Okay, so I feel like this is more of a beta version than the final? Cause I just know i'm gonna have to revise this chapter...
It took me FOUR whole months to try and work out the how the conversation would go and in the end, it's still...like this and-
Oh, fudge me. Just...Here it is, you guys...
I hope you enjoy it...
But if you don't, just let me know (nicely please, because i'm the most sensitive loser on the planet) and i'll be more than happy to fix it up!
Also, thank you for the reviews, follows, etc. They mean a lot, a lot, a LOT to me. Really. Like, i'd be a sobbing mess without them. I'm a sobbing mess even with them.
Basically, i'm always crying.
Anyway, i'll be in my corner blushing about the embarrasing trash i've written...
The next chapter shouldn't take an ETERNITY to update like this one did since I already have parts and pieces of it. But thank you for your patience, ya'll!
As both their terrible luck would have it, in fact, they don't end up at the 'pretty decent hotel' at all.
Instead, when the sun begins to dip down below the horizon, it's a somewhat rundown commercial inn a good fifteen minute drive from the city that they wind up staying at.
Still, it seems reasonably clean despite the suspiciously shaky stairs and overly friendly, possibly entirely too lonely, front desk clerk, and they're both tired as all hell, so they give up and figure that this will have to do for today.
They pay up, take a chance on the stairs, and walk until they get to a room '307'.
Simza fits the key into the lock and opens the door to garish red-brown carpets, a single bed smack-dab in the center of the room, and one plain wooden table and two chairs placed beside a window shadowed with heavy maroon drapes. The warm-toned wallpaper is peeling and when she goes to switch on the only lamp in the cramped room, it flickers and statics twice before it finally casts a half-hearted dim, copper glow around the immediate area.
Not exactly a cheery omen, Simza notes to herself as she locks the door behind them. But then again, they're not exactly the cheeriest sight themselves either- damp hair clinging to their necks and foreheads, wide eyes gaunt and exhausted, a pathetic limp and stagger from the overwhelming exhaustion.
They're a sweet, Southern Jul-y mess.
Well, that's what the woman at the front desk had said, anyway. With an unexpected Georgia twang and a grandma's smile as Simza had stepped forward to pay, leaving Banner waiting in an armchair in the lobby and trailing after her with his eyes where he couldn't with his feet.
As she catches her reflection in the glaring black TV screen on top the dresser now, she lets out a sigh.
"'Mess' might have been putting it too kindly..." she mumbles.
Self-consciously, she lifts a hand to smooth down a lock of stray, wet hair amongst all the other unruly tangles. But then-
"Here." a voice says, startling her from the terror that is her own reflection.
She jumps. But when she looks, it's only Banner standing there, having reappeared from the bathroom with two towels, one of which he's holding out to her.
And suddenly, she's inexplicably embarrassed that he caught her trying to improve upon the hopeless wreck that she looks like.
She's blushing as she takes the towel from him.
"Thanks..."
"Yeah...No problem." he answers.
For awhile, they dry themselves off in silence: her, on the bed, him, at the table. And the slight fluffing and ruffling of clothing and the tousling of hair are the only two sounds in the room.
...
...
"...You know, I, uh, still think we should have stopped by a hospital, Simza?..." Banner finally says, breaking the silence that's been suffocating the room.
Simza's shoulders visibly relax at the words, grateful to have something to talk about, even if it is only a rehash of a little tiff they'd gotten into on the way here.
"If we had done that, who knows where we'd be staying tonight?" she says.
"Probably nowhere worse..." he quips with a shrug and a smirk.
She laughs, knowing he's probably right. But still...
"Look, I appreciate your concern, but i've dealt with a lot worse than this before. Trust me. I'll be fine." she says. Then, she cheerily rolls her shoulders, swings her arms, twists her torso, to prove it as she rambles on. "See? And besides, i've been through jobs where I had to keep running and shooting with practically any kind of injury you can think of and I haven't keeled over dead yet. I mean, i'm not gonna say that I haven't come close, but-"
Banner's jaw clenches in guilt at those words and immediately,
Oops.
Wrong choice of words, Simza realizes, cutting herself off with a wince.
She chews on the inside of her cheek, and just as soon as the awkward tension has begun to fade, she shuts down again.
It's been like this all day:
Step 1. Tip-toe ever-so-carefully around in safe little conversation circles.
Step 2. Every once in awhile, accidentally stomp and trample all over each other's toes. (Because, oops. You're bad at words.)
And Step 3. Delicately trying to cover it all up and pretend it never happened. (Because oh, right. You're also bad with people.)
Then repeat.
Repeat, repeat, repeat.
He sighs.
And then, the last of the aforementioned three steps is what Banner chooses to do now.
