By the time I reached my Grandmother's room all the self-control that I had thought I had fled. As I'd climbed the last few steps tears had begun to collect in my eyes, and by the time I reached the top I felt them spill over.
I'd never cried this much in my life, I thought as I sat down on the edge of the bed. What was happening to me? I wasn't one to just indulge in self-pity, yet here I was crying over a situation that I knew was eventually going to happen. But it wasn't that that had upset me. It was the fact that Legolas had chosen the very rings that I had once wanted for my betrothal ceremony with Haldir.
"Legolin," I heard my Grandmother's soft voice come from the doorway.
"Yes," I said as regally as I could manage, but I wasn't surprised when my voice came out sounding thick.
"You are upset," she said as she walked towards me.
"Of course," I said as I just stared at her. She couldn't possibly understand what I was feeling right now. She'd been able to choose who she was going to spend her life with. I had agreed to marry one whom I did not love.
"I have brought you a gown for this evening," my grandmother said as one of the most prominent dress makers entered the room. She was carrying a dress in her arms. I watched as she laid it on the bed, bowed and then left the room. I walked over to the bed to take a closer look at the gown. The body of the dress was a soft seafoam green silk chiffon, the color was that of the new leaves that blossomed on the mallorn trees in spring. The gown also had pale sliver chiffon off-the-shoulder sleeves that draped to the floor. Around the waist was a thin silver belt that hung to the floor as well.
"I would like you to wear this as well."
I looked up and saw that my Grandmother, much to my surprise, was cradling her moonstone brooch. "Celeborn made this for me as a gift before our own betrothal ceremony. As my granddaughter, I would like you to wear it as well."
"Thank you," I said as I gently took the brooch from her grasp. It was sentimental, but I felt happier for the fact she had given the gift to me as her granddaughter, instead of as the heir to Lórien as I'd expected. The brooch was one of the most beautiful pieces of jewelry that I'd ever seen, and to wear it would be an honor. I walked over to my dressing table and placed the brooch next to the silver circlet I sometimes wore. My Grandmother's reflection appeared in my mirror, she was holding the gown in her arms. I turned and took it, then walked behind my dressing screen.
Everything felt surreal. A part of me felt that this was some weird nightmare and I'd wake up at any moment. The other half of me knew that this was real, but didn't want to accept that I was preparing for my own betrothal ceremony. I took in a deep breath and released it slowly.
The gown was very comfortable, and I was shocked at how much I liked it. I walked out from behind the screen and my Grandmother smiled at me.
"You look beautiful," she said as she reached out a hand and cupped the side of my face.
"Thank you, will you braid my hair?" I asked. It was a tradition that the women in our family did their hair in a pretty braided knot. When Arwen and Aragorn had betrothed themselves I'd done Arwen's hair.
"Of course," my Grandmother said as we moved towards the stool that was in front of my dressing table. I sat down and she brushed my hair. When Arwen and I had been younger, our Grandmother had loved braiding our hair. The normalcy of this moment helped to calm my nerves.
She pulled a few strands from the crown of my head and then knotted them in the back. The knot itself looked like an infinity symbol, or two figure eights within themselves. She took a few strands from right behind my ears and created a second knot, which rested at the base of my skull.
When my hair was done I placed my silver circlet upon my head. The design was simple, with just a few braided metal strands looped in the front. I was glad that I'd brought my fancier circlet to Rivendell, it would have clashed with extravagance of the brooch.
The last thing I added was the brooch itself. I pinned it onto the front of my gown and then stood and looked in the mirror. It didn't look like me. This girl was enchanting and whimsical in her appearance.
"I look…different," I whispered as I looked at my Grandmother in the mirror.
"You look like the heir of Lórien, fair to look upon, but it is your spirit that shines through." We stood there in silence for a moment, then a knock came at the door. "That will be Celeborn. It is time for us to make our way to Cerin Amroth." She said as she smiled at me.
I gulped as butterflies exploded within my stomach. What if I tripped, or somehow made a fool of myself?
"Do not fear granddaughter," she said most likely reading the nervousness that was written plainly on my face. "You will be surrounded by those who love you."
My eyes widened as I realized I had no idea how many people were going to be at the celebration. "How many are coming? I thought these celebrations consisted of immediate family and close friends only. Is it different because I am the heir?" I asked rapidly as the nerves took over.
