OK so this update took a long time. There is a topic that I cover in this chapter that I recently saw another author touch on briefly, and in an attempt to try to stay original I tried to come up with a different story line. I failed miserably and have decided to stick with my plot as planned :) Hope you'll keep reading... I still have a few surprises up my sleeve :) As always I appreciate your reviews, favourites and follows.
Killian was tossing and turning on the uncomfortable bunk in the crew quarters. He grumbled and thumped the lumpy bedding with his elbows and punched the pillow beneath his head. He wanted to be back in that comfy bed at the inn, back beside the warmth of Emma's body. Even his own bunk would suffice, but it did seem a little unfair to banish Milah from the bed that had been her own for the last few years of her lifetime.
His mind wandered to Milah's naked body, shrouded by that soft, silken robe and to memories long past of him slipping it off her shoulders before laying her down on his bed. For centuries he had dreamed of seeing her again, of touching her, kissing her, showering her with love and affection. Now he was racked with guilt. He should feel overjoyed by their reunion, but his heart continued to pull him in a different direction. For the first time in his life Killian hadn't been dwelling on the past – he had been contemplating a future and a life full of new experiences. Yet the universe, with it's torturous ways, was pushing him back towards Milah.
Tossing and and turning some more, Killian sighed loudly as Emma's words, or more so, lack of, replayed in his mind. He had truly started to believe that she did love him, blaming only her insecurities for not speaking the actual words. He'd not wanted to press her, for fear of pushing her away, but that is exactly what he'd done. Then again, maybe she didn't love him at all. Perhaps she just had an itch that needed to be scratched, and he'd just been the convenient scratching post.
Feeling frustrated and angry he stared up at the hammock that hung above him. It swayed with the tide, bathed in the moonlight which streamed through the hatch in the deck. Killian remembered the mental note he'd made to make love to Emma in it. Reaching up he thumbed the thick twine and pictured it tied across the cabin, Emma naked and spread-eagled inside its confines, him standing adjacent to it, swinging the hammock and slipping his length inside her body as it swayed back to meet his with every thrust.
With a groan Killian realised he was hard. He looked down at the tent in his soft, cotton drawers and shook his head. "You couldn't handle it," he muttered to his straining erection. "Besides, it's never going to happen. She doesn't want you any more."
He growled as his member throbbed and begged for attention. Killian closed his eyes, took multiple deep breaths and willed his body to go to sleep. Visions of Emma''s naked body flashed behind his eyelids. Echoes of her moans and whimpers replayed in his mind and the memory of her lips made his skin tremble.
Sighing Killian let his hand wander down to his waist where he untied the drawstring of his pants and let his fingers slip inside. He grasped his manhood and began to stroke. He just wanted to get the deed done and go to sleep, and yet with each tug his heart pounded faster with thoughts of Emma. He longed for her touch, not his own. He wanted to bury himself between the warmth of her legs and make her cry out with pleasure before he came inside her. As he continued to stroke and squeeze his body craved her touch while his mind craved her love. With a loud frustrated grunt Killian climaxed and spilled his seed over his hand and hip.
When eventually he caught his breath he begrudgingly wiped himself clean with his dirty shirt and threw it aside. This wasn't the first time he'd played with himself over thoughts of the Lady Swan, however this was the first time he knew exactly what he was missing.
Exhaustion began to take over, but not without more mixed feelings of guilt. He shouldn't be lying here, thinking of another woman with Milah in the next cabin. It wasn't fair to her. She'd done nothing wrong. She'd done nothing but love him. He'd always cherish the life they had once shared but Killian knew his heart now belonged to Emma – even if right now Emma didn't appear to want it.
Killian was suddenly overcome with sadness, realising it was time to say goodbye to Milah, but how do you tell someone you loved for centuries, that you no longer love them enough?
He groaned as he awoke to the sounds of clamouring coming from his cabin – a cacophony of slammed doors and shuffling of heavy chests. He staggered out of bed, shielding his eyes from the bright morning sun and made his way down the hall, pushing open the door to his room to find Milah rummaging through his closets and cupboards. She was still dressed in that robe however this time it was tightly bound closed at the waist. "You'll wake the bloody dead with that racket. What are you looking for?"
"I'm hungry Killian!" She yelled, clearly flustered and upset. "Where is all the food? Why haven't you replenished the supplies?"
With a yawn he rubbed his eyes. "I haven't had a bloody chance yet. We just made port a couple of days ago and I've been somewhat preoccupied."
Milah pouted childishly. "With your blonde mistress no doubt."
With eyebrow raised he looked over at her. "If you're hungry then you'll find some dried meats and fruits in a canister in the cupboard under my bunk."
"That's hardly a meal," she scoffed, her hands folded angrily across her chest.
Killan stretched his arms. "I'll need to show you to the local dining establishment where you can get a proper meal."
