OK everyone, super excited, I wanted to get this out yesterday as a super birthday surprise for you all and I got stuck with family until I absolutely had to go to bed because I returned to work this morning, so a little later than I planned, but man it's spicy.
I don't want to be a soldier
Who the captain of some sinking ship
Would stow, far below.
So if you love me, why d'you let me go?
Coldplay – Violet Hill
It was like she had just run a marathon, breathing heavy and heart hammering in her chest. She was nervous; she hadn't felt nervous about sex in ages. She lay on her back. She couldn't look over to Jace. He didn't move beside her, and she suddenly wasn't so sure about this bold move. She nearly jumped when she felt skin against hers. It was the bare tips of his fingers as they had touched her lightly before lacing in-between her fingers. He was holding her hand, the same as he had done every night before they fell asleep. Clary sighed and decided not to press the issue any further; when it had come down to it she couldn't try to seduce him.
"Goodnight." She said as she closed her eyes and drifted off into the empty wasteland that welcomed her with open eyes.
Jace felt like he couldn't breathe. Every muscle in his body went rigid until he heard the steady breathing which meant that she had finally fallen asleep. Only then did he exhale the breath he had been holding. The hand that wasn't holding hers covered his eyes and then slid slowly down his face. That had been hard, he was hard.
She seriously had no idea how sexy she was, and it had taken everything in Jace not to give in to her. He wanted to so badly; he had dreamt about it over and over for the past several months. Ever since Clary kissed him, thinking he was Jonathan he couldn't get the taste of her lips off his mind. He didn't want to make things awkward or difficult for her, but he had been itching to rip the clothes off of her ever since.
Fuck. He needed to stop thinking about that, he was getting harder by the second and it did not help he was lying next to a very naked Clary. That was not helping.
He didn't want to have sex with her as much as he was dying to have sex with her. She was far more transparent than she thought she was. He knew she was hurting from her ex, that asshole had assaulted her mind with expertise. He had taken his time with her, being with her at such a vulnerable time and then he had slowly stripped her of her free will. Once she was completely void of the ability to make decisions he convinced her that only he could decide what she could do and when she could do it. It was amazing that she had even mustered up the courage to leave him in the end; it was only because she was so strong and strong-willed that she had been capable of taking that stand.
Now Clary was facing a world where she had no idea how to make her own decisions all while being scared of ever being hurt again. She was so much better than this little bout of rebellion she was going through and that was why Jace needed to just be patient and support her through this time. He just wished that he hadn't signed those damn papers yet. He still would have gone into the air force, but at least he could have waited a little bit. Then maybe now as she was lying naked next to him, begging for him to touch her, maybe he could have accepted her offer.
He looked over when he started to hear her whimper and flinch. She didn't know she did this in her sleep, but Jace was used to it by now. Most nights she had nightmares, she would whimper and twitch in her sleep, sometimes she would say things that would chill him to the bones. She fought invisible intruders and pleaded with them to stop. Jace usually didn't get a whole lot of sleep when he spent the night, but when he would hold her and whisper things were ok she would calm down and go back to sleep. She didn't know it but she had been better ever since she had started seeing Jonathan. As much as it killed Jace to see his girl sleeping with someone else, it really was helping her to get better.
He curled his arms around her and whispered it was ok. Her whimpering slowed and then her breathing evened out as she fell back into a deeper sleep. He would have to wake up when the sun came up and lace his fingers back into hers, she always seemed so excited at the thought that they had slept like that all night, the truth behind that was Jace's little secret.
Clary woke up to a pounding head. This is why she didn't drink, the morning after was always hell. She grumbled and moved around and the stopped suddenly. She wasn't wearing any clothes and not only that, there wasn't even a blanket covering her. She felt the cool air as it hit her overly exposed skin and she felt fingers entwined with her own, that meant Jace was lying next to her. Flashes of Jace's lips on hers, his fingers across her bare skin came to the surface of her mind. Shit. That's another reason why she didn't drink.
Her eyes opened to the much too bright sun flooding through her window. Jace was fast asleep next to her, his hair tousled and his chest bare. He still had the blanket covering his lower half and Clary bit her lip wondering if he was wearing anything under the covers. She couldn't remember them having sex but considering how much she drank, that didn't necessarily mean they hadn't. She reached for the corner of the blanket and slowly pulled it to cover herself but snuck a peek at the same time. He was wearing boxers, but that wasn't 100% proof they hadn't done anything either. Jace didn't even stir as the covers moved across him, he was in a deep sleep.