She placed her hand on my shoulder and smiled at me softly, "It is a small gathering that shall witness your betrothal vows. It comprises of Celeborn and myself, along with Aragorn as your family. We feel that the bond between the two of you is as strong as any siblings could share. Only Thranduil will be present as Legolas' kin."
I let out a sigh of relief. I had not wanted all of Lórien to be witness to the vows spoken by Legolas and myself. Especially because at the end of a year I would be breaking those vows to marry Haldir.
My Grandmother and Celeborn led the way to Cerin Amroth. I followed behind with my head held high and a small smile on my face. I wanted to at least appear happy for those present. I was doing the right thing for my people, and that was the important thing.
The walk through the quiet forest helped to sooth my spirit. We avoided the Fellowship's pavilion of rest by taking a side path that led to Cerin Amroth. As we approached I saw that a table had been set up and was laden with food. Legolas and his father stood at the base of the large mallorn tree that grew at Cerin Amroth.
As we approached Celeborn moved to the side and stood by Aragorn who was standing as a spectator by the table. We continued on and we stopped at Hinnoron, I smiled at him and he smiled back encouragingly as he handed me the bright silver ring that I had chosen. I thanked him and then Galadriel and I continued on to where Legolas was waiting.
Galadriel stood in front of Legolas and smiled at him, she reached out a hand and he brought it to his lips in a gesture of respect. She moved to her left and stood at the base of the small mound that the tree grew from. As I walked in front of Thranduil, who was also standing at the base of the small rise, I curtsied. He bowed and smiled down at me.
I moved passed him and walked up the small rise to where Legolas was standing at the top of the small mound. We smiled at each other and then he spoke the traditional words of the groom, "Guren bêd enni i gi melin a go-vestatham aen. Man gureg bêd?" (My heart tells me that I love you and we should wed. What does your heart say?) He offers me the dark silver ring that would be his after the year of our betrothal. This giving of the rings was a symbolic gesture that was to signify the both of us giving the other our hearts to hold and protect.
I accepted his ring and placed it on my thumb, as that was the only digit that was wide enough to fit his ring. I looked back up into his face. I smiled and then spoke the traditional words of the bride, "Guren be 'ureg. Na veth min în, go-vestatham." (My heart is like your heart. At the end of one year, we shall wed.) I hold out my own silver ring and he accepts it. I watch as he places it on his second to last finger of his left hand.
My heart began to pound as we clasped our ring adorned hands in front of our chests. I felt his other hand cup the side of my face as he tilted my chin for the kiss that would seal our promise. His lips lightly pressed against mine as I closed my eyes. There was something different about this kiss, it sent a shock of sensation throughout my whole body. When we parted I had goose bumps along my arms. We looked into each other's eyes and then turned to face our families.
He slid his empty hand around my waist and together we said the traditional words that would bring the ceremony to a close, "Ai odhron adh odhril! Ai muindyr a muinthil! Ai meldir a meldis! Go-vestatham na veth min în!" (Hail father and mother! Hail brothers and sisters! Hail male-friends and female-friends! We two will marry at the end of one year.) Those gathered clapped their hands as we walked down the mound and took our seats at the table.
I as we made our way I noticed that at the edges of the clearing many had gathered, and it seemed our betrothal ceremony wasn't a small affair like I'd thought. Many of my kin came and congratulated Legolas and I on our betrothal. I accepted their good wishes with a smile on my face as did Legolas.
We offered food to those who would have some, and many did. I was surprised that there seemed enough for all to share in. I looked at my Grandmother and she had a telling smile on her face. I shook my head but didn't let her ability of foresight bother me. For some reason I felt lighter than I had in a long time.
The feast went well into the night, and by the time it finally came to a close it was around midnight. Legolas and I thanked everyone for coming and bid our goodnights. He walked me to my flet, we mainly walked in silence. Seeing as we'd both imbibed a little in the wine my Grandmother had been serving. When we finally reached my flet I suddenly felt awkward. It was one thing to kiss him during the ceremony, but I barely knew him.
