Kumajiro drummed his fingers against the wall anxiously. Oh how he loved American programs and their witty ways of going about things! He'd been watching a show called Pranked on MTV and was inspired to have a little pranking fun of his own; and by that he meant waiting on the other side of Canada's bedroom door with a giant slingshot made of a bunch of elastic bands he found in the kitchen.

It was positioned to be leveled at Canada's crotch and when Kumajiro released his grip and let the basketball launch … well, that had yet to be determined. All he knew was that it was damn funny on the show – even though it wasn't a basketball when the guys did it. It was an egg – so it had to be doubly damn funny in real life!

The door to the room started to open slowly. Kumajiro pulled away from his thoughts, tugged the slingshot back a bit further and crouched down, waiting in the shadows like a stealthy ninja.

"Come out, come out, little Canadian goose~" Kumajiro cooed.

The door opened fully and Kumajiro watched as Canada waddled out, still tipsy from sleep and started in his direction. Without hesitation the white-haired man let go of the elastic creation and the basketball soared … right past Canada as he bent down to pick a piece of lint off his slippers. Unfortunately for Kumajiro, that was all he saw before the thick elastic chain back lashed and whipped him straight in the stomach.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

BHB

Matthew dabbed carefully at the long line of swelled skin that started at one end of Kumajiro's gut and ended at the other. He snorted inwardly, that was what the virgin-human got for trying to pelt him with a basketball. Karma's a bitch.

Kumajiro hissed at the sting of the alcohol, he was mumbling some serious profanity in all of his bitterness – or at least what should have been bitterness, as soon as Canada started treating him it was like the angry feelings melted away and now he just felt miserable. On the other hand, he liked the lack of distance between them, but he was getting heartburn again. In fact, he was sure that if his heart beat any faster it might fall out. He didn't want that. He'd seen it happen to Russia before and it didn't look very nice.

"Canada I tried taking Tums but the heartburn won't stop and it only happens when I see you-"

"S-stop talking, Kumaishi" Canada grumbled. "I-I'm trying to f-focus."

"But you're just dabbing my belly, not like you're doing brain surgery or anything."

"W-well I don't want to talk about it." Matthew narrowed his eyes and his tongue poked out from the side of his lips as he feigned concentration.

Kumajiro stared at the blonde's face; the thumping in his chest sped up a little when his ebony eyes flickered over to Canada's tongue. He remembered that time in the grocery store. Kumajiro closed his eyes. It felt like so long ago. He tasted that same tongue, touched it with his own – he wanted to do it again. Right then. He wanted to slowly pull Canada's hand away and Canada would say to him:

"Kumajiro, what are you doing?" In a timid voice.

To which he would reply, "I'm not sure, I just feel like … now would be the perfect moment."

And Canada would look at him, with large, mauve, doe eyes and a slight pout, and say, "the perfect moment?"

"Yes, the perfect moment," is how Kumajiro would answer him. And then he would slide off of the chair and meet Canada on the floor. He would be on his knees and he would pull Canada close. Canada would squirm and ask, "Kumajiro what are you doing? Why are you doing this?"

Kumajiro would lean in, graze his tongue over Canada's beautiful bottom lip and pull the blonde closer. Their chests would touch.

"K-Kumajiro we can't do this …" Canada's face would flush an even deeper red, his eyes would become wet with lust and confusion and tears then … and then ….

Matthew watched in horror as something began to rise between Kumajiro's legs. He shuffled backwards and couldn't help but gape as he watched the bulge grow and Kumajiro's face redden.

"I don't … even want to know."

BHB

When Kumajiro opened his eyes Canada was gone, he had to treat the welt on his own and the fantasy moment he had so kindly prepared for them in his head became nothing more than a fantasy since his Canadian was nowhere in sight. And just to top it all off, the icing on the super depressing cake, his stupid penis was sticking out like a board. Yet another thing he had no clue how to deal with.

"CANADA!"

He heard the blonde sigh from somewhere in the kitchen before his head peeped out from behind the doorway. "Yes?"

Why was Canada always in kitchen? In all honesty the only thing Canada knew how to cook was fish – because of Kumajiro's eating habits – and pancakes. Poutines, too he supposed. "What are you doing in there?"

"Making a poutine," he replied quietly.

Boy what a surprise. Kumajiro rolled his eyes. "Get over here and help me with something please."

