Disclaimer: I don't own anything, not even this sandwich… especially not this sandwich…. Jokes. I'm running out of chapters people, someone tell me they want a sequel! Anyway, verbally abused Gods await… read on.
Poseidon's P.O.V
The last chapter really gave me something to think about, enough to make me want to take my meds. I didn't like taking them though, I like to feel but today I'd made an exception. We'd underestimated people, Ares for certain. He hadn't come back sober, in fact he'd brought what was left of the bottle of tequila back just in case. I understood that, unfortunately our hour was up. If it hadn't been I would have gone to talk to Zeus after his talk with Hera, he had that look. The one that said that something had changed, but he couldn't figure out if it was good or bad yet. Hera picked up the book.
I love the New York. It's probably the only place in the world that you can walk into a building carrying a lightning bolt and smack the man behind the desk with it and not have anyone ask annoying questions. Well that was probably the mist, but it's still cool I thought to myself as I walked through Olympus.
"Remind me to give security a raise" Zeus muttered amused.
"Yeah, getting smacked around with that has got to hurt" Apollo said amused, I suppressed a snort.
Olympus had to be one of the most beautiful places I'd seen. Well top twenty at least exotic alien planets topped it. It was weird, there was supposed to be a war of the Gods if I didn't get the bolt back in twenty minutes, why was everyone walking around happily?
"Exotic alien planets?" Hermes asked smiling, "I'd like to see some of those"
"I have" Hestia responded, I wonder if I'd ever be in a good enough relationship with my son to ask about that. Probably not, he hates me. Or rather doesn't care one way or the other about me. At the moment I think that's worse.
The God were in council, or rather we standing around arguing, does that count? Do you now how when demi-gods visit the Gods are all giant looking? Intimidation tactic, they just as big as ordinary people. Dramatic bastards.
There was a pause of silence where everybody stared at Zeus as if to say I told you so.
"Okay, fine…. I may be a little dramatic," he said… well, dramatically.
"Hello" I yelled into the din. They didn't hear me, I yelled again before restoring to a tried and true New York tactic. The cab whistle. They froze and looked at me.
"Anybody else feeling embarrassed" Artemis asked, "Us not noticing like that, even though he was yelling at us"
"We need to cut that crap out, especially since the kids got Dieumort's" Ares said slowly in an effort not to slur.
"You realise I've been standing here yelling at you for five minutes right?" I asked. They all froze, and some of the ones with less arrogance actually blushed.
"There are some of us without arrogance?" Hestia asked in staged wonder.
"No" Hera said, "It definitely said less arrogance"
This of course all lasted a second before somebody decided to open their mouth. Let me tell you something, when beings that haven't had anyone but himself or herself have the balls to interrupt them they have a tendency to do one thing…. Monologue.
"Why are you all looking at me" Zeus burst out before pointing at Hades and saying childishly, "Hades does it to"
"Oh, get a grip brother" Hades said over the laughter that filled the room.
Which was fine until Zeus decide to finish his one-man show by talking about my right to live. Right about there was when I started tuning in again.
"Wait so he was ignoring me" Zeus said pouting.
"He tends to do that, hear one overdramatic megalomaniac speech heard them all he told me" Hestia said, "Just be glad he's leaving you alone"
"Au contraire, he was leaving you alone" Aphrodite said impishly.
"As to you whether or not you should be allowed to continue living…" he stated, addressing the rest of the Gods more than me. This is when I internally said fuck this nooseage and threw caution to the wind.
"Oh dear" Demeter said, conjuring a bowel of cereal.
"What are you doing?" Hades asked scathingly.
"Going to my happy place" she responded digging in to the disgustingly healthy cereal.
"You really are incredibly stupid" I state blandly, they looked at me as if the marble columns had begun to talk. I open a portal to Val Hall, the manor that housed the New Orleans coven of Valkyries and threw the bolt through. Ironically enough they were having a party, they had pretty reckless playing. 'You make me wanna die' in fact, Nix I thought to myself.
"Ah… does anybody see this ending in any other way than not good?" I asked desperately.
"No, were fucked. Well verbally, he doesn't shoot the fuck out of us like Hades" Apollo said.
"Well that's comforting" Demeter said cheerfully refilling her cereal bowel.
