Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or characters, no income being made, only fulfilling a creative whim.

Chapter 13

Bella's POV

I walked Edward to the door feeling like I was having an out of body experience. The girl who just spent nearly six hours with this man wasn't me. When had I ever felt so secure but at the same time overwhelmed and over my head? Never that's when. Why? Because all dates prior to this one never lasted more than three hours max. And I hadn't had many of those either.

"I had a really nice time tonight. Thank you."

This was an awkward moment. I would look like the total loser extending my hand out to him for what, a good night shake? Kissing him was out of the question. Besides the fact that I was entirely too afraid of physical contact with Edward, it would be extremely forward.

God, he was so tall. Even taller since I had taken my shoes off, I had to crane my neck so I could look into his eyes rather than his chin.

"Bella, I enjoyed dinner as well. And what can I say; dessert was probably the best part of the night. Kidding…I had a great time."

I handed him the remainder of the coffee cake that I had wrapped up for him. He had a good laugh over it, and in a good way. He said it was the first time he had taken a girl out to dinner and was leaving her place with left overs. I couldn't help but feel that burning sensation as my face lit up like a Christmas tree.

Edward started to turn away and open the door when he quickly turned back and swooped down to give me the gentlest kiss on my cheek. If the door wasn't opened and I wasn't leaning against it, I just might have fainted. His lips were warm and in that kiss he left in its wake the strangest tingle. My nerve endings were on high alert.

"Good night Isabella. Sleep well."

With that he headed out the door walking to his vehicle. I stood there watching him get into his car and pull out of my drive way. My heart was still pounding and I could still feel his lips on my cheek.

How was I going to get to sleep after this?

~~SyP~~

I kept tossing and turning in bed. I was so fidgety that the cats finally took off and sought out better sleeping accommodations. Riding the high I was still feeling after having been with Edward, I kept obsessing over his comment about seeing me again. How did I feel about that? If I was honest with myself the answer was yes. Ah…honesty.

Bella, you weren't exactly honest tonight were you?

This was a pattern that was becoming much too familiar and much too easy to fall into. It wasn't just the lie about relationships. It was purposely and carefully revealing only some of my past. I justified that it was my business; something I didn't feel was relevant to share. Nor did it have any bearing on whatever Edward and I were embarking on. Another lie. All of this could be for nothing. For all I knew, Edward was just being polite. Perhaps he didn't have any intention of wanting to see me again. If so, no harm no foul.

If I had been a little buzzed I would put the blame on the alcohol for that ridiculous statement I made. But I wasn't. I was clean and sober. The more time I spent with Edward the more I was convinced that he was dangerous, a danger to my body, heart and soul. And my mind, I think that was where he was most lethal. He had me pondering that maybe I could do this. Could I? This false sense of self confidence was going to disappear like a mirage. I knew myself all too well. A different Bella wanted to take that leap. To be something more than I was. He made me crave things, need things, want things. Things I knew I couldn't have. In a perfect world, if I was unbroken, I could have them.

~~SyP~~

His hands were warm as they ghosted over the contours of my body. I sighed when his fingers lightly brushed over my nipples that became hard as diamonds and when he replaced those fingers with his mouth I nearly came right then and there. "You're so beautiful" he whispered in between heated kisses. I moaned loudly as I felt his hands and fingers travel south to where I needed him the most. The moment his finger invaded that special place I arched my back in ecstasy. I'd never felt such pleasure and my body responded. I was slick and wet. Making it so easy for him to continue his assault, I couldn't keep still as I opened my legs even further apart. His mouth was there, then the feel of his tongue lapping and sucking while adding a second finger bringing me closer to my reward.

"Edward…" I sighed and felt the beginnings of my orgasm. I was so wet I could hear the sound of not only his tongue but his fingers as they continued to drive me over the edge. I screamed as I shattered into a millions pieces. I saw stars break up and fall all around me.

"Was that good baby?" Edward's eyes captured mine as he grinned.

Those eyes that were green suddenly changed to a murky gray. The sweet breath that only a moment before had enveloped me turned sour, encrusted in nicotine.

"That's right Kitten. Just like that, show Uncle Alec how much you love him."

My small hand was gripped around him as he forced me to move it up and down. His breathing was becoming more erratic and his moans even louder.

"Kitten, you love Uncle Alec don't you sweet girl?"