He knows she's trying hard enough to come to terms with her thoughts anyway and, really, maybe tensing up at every mention of the past isn't the best way to get her talking.
And so, he forces the tensed muscles in his face to relax and,
"...Will you at least let me take a look at it?" he asks.
"Uh..."
He waits.
She nods.
Probably more out of a sense of unease with the prospect of him gazing at her and waiting for an answer than anything else.
Still, he puts his hand on her waist and gently leads her towards a chair.
Surprisingly, Simza lets him. And she's suddenly too preoccupied with staring down at Banner's hand resting on her hip, at the very fluttering, unexpected sight of it all, that she doesn't snap to attention again until Banner politely seats her...
And then suddenly comes around again and crouches down right before her feet.
One of his hands finds its way to the top of her right knee and he leans in to cradle the injured leg and pull it forward in a much more intimate way than she's used to seeing him act.
Despite herself, red flushes her cheeks.
"Y-You really don't have to-" she starts.
But just as soon as her protests have started, Banner is hanging back again, setting her leg in his lap with a light touch and careful fingers, and she goes stiff as stone instead.
He can practically feel her nerves as her hands grip the edge of her seat.
Despite himself, he peeks a glance at her face with a reassuring smile.
"I'm gonna take your shoe off now. That alright, Simza?..." he asks.
"Huh- Uh...I...guess?" she stammers in a rush, flustered by the sudden question.
He chuckles.
And then slowly, so as not to startle her with any sudden movements, his calloused fingers travel up from the bottom of her shoe, across the criss-crossed laces to undo the front knot of her boots.
Checking to see she's always okay with a look, he works gently and efficiently, pulling it loose with a single long tug and then loosening the ties until he can work the shoe off, back-and-forth, carefully, so that it doesn't come in contact with her wound when it finally slips off.
She breathes a small sigh of relief. No pain.
But now, it's his battle.
Banner rolls up the hem of her pants neatly.
Then, his hand lingers at the back of her heel and goes still, just for a moment...
before he grits his teeth and just goes for it, decisively peeling off her sock to finally reveal, close-up, what damage he's caused on a somewhat small, bruised, and blistered foot.
But, oh...
Thank Thor.
It doesn't look anything as bad as what he'd dredged up in the gloomy depths of his imagination, especially after a day's worth of hard traveling.
In fact, it somehow looks even less swollen than before.
Perhaps the long awkward periods of sitting in cabs and subways and making small talk were good for something then.
Suddenly, small toes wriggle and curl shyly under his too-long gaze and, his attention once again caught, he chuckles.
Better get on with it.
Tentatively, he places his hand on the swollen flesh to feel for the breaks when almost immediately-
"Ooh!..." Simza flinches.
He yanks his hand away.
Then, carefully, places his fingers back against her: a faint warmth, hardly even a touch this time.
"...Here?" asks Banner.
Teeth clamping down on her bottom lip, she nods, and then, he proceeds more gently with his poking and prodding and guided turns and flexes until, finally, a few minutes later, the examination is done and he lowers her foot back onto the ground.
"Well, uh...You've got a few fractures, it looks like..." Banner says. "The rest of it is mostly just bruising and swelling. Should go down with some ice. I'd tell you not to walk on it for awhile, but I don't think we really have that option so just, uh...be careful when you can. And here, I don't normally like to say this, but painkillers are gonna be your best friend for the next day, alright?"
He hands her a bottle which he's fished out of his backpack, and she grimaces, but takes it.
"Thanks, doc."
He nods.
"Sure. Oh, and, uh, after the whole...Loki thing, Simza, maybe take my advice?...Once upon a time, I was an actual doctor, you know. So...go to a hospital. Or a clinic, or...wherever it is that Fury sends his little SHIELD minions when-"
She winces at the bitterness in his tone and, oops.
This time, it's his mistake.
Not that it's a surprise exactly.
They've both been making thoughtless mistakes all day, but the score now stands at 12-25 in her favor, if he's been counting correctly.
"...-when they get injured." Banner finishes quietly.
His response is an all-too familiar long pause.
"...I grabbed some supplies from your apartment. I'll help you set it..." he sighs.
They don't say much else as he dabs some antiseptic on the cuts and scrapes, then wraps it all carefully in a bandage.
They don't say much else as he watches her prepare her things for the next day: guns and grenades and a whole slew of other things, all lined up in a row.
They don't say much else as they pick at a pizza in the confines of their dingy room and it's finally late night and the world is, once again, dark.
They've done their parts: played and, in fact, outplayed them all throughout the day, trying so hard to be friendly, amiable, conversational, and act like they can just stay calm and be professional when, really, their feelings, the aftermath of a time-bomb implosion a half-decade in the making, are all still smoldering just underneath the surface.