"The gravy will burn, though."

Kumajiro flopped back in the chair in a miserable heap. He grunted. "Why don't you love me anymore, Canada? It was different when I was covered in fur walking on four paws 'cause at least then you would snuggle and cuddle with me … I think. But now all you do I hate me. You don't even want to help me. The least you could do, you won't do."

Matthew stood in the doorway staring at the back of Kumajiro's head. An easy feeling was settling in his stomach because Kumajiro was right. Ever since Kumajiro became a human Matthew had been giving him less of the attention he used to get. Even if he was used to Kumajiro's new appearance and the fact that now instead of looking down at Kumajiro he had to look up. But it just wasn't the same.

Matthew pursed his lips, thinking for a moment before handing in the towel and going back to the stove to turn off the burner. He made his way over to the chair but remained behind it – he didn't want Kumajiro to see his face, this was embarrassing for him. He bent forward a bit and wrapped his arms around Kumajiro's neck. Without a word he pressed a kiss into the messy tangle of white hair and sighed.

"Sorry, eh. I didn't mean to make you feel that way. I don't hate you," Matthew mumbled into Kumajiro's hair.

Kumajiro stiffened in his seat. He'd heard Canada coming over but he wasn't expecting to be consoled in such a way. His heart was seconds away from ripping out of his chest. His hardened member was searing.

Kumajiro's hands began to move of their own accord; he gripped Canada's hands and melted into the touch. This was what he wanted. He could feel it – it didn't need to be explained anymore. He wanted these kinds of moments. But now another urge was filling him.

"Canada .…"

Kumajiro pulled their hands apart and twisted a bit in his chair so that they were looking at each other. Matthew seemed to be on edge at the meeting of their eyes. He was tense. Something was bothering him.

"Canada … I … I have a problem," Kumajiro began slowly. "My penis it's … pitching a tent."

Matthew's face blew up. He blinked at Kumajiro and his eyes started to drift, sliding down Kumajiro's body and stopping at the bulge that pushed against the fabric of his pants. He was having a hard time swallowing back the lump that arose in his throat.

"Maple … U-uh … wow. Um … I-I … wow …." Matthew stumbled over his words, searching desperately for the right thing to say. He bit his bottom lip, staring at Kumajiro's erection until he found the right words to communicate with. When he found it his eyes snapped upward and he attempted to try and help his friend gain some closure (?). "I-If y-you … i-if you … s-s-s-s-stroke i-it …" his face became even more red as he choked on each syllable.

"'Stroke it'? Kumajiro leaned closer. "What'll happen if I stroke it? Will it go away?"

"Y-y-y-y-y-yes," Matthew whispered.

He was looking profusely uncomfortable by the topic. Kumajiro could fairly say he'd never seen this level of discomfort on Canada's face before. This vulnerability … it was kind of appetizing. Maybe he could use it to his advantage. He'd seen people use tactics to prey on the vulnerable on the TV – then again, after the morning's events he wasn't so sure he wanted to play crash dummy for his mental Fiction-to-Reality Comparison Chart anymore. It seemed kind of dangerous. But maybe ….

Kumajiro reached out and gripped at Matthew's sleeve, he pulled the blonde downward so that their faces were only millimetres apart.

"Help me stroke it," he demanded.

"E-eh! N-no! Y-y-you can d-do it on your o-"

"You're my friend right? Friends help friends. Help me."

Canada looked like he was being held at gunpoint. What was so awful about it? Canada touched his own penis when he was peeing and stuff so WTF was with the tentative act? Kumajiro wanted him to help – needed him to help. Because he needed to feel his touch again, but more personal. And this was pretty damn personal, it was what Kumajiro needed! Friends helped friends! And dammit Canada was going to give him this!

Kumajiro let go of the frightened Canadian but before he could escape he snatched at the one curly hair and dangled from Matthew's head and tugged on it as hard as he could.

Matthew flinched. For a second nothing happened. It was just Kumajiro holding the strand and Matthew staring at him, stunned. Then it happened, as quick as a flash of lighting, Matthew's body went red all over, his eyes were glazed and the loudest, most arousing, pleading moan rang out from the blonde. Canada slumped down – it was like he'd been drained of his energy; and quite frankly, Kumajiro was left in a state of paralysis. Unable to do anything at the sight.

Maybe … maybe that wasn't such a smart idea.

"C-Canada?"

No reply.

