AN: Thank y'all for the kind reviews and PMs! Contradicting what I said about less frequent updates, here is a new one that I jotted down earlier tonight.

I'm sorry for the constant ANs but as I was revising the chapter, I realized that there was language in it some of y'all might be sensitive to (more than my usual, moderate strong language), just so you know!

Mistakes are the foundations of truth.

- Unknown

November 25th, 2015

6:49 PM

Grant Estate

Los Angeles, California

Olivia's POV

I don't know what the fuck I was thinking.

I know I have made mistakes before. Bad ones. Catastrophic ones. Ones that make your own father disown you.

I fucked up up in every way imaginable but I always prided myself on not being a total slut.

My definition of 'slut' doesn't mean indulging in casual sex. It's somewhere along the lines of blatantly kissing a taken man.

Don't ask me what I was thinking because the ugly truth is, I don't know. I realize now that I wanted to kiss Fitz ever since we stopped at that stupid red light in the car. Hell, I wanted to kiss him when I first came into his dorm the other night. But I held it in. Like a decent fucking human, I held it in. And all that went out the window as soon as I held his face in my hands, leaned in and kissed him.

Granted, it wasn't really a kiss. I mean, it was definitely more than a peck, but we didn't use tongue. Ballpark, it lasted around four seconds. He was taken by surprise when I did it, but he actually kissed me back. I don't know what to make of that, but I am sure it's not good for either of us.

Don't get me wrong - it was an amazing kiss. I know a thing or two about kissing guys and when I kissed Fitz...I have honestly never kissed anybody like that. I meant it. With everything in me, I meant it. And that scares me the most.

I like him. I like him a lot. I feel myself falling for him. I know I have the potential to fall in love with him and I hate that. I'm not scared of Mellie. I feel bad because she's his fiancée and now, thanks to me, we don't have a completely inappropriate relationship anymore. Still, I'm not scared of her. But I don't want to hurt Fitz. Yet that's all I have been doing.

I angrily throw my duffel bag on the King sized bed in his huge bedroom. I'm trying so hard not to cry, but I think I'm gonna. Of course I am. I am just so completely pathetic. After I kissed him, I ran into the house, up the stairs and had to bump into Tom and ask where his bedroom was. I don't know if Tom saw us. I don't know if anyone did. All I know is that I want to fall asleep on this fancy ass bed and forget this whole day ever happened. If I had my own ride back, I would be halfway to Stanford right now.

"Livvy?"

I don't have to look up to know who that is. I just unzip my bag and throw out the first t-shirt and pair of shorts that I see.

"Liv," he repeats.

I only turn to him when I hear the door close. I whip my head up and stare at him. Fitz isn't crying anymore. He's just standing in front of the closed door, hands in his pockets. "Olivia."

"What?" I demand, my voice dangerously close to breaking. I turn away from him. It's not fair to snap at Fitz - especially because I'm the one who kissed him and none of this is his fault. "Fitz, can you just leave?"

"This is my house," Fitz walks to the other side of the bed, opposite of me. "You can't just tell me to leave."

"I don't want you here with me," I mumble. If I talk any louder, I know I am gonna cry and I don't want Fitz to have to deal with that once again. "I'm so sorry...that shouldn't have happened. I'm so sorry."

We're both quiet, standing by the bed. You can cut the tension with a knife - it's that thick. Fitz waits a minute before clearing his throat. "Okay."

I look up at him and scoff. "Okay?"

"Okay," he repeats matter of factly. "It's okay."

"No," I begin to shake my head, my voice going up involuntarily. "It's not okay. You have a fiancée. Yeah, she may be a complete bitch, but you're taken."

Fitz doesn't even bat an eye. He doesn't even care that I called his girl a bitch. He just doesn't seem fazed by what I am saying. "What's your point, Liv?"

"My point?" I demand, my voice shaking. I sit down on the bed, facing away from him. "You're taken. You're away. By definition, you are away. That is my fucking point."

He doesn't say anything. But I don't hear the door close, so I know he's still here. I take a deep breath and keep going, even though I'm crying. "I shouldn't have kissed you, Fitz."

"Maybe," he agrees gently. "But you did. And you can't change that..."

I wipe my face with the back of my hand. "Ever since I came into your life, I have been making it harder for you. And I am so sorry."