As hungry as they are, focusing on food is...hard. And Simza's barely eaten one slice before she calls it quits and escapes to the bathroom with the excuse of taking a shower.
In her absence, Banner breathes a sigh of relief, trying to think, too, over the muffled sound of a steady stream of water and light movement from the other side of a shabby door.
But just a short fifteen minutes later, that door opens again and a billow of steam rolls out into the open as she rejoins him, freshly dressed in her torn SHIELD uniform which she obviously intends to sleep in.
"You can go ahead now." she says, not meeting his eyes.
And, resigned to her avoidance, Bruce simply trudges into the bathroom for his turn.
Once the door is shut behind him, he turns the handle to start the shower and peels away at his heavy layers clothing as he waits for the water to warm.
It doesn't take very long.
And once he's ready, he steps quickly inside, and almost sighs as a thousand lukewarm drops of water run in rivulets down his skin, collecting his confusion, his hesitance, his fear together- everything that isn't good or important, and slowly washes those bad feelings, even if just temporarily, away.
Of course, some of the worry still remains.
But, now it isn't so bad.
Because it occurs to him then, at the strangest moment, in the strangest way, how nice it actually feels to be fretting to himself over what to do, how he should act around her, all over again.
Bruce runs a hand through his wet tangle of hair and chuckles.
Then, I can do this..., he tells himself.
He can do this.
Even if, once he steps out of this room, it's back to smiling. Even if it's back to uncomfortable silence, and thin shadows of regret and fear lurking just beneath the surface of their meaningless conversations...
He can.
But, a half hour later, when Banner finally steps out, Simza is...only a lump on the mattress.
The blankets are pulled up high over her head, she's completely still, and the only thing that gives away the fact that she isn't really sleeping is the uneven sound of shaky, fearful breathing that she's working much too hard to control, but can't.
Banner's chest tightens as he watches.
And he doesn't want to force a fragile thing and end up tearing it, and so, instead of pretending, instead of speaking, instead of asking, he just switches all the lights, and sits at the table, and he pieces together what he can of her real life through all the deadly odds and ends gathered there instead.
Her breathing grows more even then.
More relaxed, as she realizes what it is he's doing for her.
And there, in the otherwise complete silence of the room, that proof of her relief becomes a strange, calming music that Banner listens to as he clicks through names on a tracking device and examines the wear on handles of knives and about a million other things, until he's grown sleepy too, the pace of their breathing synchronized in perfect time, and he's just sitting there with his eyelids drooping, his cheek resting in his hand.
A slow breath in...
A slow breath out...
Another breath in...
Another breath out...
...A final breath in...
And then, just as he's about to nod off completely...
...
"How long have you known?..."
The murmur, as soft as it is, cuts through the silence, razor sharp.
Still, it's so unexpected that Banner isn't even sure he's heard it at first.
And so, in the beginning, only his eyes open, curiously wandering around for the source of his disturbed sleep.
But then, when he sees her, he can suddenly sense the still and subtle change in the air too, and his head lifts, then his shoulders, then his entire body, and all at once, any hint of peace or sleep or sadness blinks into nothing like the night and Banner is wide, wide awake.
"...Did, uh...Sorry, did you just-...?" he asks.
She doesn't say yes.
But she doesn't say no, either.
And after six long years of waiting, of wanting, of trying to forget, of ashamedly grasping on to the long unspeakable story that he'd thought had ended in only horror and tragedy, he is...about to get a second a chance. A different ending.
Maybe he won't like the conclusion.
But he has no more excuses to arm himself with.
No more false identity to withdraw into when things start to feel just a little too real.
Both of them now, after a long stretch of six years, they only have the truth.
But this time, that's exactly what they want.
He takes a deep breath.
So it all boils down to this.
God, where do they even begin?...
Then, Banner thinks, perhaps with the question.
Alright. Take it slow. Pace yourself.
Don't scare her.
Banner swallows the lump in his throat and he tries to seem more composed than he feels when he says, "...Not long. Fury told me after that time we...uh, went at each other on the Helicarrier."
She snorts a bitter laugh at that.
"Which time?"
He feels just a little bit guilty when he mumbles,
"...The first."
For a long moment, the lump on the bed doesn't move.
Then, slowly, slowly, Simza finally sits herself up and, wrapping herself protectively around the shoulders against his impending anger with her blanket, she lifts her eyes to his face.
"So you knew from the beginning..."
"...Pretty much." Banner shrugs.
Simza chews on her lip for a long second.
When she finally speaks, she sighs,
"...Then I guess there's really nothing more to say."
That, of course, isn't true.
And Simza offers a sheepish shrug at Banner's raised brow.
