Chapter 13: What's left of you

Castiel opened the white door. His hand was shaking. He had hoped and waited so much for this moment but he was still afraid. Afraid he would be wrong. Afraid of what he was about to find in that room.

The room was all white and seemed cold. There was only a bed and a black chair. Castiel had never liked hospitals. Only bad things had happened to him in those places. He just hoped this wasn't one of those bad times. He hoped to be right. He hoped the person lied on the metallic bed was…

"Sam" Castiel called softly approaching the bed.

The young man with green eyes turned his head to him.

"Cas?" Sam said recognizing him. A smile rose in his face.

Castiel run to him while Sam sat in the bed.

Castiel hugged him, held him tight. Sam's head was against Castiel's chest. His hands grabbed Castiel's open black jacket strongly, like he feared losing Castiel again. Slowly Sam let go and put his hands under the jacket, hugging Castiel. They let a tear fall down their cheeks.

"You're alive" Castiel said still not believing. "I thought you were dead."

"There were moments I thought that too. But I guess I'm back now." Sam looked at him.

"I missed you." Castiel took Sam's lips on his. The kiss was so long awaited for both of them… They had feared that would never happen again. Castiel brought a hand on Sam's cheek. He felt his skin different. A kind of a scar that Sam hadn't before. It looked like his skin was…burned. Sam pulled back immediately at the touch.

"I'm sorry." Castiel said surprised and a little scared. How couldn't he have noticed? He was too happy for Sam being alive. "Does it hurt?"

"Not now. It did some days ago." Sam turned his face to other side. "I just don't want you to look…at me like that. I'm ugly." Sam looked down.

Castiel sat on the bed. "Sam, I thought you were dead. I don't care how you look." Sam looked at him again a little surprised. "I'm just happy you are alive." Castiel sent him a smile. He had finally noticed the burned spot on Sam's face. He also noticed Sam's hair was shorter than it was. Maybe it had been burned by the fire too.

"No matter how you look, you'll always be beautiful to me"

Sam smiled. "I love you" And they kissed once again.

"I love you too." Castiel said pulling away.

"What happened? How did you escape?" Castiel asked curiously.

"Well, they tied me to a chair before they leave the house. Then I saw smoke and it was starting to get hot. I tried to get free, but I couldn't. The rope was thick and strong. So I swing until I fell to the floor. With the impact the chair broke. That was how I got free. Then I got out to through the window from the back of the house. When I had just got out there was an explosion and I was projected. I blacked out. Then I woke up here, three days ago." Sam explained.

"How are you? What doctors say?" Castiel asked, worried.

"They say I was lucky. I only have superficial burns. But I have them in several parts of the body. The one you just saw, other in my leg and a second-degree burn in my arm." Sam showed his left hand. He had gauze around his wrist, from the palm hand to middle of the forearm.

"Does it hurt?" Castiel had heard second degree burns were very painful.

"Sometimes. But the nurses give me painkillers, so it doesn't hurt so much." Sam looked sad about something else.

"But…" Castiel made Sam carry on.

"Nothing. It's just… I lost the bracelet my mother gave me." Sam shook his head. "I know it's stupid. I could've died, and I'm worried about a bracelet. But still…"

"…It had a meaning. It was important for you." Castiel completed. Like he had read Sam's thoughts.

"It's like a part of me was missing. And I want it back." Sam spoke sadly.

Castiel was staring at him and suddenly smiled.

"What?"

"I've been looking for you, even knowing that you would be probably dead. After a while I thought I had lost you forever. But, after all I always had a part of you. I've found…" Castiel took off the necklace around his neck. "…what's left of you." Sam's beloved lizard was in the end of the necklace. Castiel delivered it on Sam's good hand.

Sam was incredulous. He closed his hand grabbing the missing object, it was warm from Castiel's body heat. Sam had no words to say how grateful he was. So, he gave a soft, sweet kiss on Castiel's lips. "Thanks." Sam said when he pulled back.

Castiel was somehow surprised by that kiss. He wasn't complaining at all. All Sam's kisses were more than welcome, but had it been so important to Sam? Had it made Sam so happy? Apparently it had. Castiel felt warm fill his heart and he smiled. If Sam was happy, he was happy too.

"Where did you find it?" Sam asked.

"Where you left it." Castiel said and images of destructed house crossed his mind. Moments before, it would make him sad, but now it made him happy to know Sam was alright.

"Cas?" Sam called. He hadn't really understood the answer. But it seemed that his question had affected Castiel. Castiel came back to reality. "Are you ok?" Sam asked.

"That's what I was thinking about. And yeah… After everything that happened, I'm ok. Now that I've found you." Castiel touched softly in Sam's fingers of the burned hand that was over Sam's legs.

"What happen to you? After… What did they do to you?" Sam tried to ask carefully. He didn't know what those monsters had done to him. But he wanted to know. After all he had also thought Castiel could be dead.

"Nothing."

Sam didn't believe him and sent him an interrogating look. How could they done nothing to Castiel?

"Well, not much. They just put me unconscious when I tried to get to you."

"You saw what happened?" That wasn't really a question. But Castiel nodded at same.