The tears in my eyes were threatening to spill but I pushed them back. No tears, no crying, steady breathing.

"Yes, but Uncle Alec, please. I don't think this is right."

"Shush, now. You know I love you. I would never do anything to hurt you, you know that don't you Kitten?"

I wanted to push him away, to take my hand away from his…but he was too strong. His other hand was down below pushing his fingers inside me. It hurt, didn't he say he would never hurt me?

"You are hurting me, please Uncle Alec, please don't!"

"It's okay sweet girl, you make Uncle Alec feel so good, such a good girl." His voice was strained; his breathing became even more labored and then he shouted as I felt something warm and sticky spurt onto my belly.

I shot out of bed, disoriented and completely soaked through. I was panting as if I had just run a marathon. And then I remembered. Not again. It had been months since my last episode. This time the dream was even more vivid, more intense. In the past the images were indistinct but still defined enough for me to recognize what and who. I had not had such a graphic episode since the initial breakdown years ago.

I climbed out of bed and headed straight for the shower. I needed to cleanse my body and soul to find some respite even if I knew it was temporary. I would never feel clean enough but still I couldn't get the water hot enough as I scrubbed my body roughly. I knew I had broken skin as I saw my blood wash away down the drain. I didn't care. I would do anything to wash away the filth and the guilt. Anything. What had been the trigger this time? I was now wishing that I still was taking the medication that I had been prescribed when I had my breakdown back in college.

I had closed my eyes and the last thing I remember was seeing Edward's beautiful face. That had to have been the trigger for the dream. I had never felt so secure and loved. His hands on me felt familiar, as if I had been made for him and him alone. Lust and love burned in his eyes as he made love to me with his mouth, hands and fingers. I basked in the aura of his passion. Then it turned dirty, ugly and shameful in a blink of an eye. God, I felt disgusted and could feel the bile rise in my throat. I had done such a good job repressing these memories. But not enough it seemed. I towel dried myself off and felt the sting of the areas I had scrubbed too hard. I wanted to feel that sting. Retribution for my sins, yes sins. After all I must have done something that made him do these things to me. The logical side of me scolded me for these thoughts. I was just a young girl, just a child. Of course it wasn't my fault, but there was a small part of me that believed I was the catalyst.

~~SyP~~

I was in the office early since I was awakened by the dream. Unable to get back to sleep or more to the point I was afraid to close my eyes again, I just stayed awake. I ended up watching a little bit of television before I started my morning routine. I was showered, dressed and ready to go when I realized I left my iPhone on my dresser. I grabbed it turning it on when I realized I had a text message. I nearly dropped the phone when I read the display.

Message from Edward Cullen

What?

I opened up the text while my heart began to beat rapidly.

Hope you slept well. Had one of the best nights in a long time. Thank you. Call you later? – Edward

I had to look at the text several times to make sure I had read that right. I was shocked and surprised by a few things.

He sent me text!

He admitted it was one of the best nights he had?!

He wants to call me later.

My hands were shaking, I needed to just relax. This was a text message. The man didn't ask you to marry him and have his babies. Don't even go there. He was just being polite. After all he had been the perfect gentleman last night. Not that I expected any less of him. He wanted to call me later. Maybe he did feel the pull that I felt. I wasn't experienced by any means, but even I could feel that there was an attraction between us. We did have a great evening even if I had a few moments where I thought I was bordering on bitch mode. So what was I going to do? You're going to respond that's that what you're going to do. You're a big girl, you can handle texting even if it is Edward Cullen.

I realize the text was sent at 1:30 AM. God, that meant he had texted me shortly after leaving my house. I wasn't sure what that meant. I didn't necessarily change my opinion that he was well mannered. Well what I had seen of him so far. I couldn't deny that I was secretly excited that he had sent the text almost immediately leaving me. Did that bode well? What was I getting myself in to? In what world could I ever keep up with Edward? And further how could I even think of holding on to him? I was beginning to think I had dug myself a hole. Or maybe you're just getting way ahead of yourself.

I decided at the very least I would reply to his text. It was the right thing to do, and more importantly I just wanted to hear from him again.