"Thought i'd try it at least..." she mumbles with a wince and dry, forced laugh.
An awkward pause.
"So, then...What...What's-"
She breaks off when a sudden rush of sickness at the realization that this- it's real, it's about to happen- threatens to make her voice crack and her stomach heave like a nervous prepubescent boy's, and it's only after drawing in a long, deep breath that she manages to continue, however shakily.
"...What's first? What do you want to know? Why I tricked you? How I survived? Why I came back? Why I let you try to convince me I was a good person when, really, i'm a lying liar who lies and who doesn't know when to..."
As she continues on, listing a good hundred of her supposed sins with a sharp self-depricating edge in her tone,
as she rambles on and on and he listens, trying to pick out question after question, trying to decide which one he should be asking first,
as she picks and scrapes at all of her wrongs, even ones that Banner had never seen as wrongdoings himself,
it comes to him.
That at the end of the day, the only thing he knows he wants to say for sure is this:
"...I'm glad you're alive."
Simza goes immediately silent.
He can see the movement of her throat as she swallows a hard lump, so tempted to believe him, but unable to do so because she understands exactly the kind of person she was and is.
And so, after a moment, she merely offers a nervous shrug that she tries to pass off as casual and composed, and says, "...Are you really though? It's my fault you had to run away and- and-"
And she's just about to start off on another critical rant, but-
"Simza." Banner interrupts.
He meets her eyes.
And then, he says again, slowly, deliberately, giving each word their own individual weight,
"I'm glad you're alive." he repeats.
And then he cracks that kind little smile; the one that's so genuine, but also kind of sheepish and suddenly, it's like everything she's ever been afraid of, everything that's ever stopped her from gathering her courage and just talking to him, is put to rest at that smile.
She doesn't know what to do with the immense relief that she feels and so, her body leaks it out in the form of tears but she sniffs and laughs and turns away and, "Why do you always have to do that?..." she mutters.
Banner frowns.
"Er...Do what?"
She snorts.
"That whole, you know, surprise, nice, sweet thing you do." Simza says exasperatedly. "I mean, geez, i'm only human. Go easy on me, will you?..."
Banner scratches his head, trying to hide a sudden blush.
"Uh. Yeah, i'm not sure what you-...I just- er...What i'm saying is, I just needed you to know that...Before I asked you anything else, Simza..."
Yes. Very smooth, Banner.
But strangely enough, when he chances a glance at her face, she's smiling.
A real smile, an affectionate one, finally.
And when she speaks, she says, "Yeah, I know. I know what you're saying, Banner, and...i'm pretty glad that you're alive too."
For another few seconds, they let the good moment linger.
It's nice to bask in the small victories sometimes, after all, and for the two of them especially, the small victories are all that have been dragging them through one day and into the next, ever since that night they'd been torn apart.
I didn't have an incident.
I didn't kill someone.
I'm not a murderer today.
But now, they're back together.
And almost at the exact same time, they realize that it's time to let the good moment go and fight for something that could be much, much better if only they let it.
"Do you want to come and sit?" Simza asks softly, shifting over on the bed.
Banner nods.
And just like that, with Bruce Banner resting against the footboard, and Agent Sterling leaning against the headboard, they face each other and their knotted questions, and they work to untangle them together.
"And so that's the sad, tragic little story of a girl named Simza Sterling who, in the span of about half a decade, lost her job, her best friends, her sister, her mom, her sense of morals, and pretty much, well...everything else ever important in life." Simza concludes with a dry laugh, despite a raw throat and red eyes. "Well, except for money. The only thing i'm swimming in besides regret these days is cash."
Despite the obvious forced attempt at humor, he sees the tear-streaked cheeks and Banner knows enough to swallow down the lump in his throat and keep silent.
So instead, he looks down at their clasped hands, gives hers a tight squeeze, and she manages a half-smile in sheepish thanks.
"I never did have the best luck though, so..." she continues. "That was actually kind of my trademark when I worked with SHIELD. Whenever they read through a mission report that went exactly not as planned, they knew it was mine. Didn't even have to look at the name, after awhile. They just called me Trick Silver."
"Trick Silver?" Banner echoes.
"They thought they were being funny..." Simza snorts rolling her eyes. "Like, Black Widow, you know? A nickname. A bad one. Get it? 'Cause Simza Sterling as in sterling silver? And 'trick' cause, well...my life's a big joke, basically."
Suddenly, she looks timid.
"Er, that's not to say I was terrible at my job or anything. I got all my missions done. It just...usually took a few more steps than it should have is all."
Banner chuckles and nods to reassure her that he doesn't think she's a completely incompetent idiot and she lets out a great big sigh of relief and then eyes him, thoughtfully, for a moment.
