Two days after Iris had met up with Hermione in the hallway, the sixsome were loitering outside the door to the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom, waiting for the class to unlock. As they chatted idly about the sixth year prefect, they were interrupted when none other than Danny Potter stepped directly into their path.
"Oh man, I can't wait for this class," Iris's estranged twin said smugly, "Quirinus Quirrell is supposed to be a super powerful wand-for-hire, whose specialty is hunting down dark creatures."
"Hey Zabini," he said, his glare suddenly turning fierce, "I'm gonna have a conversation with him after class, I wonder if whatever dyke mind control you've got on my sister is enough to call you rogue?"
Iris could feel Blaise and Dante tense in front of her, as Draco and Daphne warily looked around at the small crowd of mixed houses that had gathered around them. Iris prepared to fight back her minor panic attack, and come to her friends' defense, when Danny turned to her, sneering.
Alright, major panic attack now. Fucking mini-Dudley.
"Really sis, this is your last chance to get out. I'm gonna go hardcore on the snakes this year, especially those five that you're all buddy-buddy with. I know that bloodsucker mind control shit only works if you want it to, so I'm only gonna give you one more chance to stop torturing mom and dad. Seriously! They're dying of worry because of your selfish tantrum, and I–"
It was then that Theo walked out from behind Draco, and bumped straight into Danny.
"Oh! Sorry Potter, I didn't notice you there. would you mind moving? We're almost late, and I don't want to make a bad impression on Professor Quirrell."
"So Draco, like I was saying before, the key to success in defense isn't in your spell corpus, its in your tactics and application. You need to know–"
"Hey! Don't ignore me, I was talking to you!"
"Um…. Alright?" he said, once again attempting to push past Danny, "So anyways, you need to know not just what the spell does in isolation, but what is does in–"
"Shut UP about bloody defense Nott! Pay attention to ME!"
"…"
"…Damn Iris, you were right, your brother really does have the 'celebrity mindset'."
At this point, the crowd completely lost control of their stifled laughter, as Danny's cheeks flushed a furious red. Finally managing to walk past him, Theo led the rest of the group through the now-open door, into the defense classroom, all the time wearing a wide smirk.
"Good morning class", Iris heard from the back of the classroom, right after the bell rang.
The whole class whipped around in shock.
The professor, casually leaning on a wall at the back of the class, was a tall, pale man, with well-built physique clearly visible under his traditional dueling robes. He had well-groomed brown hair, parted in a wave off to the side, and stared around at the class with piercing blue eyes.
"My name is Quirinus Quirrell," the man said in a smooth, cultured voice, "and I will be your professor for Defense Against the Dark Arts, more colloquially known as 'DADA'."
"I know you might feel a bit alarmed at my… sudden entrance," he said, striding down to the wide-open front of the lecture hall, "but I selected this method of quite deliberately."
His face curved into a sharp smirk. "I assure you, I only receive enjoyment from shocking students when it comes to their grades."
"…"
"That was a joke, class. Relax yourselves."
"Now, are there any volunteers who could explain to me exactly why I chose to stand at the backroom of the classroom, under and invisibility charm? I assure you, it is not because of the riveting conversations I overheard."
"Although," he said, his smirk widening, "Ms.… Brown, is it? I assure you quite heartily that my class is not in fact 'bloody useless in the real world', and that if your young male friend is indeed in, as you put it, 'happily-ever-after love' with you, he would most certainly not be courting other wizards and witches behind your back."
His eyes roved the room as the rest of the class snickered. "Any volunteers to answer my question?"
Iris sighed fondly as Hermione's hand shot up.
"Ah, yes Ms.… I apologize, I do believe I don't know your family."
"O-oh, it's Granger, I'm a muggleborn, sir!"
"Ah yes excellent. Well then Ms.… Granger, what exactly do you believe are the criterion by which I selected my particular method of introduction?"
"Um, well, would it be because you wanted to make sure we're constantly vigilant of our surroundings?"
"Hmmm, a good guess Ms. Granger, and a useful skill to have to be sure, but no. The idea of… 'constant vigilance', can be a beneficial one for certain individuals, but I would hope that as first years, you do not believe yourself so ill-targeted that you need be constantly on-guard for threats, even as you relax. Anyone else?"
A blonde girl in the Gryffindor section raised her hand.
"Ah, Ms. van Ryskamp, correct?"
"Yes sir, Constance van Ryskamp."
"Well then, Ms. van Ryskamp, what are your thoughts as to why I selected the introduction which I did?"
"Well sir, was it to demonstrate the effectiveness of the disillusionment charm?"