Yes, I slept well enough. Enjoyed last night too. Sure, call me. – Bella

Slept well enough? Yeah for two hours I did. So I guess I wasn't lying. I knew I looked tired; I even wore a little extra make up to hide the dark circles. I only hoped Edward didn't have any notions of wanting to see me later. As much as I was afraid to sleep again I knew that I would crash and sleep hard tonight. It had been such a long time since my last nightmare, but normally my mind and body was so drained all I could do is sleep. If this pattern was going to begin again, I was going to be pushed in corner and seek professional help. If anything just to get me back on something to keep my demons at bay. Yes, I fully recognized it was a temporary fix. One step at time right?

~~Syp~~

Putting out fires, that was my morning. One problem after another, with the little sleep that I had I was amazed I could actually think coherently. After resolving the last problem that Tyler had with a customer, I got up and headed to the break room to get another cup of coffee. I was back at my desk when my phone rang. I looked at the display. It was Sarah. Crap, now what? If she was going to tell me she had another irate customer on the phone, I was packing it up for the day.

"Hey Sarah."

"Bella, I have a delivery for you out front." I could tell she was smiling.

"A delivery? For me?" I made it sound as if I never had anything arrive at the office. It wasn't anywhere near Christmas, so it couldn't be a gift from a customer. And my birthday had passed. Instead of trying to figure out who it was from move your butt to the reception area.

As I entered lobby, sitting on top of Sarah's desk was one of the largest bouquet of wildflowers I had ever seen. Immediately I thought of Edward. Just as quickly I dismissed it. He wouldn't send me flowers? Would he?

Sarah's face was beaming. I could only imagine what she was thinking. She never pried into my personal life. Secretly I knew she was holding out hope that I would find a nice guy to share my life with.

"Bella, are these not simply breathtaking?" She got up from her desk to inhale deeply the sweet scent.

I was speechless for a moment. They were spectacular, even more stunning than the bouquet from last night. They screamed Edward. I could feel it in the core of my being. That he thought enough of me to send me such an arrangement left me feeling giddy. I was going to be so disappointed if it turned out that the flowers were from someone else.

End the suspense Bella and take a look at the card.

From the outside of the card I could see that the flowers came from The Timeless Cottage. I adored the shop. We used them several times for company events. I felt on display with Sarah staring at me as I took the card. Maybe I should just bring them back to my desk. After a moment's hesitation that's what I decided. Sarah did look at little disappointed but I just felt the need to be in my own space where I was sheltered from roving eyes. I rounded the corner to head back in to Customer Service and damn if I didn't nearly slam into Jessica.

Oh crap!

"Whoa! Now this would have been an ugly scene."

I just wanted to tell Jessica to go to hell or more to the point fuck off. Instead I held my head up and apologized for not looking where I was going.

"Who are the flowers for?" What a condescending bitch. I knew what was going through her head. I was sure she hoped they were for her. And if they were why would I be bringing them to her. Did the guys she bang make a habit of sending her flowers? If so she could have opened her own damn flower shop! Of course she would never think they were for me. To make matters worse she would most likely have a meltdown if she found out Edward had sent them.

"They're for me." I said with a smile and walked right past her heading for the sanctuary of my office.

The way the cubicles were set up, we had walls separating each cube to give us a mode of privacy. Mine specifically was located at the far left corner of the department abutting the windows. I loved it because it was almost like an actual office without being a real office. I had much more privacy than the rest of the group. I put the flowers down on the left side of my desk, away from prying eyes. I still couldn't get over the size of the bouquet. I finally pulled the card out and read the note.

You were the last thing on my mind when I closed my eyes, and the first thing when I opened them.

Looking forward to seeing you again soon.

Edward

I was speechless. I must have read the note five times so that it sunk in that it was real. I mean it was real. I just was in shock. This beautiful man was certainly giving me the feeling of what it was like to be swept off your feet. I was still in my trance when my cell phone rang.

Edward

Did he have some kind of radar? How did he know the flowers were already delivered? Duh, he could call the florist you idiot!

"Hello." I barely got it out with my voice cracking.

"Good Morning Bella."

His voice was like a soft melody that rippled through me with such a force I had to sit down.

"Edward, good morning. I…um..I just received your flowers. They're beautiful but totally unnecessary."

Way to go Bella, make the guy feel awkward about sending you flowers.

How long was it going to take Edward to figure out I was a total "virgin" in every sense of the word. Count to three and breathe.

"I know it wasn't necessary Bella, but I wanted to. I hope I'm not making you feel uncomfortable."

I immediately felt awful for putting him on the defense.