"You know, you were technically my first real failure, actually..."
He freezes.
"Oh. Uh...Sorry." Banner fumbles, at a loss for what else to say.
Her eyes widen at the unintended reaction.
"Oh. No, that's not- that's not what I-" she trails off into a flustered laugh. Then, takes a breath to try again. "...To be honest, er, what i'm trying to say is that...i'm...glad...that I didn't drag you right down into the fiery pits of SHIELD hell with me." she says. "Especially since you obviously didn't want to be there."
Banner flashes her an apologetic smile.
"I really didn't." he admits.
She laughs and gives him a soft punch in the arm at that.
"Alright, jerk." she says. "Pace yourself with the honesty there or you're gonna make me cry." she jokes.
He, however, only chuckles and then reaches out to pull some strands of damp hair out of her eyes.
"Again, you mean." he says gently.
And at that, suddenly, Simza groans in embarrassment. She presses her face into her hands and then,
"Ugh. Okay. No. No more crying. I hate doing it, most people hate watching it, so let's just..." she takes a deep breath and gives him a look.
"Alright, alright." Banner laughs. "I'm sorry. No more."
Simza nods, satisfied, and then, in a grand symbolic gesture, she gets up on her knees, aims, tosses, and lands a scrunched up ball of tissue right into the trash.
"And...ten points to Sterling. I still got it." Simza says, falling back on the bed with a satisfied smile. "You wanna try taking a shot for yourself, Mr. Banner?" she asks, grandly gesturing to the tissues littered all over the bed.
He chuckles at her same old penchant for games.
And before he knows it, the words are already out of his mouth:
"...You know, Simza, I still can't believe I didn't recognize you sooner."
At that, her smile suddenly falters and with a wry smile, she settles back down.
"...Well, why would you?" she shrugs. "I was just some nice girl you thought was dead..."
Oh.
And now Banner realizes that even with all of his hopelessly longing looks, his lingering touches, she had never picked up on it at all.
What had been so obvious to him, the reason he'd pulled away, was, to her, just another reason she'd been afraid...
And so,
"Simza..." Banner starts cautiously. "While I was with you, did you ever get the feeling that I-...You know?"
She only tilts her head at him, curiously.
"That you...what?"
At the clearness of her eyes, Banner begins to feel just a bit warm under his collar and he quickly looks away.
"Nothing." he says. "I just- you, uh, look good by the way. Well, except for the few, you know..."
As soon as he says it, he winces.
He knows how insulting that might have just sounded. Lucky for him, Simza only snorts.
"Yeah, thanks. Facial reconstruction surgery's come a long way. Still not perfect, though…"
She gestures to the lightning strike scars where they'd pieced her face together, feathered across her cheek and yet again, Banner cringes. Because he was the one who'd done that to her and suddenly, everything he's ever really done wrong, and there were so, so many things, comes flooding his mind all at once.
"...I'm sorry, Simza." he mumbles down to his hands.
Now, he's dead serious.
"No...No, I-...Gosh, Bruce. You shouldn't be the one to apologize. In fact, aren't you...I mean, angry at all?" she asks. "I mean, you should be. It's why i've...been holding this off for so long. I let them lie to you, Bruce. I let them think that you killed me. But the worst of it was, I let you think I was some good person- Ellie Mills, when, really, Ellie Mills was me and I was going out every night, doing what I do..." She sighs. "I was never who you thought I was. I'm sorry that when you found out, all you got was, well...this." Simza says with a timid little shrug.
Banner winces at the dull pain throbbing in his chest at the words.
It isn't fair for her to say that...
Not when she had risked her life twice just for the likes of him.
And so,
"...Can I ask you something?" Banner asks.
She shrugs her consent.
"Did you know I was lying when we first met?"
"You said your name was 'Buck Starch'. I mean, were you even trying to hide it?" Simza deadpans.
Banner almost chuckles.
It's a fair point, but,
"No, I mean...When you pulled me from the alley. Did you know who I was?"
"Oh, that. Not at first." Simza says. "I was still trying to figure out what to do with you, actually. That's when I got a notification from SHIELD."
Banner smiles in satisfaction at that.
"Then, I guess you should say the same about me." he says.
"What do you mean?"
"I'm sorry you saw a man in the alley, and you got the 'other guy' instead..."
Simza blinks in surprise at that.
But then, the sheer truth of the words strikes her dumb and before she knows it, she's laughing. And so is he.
All this time, they'd each been trying to convince themselves that they were so much worse than each other...
But maybe, the truth was that they were just the same.
No, not exactly.
They were, they are, something more like...compliments.
Counterparts.
His empty insides are only brought to life when they're filled by her ridiculous laughter and her jokes and her anger and her brightness.