I turned and face him as we stood at the bottom of the stairs that would lead into my home. He smiled down at me and I felt my stomach tighten in nervousness. "It was a very pleasant celebration," I said trying to make myself seem less nervous. I wasn't sure what was expected, usually when our kind became betrothed the individuals knew and loved each other. I was surprised when I heard him laughing. He saw my confused face and smiled down at me, he moved closer until we stood only about a foot apart.
"Sleep well Legolin," he said as he placed a kiss upon my brow. "Come the dawn our Fellowship will be leaving." With that he smiled down at me once more and then walked away. I watched him until he turned a bend in the path and I lost sight of him. That was not what I'd been expecting.
"Your beauty is as radiant as the moon," a male voice said from behind me. I looked around and saw Haldir coming towards me.
"Thank you," I said as he took my left hand and kissed it lightly. For the first time in my memory his touch seemed cold. I felt his fingers entwine with mine, and knew the moment he felt the ring on my thumb.
He looked down at our hands and his eyes narrowed. "Haldir," I began but he looked up at me so quickly that it startled me.
"So it is true?" he said with reproach.
"Legolas wanted to have the ceremony before the Fellowship departed," I said quietly. "Tonight is our last night under the boughs of Lórien."
"Why did you not invite me?" he asked sounding betrayed. "Rúmil told me, as he himself was at the feast."
"I did not know he was there," I said as I looked up into his face. "My Grandmother had told me it was only going to be a small group of people. Besides it was hard enough to go through with the ceremony as it was, your presence would have only made it harder." He'd been the one to convince me to go through with the ceremony.
"You still should have told me," he said as he sounded angry.
"You were the one that said this could give us more time," I said as my own temper started to flare. He had no right to be angry, I hadn't wanted him to watch the ceremony, for I wouldn't have gone through with it had he been there.
"You are going to blame me?" He said as he threw my hand away from him.
"I am not blaming you," I said trying to keep my voice down and my temper in check. "I would not have been able to go through with the ceremony, what more do you want of me?"
"Nothing, you should have told me," he said as he shook his head.
"I cannot go back, had I known it would have bothered you this much I would have," I said as I watched him. He seemed tense. Maybe it wasn't just the ceremony that was eating at him. "Haldir," I said as I softened my voice. He looked at me and our gazes locked. "I will always love you."
He walked back towards me and wrapped me in his arms as he tucked his head into the crook of my neck. "And I you," he whispered.
"What else are you worried about?" I asked as I ran a hand down his back. This time it was he who needed to be comforted.
"I cannot go with you," he said, and he sounded so heartbroken that I felt my own heart break.
"It is alright," I said as I kissed the side of his silver head. "You taught me everything I know, I am well prepared."
He pulled away just enough to look down at me, "That is what I had thought until I found you lying in a pool of your own blood." His eyes looked haunted. I'd never truly realized the depth of despair that my wound had caused him.
"You must have faith, as I have faith in you," I said as I cupped the side of his face. He leaned down for a kiss, and I kissed him back. We pulled away and I smiled at him. "I must go and rest now, will you see me off in the morning?"
"Of course," he said as he kissed me on the brow, it was in the same spot that Legolas had kissed me in, and it made me feel unclean. I mentally shook the thought from my head as Haldir whispered his good night.
"Haldir," I said as he loosened his hold on me. "Whatever happens in the future," I tentatively began to say as I pictured myself holding a blonde haired figure in my arms. "Please be careful."
"Have faith," he said as he kissed the crown of my head and walked away.
When I finally reached my room I stepped out of the lovely gown and pulled on a soft night shirt. I crawled into bed and lay there for some time thinking about everything that had happened that day. I found myself spinning the ring around my thumb, and quickly stopped. I couldn't allow myself to fall for Legolas. It couldn't be that hard, we were only betrothed. None of the physical and mental bonding happened until after the consummation of the marriage. At least, as I sat there, that was what I hoped would happen.
I couldn't really remember my Grandmother ever explaining the intimacies of the bonding. Arwen had never shared anything out of the ordinary when she and Aragorn and become betrothed. I was positive that had something happened she would have told me. Although as I lay there on the verge of sleep, I couldn't remember if they had consummated their love before or after they had become betrothed.
I turned onto my side and smiled, I only had to survive the next year, and then I could be with Haldir. I sighed and drifted off to sleep.