As much as Clary wanted to just snuggle up and go back to sleep, her head was pounding and she needed to go to the bathroom, like now. Clary bit her lip again and tried to inch her way off the bed without waking him. She scurried for some clothes before heading to the bathroom. She looked back quickly, Jace was still fast asleep, he had rolled onto his side slightly in the direction Clary had been.
Simply going to the bathroom and brushing her teeth didn't seem to be enough to make her feel better. She decided to hop into the shower quickly, hoping the hot water would open her pours and she could sweat out the remaining alcohol in her body. Her quick shower helped to make her feel better but it didn't stop the swimming sensation inside her head. She was grateful that she had the entire day off work.
She came back into her room and forgot for a second that Jace was still sleeping, well he should have still been sleeping, but instead he was wide awake but still lying in bed.
Jace looked up from the bed with a smirk. It was the type of smirk that made Clary want to jump on top of him and hit him with a pillow. There was another set of memories that flashed through her mind. Her straddling him in the chair while he kissed down her neck. She felt a shiver run down her spine and her hand came up to her neck. Shit. It was tender, and she knew what that meant.
"You gave me a damn hickey didn't you!" she said with wide eyes.
Jace's smile widened. She saw his gaze move to where her hand had just been. "Looks like I did." He said triumphantly.
Clary narrowed her eyes. "We didn't...you know..."
Jace's face fell slightly. "Jeeze Clair I didn't think you drank that much."
Clary knew she was drunk, but she hasn't had so much that she should have blacked out, but her memory was fuzzy from the moment they went out to smoke.
"I didn't think I drank that much either, but my memory is all spotty. It's kinda like when I take my..." Clary stopped suddenly as she realized it was exactly like when she took her anxiety pills that cause amnesia.
"You seriously don't remember?" Jace asked, there was no longer even a trace of a smile left on his face.
Clary cane and sat down on the bed. "I have glimpses here and there. I know, we, umm, kissed." Clary could feel her cheeks heat as she said it.
"Yeah we did, and this time I didn't tell you to forget about it but you seemed to do that anyways." Jace said a little bitterly.
"Well I didn't completely forget about it, I have..glimpses." Clary said as she started to play with her thumb ring. It was a soothing gesture she liked to do whenever she was nervous. "But I ended up in bed without any clothes on, and I don't remember any of that, so please just tell me what happened." She said without looking up.
"Oh the no clothes thing that was all you. We decided we would just be friends and we came up to bed and you did a little strip tease for me." Clary could her the smile in his voice but she couldn't look up to see his face.
"I don't know why I would have done that." She said quietly.
"Hey." Jace said, his voice soft and kind. Clary felt him pull her shin up to meet his gaze. "You don't have to be embarrassed. If you want to sleep naked next to me every night I won't mind and I will never try anything. I'm a little bummed you don't remember last night, we had a great talk." The look in his eyes was sincere and that made Clary feel a little better.
"What did we talk about?" Clary wished she could remember better but not much was making a whole lot of sense to her.
"Well after we kissed we decided it was a one-time thing. A sort of do-over from last time, but you don't want a relationship, I'm leaving come winter, it's just not smart. You are going to tell me all about Sebastian and help sort through all that shit. In return I'm going to be supportive of you and Jonathan and whatever kind of thing you got going on with him."
Clary was silent for a moment and let it all sink in. Jace and she weren't together and they never were going to be. He must have had a bruised ego about their last kiss that he needed to have cleared up. He was supportive of her fucking one of his friends and he wanted to talk about her ex. That pretty much summed it up and Clary felt slightly disappointed. Maybe she had to have been there to really get it.
"Well if that's what we decided then I guess it sounds good." She said quietly.
Jace frowned. "Would you rather something else?"
"No, I just wish I could remember the conversation better. Sounds fine to me." She said in her best fake impression of being completely content.
"Oh." Jace said clearing his throat. "Good. So, what do you want to do today since we are both off?"
"I think I want to crawl back into bed and sleep some of this hangover off." Clary said getting back under the covers and cuddling up against Jace's side.
He wrapped his arm around her and held her tightly. This is exactly what she needed to ease the pounding in her head. She found herself quickly slipping back into sleep despite the bright sun that shone through her windows.
"I hope you can remember more when you wake up again." Jace whispered into her hair as she let herself float into the darkness.
Golden hair and a golden body was lying beneath her as she straddled him and looked down from above. He smiled up at her and she smiled back before leaning in for a kiss. His hand came up and grabbed the hair at the back of her head and pulled roughly, her neck craning back so he could access her neck with greater ease. She moaned at the sensation and she ground her hips into his.
She could feel the slight itch of lace covering her sensitive breasts, and the thin fabric between her thighs prevented her from getting the friction she needed. She itched to be rid of her clothes, to feel the full skin on skin contact.