And for her, those lonely holes in her life only feel less empty when there's someone gentle and kind to worry and smooth those spaces over.
And so, in a way, right now, they're almost...glad that they are exactly who they are.
It's a funny thing to be feeling after so very long.
But god, it's a relief to be feeling it at all.
And, both seeming to somehow just understand the thoughts running through each other's mind, Simza and Banner look at each other and smile.
It's been one hell of a long time coming...But they're proud of each other for having made it.
And, compelled by this new sense of hope, of course, Banner can't help but want to say it.
"There's something else, you know, Simza..." he murmurs, as-a-matter-of-factly.
She only tilts her head at him curiously, eyes glimmering in anticipation of a joke.
"Yeah? What's that, Mr. Starch?" she answers, playing along.
Banner just chuckles.
"...You had secrets. Well, I had one too."
Simza tilts her head curiously.
And then, with Banner's heart pounding a hundred miles a minute, he just balls up his hand and...
says it.
"I loved you...I love you."
For a moment, it's as if the entire world has turned on its head and she can't even comprehend the words that are ringing through her shocked, empty mind.
What...
What?
What?
It just...doesn't match up.
He was always...rejecting her. Cutting her off, shutting her out...
Even when she was leaving all her cards on the table, practically saying it all the time, just never in words, he hadn't ever shown the slightest hint that he-...
Simza breaks off her thoughts and just takes a deep breath to calm her pounding heart.
Maybe she's just hallucinating...
"I'm sorry...What did you just-...Er. Could you just...say that...again?..." she says, in a small voice.
Banner manages a wry chuckle, but his palms are nearly sweating.
For a moment, he wonders just how pathetic it must seem for a man his age to be shaking at something so juvenile.
But then, he takes a deep breath, draws himself up to his full height, and says it again.
"I love you, Simza..."
An eternity passes as she watches him with those wide, wide eyes.
And the entire time, their hearts are beating loud in their ears, which makes them embarrassed, which makes speechless, which makes their palms sweat, which makes them breathe all shaky, which makes their hands tremble, which only makes them more nervous, which makes etc., etc. and so on.
From somewhere far away, a passing car honks its horn, loud and long, and at the exact same time, Simza and Banner suddenly jump, realize what kind of humiliating thing they're doing, and quickly look away.
As Simza tucks some hair behind her ear though, through a furtive peek, Banner could swear that her cheek is lifted up into an expression not unlike a smile.
And sure enough, after she clears her throat, she looks at him again and-...
"You do?..." she says quietly, biting down on her lip to stifle a grin.
He nods.
"I do..."
And then, even the pain of her teeth cutting into her bottom lip isn't enough to stop that sunny smile from spreading, happy and beautiful, across her features.
Her eyes find his at last, and when they do, Banner feels a strange gripping in his chest.
A good gripping, this time.
Maybe she still loves him, too.
Banner almost loses himself in that small hope.
But then, he hurriedly shakes his head.
This isn't the only thing he wanted to say...
"But- But just...hang on." he says quickly, rising to his feet to put some distance between them before things get dangerous.
"What? Why?" Simza frowns.
"Beyond the fact that i've nearly killed you twice now?..." he snorts. "You're...not seeing the whole picture. There are things you...have to think about before I-...before we-...Just...Alright, let me put it this way." he sighs, running a hand through his hair. And then, very slowly, he looks her in the eyes and says, "Kids, a house, a stable job...It's...out of the question for me. I can't live the kind of life you want. I can't be normal, Simza..." he murmurs, and the heavy pause that happens after he says his final word damn near breaks his heart.
Because they came so close.
But, much to his surprise, Simza then only stands, too, mirroring his firm stance as best she can.
"...What makes you think I want normal? Or kids or a house or any of that?" she returns. "I'm a SHIELD agent, Bruce. I can't have a normal life anyway. None of us can, but...if we did this, we'd have one thing that those normal people out there wouldn't."
"Oh yeah? And what's that?" Banner asks, meaning to challenge her.
But then, Simza edges a step closer and suddenly, every single nerve in Banner's body is rigid and tense, burning with quiet anticipation at the nearness of her warmth and the very deliberate way she's now looking up right into his eyes.
"When all hell breaks loose, neither one of us would have to sit on the sidelines with nothing to do except hope that the other person is gonna make it." Simza murmurs. "We'd be in each fight together, Bruce. At each other's backs..."
"...And...what happens when there's a fight that we can't win?" he asks quietly.
But he doesn't shy away. And knowing that's his own way of showing that he wants this too, she smiles and takes another step forward.
"Then...we take a page from Tony Stark. And we figure out a loophole." she murmurs, daring to edge so close that he can now feel her the hot air from her lungs just barely graze his skin.