"You already apologized," Fitz comes around the other side of the bed. He sits down next to me, his hands folded in his lap. "Ever since I met you, you've been apologizing to me. You're so fucking emotional."

"Because I'm so fucking sorry," I whisper.

"Don't be," Fitz mumbles. He brings up his arm to put around my shoulders and then pauses. He thinks better of it, then lowers his arm back down.

"You should go," I sniff, facing away from him. I never meant to hurt him. I never meant for any of this to happen.

"What if I don't want to?" Fitz asks me.

I look up at him and he locks his eyes into me. They're warm, but firm. "Fitz..."

For a second, I think he's gonna kiss me again. But he just brings his arm up, puts it around me and pulls me in. I put my arms around his waist and lean on him. I rest my head against his chest and just breath into him. He smells like some type of mixture of coffee and faded cologne. I just lean my forehead against the fabric of his shirt and try to get myself together. "I'm still sorry."

Fitz rubs my shoulder and mumbles in the side of my forehead. "And it's still okay."

And we just sit like that. Together.

November 26th, 2015

6:30 AM

Grant Residence

Los Angeles, California

Fitz's POV

"Olivia kissed me."

I hold my breath, waiting for Tom's reaction. His light blue eyes don't show any expression. It's dead silent between the two of us until Tom whispers, "Did you kiss her back?"

I grip the handle of my coffee cup. "Yeah."

"Damn," Tom's eyes lower to the granite kitchen island. A grin grows across his face. "Was it good? Did y'all use tongue?"

I sigh.

I wasn't planning on telling anybody about what happened, but Tom is an exception. I saw him this morning in the kitchen, getting some coffee. I supposed that I should just confess before the cook came in here and started getting ready for Thanksgiving dinner tonight. He's my cousin and I trust him. Plus, I know he won't tell Mellie. He never did like her...so he may be a little biased.

Still, I feel right telling him. I have no idea what to do. Last night, I just held Liv in my arms for a couple minutes until she told me she was tired. Then I told her goodnight and left the room. I would have spent the night laying down with her, but I knew that if anyone in my family found out and reported back to Mellie, I would definitely have hell to pay. It would be over between us - not that I would necessarily mind.

The truth is, I'm so confused as to what I want. Kissing Liv...I cannot even explain to you how incredible that was. How sure of it I was. How much it meant to me. She kissed me and it was like nothing in the world mattered. I had spent that whole car ride wondering how her lips would feel on mine but I never expected it to be nearly as amazing as it was. I never even thought it was possible.

But Liv was right - it shouldn't have happened. Whether I like it or not, I am engaged to Mellie. She left yesterday because she was so completely pissed off. And that was when things were relatively innocently between Liv and I. So imagine how she would react if she knew we kissed? I really don't want to hurt Mellie. I may not want to be with her, but I don't want to hurt her either. I'm not that kind of guy.

I'm not mad at Livvy - she feels guilty about the whole thing too. I know she doesn't actively try to have an affair with me or anything. Liv...she feels bad. I can tell she didn't plan this out or anything. I was just pathetically crying and I can tell that was just a lot for her to handle. I just wish...I don't even know what I wish.

All I know is that I didn't get much sleep last night on that shitty couch and I'm in way too deep with a girl who is not my fiancée.

"Tom," I roll my eyes. "Can you be serious for one second?"

"I am being serious," Tom takes a sip of his orange juice. "She's really cute and she looks like she would be a really good kisser. How was it, man?"

I can't help but smile. "It was amazing."

Tom smiles too. "So...tongue or no tongue?"

I roll my eyes. "Tom, that's besides the point. Listen." I take a deep breath. "What if someone saw us?"

"So?" Tom shrugs. "They wouldn't tell Mellie. They don't want to start another world war."

I smirk at his joke, but I'm being really serious. "Very funny. Look, man, just tell me what to do."

"What do you wanna do?" Tom shrugs like it's nothing.

"I don't know," I look down at my coffee. There really isn't much I can do at this point. Livvy is in a fragile state and she's practically my student. This can't happen. No matter how much I desperately want it to. "I really don't know, Tom."

Tom puts his hand on my back sympathetically. "Do you care about this girl, Fitz?"

"More than you can imagine," I whisper candidly.

"If she were awake," Tom begins. "And right here in front of you now...what would you say to her?"

I take a deep breath and try to think. I say the only thing I can come up with. "I would ask her a question."

"What question?"

