ruthlessly it spoke, the voice grating against every bit of sanity I had left.

The pain became so powerful and overwhelming that I couldn't hold back the sobs that began building in my throat. It was then that I felt strong arms around me holding my excessively shivering body close to theirs.

Somehow I knew it was her, every time something happened she was always there, even though so long ago I had pledged to be her savior.

I knew she had come help me, and right now I really needed to be saved. From this voice in my head, the one who I am, I need to be saved from the world, both inside and out. I'll never survive it alone so please,

Please, Tifa...

"Please save me."

I hope it is to your liking, and that I don't ramble like a retard...