Chapter 14: One Year in Business

Unpacking her suitcase in the hotel room, Jess was trying her best to calm her nerves. Even thought it was just a month ago, it seemed like a lifetime since she booked her plane tickets for this event, and it was finally here. She probably could have picked an earlier weekend to come visit, but she felt like this Saturday was more appropriate. Today was the first anniversary of Perus Brewing being open for business. She knew it would be a special day for Nick, so she made certain she would be there to suprise him.

With school just starting, there was no way she could ask for any time off, so she had to fly out Saturday morning, and booked her return flight Sunday. She had also lied to everyone back in LA about the reason for her visit. She claimed she was going to another conference for teachers. Jess didn't want any external pressures today. She just wanted to see her friend Nick, and see what would happen.

Coming to the bottom of her suitcase, it appeared as if someone had read her mind as she pulled out a skimpy black number that resembled lingerie more so than a dress in Jess' mind. Attached to the dress was a note with what was unmistakably Cece's writing. The intentions of the note were very clear.

C'mon!

"Nice try sister," Jess said aloud to herself. "We are going with a respectful look for today."

After smoothing out the far more tasteful dress that she had packed, Jess slipped it on and gave herself a once over. The deep red of the dress was offset by the black band at her waist, accentuating the curves of her body while leaving plenty to the imagination. She didn't know if this one of Nick's favorites, but she felt comfortable in it. That was exactly what she wanted today to be about, two friends who were comfortable around each other.

Looking at her make-up bag, she thought to how more than once he had subtly told her that she didn't need much, so she put it off to the side and focused her attention to her hair. After some finishing touches, she started running through the possible outcomes of today. There was a possibility that all the potential feelings Nick had expressed over the last year had either gone away or been quelled, or that Nick had moved on. Jess decided none of that mattered. If he had moved on, she couldn't blame him, and she would enjoy a day in his company. Yes, she would enjoy her time with Nick, no matter how it they spent it. Taking in a deep breath, Jess grabbed her purse and headed for the hotel lobby.

Bonnie cleaned the last of the pint glasses that were in front of her and dried off her hands. Over the summer she decided she needed to get out of the house more often. So, once a week she would join her sons at the brewery, doing some small jobs that didn't task her body too much. Today that meant cleaning glasses for the anniversary party.

Deciding she was on her feet for long enough that day, Bonnie went back to the office where she knew Nick was working. Cracking the door open, her voice drew him out of the papers he was poring over.

"Nicky, did you want those spent grains-"

"For the tenth time Ma, they are in food-grade buckets. They will be fine in the back for one more day. You have done enough today, but I'm cutting you off of working. If you want to hang out more with Jamie, that's fine."

"Okay sweetie. Just make sure you don't miss the entire celebration being back here. I think I will just head home. I think this party is going to get a little too sloppy for my taste."

"Thanks again for helping Ma."

As Bonnie went out to the taproom, she waved goodbye to Jamie, who was sitting at a table with Tony, enjoying one of his stories. Stepping outside she turned around and took another look at the sign above the door. It still filled her with overwhelming pride every time she saw her maiden name on the side of the building. She wished Walt could have seen what their two boys could accomplish. Just as she was about to turn towards home, Bonnie saw a red-clad woman walking towards her that caught her eye. She almost immediately recognized her as Nick's old roommate.

"Jessie, is that you?"

"Ms. Miller?"

"Please, with the formalities, it's Bonnie." Bonnie enveloped Jess in a tight hug.

"Well it's good to see you Bonnie." Jess reciprocated Bonnie's hug, though not as enthusiastically. She also thanked the stars for not going with Cece's suggestion in clothing.

"What brings you here, deary?"

"Oh, I had this work thing earlier, thought I would come by and see Nick afterwards."

"Well, I was just on my way home. Nick is in the office, its back and to the left, just walk in like you own the place. You'll see him," Bonnie instructed Jess as she started walking away.

Jess looked up at the sign over the door, gave herself a mental pep-talk, then opened the door.

Nick sighed and rubbed his eyes, filtering through a stack of paperwork that seemed like it would never end. He knew he should go out and enjoy the party, but he was never one to leave a job undone. Just as he was about to return his attention to pile of papers, he heard another knock on his office door. He started his objection without looking up.