He used her hair to control her, bringing her lips back to his own where he forced them apart and plunged his tongue into her mouth. She met his with her own greedily and relished the taste of him. She felt as his hips came up and rubbed against her. She pushed back on her own and felt the hardness of his erection. She moaned again and this time he caught it with his mouth.
"I love the sounds you make." He whispered against her lips before claiming them again. He pushed against her with his hips again and Clary obliged with another guttural sound which caused him to growl deep in his throat. Clary responded by taking his lower lip between her teeth and gently pulled before releasing it to swipe her tongue across it. He pulled on her hair again sharply and bucked his hips. Clary's head fell back and she squeaked a high pitched little noise.
Jace sat up with her, making her back arch as he still applied pressure between his thighs. "I'm going to make you scream my name over and over until it is the only word you remember." He whispered huskily into her ear. His lips found her earlobe and he bit then sucked it into his mouth, driving her crazy as he did it.
She felt his hands reach around her back and quickly undo her bra strap and freeing her of the irritating lace. She sighed in contentment once the cloth was free from her body but soon the sigh turned into a yelp as he dipped his head to cover her breasts with his mouth. Her hands fisted into his hair, she pushed him away and pulled him closer to her all at the same time. She was completely overwhelmed by the sensations and was unsure if she wanted him to stop or to keep going.
Suddenly, when she felt like she couldn't take it any longer he flipped her onto her back and he hovered above her with a smirk. His lips returned to hers briefly before he found her ear again to whisper. "Brace yourself, the screaming is about to begin." He said roughly as his hand snaked down between her thighs and he rubbed a finger against the thin fabric.
Clary bit her lip and pressed into the mattress to hold back whatever noise was threatening to escape her lips. Jace's mouth was on hers suddenly and his teeth grabbed her lip and pulled it free. "None of that. I told you I want to hear you." He said with such intensity it made Clary whimper and push against his hand.
"That's better." He said with a smile.
Jace sat up, and Clary remained lying on the mattress completely at his will. Jace's eyes raked up and down her body and he looked at her hungrily which made her mouth go dry at the intensity. He used his fingers to slowly brush against her skin as he felt her from the tops of her breasts ghosting all the way down until he hooked both sides of her underwear. His fingers continued downward with her underwear still snagged and she lighted her hips lightly so he could continue to pull them down.
Once they were free from her body he threw them to the side and then looked back to her with such a gleam in his eyes. Her knees were slightly bent on each side of him and that was where he began to kiss. First his lips peppered kisses on one leg and then moved to the other. He slowly moved up each leg, alternating between the two, spreading them apart as he went.
Clary resisted the urge to bite down on her lower lip and whimpered as he slowly teased her. When he got to the tops of her thighs he had to fight her natural urge to close them. His hands were placed firmly one on each side as he held her open for him. He looked up to her and caught her gaze, he had a wicked smile.
His head dipped down and he kissed directly between her thighs and was rewarded with another high pitched squeal as Clary's back bowed from the bed. This seemed to spur him on as he relentlessly attacked her with his lips and tongue. Clary hands were balled up in the sheets as she tried desperately to find anything to hold onto.
Jace ran his nose along her length and then followed with his tongue, completely worshipping her. She could feel herself building and whimpered, "Jace."
"Say it again." He murmured against her and the vibrations raced through her body winding her tighter.
"Jace." He half yelled as she began to breathe heavier. She was so close, so incredibly close to losing herself. Jace flicked his tongue expertly and sent her over the edge, screaming his name.
Clary woke up suddenly, her heart racing and her breathing labored. She could still feel the throbbing between her legs. She had just had an orgasm, a real one, while she was sleeping.
Her eyes opened and she realized she was still in bed, cuddled up with Jace. His leg was between her thighs as she had one draped over him. She tried desperately to catch her breath and was startled by Jace's voice, it was low and husky in her ear.
"Sounds like you were having a good dream." He said pushing the hair out of her face. It stuck to her forehead lightly.
"Yeah a little bit." She squeaked out. Jace was still only in his boxers and the way her leg was positioned she could feel how hard he was. He wasn't just a little hard, he was fully at attention.
"What were you dreaming about?" He asked lightly, Clary could almost hear laughter in his voice.
"Nothing too exciting." Clary tried to shrug it off, hoping she hadn't been making the same noises as she had been in the dream.
"I thought I heard my name." Jace said looking into Clary's eyes and she had to turn away quickly or else he might see the truth in hers.
"Maybe you were just dreaming." She said quietly as the throbbing ebbed away.