I inhale. "How could I have been such a coward to propose to her and not wait for you to come along?"

Tom and I both quiet for a second. I think the answer is clear. I want Liv. I want her so bad.

But I feel like she is just so fucking far away from me. I press my palm against the side of my face. I don't want to hurt Mellie. I know she hurts me - she always does. But that doesn't mean she deserves to be hurt the same way. If I had the backbone, if I had the ability to be as horrible as she is, if I had the interest in making people upset and miserable...maybe it would be easier.

But I don't. I don't have the backbone, the ability, the interest...I'm basically just a guy with a lot of love and nobody to give it to.

It's hard to describe my 'type' because like I said, I really don't have a specific one. And I have only had three serious relationships in my life. I don't have high standards and I am not needy at all. But I do happen to fall for women that are way out of my league - Mellie included. No matter how irritating Mellie might get at times, there is no denying that she is a catch. She's beautiful and she's brilliant. And if I think about it, I love her, I do. You can't be in a serious relationship with someone for four years and not develop some type of feelings for them. So I care about Mellie. I don't want her to get hurt. And I can always try a little harder in our relationship. After we fought, she just left to her apartment in Santa Monica and If she doesn't forgive me and doesn't come back, I will feel kind of guilty.

Because the truth is, what I did was kind of fucked up. I brought a girl home to my fiancée and that's pretty sleazy if you think about it. I don't regret it because I seriously care about Liv. But I don't blame Mellie for being upset.

The thing is, though, she's upset for literally all the wrong reasons. I don't know if she loves me. I really don't. But I do know she loves optics and she definitely cares about others perception of her. And that is what really makes our relationship hard. But I have always prided myself on doing the right thing. I provide for Mellie. And if and when we get married, I'll take care of her. But I don't think she really needs that.

And as for Liv? I have no idea what to say about her. Actually, no. I could go on forever describing her, retelling the times she has made me smile these past 24 hours, noting the way her eyes light up every time she laughs, so on and so forth. I don't think I could ever get tired of talking about her. And I definitely don't think I could put in words how much I care about her and how much I need her to be okay - whether she's with me or not.

"Damn," I hear Tom say and I look up. He's staring directly at me with sympathetic eyes. "You really fell for her, didn't you?"

I look down at the table. "Yeah...I mean, I barely know her..." I take a deep breath and look back at him. "But I think I am. And that scares the hell out of me."

"Can I say something?" Tom brings up.

I grimace. "You're going to either way." Tom rolls his eyes before sighing. "The thing is, Fitz, you're twenty two. And you just spent the last four years of your life with one girl. Those years were supposed to be the ones where you really discovered yourself and realized what and who you wanted in the future." He sighs. "You know I am not the biggest fan of Mellie, but this is not about that. It's about the fact that those four years were taken from you."

"So?" I mumble. I know I haven't really fought for control of my life and I'm not proud of that. But at the same time, it makes you feel like an ungrateful brat if you tell your father you don't care after all he's done for you. Don't get me wrong - Big Jerry can be a total dick. But at the end of the day, he's still my dad. And whatever he says goes. "You know my dad. And you know Mellie. Are you really suggesting I stand up to them? Do you want me to die?"

Tom shrugs and holds up his hands in defense. "All I'm saying is that you sound a little bit like...a..." He scrunches up his eyebrows, trying to find a word to describe me.

"A what?" I demand.

"A..." Tom takes a deep breath. "Well, kinda like a bitch baby." I roll my eyes and begin to say something, but Tom cuts me off. "Wait, hear me out. Look, you complain. You do it a lot. And as your cousin and best friend, I put up with it. But if all you can do is complain, you are a complete bitch baby, Fitz."

I roll my eyes again. He's not wrong though, so I can't argue. "What exactly do you suggest I do, Tom?"

"Find what you want in life," Tom says matter of factly. "I know it's a cliche but you only live once. You know what they say...YOLO or some shit like that. The point is that Liv is an amazing girl from what I can tell so far. And what I think...well, I think you could use someone in your life like her." Tom inhales. "But in the end, it's your choice. Well, not really. I know you know in your gut who you want or what you wanna do. It's just the matter of finding the courage to admit it to yourself and follow through with it."

"Follow through with what?"

Tom shrugs casually. "You know...letting yourself fall in love."

I stare at him. He says it so simple. But it's literally anything but that