Every Valkyrie present froze for a second; there heads whipping around fixed on the lighting bolt… and then they pounced, fighting viciously to get to it. When they figured out what it did… well factor in the arrogance of Gods and give them something scary enough that would make them show fear.
"I get the feeling that were going to need him to get that back" Zeus said.
"I'd imagine that that was the plan" Hestia said looking at him, "Should have just let him walk out of there."
"We can do that this time" I said happily, and you know not fuck up so badly I thought to myself.
"I don't appreciate you talking about my life like that, especially after I just brought you're bolt back" I said, "So new rules, you want you bolt back, you swear by that pretty little river running through the underworld that you wont kill me or order me to be killed"
"I'm assuming that there's a reason behind that, and that he isn't bluffing" I said.
"If he's bluffing and it works I'm not gambling with him anymore" Dionysus said grumpily, "Which sucks, because nobody a camp will play anything good with me, it's almost like they were ordered not to." Zeus shifted uncomfortably in his chair.
"I could just go get myself" Zeus thundered, "Why should I get you to do it?" I looked though the portal and raised an eyebrow.
"He isn't even a little scared of us, is he?" Athena asked.
"He wasn't afraid of me so why would he be afraid of you?" Hades answered.
"But we all their now, before it was just you. He has no fear," she said sighing. I shook my head, if it doesn't fit into her view of reality then its wrong.
"Because they eat electricity, not to mention that my Valkyrie friends are exceedingly vicious," I said wincing as Nix joined the fray. "No to mention they're packing dieumort's."
There was deafening silence as they Gods looked at me in horror.
"You know what, I think you should just make the oath" I said seriously. He nodded.
"Your bluffing" one of them said. I was guessing by her resemblance to Annabeth that she was Athena. I smirked.
"If he was he wasn't going to tell you honey" Aphrodite said to Athena.
"I know that now," she snapped back, "But I didn't know then, I didn't have all the variables." I wish she could just accept that she didn't have to know everything. She didn't have to be right about everything.
"I swear by the river Styx that I'm really not" I said, there was a round of suppressed shuddering. They looked through the portal again.
"Ah, crap" I said, not paying any attention to the round of swearing and exclamations that rang round the room. He didn't have to beat anybody up here. He had leverage, leverage that kept him safe from my family's anger. So I was glad for it.
"What are they?" Ares asked, looking at them, "Where did they come form?"
"That is a very good question" Artemis asked quietly.
"I wonder if any are hot?" Aphrodite asked suddenly, "Does the book have pictures?"
"What" Came Ares choked reply.
"What? You're aloud to like girls and boys, but I can't?" she demanded huffily. He didn't answer, good choice. I don't think that there was a right answer to that.
"There Valkyrie. The official story was that when a maiden warrior screams for courage as she dies in battle, Woden and Freya heed her call. The two gods give up lightning to strike her, rescuing her to their hall, and preserving her courage forever in the form of the maidens immortal Valkyrie daughter" I explained with a shrug.
"That's cool" Apollo said chuckling, "But I got a feeling that the official story is so much more interesting"
"Somebody asked" Hera said, "So if you shut up and let me read then I could tell you"
"What's the unofficial story?" somebody asks. I'm a time traveller and I made a friend three thousand years ago who went into battle pregnant and nearly died. To bad I couldn't let her die, she was so brave… a voice in the back of my head scoffed miserably. There always brave, it said, they're always brave.
"They are always brave" Artemis said sadly, "So, so brave"
"Are you alright little sis?" Apollo asked. She nodded; it was a testament about how badly she was lying because she didn't yell at him for calling her that.
"Lyra" I decided after a moment, and it was true. I couldn't have done it without her. I needed a second pair of hands to stop her bleeding out. Coralline was lovely and her daughter the original Valkyrie and my goddaughter was still around.
"Of course my daughter was involved" Hera sighed, faintly amused.
"Why does he remember his goddaughter and not his daughter?" I asked. They shrugged, nobody had an answer for that one.
Her name was Phoenix, now she's called Nix, the Ever Knowing, Premonitionally-abled Soothsayer without equal, Proto-Valkyrie.
"Oh come on" Athena said, "If this were a normal book I'd stop reading it for such an obvious cliché. Of course the oldest and probably most powerful Valkyrie that been hinted throughout the book is his goddaughter"
"Athena, chill out. Percy can't help how fucked his life is" Hestia snapped, causing her to shut right up. Hestia doesn't snap and when she does… well run.