"Ma, for the last time would you please-"

"Hey there stranger."

Nick looked up so quick he thought he was going to spring his neck. He knew that voice straight away. Standing in his doorway was not his mom, but the woman who had been stuck in his mind for so damn long.

"Jess…what are you doing here?

"Had a another work thing in town, figured I better stop by and check out your little shindig you got going on tonight."

Looking at her now, there was a sparkle in her eye that was long gone the last time he saw her here. She reminded him more of the woman he used to live with, the one he felt such a deep connection with. Nick surprised himself when he got up and gave her a hug, which she warmly returned. He wanted nothing more than just to touch her, to feel her in his arms. Hugging was not something they did much as roommates, but it just felt so right. Convincing himself that he had held her for longer than needed, he broke away from her.

"Well…I'm really glad you came."

Jess steadied herself after being in Nick's arms. She realized she hadn't physically touched him since he moved out, and the simple act of a hug had her mind racing. Everything felt so warm. Trying to regain some control Jess pointed out the obvious.

"So this is your office?"

"Yeah, this is where I get holed up when I'm trying to dot our I's and cross our T's, so to speak."

"I didn't really get to see a lot of this place last time. Do you think you could give me a tour?"

"Yeah, right this way."

Nick took Jess out of his office back into the brewery part of the building. Nick excitedly talked about all the ins and outs of the brewing process that he had learned from Tony. This side of Nick was almost foreign to her, yet she always knew it was in him. He had finally applied himself to something, and it was a rousing success. Coming back to the taproom, Nick directed Jess to an empty table near the front windows, and went to the bar to grab two pints. Once back, he sat with Jess putting one of the pints in front of her.

Nick continued to talk about the issues of running a business. He talked about how they had recently started to hire Tony and Jamie's other friends for weekend help, giving the three men much-needed time off. Jess allowed herself to get lost in Nick's raspy, husky voice. This is what she had missed the most, just being with him. After a few more rounds of conversation and beer, Jess wanted to see if Nick would open up a bit further.

"I ran into your mom on the way in here. She seemed really happy."

Nick paused for a moment. He recalled the conversation with Jess before he moved, how he told her he was doing it for his family.

"I think she is really happy," Nick replied. "I know she still misses my dad, but I think she is really proud to see her sons do something that the IRS will never be deeply investigating." Nick couldn't help but shake his head at the thought of how Walt would have somehow screwed Perus Brewing up by now if he were still alive.

"Well she should be, you guys are doing amazing here!" Jess didn't try to contain her excitement this time. "You are doing amazing, Nick. Nick Miller: Brewery owner!"

"Only part-owner. We still have Jamie and Deann to pay off. It wouldn't have happened without their inheritance..." Nick trailed off, looking down and to the side. Jess had seen this look too many times before, but it didn't make it any easier for her to see it. He always doubted himself, beat himself up. It bothered her that he never thought he was good enough to deserve happiness. Here Nick was, finally doing something with his life, and he still had those same doubts. Combined with the alcohol coursing through her veins, it was more than enough to piss her off.

"For FUCKS SAKE Miller!"

Nick immediately snapped back to Jess with a mix of panic and shock. He had never heard her swear like that before. Her eyes showed a look of anger combined with a slight hint of disappointment.

"For once in your life, just take a damn compliment, Miller. You came back home to take care of your family after your dad died. You were a good brother and son. Then you built something here. " Jess motioned to the taproom. She then reached across the table grabbing one of Nick's hands, willing him to look her in the eyes. She had to drive this point home. "I always knew you were a great guy. Now you are proving it to the world. I'm…so proud of you."

The look in Jess' eyes had softened significantly, displaying the admiration she had for the man in front of her.

"I guess...it is a pretty kick ass place we've got here."

Jess let an exasperated sigh. "See…that wasn't so hard now, was it?"

Nick laughed at himself and smiled, nodding in agreement with Jess. Their conversation was interrupted by Jamie loudly climbing on top of the bar, clamoring for the attention of the taproom.