"I don't want to venture out there!" Milah looked horrified. "Not with those strangely dressed townsfolk and those giant, metal, people-carrying contraptions flying about the place."
"So much for wanting to see the world," Killian muttered under his breath. "Well unless you're planning on dying again, or Rumplestiltskin is planning on whisking you away somewhere, or whatever the hell it was that happened to you - you're going to have to get used to this place." His patience was wearing thin. "I'm not going to be at your beck and call all bloody day and night."
"Well you're just in a fine mood this morning aren't you?" She grumbled sarcastically.
Milah suddenly seemed so immature to Killian. Had she always been like this he wondered? They'd been practically teenagers when they had met - at least it seemed that way when compared to the age he was now. A few hundred years can definitely change a man's perceptions of wisdom and maturity. Still, he found himself comparing Milah to Emma. They were the likely the same age, yet Emma seemed like an old soul, wise beyond her years, as if she too had lived for centuries.
"Look, Milah..." He brushed his hair back with his fingers and tried to composed himself. "We need to talk."
Her demeanour suddenly changed, her face softening with concern. He was surprised how quickly her disposition could switch. One minute she was a screaming she-beast who was entirely unfamiliar to him, and the next she was back to the hypnotic angel that he had fallen in love with.
"No. There will be no talking. I know what you're going to say, and I do not wish to hear it." She quickly turned her back to him and resumed rummaging through the cabin.
"Milah, I-"
"No. I love you Killian. You just need some time to get your head straight."
"I don't need more time Love. It's been over two-hundred years. Over two lifetimes since you were taken from me. And during that time I spent every waking moment thinking of you, mourning you, trying to avenge your death, and then at night I would visit you in my dreams, and pray that I would never wake in the hope that I would be reunited with you for good."
"And I'm back now!" Her face lit up as she turned to face him. "We can be together again."
"I don't mean to give you false hope Love," he said, shaking his head. "It's not that simple."
"It can be. We just need to spend some time together." She moved in next to him and reached out to caress his cheek, tears welling in her eyes. "You just need to get to know me again and you'll see that you still love me. Just give me a chance."
"I thought I still loved you Milah, and maybe I always will, but that life we had, it's long gone."
Tears were streaming down her cheeks now. "Rumple may have stolen my heart for a few hundred years, but now you're the one who is breaking it. Don't do this to me! I beg you."
"And I blame the Dark One for all of this, we could have been happy, lived a long life, had a family and died in our old age long ago - but he did take you from me. I cannot travel back in time and undo what was done!"
"But now we've got a second chance to do all that! To live the lives that we were supposed to!" Her eyes were pleading with him and her hands were shaking.
Killian stroked his hook anxiously and ground his jaw. "Milah I've come to realise I have changed. When we were together I was nothing more than an arrogant pirate, and then when you were taken from me I was consumed by hatred and vengeance. It's not who I am any more." He gulped uncomfortably and looked away. "I think you'll come to find I'm no longer the man you think you love."
"That's not true!" Milah took a step towards him. "I can tell just by looking at you, you're my Killian, my love! I know the man who loves me is still in there somewhere." She grabbed him by the chin, turning his face towards hers. "Just look at me, please."
As he stared into her deep green eyes he felt like a villain again. "It pains me greatly to say this Milah, but when I look at you all I see is the memory of what once was, what could have been-," his voice croaked and forced him to take a breath before continuing, "but is no more."
She clutched at the collar of his shirt and looked into his eyes. "I just want you to love me again. Tell me what I need to do to get you to love me again."
"You're not at fault here Milah. You are not to blame for any of this, but I cannot help how I feel. I have to be honest with you." He took her hand to try to give it a reassuring squeeze, tears threatening to spill from his own eyes.
Pulling away from him Milah snarled. The she-beast was back in all its glory. "This is all about her isn't it?" She spat angrily at him. "You're leaving me for her!"
Killain took a defensive step back. "Alas I don't know what will become of Emma and I. I fear she does not love me the way you do." His eyes darted away. "But it is unfair to keep you waiting in the wings to step in should it not work out."
"You cannot do this to me." Her lip was curled upward and her brow was furrowed with rage. "Not now."
"Milah I'm sorry!"
"No, you don't understand. You cannot leave me."
There was a crazed look in her eye, one that he'd only seen when she had spoken to the Dark One that fateful day on the Jolly Roger. It unnerved him entirely. "You can't ask me to stay Milah. It wouldn't be good for either of us. We'd be miserable."
"You're not listening to me Killian."
"Then please Milah, pray tell!" He shook his head and pleaded with her. "Why must I stay when my heart now belongs to another?"
Milah was quiet for a while - her eyes fixed on the floor and her fists clenched at her sides. Finally she met his gaze and spoke with bitterness and anger. "Because My Love, I'm carrying your child."