"Whose Lyra?" the woman sitting next to Zeus asked, I didn't know how to answer that at the present moment. It was vaguely annoying, I trusted her with everything but she was… well a bit like the universe. Complicated and ridiculous, still love her though, she's family.
"If that's you Hera then the irony would be unbearable" Hades said chuckling. She glared at him and read on.
"Half the time I don't even know, so lets go with complicated," I said talking fast, "Anyway, that's not important right now. What's important right now is getting you're bolt back"
"Yes, that's the important bit" Zeus said, "Now hurry up and agree to the terms future me, so that he can go get our bolt back…. That sounded really weird"
"Time travel, you can't keep it straight in you head. Something can be four million years in the future, last Tuesday" Hestia said ginning.
"What so I swear to not kill you and you go get my bolt back again?" Zeus said with contempt, "What makes you think that they'll give it to you?"
"That's a good question, why will they give it to him?" Ares asked.
"Because Percy asked them to" Hestia said.
"You're starting to say things like that frequently" Hades said, "It's… worrying"
"Not really its true" she explained, "Look you remember those three years I disappeared? Well I was travelling with Percy, only it wasn't three years, more like… ah, three hundred and sixty-nine. Trust me, it's true"
"Because they are my friends," I said, "And don't carry on, I'm only making you swear not to kill me this time."
"Why would he do that?" I started before Hera read over me to save time seeing as I was quoting.
"Why would you do that?" my Father asked, "Why would you do that when you could make him swear to never kill you." There were so many thing that I could say to that… I didn't even know where to start.
"He's absolutely mad" Dionysus said cheerfully before seeing my glare, "But all the best people are these days"
"Careful, I might begin to think you care… but to answer you're question, it wouldn't be any fun" I said smiling.
"Fun, way to go kid I like the way you think" Ares said saluting him with his tequila bottle.
"Um Ares, you're saluting a book" Athena said, looking at the increasingly drunk Ares wearily.
"Obviously, wouldn't you be after last chapter if you were me?" he asked. I had to give him points on not slurring.
"You think allowing a God have another shot to kill you when you could avoid it is fun?" Athena asked. I just looked at her.
"In confusion with her strange logic, just like the rest of us" I said even though I privately agreed with her.
"Those are my friends" I said pointing the Valkyries, "What do you think?"
"I'm going to go with yes," Hermes said laughing, "I can't wait for all this to happen, it's going to be a blast with foreknowledge."
"Very well, I swear by the river Styx that I wont kill you this time if you bring me back my bolt" Zeus said. I turned and walked through the portal. The thing about portals is that time runs faster on one side of it than the other if you want it to.
"Where do you think he got it from?" Aphrodite asked.
"Lyra, it's completely impossible and slightly ridiculous to speculate about" Hera said, "My daughters definitely involved"
So the girls had had the lighting bolt for hours and had passed out on the floor from energy high. A victorious Nix hugging the lightning bolt to her chest, I smiled. Kneeling down next to her I pet her hair.
"So that's his psychic Goddaughter… is anyone surprised that she won?" Hades asked.
"Better question, do you think that she'll give back my bolt" Zeus asked.
"I'm going to need that back," I said plucking it from her fingers. She pouted and sat up to lay her head on my shoulder.
"Aw" the Goddesses cooed as one. I freely admit that it sounded adorable, I wish there was a way I could see him with my granddaughter.
"Do you have to take it?" she said huffing, "I know, I know, this was you master plan to stop you're uncle from incarcerating you… which he wasn't going to anyway"
"Well you shouldn't have told him that he was going to then" Apollo said grinning, "But then you wouldn't get the bolt to play with would you, hmm?"
"Um, Apollo she can't hear you" Artemis said.
"Oh, Artie, from one premonitionally-abled person to another, yes. Yes she can hear me" he responded dodging the arrow she sent at him for calling her Artie.
"You said he was," I said smiling.
"She lied, I like her" Hermes said. If every other God gave into there slightly less dignified impulses then we could have face-palmed in synchronisation.
"I lied" she trilled, "And I know, people who lie are bad… oh, don't worry I didn't mean you."