Sam felt sad for him. For those monsters made him watch. Of course it had been painful for Sam, until he faints. But for Castiel had been psychologically painful, traumatizing. Sam caressed Castiel's soft cheek. Castiel felt an electric shock. Sam came closer always looking at Castiel's brilliant eyes.

"Cassie, we gotta go."

Sam startled with the man closing the door rapidly. Sam broke the touch with Castiel.

"Now?" Castiel got up.

"It's time for doctors to come check on their patients. We gotta go before his doctor come." Gabriel explained in rush.

"Ok, just give me a second." Castiel needed more time with Sam.

Gabriel looked at the door's window and saw Sam's female doctor.

"She's coming." Gabriel announced.

"Then distract her." Castiel said with authority.

"What?" Gabriel didn't believe what his brother was suggesting or why he did so.

"Don't you say you're the 'master of seduction'?" Castiel tried to make a point and stop Gabriel for make any questions. "So prove it." Gabriel couldn't say no to a challenge and Castiel knew it.

Gabriel stopped for a moment. Castiel, you'll have a lot to explain, but… "Fine" And he got out.

"What's going on?" Sam asked as soon as Gabriel left.

"I shouldn't be here. I can't be here." He corrected. "There're not allowed visits at this time. Only later. If someone sees me here I'll be in trouble; I bet they'll call my brother Michael. And he forbade me to leave home."

"Why?"

"Because I ran away. Since I came back, he doesn't let me get out of the house." Sam understood; Michael feared Castiel would leave again.

"I must go." Castiel announced softly. He didn't want to leave. Sam didn't want him to leave. But he had to.

"Alright." Sam forced to make a smile but his sad look didn't fooled Castiel.

"I'll be back tomorrow." Castiel promised. Castiel saw outside the room his brother talking to the doctor with chocolate skin colour.

"Cas." Sam called when he saw Castiel stepping away from him.

Castiel turned his attention to Sam again.

"I love you." Sam said in a whisper. Instantly Castiel got back and kissed Sam deeply. That kiss was full of meaning; Castiel was grateful for what Sam said, for Sam being alive. But it was also a goodbye kiss and a promise that Castiel would came back.

"I love you more." Castiel said softly when he pulled away. He was smiling and he licked his bottom lip to preserve and take as much Sam's sweet saliva as he could, and he walked towards the door.

"You wished." Sam said. Castiel sent him a wide smile before he closes the door.

Castiel got out of the hospital room carefully. Fortunately Sam's doctor was turned back to the door. Gabriel saw him leave. Castiel waited for him next to Gabriel's car; a white Volkswagen Scirocco. Gabriel came minutes later and he didn't have a happy face. He pressed the button of the key to open the car at distance and Castiel got in the car, to escape to Gabriel; he should have questions. He should be pissed at Castiel for made him talk to the doctor.

Gabriel got in his car, started it and drove back home.

"You want to tell me what was that all about?" Gabriel spoke for the first time since they got out from the hospital.

"What?"

"Oh, you know! Why did you ask me, more order me to go talk to the doctor?" Gabriel was clearly not happy.

"Because if you didn't, we would be caught."

"I mean it, Castiel." Oh, this was not good. Gabriel never called him Castiel.

"I just needed more time. It was only 5 minutes." Castiel answered vaguely not revealing the real reason.

"Exactly. 5 minutes. What difference did it make, more or less 5 minutes? What was so important?"

All moments I spend with Sam are precious. "It just was. I needed to know what had happened to him. If he was alright." And comfort him too.

Gabriel didn't believe him."You know what I think? I think you just lied to me. I think I interrupted your almost kiss."

He noticed. Castiel closed his eyes momentarily like he had been caught. He'd hoped Gabriel hadn't noticed that moment with Sam. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"You know damn well. So what? You needed time to finish the business?" Suddenly Gabriel's voice was not so upset.

"Yes." Castiel had to give Sam an explanation for leaving so soon. But that wasn't what Gabriel was talking about. "No. Not at you're referring to."

"So you know what I meant." Gabriel looked to his brother while he raised an eyebrow.

"What is exactly your relationship with that boy?"

Castiel couldn't tell him. He didn't think Gabriel would have any objection, Gabriel understood and supported him in everything, but Castiel feared was the reaction of their other brothers, especially Michael's. Michael is very traditionalist; he wouldn't approve his relationship with Sam. Michael couldn't know. Castiel didn't think Gabriel would tell him, but… better safe than sorry. It was better to keep in secret.

"I told you. He's-"

"Your friend. Right." Gabriel completed. "And why I don't believe you?"

Castiel shrugged. "Believe in whatever you want. I'm not going to tell you anything else."

"Alright. So I believe you just confessed Sam is your boyfriend." Gabriel concluded with a winner smile.

Castiel didn't answer. In fact they didn't say anything more on the short ride to home. Fortunately Michael wasn't at home when they arrived. He only came about dinner time. For the first time since Castiel got back, he ate properly at dinner. His brothers eventually noticed the change but they didn't say anything. Now that all his worries and guilt were gone it gave space for biological sensations. After dinner Castiel felt tired, his energies were low and his mind was finally in low activity after several days of a big stress and anxiety. Castiel fell asleep shortly after he had lied comfy in his bed.

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