"O-Oh Gaia … did I break him? Canada c'mon at least make a noise or something," Kumajiro pleaded sliding onto the ground and shifting closer to Matthew gingerly.

"Nn …" Mattew moaned. He was breathing so heavily.

Matthew wanted so badly to kill his companion right then. He would wring Kumajiro's neck and wring it and wring it and wring it until his bloody head fell off his shoulders! But he couldn't. He couldn't do anything but pant and moan as his body went into pleasure mode.

"Canada! I'm sorry, eh! I didn't mean to break you! Oh man! Oh man! What do I do? What- should I get the glue? I'll go get the glue!" Kumajiro got ready to stand but Matthew snatched his wrist seeing no other way. He was in way too deep to just paddle to the surface of this thing.

Matthew shook his head – whether it was a 'no' or a way to clear his head Matthew did not know. He didn't care. He stopped to glare at the Kumajiro and spoke the only words he would be speaking for the next couple of hours.

"W … when this … is … ov … er … I'm … g … going to … make … you … i-into a … poutine … gravy." Matthew didn't give Kumajiro a moment to try and comprehend. Shakily, he snaked his arms around Kumajiro's neck and pulled him into a kiss. A deep kiss.

BHB

So at this point Alfred was really starting to reconsider siding with Arthur; they were on a plane to Canada wearing black suits – all ninja stealth like – with sunglasses and fake IDs and passports. Their real human IDs and passports were fine, no one but the government's highest knew about them so there was no reason to go into camouflage mode. They weren't infiltrating some Top Secret Area 51 place. They were going to Canada.

"Alf- Kyle, please refrain from scarfing down your food so carelessly. God forbid you choke," Arthur chided.

"Yeah, 'God forbid'," Alfred scoffed, "God forbid I get dragged to Canada dressed like an FBI agent-ninja and God forbid I betray my little brother and God forbid I get on a plane with a paranoid Brit that has burger-less, 9 hour flights. Oh, God forbid!"

Alfred felt a swift slap to the back of his head and he jerked forward, nearly falling out of his seat but successfully ramming his head against the backseat of the person seated in front of him. A slim woman with dark hair peaked around and looked at him before giving him the cut-eye.

"O-oh, s-sorry!" Alfred said awkwardly. "But it was his fault!" He nudged his head toward Arthur only to receive yet another hard slap at the back of his skull. "STOP THAT!"

"Fibbing isn't nice. Don't lie to people. I sincerely apologize for my friend's juvenile behaviour. I'll ensure that he is well behaved for the rest of the flight." Arthur accentuated his apology with a slight bow of his head. The woman gave Alfred one last look of heavy contempt and a small smile to Arthur then sat back in her seat.

Alfred crossed his arms over his chest and turned his head away from the elder blonde. "I'm not talking to you anymore."

"You just did."

"That didn't count - neither does this! Or that! Or th- none of this counts!"

"M'kay. It'll be amusing to see you keep your mouth shut for more than one minute."

"Whatever."

"You just spoke to me."

"SHUDDUP!"

For the second time the dark haired woman spun in her chair to face Alfred, though this time she chose to speak up. "I am trying to sleep. If you wouldn't mind being such a damn NUISCANCE I would like to finish my nap!"

At this point the whole plane was staring between the two, curious about the confrontation. For once in the American's life he had nothing to say; his face bright as a tomato as he stared at her and, luckily, she accepted his silence with a triumphant grin and slumped back into her chair.

"Well, I wouldn't believe it if I hadn't seen it me self. The great Alfred of a thousand words has nothing to say," Arthur snorted and eased into his chair. "This should make for a peaceful ride."

The bushy-browed blonde smiled at his companion, Alfred retorted with a sneer and went back to stuffing his mouth with more horrid airplane food. It wasn't that he had nothing to say, he had plenty to say, he just didn't want to say anything to the plethora of snobby Iggy-like English folk he was surrounded by. They weren't his cup of tea.

They didn't deserve his American compassion anyhow.

!i!i!i!i!i!i

Wowy! Guys I'm sorry I'm so late on updating! There was this giant writer's block and all this deciding and un-deciding about the plot and I was like: You know, 'these readers have been waiting for some ACTION', and you will get it in the next chapter, I swear!

So honestly, thanks so much for staying faithful to the story and I really appreciate it! A lot! Hoped you like it, please review, eh!