There was a moment of laughter as the whole room tried and failed to contain it. Busted I thought to myself.
"Shut up you," I said tickling her giving her a kiss on the cheek before standing and walking back through the portal. Casually I walked back through the portal, ignoring the fact that it closed behind me and tossed the lightning bolt a Zeus's feet.
"Don't treat my bolt like that," Zeus cried, scooping up his bolt. I was temporarily reminded of Lord of the Rings.
"If you start stroking that thing and saying precious I swear I will lose my shit," I said, causing a round of laughter and for him to pout delectably.
"You're Mother was returned" Hades said as I moved to leave. I turned and smiled at him, for some odd reason an old conversation with Lyra floated through my head.
"Smart choice" Demeter said as if in surprise.
"He basically told me that if I didn't he knew where I lived and he was going to come and kill me in my sleep if I didn't. I know you think I'm stupid, but fuck!" he exclaimed.
"Thanks Uncle Hades" I said turning and leaving, seemingly ignorant of the shocked and appalled looks behind me. There was a distinct sound of arguing behind me as I stepped into the elevator. Did you know that apparently surviving a confrontation with the God warrants bowing from the others that live on Olympus?
"No, it had nothing to do with you stopping world war three" Athena said, her voice dripping in sarcasm, "Idiot"
Or it could have been the fact that I stopped world war three, either or. As soon as I was out of the building I lit a cigarette out of the packet that I had been keeping just in case. Damn it I had been doing so well. Sighing I take a deep drag and hold it in my lungs before exhaling.
"That's not good" I huffed moodily.
"We've all got vices," Ares said taking another swallow of his drink; I was surprised Hera hadn't gone off tap yet. Perhaps it was because of what he was trying to forget.
"You shouldn't be doing that," my Dad said from behind me. I turned to face him, looking at him distinctly unimpressed.
"I'm glad we had that talk, I told you it was obvious," Hera said to Zeus. He cringed.
"Really?" he questioned surprised, "He's smart and your smart so maybe you two just picked up on it. Hades in a minute… get ready to duck"
"Why?" he asked, Hera just read.
"You shouldn't be fucking your brothers, but that not stopping you" I said taking in his panicked expression, "Hey, if it makes you three happy more power to you, it's none of my business"
There was a moment off absolute silence before everyone started yelling at once. Opinions flew across the room in the form of how could you and wait a go boy's. Congratulations and disapproval being shouted louder, screaming to get their opinions heard. Each person sure that there's was right one or at least more important than everybody else's. Hera was the only one slightly silent.
"Enough," Zeus roared sending lighting through the air, "Percy was right, none of this is an of you're damn business." Aphrodite still shot us two thumb up and a saucy smile.
"Then why bring it up?" he asked quietly, "In fact, how did you even know?"
"That's a good question" Aphrodite said, "I didn't"
"Oh please it was obvious" Hera said smiling, which lead me to the slightly scary thought that she was happy that Hades and I were fucking her husband. I hope she doesn't have voyeuristic tendencies.
"Your deodorant" I said, he frowned. "Uncle Zeus is wearing it too and it belong Uncle Hades. You have light red marks on you neck could be sunburn but it's not, it's beginning to bruises. Uncle Zeus was standing a lot and uncomfortable sitting down and Uncle Hades sleeve rode up and there were nail marks there that were only half an hour old tops, plus smug looks and the way you're eyes flick to each other when you think nobody else is looking. So pre-war fuck, easy, congratulations."
"Well when you put it like that… maybe it is obvious" Aphrodite said, joining the rest of us gapping at the book while Hestia laughed at us. Of course she found it hysterical.
"That's… that's amazing," he said standing there with wide eyes, "Where did you learn to do that?"
"Good question, I'd have to meet them," Athena said.
"Gay" Apollo burst out, "Plus you kill them because he'd have less respect than any mortal you've ever met"
"How do you know that" she shrieked.
"Because I keep an eye on all my children's futures, and one day he'll marry one of my sons. Lyra's going to be there adoptive daughter…. Something they'll find out year after it's happened" he said with a grin.
"It's strange, of course my daughter involved" Hera murmured.
"I have a friend called Sherlock Holmes, he's a consulting detective" I explaining with a shrug and took another drag of my cigarette. "Anyway that's not what people normally say"
"I can only imagine what people normally say," Hermes said giggling. Water started to drip on his head, causing him to look up at the large amount of water I'd suspended above his head. "Ah fu-" he started before it fell on him.
