I don't own these characters
TOW the freak out
Scene: coffee house, Ross, Rachel & Phoebe are there
Rachel: hey Phoebe thanks again for watching Emma for Ross and me
Ross: Rach can you drink your coffee any slower! Come on I just want to get to your dad's already
Phoebe: so you nervous about telling him your engaged?
Rachel: well I'm not nervous but then my dad likes me, him and Ross not so much love there
Ross: it probably has something to do with the fact that we had Emma out of wedlock
Phoebe: oh you should lead with that!
Ross: hey I'm righting that wrong now, Emma will soon be part of a conventional family unit
Rachel: yea and my dad's pretty traditional so that's important to him
Phoebe: does he know about Ben's mommies?
Ross: no actually that has never come up
Phoebe: thats ok it's just nice to know I have some leverage against you should I ever need it
OPENING CREDITS
Scene: Monica & Chandler's, Monica & Chandler are there
Chandler: so ready to go to the doctors?
Monica: yea sorry I'm taking so long but deciding on what outfit I want to meet our baby in was hard
Chandler: its just a sonogram right! We won't actually be meeting it today because I'm really going to need these couple of months to get my head around this fatherhood thing
Monica: you do realize when you say stuff like that I get a little worried we're going to have a repeat of your wedding day antics
Chandler: I'm not going anywhere
Monica: that's what you said before!
Chandler: well I mean it this time
Monica: that's what you said before!
Chandler: oh come here, I love you, I love both of you, and there's no way I'm letting you go through this alone (he goes to kiss her & backs off) well I'm going to let you go right now but only this once
Monica: morning sickness breath?
Chandler: the worst yet . . . ugh where's Joey I told him to be here by now
Monica: listen I love Joey but isn't the sonogram something for the parents to do alone
Chandler: he asked me to come and I couldn't turn him down, when he uses those puppy dog eyes of his who can
Monica: how come my puppy dog eyes never work on you!
Chandler: because when you try to do puppy eyes they're more like a wolves, just big and beady and kind of scary
Monica: baby is if you can hear this right now this is what daddy thinks of mommy!
Chandler: hey this kid has it's whole life to hate me so don't foster the hate when it's still a foetus
Scene: Rachel's dad's house
Rachel: hi daddy!
Dr. Green: Rachel sweetheart its so nice to see you . . . Ross, I mean Dr. Gellar!
Rachel: daddy!
Dr. Green: what this punk has the nerve to call himself a doctor!
Ross: hey I studied just as hard as you! (Rachel pokes him) I mean hi Dr. Green
Dr. Green: so how's little Emma doing?
Rachel: oh so well, she's sitting up on her own and
Dr. Green: so the lack of a stable family isn't affecting her development then
Rachel: not yet anyway
Ross: actually Dr. Green that's why we're here to right that wrong . . . take it away Rach
Rachel: no I think that's your job Dr. Gellar
Dr. Green: does he make you call him that!
Ross: No! Look Dr. Green the reason we're here is to tell you some great news
Dr. Green: you're not pregnant again are you Rachel!
Ross: no she's not! . . . you're not right?
Rachel: Ross!
Ross: nope no more babies for the moment but it's a possibility in the future because Rachel and I are engaged!
Dr. Green: I'm going to need a drink!
Ross: can I get one too?
Scene: Joey's apartment, Phoebe's there minding Emma
Phoebe: I knew you wouldn't get the better of me because if I can handle triplets I can handle the spawn of Ross
(Emma starts crying)
Phoebe: oh you want to test me alright I've been waiting my whole life for this! Let's see is your diaper dirty . . . nope . . . you hungry . . . nope . . . . then why are you crying! This just proves my point that Ross should have been castrated a long time ago!
Scene: waiting room of doctor's office, Monica, Chandler & Joey are there
Monica: you holding up ok?
Joey: I'm a little hungry actually
Monica: not you, Chandler!
Chandler: yea I'm ok, I mean its the size of a peanut, that's nothing to be worried about I eat peanuts all the time but . . . but sometimes I choke on them, maybe a peanut is something to be scared of!
Monica: please don't refer to our child as a peanut
Joey: so how does this work?
Monica: well there's an ultrasound and an image of the baby will be on a screen
Joey: no like how do they get the picture? Like do they put a camera up your . . . you know, because if that's the case I'm not sure I want to be here
Monica: you disgust me you know that
Joey: (whispers to Chandler) so how does it work?
Chandler: (hyperventilating) I don't know! It's just another thing I can add to my list of stuff I know nothing about, right after being a father
Monica: please don't tell me you're freaking out
Chandler: I may be slightly freaking out but I'm still here and am not leaving you! Nope we'll be freaking out together
Monica: I'm not freaking out!
Chandler: (hyperventilating) well then you get to sit next to me while I do . . . isn't this fun
Monica: you're squeezing my hand really hard! Chandler you're hurting me
Joey: well maybe that's not a bad thing, get used of pain because according to Rachel labour is really crappy
Monica: (starts hyperventilating) oh great so I get to go through that hell and be a single mom!
Joey: oh how sweet now you're freaking out together
Scene: Joey's apartment, Rachel & Ross enter, Emma's still crying
Phoebe: oh thank god, take her away from me!
Rachel: what's wrong with her?
Phoebe: I don't know I checked everything, she's just a little bitch
Ross: whoa Phoebe it's just a baby, no need to use that language
Phoebe: yea well then you try being alone with her for four hours, I'm charging you my highest babysitting rate for this!
Rachel: I thought this was a favor you were doing for us
Phoebe: it was until I met the real Emma, now no more favors for her!
Rachel: I'm going to bring her home
Ross: I'll be there in a bit (Rachel leaves)
Phoebe: so how did Rachel's dad take the news?
Ross: he was a little startled but was glad Emma was going to get some stability in her life
Phoebe: an unstable family does not explain her conduct today! You think my life was stable and I turned out way better than she has
Ross: yea next time we need a babysitter we mightn't call you . . . no offense
Phoebe: oh offense taken!
Scene: doctors office, Monica, Joey & Chandler are there
Joey: hey Mon nice gown
Monica: not really in a talkative mood now Joe!
Doctor: ok Mrs. Bing this ultrasound gel is going to be a little cold on your stomach
Joey: wow that looks kind of nice, can you eat it?
Doctor: and there is baby Bing
Monica: oh my god that's our baby! . . . you're still with me yes?
Chandler: is that it! I am so out of here . . . nah I'm kidding, that's our baby in there I'm never letting it outside my sight, I love you so much (they kiss)
Joey: that's it, you dragged me here for that tiny speck!
Chandler: it's so amazing, we're really good at this baby making thing Mon
Monica: yea we are!
Joey: hey doctor you didn't answer my question earlier, is that gel edible? And if so where can I get my hands on it?
ENDING CREDITS
Scene: coffee house, Rachel & Phoebe are there
Rachel: hey Pheebs will you watch Emma for a second I just have to go to the bathroom (she leaves)
Phoebe: (to Emma) so we meet again baby Green-Gellar! . . . . don't look at me like that!
(Ross enters)
Ross: hey Emma
Phoebe: take her away from me! . . . those eyes man . . . those eyes, so judgmental, they just pierce into your soul! (she runs out)