"No, Edward. I'm sorry, I was just surprised that's all. I have never seen such a gorgeous display of flowers before. They are taking up a good amount of space on my desk. But I love them. Really I do."

I wasn't lying. I did love the flowers. I loved that he had sent them to me. I loved the note. I loved…Stop!

"And your note, I don't know what to say."

"I wish I had been there to see your face. I am imagining your beautiful cheeks turned a lovely shade of pink?"

I laughed. "I think that is a pretty safe bet."

It was his turn to laugh. And it made my heart flutter and skip a beat.

"I was wondering if you were free for lunch today."

Lunch, he wanted to take me out to lunch. My palms were sweating and at this moment I was thanking God he wasn't here to see my body tremble. How was it possible that even talking to him on the phone I was so affected by the electrical charge he seemed to radiate?

"Bella…are you still there?" Edward was waiting for me to reply as I was stuck in Edward Zone!

"Yes, I'm sorry I'm here. I don't think I can have lunch with you today. I'm swamped and will not have time to take a full hour."

I wasn't necessarily lying to him to this time. I was swamped. This morning's chaos did back me up with so much paperwork that I had planned to work through lunch.

"Sorry to hear that, I totally understand. How about dinner again? Or would like to do something else?"

I could tell he was disappointed. As much as I was telling the truth about being backed up with work, I also didn't think it was a good idea to be seen with him here. I wasn't doing anything wrong. There wasn't anything stipulated that I was aware of in the contract with E & E that indicated dating between both parties was not allowed. I just didn't want to office gossip floating around. If this, whatever it was between Edward and I continued, they would know soon enough. Although my personal life was just that, mine. I didn't owe anyone anything. They had me for forty hours a week and then some. What I did on my own time was no concern of theirs. Already I could see Jessica seething when she learned that Edward and I were dating. Dating. Is that what we were doing? Yes, Bella that's exactly what you're doing.

"I'll be busy this week with several dealer events going on. I don't think I'll have any time before Friday night."

"Friday would be great. Would you be interested in dinner and movie?"

Dinner and a movie, that's definitely a date. And it's a second date. Oh God. My stomach felt nauseous. It was nerves of course. My body was screaming how much it wanted to be close to Edward again. I had visions of sitting in a dark theater, feeling his hand slowly reach towards mine and clasp it tightly. These were thoughts that were definitely out of character for me. But this was him, he did this to me. I only hoped that I had half the effect on him. I mean he must be attracted to me. Find me somewhat interesting. Didn't he tell me that I intrigued him?

"Bella, are you still there?" His questioning tone brought me back to reality.

"Yes, I'm sorry Edward. Friday night, dinner and movie, I think I would like that."

"Great, listen I have to run but I'll call you and we can firm up everything. Oh and Bella…I'm glad you liked the flowers."

"Okay, I'll talk to you later."

With that I had secured a second date with Edward. As much as I wanted to call Angela, who by the way hadn't heard about my date with Edward last night, I did need to get back to work. I promised myself I would call her later tonight. I could hear squealing already and having me pick out formal china patterns.

~~SyP~~

I hadn't been to visit in over a month. I wasn't like me at all. I came at least once a week. Normally on the weekends but I felt compelled to come today. I needed to sit here and think and talk to them. To some it might sound odd but I found great comfort in my one sided conversations.

My parent's grave was situated up on a small hill, partly shaded by several trees. I kept the grave neat and adorned with flowers. Even in the winter months. Spring and summer I planted several types of flowers that were vibrant in color. The assortment varied from each year.

The headstone was simple but in good taste. Aunt Jane had picked it out, not that I really remember. It was rectangular and made of granite in bold lettering the name Swan stood out. In the back of the stone displayed my father and mother's names Charles and Renee along with the year of their birth and death. I traced their names lovingly, as if my fingertips were actually caressing them physically. It didn't matter what I actually felt was hard stone and it was cold. If I closed my eyes I could see them even if the images of them were a bit hazy. My memories of them had faded with time as well for the fact I was just too young when I lost them.

"Hi Mom, hi Daddy, I'm sorry I've not been by in a while. I don't have any excuse, other than work has been crazy. But I promise I won't let it happen again."

I wished with all my heart that my parents were still here. At this very moment I wanted my mother. Being an only child I didn't have anyone else to lean on. I had no family left. Aunt Jane was all I had and then she…

They were gone but I could still talk to them about anything and everything. I believed they could hear me. And it gave me some comfort to come here and just let whatever was going on in my life out. Sometimes the silence here helped to sort things out.