"Ah, I'm surprised you were aware of what charm I was using! Bravo!"
"However," he said while she preened, "your guess is unfortunately far less adept. While the demonstration of the disillusionment charm would indeed be valuable if you were to learn it in this class, you are not, so I see no reason to do so. Other guesses?"
He waited a few moments, head swiveling.
"Truly, none of you possess any theories?"
From beside Iris, Blaise raised her hand, to the rest of the sixsome's shock.
"Ah yes, Ms. Zabini? You have an answer?"
"Yes professor," she said, primly ignoring the scowls of the Gryffindors, "was your demonstration meant to show that we could be attacked at any time?"
The professor's smirk widened into something resembling an actual smile. "Excellent! Five points to Slytherin! Your answer is not entirely correct, of course, but it is the closest any first year has come."
He turned back to face the general class. "I assure you students, that my intention is not to show you that you should always be on guard for danger."
"Nor", he said, gesturing to Hermione, "is it to tell you to be constantly vigilant. The path of constant suspicion and alertness is almost uniquely unhealthy, and many who fought in the last war were known to have gone mad with paranoia."
"In fact, there was an auror, Alastor Moody, who is currently known to shock members of the general public by sneaking up on them behind invisibility charms, and shout about constant vigilance in their ear. He was known to be a great duelist in the war, but, alas, that type of paranoia completely ruined him, leaving the public to call him 'Mad-Eye'."
"My purpose in my introduction", he said, "was to demonstrate that even in Hogwarts, you are not safe. Indeed, while the founders erected formidable protections around this castle using certain forgotten magics, those protections are not foolproof, and most certainly not sufficient to protect you from any violence that would be perpetrated by students, professors, and any other individuals let in by the Headmaster."
He swept his eyes across a sea of pale and frightened faces. "I may have singled out Ms. Brown at the beginning of class, but I assure you, her sentiments were not unique among you, nor unique among your yearmates, or yearmates past."
"Too many of you", he said, beginning to pace, "believe that this class is only an academic formality, useful only to those who seek a further defensive and offensive education outside this castle's walls. You would put forward minimal effort to obtain whichever grade you desire, and then quickly forget all that you've learned."
"This," he said, turning, "is not what I desire."
"I desire every one of you to be educated as to the use of the abilities which are your gift and birthright. I desire for every one of you not to stagnate in your learning or explorations because you grow complacent, or bored, or lazy. I desire for you to react quickly and decisively if danger rears its head, and be able to effectively defend yourself against it."
The whole class was enraptured by his speech.
"I desire for every one of you to grow fully into your abilities, confident in your places in the world as wizards and witches. I desire for every one of you to learn what I teach you in this class to protect yourselves, protect your families, protect the ones you care for against those wizards and witches who would seek to deprive them of their lives or liberties."
Voice lowering from its soaring tone, he turned his head to look in every single student's eyes. "However, I warn you, I feel it is my duty, both as an educator and a moral human being, to not allow any foolishness to intrude on this goal."
"In this class, you will not be Gryffindor or Slytherin, Nic or Rell, light or dark. You will have no enemies, no petty rivals, only classmates. You will be a class, a single group of students united through their magic, in pursuit of personal growth and development."
"I warn you," he said, eyes narrowing, "if I see any of you engage in any bullying or interfering of other students for the sake of some ridiculous rivalry, either personal or political, you will not appreciate the consequences."
"Now!" he said, tone returning to its former state after a minute's pause, "let us discuss the specific goals and requirements of this class. Are their any volunteers to pass out the syllabus?"
Almost the entire Gryffindor side of the room, and a good portion of the Slytherins, shot their hands high in the air.
"Alright class," the professor said, "I can see that your attentions are beginning to wane, so I believe it's time for a bit of a demonstration. Does anyone here believe that they already have a decent grasp on the spells we will cover this year?"
Danny raised his hand, with a proud smirk on his face.
"Ah, yes, Mr. Potter. I've been made aware you've received special training before Hogwarts?"
"That's right sir, I've been trained by some of the greatest light wizards around. I mean, no offense, but I'm planning on being top of the class, for sure. My dad actually tried to get me into the seventh-year class, but apparently the Headmaster said he wanted me to socialize with kids my age."
"Truly, the Headmaster did? Well, I don't agree with that at all. If you truly won't receive any benefit from this class, I see absolutely no reason as to why you should be forced to stay in it."
Quirrell paused for a moment, thinking. "In fact, let's turn this little demonstration into a test. I will limit myself to the five spells on our syllabus, while I will allow you to fight at your maximum potential. If you manage to defeat me, I'll allow you to move up to my seventh-year class."