"And if there isn't one?..." he dares her in a breath.
She whispers, unfazed, "Then, we take one from Thor and just fight. Hard as we can."
Her eyes linger for a second on his lips, he's drawn in by guiding hand, and suddenly, before Banner knows it, he's thrown back six years and she's just one familiar inch away from him, waiting for that kiss.
But, for some damned reason, he can't stop himself from talking.
"...And what happens when we can't do that?..." he murmurs into the space between them.
Suddenly, Simza pulls back with surprised look on her face at the never-ending stream of challenges, and then, she laughs, and just like that, the moment is ruined.
Too many questions, Banner.
The doctor nearly kicks himself for his stupidity. But...
"Well. Then..." Simza says, thinking on his question seriously for a moment. "Then, we pull a Natasha Romanoff or a Steve Rogers or- or, I don't know, a Nick Fury." she laughs.
She takes even his fumbling mistakes in stride and he could love her just for that.
"Hell, maybe even a Simza Sterling?" she continues.
Then, she pauses and shoots him a sly look. "Maybe a Bruce Banner." she grins.
He raises a brow at that.
"Oh, yeah? And what's a Bruce Banner?" he snorts. "Running and hiding, making mistake after mist-"
She silences him by taking his hand in hers, lightly tracing her fingers against the underside of his wrist, sending light shivers across his skin, and he breaks off into a hard, distracted swallow.
"A Bruce Banner." she says slowly. Her eyes flicker up and meet his, and each next word is spoken just inches from his lips, warm and precise. "It means we do anything we can to protect the people we love...Even if that's leaving. Even if that's dying."
"...Simza..." Banner starts, with a sigh.
Then, she smiles, a simple happy smile at the fact that she gets to say it.
"I know now why you did it. Why you said no, why you left and never came back, why even when you knew me, you didn't want to get too close. You thought you were keeping me safe..." she says. "...But...the thing is, you can't try to protect me forever, Bruce. Sooner or later, i'll get hurt. That's inevitable. I'll get shot. I'll get run down. I'll get taken hostage or interrogated or i'll be beaten and cut up or exploded by a grenade until i'm nothing but a hundred pieces of blood and guts splattered all over a wall in the-"
Banner shakes his head.
"Simza, don't..." he pleads, placing a hand over her lips because he just can't hear anymore. "Please..."
And Simza watches, sorry for hurting him but strangely touched by his sadness, too, but after a moment, she frees herself from his touch.
"My point is," she continues gently. "that you can't save me. Not by running away, and maybe not even by staying close. But i'd still rather have you here than gone because-..."
"Because?..."
There's a long suspended moment in the air- suffocated and nervous and then,
"Because...I love you too." she whispers.
Then, because the words don't seem like nearly enough to describe all the feelings trapped inside her chest, because the words came too quickly, too rushed, too stilted and unnatural on her awkward, unpracticed tongue, she frowns at herself and tests the words out again.
"I...I love-..."
But that's as far as she gets.
Because suddenly, all at once, Bruce Banner's overwhelmed by the sound of those words, that frown on her face, the care in her touch, and he tips himself over the edge, that point of no return, and just finally, finally grabs her and...
he kisses her.
Finally...
You could sum up both him and her, the past few days, this entire moment with that one word.
As in, finally, for the first time in all the years he's known her, Bruce Banner conquers the fear and the heartbreak and all the self-loathing and, for once, he just lets go.
The kiss is a soft, cautious, gentle thing, at first.
Just like him-
And his grip on her shoulder is warm and solid, but the feel of his lips pressing against hers is a faint tingle on her lips: airy and tender and light...
But then, he slowly pulls back, sees the shocked look in her eyes and suddenly, he just knows that he needs to do it again.
With a surprising strength, he tugs her in and this time, his lips meeting hers are rough, more desperate, the grip on her arm firm as he presses her further and further back without knowing, only understanding that he wants her to be so much closer. His other hand wraps itself firmly around her waist and he's more open in his wanting than he's ever been before, but somehow all of this is just like him too.
Simza gasps in surprise when she suddenly feels the sharp edge of the table digging into the back of her hip.
But Banner wastes no time.
In one smooth motion, he only lifts her up onto it and she lets out one laugh until, this time, her lips are pressed against his, and she's pulling his body down against hers until she's lying flat on the surface with Banner leaning over her, propped up on one arm.
His other hand runs gently through her hair as he breaks from one feverish kiss only to go in for another.
And then, his lips start to travel, trailing fire down her neck, and Simza lets out a moan-
To him, it's quiet and soft and beautiful.
But...