"HEY! HEY! Hey everybody. I have to say something." Jamie was clearly a few rounds ahead of everybody else in celebrating the evening. "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to celebrate Perus Brewing being open for one year." Jamie's speech was interrupted by a loud cheer throughout the room. "To my boy Tony…nice beer recipes and I like your beard." Jamie's speech was interrupted again, this time by light chuckles. "To my brother Nick…thanks. For everything."

Nick raised his glass to his brother, who returned the gesture and finished his impromptu speech.

"Cheers!"

The room responded in kind to Jamie's toast, clinking glasses with their neighbors.

Nick and Jess continued their conversation for several hours, interrupted only by a few well-wishers for Nick, or when he needed to get refills for him and Jess. Eventually, it was getting towards the end of the night, and the some of the patrons had started to clear out.

"Absolutely not Jess. I will not let you ride CTA this time of night."

"I'm not some helpless person Nick. I can handle a little public transport. How do you think I got here anyway?"

"And that was in broad daylight. I will not let you wait for a train by yourself at this hour. You're a guest in my town. I'm paying for a cab, and that is the end of it."

With a huff Jess surrendered to Nick, allowing him to call for a cab. Nick was happy to know that Jess would be safe, but he hated how he had just put a countdown clock on this thrilling night. He knew he was going to enjoy the anniversary party, but seeing Jess had sent him over the edge with happiness. The entire evening just felt…right. They might as well have been on the loft roof, or at Clyde's. It was easily the happiest he had been since he moved to Chicago, and with one phone call for a cab he had put a cap on his time with her. Nick mentally decided it was time to make the most of it.

"Jess, there is something that is…well, I just have to ask. If you don't feel comfortable talking about it, I understand." Jess waited expectantly, sensing a change in tone in Nick. "Why didn't you marry Sam?"

Jess took a second to herself before answering, reminding herself that she came here with a very specific purpose. She needed to be honest with Nick. This was an excellent starting point.

"I could go on quite a long list of reasons why I didn't, but the short answer is I didn't love him. I hate that I couldn't see that for myself so much sooner than I did, but I am glad that I was at least eventually honest with myself. I guess part of me had waited so long for Spencer to move forward that when the next guy made that kind of move, I was just too excited. I mean, the relationship started with him thinking I was Katie for crying out loud."

"I know Jess, I was there."

The two friends enjoyed a laugh at Jess' expense. Jess was so happy to talk freely about her life with Nick again. The brave part of her brain kept thinking about a life with Nick. It was her time to see if Nick would open up.

"Turn about is fair play Miller, I have a question for you. The guys said you weren't at the ceremony. What made you change your mind to come at all and why skip the ceremony?"

Alright Miller, here is your opportunity, your chance to make a grown up move.

"Well I decided I wanted to be there to support you, but flight schedules…I just...could only make the reception."

Miller, you god damn chicken shit. You couldn't say I still love you and didn't want to watch you marry somebody else. Nick couldn't mentally kick himself enough. He saw the tinge of disappointment in those gorgeous blues eyes. Damn those eyes.

Jess steeled herself, willing herself to ask one more question. It was a question that was eating away for some time.

"Nick, when I told you I was engaged…what were you going to tell me before I interrupted you?"

Nick stared at Jess, trying to muster up the courage to finish the sentence that she didn't hear, but the courage never came. All he could feel was panic, panic from the pain that conversation had caused him. He wanted to tell her, but the ever-present fear of the unknown finally was getting the best of him. So he stayed silent. Jess' fear that Nick's feeling had changed started getting the best of her, so she stayed silent.

During the uncomfortable silence, a cab pulled up to the front. Jess decided it was time to leave the situation.

"I guess that's my cab…I…better go." Her voice trailed off as she grabbed her belongings, trying to hold back the slowly forming tears. She told herself she wouldn't hold it against him if he moved on, but it didn't stop her from feeling pain and disappointment.

As she headed towards the door, Nick brought his hands to his face and wanted a do-over. She had just sat there, asking him to tell her how he felt, and he chickened out like he always did. A wet bar rag hitting him in the face brought him quickly back to reality.