"That sounds good, Professor. Don't worry, I'll go easy on you."
"Ah, yes Mr. Potter, if you are indeed as good as you say, I would greatly appreciate that."
As Danny began to make his way down the stairs to the front of the class, the whole class began to whisper excitedly, eager to see the Boy-Who-Lived fight. Even Iris had to admit that she was interested. James had used Danny's training as one for the excused for leaving her with… them.
"Ready, Mr. Potter?"
"Absolutely, Professor."
He shot a superior glare at Theo, "Let me show you just what a celebrity mindset can do."
"Alright then," Quirrell said, conjuring a feather, "you may begin when this feather hits the ground."
…
…
…
"relaci wa qus!"
By the time the slow-moving red bolt had hit the Professor's shield, he had turned to the class.
"That, class, was the basic stunning spell, also known as 'the Somnus', and will be taught in your third year at Hogwarts. I find it highly interesting that Mr. Potter chose to cast that spell, for it is generally considered to slow-moving to–"
Danny waved his wand in a wide arc, and then a series of rapid circles: "dalicet shishbe!"
"It's rude to interrupt someone while they're talking, Mr. Potter. Now class, that was actually the Impello, the basic bludgeoning spell. You might recognize it from the syllabus we–"
"geb dezhobane!"
"Ah, that's more like it Mr. Potter. That was the Expelloarma, a fourth-year spell which–"
"docufah tavdufcag bic qaron biwi!"
"What did I say about rudeness, Mr. Potter?"
The Slytherins, barley able to contain themselves before this, burst into laughter. Even some of the Gryffindors looked to be stifling a smile.
"Now class, that spell, Puck's Vengeance, is not actually a dueling spell. It fits under the broad category of 'hex', and is commonly used for practical jokes. It turns the target's ears into the ears of a donk–"
Danny let out a scream of rage. "geb dezhobane!"
"Ah, yes, the Expelloarma again. I assume that means we've reached the limits of your higher-level spellcasting knowledge?"
"Class, I believe it's time for me to demonstrate why spell knowledge is actually one of the least important factors in deciding the outcome of a duel."
He turned to Danny. "Now Mr. Potter, I'm going to count to three, and then drop my shield. I will give you permission to cast any spell you wish directly at me, and, as usual, I will respond with nothing more than the five spells I've selected for your learning in this class."
"Ready, Mr. Potter?"
Danny just glared hatefully.
"I'll take that as a yes. Alright then: one… two… three!"
Danny threw up a Protego shield, as the whole class tensed, expecting a flurry of spellfire. Instead, Quirrell just stood in the center of the room, wand at his side, looking at Danny with a lazy smirk.
"…"
"Well, Mr. Potter?"
At that, the Slytherins burst out laughing. Draco had almost fallen out of their seat, and Iris was leaning on Theo for support.
Danny's scowl grew even darker, as his skin grew an ugly, blotchy red.
"DON'T YOU DARE MAKE FUN OF ME!"
Even the Gryffindors were starting to chuckle now.
He whipped his wand around in a series of circles, and screamed: "THIS IS WHAT YOU GET FOR CROSSING THE BOY-WHO-LIVED, CYRBONA WUR FANTIP!"
Quirrell's eyes widened, as he deftly twirled to the side. The spell hit the desk behind him, blowing into a collection of jagged wooden planks. Quickly, the Professor levitated one of the planks, and banished it directly into Danny's forehead, knocking him out.
"…"
"Well class, I can't say I expected that."
Quirrell turned to them, looking shaken and slightly wary of the unconscious celebrity. "Th-that, class, was confringo, the basic explosion spell. You'll learn it in your fourth year, and it's quite notable for being the first spell you'll learn that is most usually lethal if cast on another wizard or witch."
The Gryffindors were looking at Danny's slumped form in shock, while the Slytherins could barely contain their glee. Blaise had to squeeze Iris's hand to stop her from cackling right in the middle of class.
"Well, don't worry," the professor said, regaining his dignified composure, "I'm in no physical jeopardy, and Mr. Potter, the Headmaster, and I will most certainly be having words after this discussion."
"Now class, this is called the Renervatus spell, and it's purpose is to awaken someone who is sleeping, or otherwise knocked out." Quirrell flicked his wand at Danny, who sat straight up with a gasp.
"…"
Panting from his unnatural awakening, Danny looked around the classroom and saw the Slytherins openly smirking, while his housemates started at him with horror. He looked confused, for a few seconds, forehead scrunched up, until he paled to an almost bone-white, and hastily made his way back to his seat without further comment.