But it's also just too much, and at the sudden heat building in Banner's body, his conscious suddenly screams a sound alarm and horrified, he lurches back from her, his heart, his head, his whole body hot, blood pounding something fierce.
"I'm...sorry. I...didn't-..." he pants, mind a little foggy. "I can't... Not yet..."
Simza only blinks at him, still too flustered to say anything back.
And, Oh. Maybe she wasn't thinking of that at all...
Despite his busy head, Banner nearly shrinks in that embarrassment, but when he glances at her, her cheeks are pink now too, which makes him think that maybe...she was?
Still, saying nothing, she only straightens herself out to approach him then, and at first, Banner backs away out of pure panicked instinct.
She seems surprised by that at first, but then Simza's face softens into a little smile and she holds out her hands in a show of peace and he remembers.
He lets her approach to lay a soothing hand on his shoulder and as his mind clears and the emotions wind down, he's struck with a sudden sense of shame.
Once he's good and calm again, Banner slumps on the bed, disheartened.
"...I guess...we found another thing to add to the list of all my problems..." he scoffs.
His voice is still a little rough, but it sounds more tired now than anything else as he rubs a hand across his face.
Still, Simza sits herself beside him and takes his hand in hers.
"I didn't think it was going to be easy, Bruce." she says. Then, she smiles, "But if you stop pulling away, eventually, we just might strike some type of balance, you know."
He glances at her questioningly. And in response, she lifts up their intertwined hands.
Her hand: for him, always healing, always mending, always soothing...
"And anyway," Simza continues. "I think the high point of the day, really, is that I finally stopped you from turning. That's a pretty huge victory for us, wouldn't you say?"
Banner chuckles. And he doesn't quite have the heart to tell her that he hadn't quite reached the danger of turning- not yet, anyway.
And so, he merely sends her a doubtful look and says,
"...One time out of three, Simza. That's our record so far."
She only shrugs.
"Yeah, well. I think I like those odds."
"Really? They don't seem a little low to you?" he jibes in a dry, self-depricating tone.
"Actually, when you run with SHIELD, that's considered pretty high."
And then, at Banner's surprised expression, Simza falls back onto the bed with a laugh. She stretches out, propping one arm behind her head, feeling suddenly exhausted by the day's events- exhausted, but...satisfied, too.
There's a brief moment of content silence suspended in the air before she speaks again.
And when she does, her voice is soft and serious.
"You know, we're going to be walking into all kinds of hell tomorrow, Banner. And I know this might not be what you want to hear, but...i'm kind of glad you're the other guy, too."
And that's something he's never heard before.
"...Why?" he asks.
The answer is something he has thought about in the past. And yet, it's still a surprise.
Because never, in all his life, had he ever thought he'd meet someone who would value him, his safety, over the danger that 'the other guy' presents.
"Because I don't ever have to worry about you getting hurt." she says.
Banner pauses as he looks down beside him at the oh-so-human woman, blinking up at the ceiling and thoughtlessly saying such precious things.
And he knows he shouldn't say it, but, of course, he does.
"...But I still have to worry for you..."
Her eyes find his then, in a look that's neither challenging nor tragic nor hostile nor surprised-
it's just a straightforward truth.
Simza nods to acknowledge it.
And then, a little late, as always-
a little slowly, a little clumsily, Banner adds, "...I think that's okay..."
For a stunned moment, she doesn't move, doesn't breathe, doesn't blink-
But then, all of a sudden, she's laughing.
She lifts herself up to kiss him again and Banner gladly accepts.
That night, they fall asleep surprisingly quickly given what's waiting for them tomorrow.
And neither of them knows exactly what will happen after the danger's passed, but that is a worry for when it actually happens.
For now, they'll take what they have and be glad of it.
And so, even with Simza tangled up in ninety percent of the sheets, with Banner pressed up close for that other ten percent, it's a more restful sleep than he's had in years.
And for once,
for once,
it's both of their dreams that are sweet.
It's an odd, low, earth-shaking rumbling that wakes Simza late the very next morning.
And as soon as her eyes flutter open and she sees the eerie colored lights in the sky through the window,
as soon as she steps out of bed and feels the ground tremble around her feet, she knows-
it's time.
Time to fight or die.
But...despite what they'll be facing, Simza is surprised to find that she isn't stricken and terrified, the way she'd thought she'd be...
She is still scared.
But when she looks to her side and sees Banner's peaceful sleeping form, right now, more than anything, she just feels...
Ready.
A second later, when another tremor passes through, Banner wakes, too- groggy, but solemn, and they look at each other and he understands.
Within five minutes, they're dashing out the door, and this time, even though they are going with the intent to kill, they don't give any pause.
Because now they know that there's at least one person in all the world, who will never see them as a monster.
Hope you enjoyed...