"Shut up, will you?" I complained.
"What do people normally say?" he asked smiling as if I hadn't just pointing out how all signs that he was having an affair with his brothers were obvious.
"See, told you" Hera slipped in before continuing.
"Piss off" I said, "But that's not why you're here. What do you want?" He bit his lip, oh. He was so focused on getting here to talk to me that he didn't think that far ahead.
"He never thinks ahead," Athena said spitefully.
"Athena, this is the part of the book that tell me whether or not my son hated me or not. So I'd appreciate it if you'd shut the fuck up please" I snapped at her.
"I just wanted to say that I was proud of you, the way you handled things with Zeus… that was good" he said after a minute, "But… I do wish that you were never born." I turned and walked away, about five steps away I stopped.
"You told him that you wished that he was never born, are you stupid" Hera yelled at me, "He better punch you in the face for that." Nobody else said anything, even though they obviously wanted to. No one wants to have an angry Queen of the Gods set on them.
"Aren't you coming?" I asked he looked at me baffled.
"Wait what?" Hades said pouting, "I'm feeling so ripped off." I wanted to kiss it off him…. Which is when it occurred to me that I could. Smiling impishly I pressed a second long kiss to his lips.
Shut up, would you," I said chuckling at him expression with Zeus.
"Look I get it, this whole demi-god thing is not a world of good and you wish I didn't have to live in it but I'm don't. This is my life, and I'll live it as I see fit. No matter the circumstances" I said strongly, "I don't do thing by halves."
"That really kind of obvious" Ares said chuckling. There was a round of laughter. Yes that really was obvious.
"I've noticed" he said amused, "You know if I didn't know better I'd say you were a parent, because only a parent would pick up on what I meant like that." I wasn't a parent, was I? No, I couldn't be… not even the Chameleon arch could make me forget that.
"Wrong, I wonder what happened?" Artemis asked.
"I didn't meet her, but from what I heard from Percy she was his baby girl and the most important girl in all of time and space… to him. I don't think that anything good happen to her for him to forget about her."
"So is that all… you just wanted to talk to me, or is there cryptic advice as well?" I said jokingly, "Because in the books they always have advice"
"That's just what we need… Poseidon to start giving advice" Athena said. She was ignored, the look on her face made me suppress giggles… cough, cough I mean manly chuckles.
"You going to have a choice to make soon, a choice that nobody can make for you and when you make it choose wisely because it can't be undone" he said in an overdramatic voice before laughing, "There is that good enough?"
"Well at least it's relevant advice," I said laughing.
"Brother, sometime I worry about you" Zeus said shaking his head in amusement.
"Yeah, except you really mean that" I said stopping in front of my Moms building and staring up. His gaze follows mine and he gets this said little half smile on his face.
"You miss her" Aphrodite said with a half smile.
"Nah, not like that… she became my best friend after Percy was born. It was nice to have somebody to talk to and have coffee with once a week," I explained smiling. Hades and Zeus let out a breath of relief…. I'd have to talk to them later.
"Yep" he answered, popping the p in a way reminiscent to the tenth Doctor. "Are we okay now?" he asked suddenly, "It's just… well, thing seem alright and I just wanted to know if we okay?"
"You'll be fine" Zeus reassured me, taking my hand and squeezing.
"Yeah" I breathed, I hoped so. I could handle him not caring… I just didn't want him to hate me.
"Yeah, were okay" I said after a pause, "Just remember that at the moment you're a stranger to me… and I don't need another parent anymore, but were okay." He smiled happily.
"Thank Gods" I said letting out s laugh.
"You're welcome" Apollo and Hermes said together.
"Good night Peruses" he told me turning away.
"It's Percy. Good night Dad" I called after him, in a split second decision. He stopped for a second before disappearing. Well I thought to myself… that's one less head fuck I have to deal with…. Next.
"Next chapter" Hera said passing the book to me. My hands were shaking lightly; I can't believe how well this went. It was just the happy epilogue left, it was right, right?
Done, why can't I write a chapter smaller than eleven pages on word? Well I suppose it's good for you. Two more chapters left…. I think? Do you guy want a sequel? Thanks for reading, review.