"…Very well class, I believe that despite certain… complications, that little display still served as an effective vehicle to demonstrate the point I wish to convey."
His eyes swept around the room, as he resumed his pacing. "The reason, as you may have already guessed, that you will only learn five spells over your entire first year class, is not because those five spells are particularly difficult. It's not because I am a deficient spellcaster, or because I was rushed in designing the syllabus."
"No," he said, starting intently at every single student, "the reason you will only learn five spells is because, as I just demonstrated, you only need to learn five spells in this class. Do you all understand what I did in that duel?"
Most of the class shook their head."
"You see, I knew Mr. Potter was angry, and would therefore cast some sort of destructive spell at me. Just how destructive"—he glared at an ashen Danny—"I may not have known, but knew it would be destructive nevertheless. So, what did I decide to do? I concocted a simple plan to use his own anger and destructive force against him."
"Understand class, that there is not a single spell in this year's syllabus designed to completely incapacitate an opponent. These spells are not only more advanced that I believe the majority of you can handle, but also completely unsuited to whatever schoolyard mischief you will all most assuredly use my instruction for."
"So, at the beginning of the duel, the question I ask myself becomes 'how do I render Mr. Potter unconscious, without using any sort of direct spell?'"
"The surest method to ensure you opponent's incapacitation in a duel, aside from a direct incapacitation spell such as the stunner, is to ensure that an object impacts their head with a sufficient speed as to render them unconscious."
"The method of attack would be simple then: the banisher. With it, I knew that I could shoot whatever small object I had directly at Mr. Potter's head, thus winning me the battle. The problem was, how to get such an object? I could have repeatedly used the bludgeoning spell on the floor, surely, but it would take several repeated castings to create enough rubble for my strategy to be effective."
"So then, unable to create an object myself, the solution I decided upon was quite simple: I would anger Mr. Potter until the point at which he would cast some sort of spell that had the potential to create debris, whereupon I would banish that debris at his head."
"You see, I heard his little scuffle outside with Mr. Nott, and so I knew that two surefire triggers for Mr. Potter's anger were to ignore or deride him. Therefore, I determined that if I simply bunkered down behind a shield charm, and largely ignored his efforts, Mr. Potter would be driven into a rage, causing him to cast a destructive spell."
"Once again" he said, glaring, "I did not know exactly how destructive."
"So! I placed myself in front of my desk, shielded, and let my plans do their work! You all saw the result."
The whole class was staring at him in awe.
"I told you", Theo whispered to Iris, smirking, "tactics."
"You see," Professor Quirrell said, as the class recovered from their shock, "that is what separates the average duelers from the true masters: control of the battle. I firmly believe that eighty percent of every battle I've ever engaged in, during my occupation or otherwise, had its conclusion decided by the time the first spell was cast."
"Your material will not be on knowing spells, but instead on using them. you will learn how planning, tactics, and control of both the battlefield and your enemy. With these alone, you will be able to take on opponents with a much larger spell corpus than yourselves, and win.
"If I could, I would only teach using the spells you've learned in other classes, especially charms and transfiguration, but the five spells I've selected for your learning are, I believe, absolutely essentially to low-level nonlethal combat. With only those five, along with the basic spells from your first year, I have full confidence that you should be able to take down a third year not trained in one of my classes."
"So," he said, staring at the gaping students, "any questions?"
AN: The chapter title is a loose translation from Sura 3:28 in the Qur'an. It's the basis for the Islamic practice of Taqiyya, or disguising ones beliefs in times of persecution and strife.
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Fanfic Rec is Blindness, by AngelaStarCat. This might be the best Experimenter!Harry fic I've ever seen. It's one of the few I know of that can pull off a Godlike Harry realistically.
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Yes, the incantations for the spells here are entirely nonsense words, and I promise, the reason will be explained in due time. There are some hints in the last chapter though, so if you want to look through it, feel free to comment with any guesses.
If you're wondering, the "y" in what's known as the "Spellcaster's Orthography" is pronounced as /y/. It's the ü sound in German.
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I've always thought that the canon revival spell (rennervate) was a little too easy. Honestly, you knock out your opponent, then their buddy just wakes them back up? Why even use stunners?
Do you guys know that scene in Pulp Fiction where Uma Thurman gets a shot of adrenaline to the heart? Yeah, my revival spell is like that. It is not something that you can use again and again, or else your heart might give out. It's incredibly stressful on the body, and doesn't even work that well on the auror-class stunning spell, so it's not being used to just respawn your troops over and over.