"GAAAHHH!" Nick pulled the towel of his head. Looking around the room he saw Jamie with a very serious look on his face. Nick assumed that Jamie had thrown the towel. "WHAT THE HELL IDIOT?!"

Jamie stood unmoved by Nick's outburst. "Don't you 'What the hell idiot' me. I see you two clowns smiling and yucking it up all evening long. I see you smiling and laughing more than I have ever seen since you moved back. Then she leaves here with that look on her face. I don't need to know the details, I just know you did something stupid. Don't over think it. Stop being stupid."

The man had a point. He had bottled up his feelings for Jess since the day he met her, and he just passed up a golden opportunity. Clumsily getting up from the table he ran for the door. Jamie watched, shaking his head.

"Idiot."

Jess had successfully willed the tears back as she was opening up the cab door. Everything about today was perfect up until that moment. She was almost sure their connection was still there, but maybe she had misread his actions. As she was about to step into the cab, her name being called out drew her attention.

"Jess! Jess! Wait!"

Nick ran up to the cab holding the door as he tried to catch his breath. He felt this was his last chance to tell her what she needed to hear from him. The fear of losing Jess for good was now clearly overriding the fear of the unknown, and he opened the floodgates. The problem was, his mouth couldn't keep up with his brain.

"Jess, since the day I met you…challenged me to be a better man…wanted you way back…I never thought…deserved happiness…you, I…be better for myself, but…to deserve someone like you, not like you. You…never deserved you…everything has been about you," Nick shut his eyes and shook his head. All he could think was that this was just a disaster. "All of it, it's always been for and about you."

Nick was afraid he had just blown it again. Without looking at Jess, he turned around and walked away, afraid to see the look of what he assumed was shock on her face. As he walked, he heard the sound of the cab door shutting and the revving of the engine as it drove off. Once again, Nick was too busy in his own head, too busy doubting himself and fighting intense sadness that he didn't hear tiny footsteps coming up behind him. The feel of a small hand pulling him at his arm pulled him back to reality.

"Jess, your cab is driving off."

"Shut up Nick."

Incredibly surprised, he saw the watery blue eyes of Jess. It was another look from her that he would never forget.

"What the hell Miller?! You don't just say things like that to a woman, and then just…WALK AWAY!"

"Jess, I-"

"SHUT. UP. NICK!"

Jess breathing was labored after her loud demand. Nick could see her shoulders rising up and down. He decided now was a good time to heed Jamie's advice and not over think it. He stared at the beautiful woman before him. Shutting her eyes, Jess broke the silence.

"Fine, I will do it then!"

With that last sentence, she grabbed the back of his head and her lips meet his. After the initial shock, Nick aggressively kissed her back, as the kiss deepened for both of them. Nick's mind was overrun with emotion. He couldn't figure out why the hell he ever would have run away from this, from her. All of his senses were in overdrive, running his hands through her hair. He started to wander further down her body, finally getting to feel some of the curves he had fantasized about for so long. Finally a prevailing thought popped into his head. He had no idea what he was missing out on this whole time. He thought he did, but kissing her was far better than he ever hoped. If he only would have known, he would have made a move much sooner.

Eventually the two broke apart, coming up for much-needed air. Jess would have to thank Nick later for his poorly phrased outburst, as it confirmed all of her suspicions. With her mind buzzing, she let a smile form on her lips before Nick went in for seconds, this time far less hurried, but just as passionate. Her expectations about kissing Nick were blown out of the water. He wasn't just attractive, he was attractive and knew how to make woman feel incredible, and all only from a few kisses. She couldn't help but wonder what other talents he had that could make a woman feel incredible. Pulling apart from the tender second kiss, he gave her a very light third one. She pulled apart from him and they both took a few deep breaths before opening their eyes and taking in the sight of one another.

Oh yeah, he had been missing out. Damn, he had been missing out.

Jess let out a small giggle, while letting a few tears of joy fall. All Nick could do was smile at those stunning eyes. It was a smile that made Jessica Day a goner. She wanted him, in every way possible, as soon as possible.

"Jess…"

"Nick, your place…is it…far from here?"

Shaking his head, he grabbed her hand and started jogging towards his apartment. Nick smiled from ear to ear as he heard more giggles from the woman in tow behind him.