"I met a guy. He seems really nice. I don't know if this is going anywhere but he's the first one to make me feel like I deserve to share my life with someone."

I sat down in front of the headstone and watered the flowers thoroughly.

"Mom, I wish you were here so I could talk to you about this. I'm confused over my feelings. Daddy, if this is uncomfortable for you, you don't have to listen." I laugh to myself. I suppose anyone walking by right now would think I was off my rocker.

"His name is Edward Cullen. He's very handsome, actually I call him beautiful. Mom, I think you would agree. He took me out to dinner the other night."

I pause as if my mother is getting ready to reply. What would she say to me? I think she probably would be excited. My Dad, I'm not sure. Probably put Edward through the ringer, you know me being his little girl and all.

"He brought flowers and took me to a restaurant that was so unique. He even showed up at the house with flowers! Shackelton took to him immediately. You know what they say about animals and how they are a good judge of character. I hope he's right. At least I feel as if Edward is a nice guy. I'm just so confused over these feelings. Mom, he makes me feel things I have never felt before. He makes me nervous but also makes me feel safe. Edward is the first guy who has ever made me want to pursue a real relationship with a man. I just don't know if I have the courage."

A sense o0f warmth and calm overwhelmed me. Perhaps it was my mother's arms that were enveloping me. Or maybe it was my dad. I would like to think that it was both of them. Am I crazy? Don't answer that. I lingered for a few more moments taking in the sights and sounds of the birds and gentle breeze that washed over me.

~~SyP~~

"Just when were you going to tell me you had a date with Edward?" Angela said through the phone, in a tone that said she's annoyed with me.

I would be too if my best friend had a date and she neglected to give me the details.

"Ang, I'm sorry. I was so caught up in everything, forgive me?" I pleaded hoping she would. I didn't intentionally shut her out and she knew that.

"Okay Bella. But I want to hear every detail. Don't leave anything out. I can't believe this! Edward Cullen asked you out!"

"Angela, thanks. It was only one date and nothing really exciting happened. We went out to dinner then he came back to my house for coffee and cake."

"Hold it right there Swan. You invited him back to your house? This is Bella Swan right, Isabella Swan that I'm talking to." Oh she was having a load of fun at my expense.

"Funny, Angela. But yes I did. I don't know what made me do it, other than I had such a nice time with him. We really seemed to hit off. I have to admit at first I was very nervous and might have come off as being a little bitchy." I was still nervous when I thought about Edward. But I wanted to see him again. As much as I had said over and over to Angela that I didn't care if I didn't date again, that was a big fat lie. Edward was the driving force in attempting to overcome my fear of intimacy.

I spoke with Angela for a few minutes more, even telling her that Edward and I had a second date on Friday night. She practically blew my eardrum by the screaming she was doing on the other end of the phone. After listening to her for another few minutes which included reminding me of our shopping trip to Port Angeles on Saturday, I finally had to tell her I needed to go. She was envisioning all types of scenarios. I finally had to tell her to stop putting the cart before the horse. I think she was more excited about Edward than me…well not exactly.

~~Syp~~

Friday arrived in a blink of an eye. I was still undecided what I was going to where tonight. Edward wanted to grab a quick bite to eat before heading to the theater. Jeans and a pretty top was what I was going for. Angela must have called me three times to ask me if I wanted her to come over to help get ready. I didn't need her when I went out with Edward on Monday. And I was more than able to dress myself. I may have not dated much, but that didn't' mean I was completely hopeless.

I made sure I was out of the office a half hour earlier than normal. Edward was going to be picking me up at six o'clock. We were having dinner at a place called "Mickey's" in Port Angeles. The nearest cinema was there. I had never been to Mickey's but Edward said it was very casual. It was the type of place to watch the ball game and have comfort food. It was also just a block away from the cinema. Edward had asked me to choose what film we were going to see. I was a little nervous. Romantic comedies and typical chick flicks were my kind of movie. I seriously doubted that would be something Edward would be interested in. I had spent a good part of my lunch hour internally debating with myself over what we should see. I wasn't opposed to action films so I finally decided on The Bourne Legacy. I thought it was a safe bet.

All primped and ready to go I sat in the living room waiting for Edward. I wondered if he would come to the door or just honk his horn. Really Bella? Edward didn't strike me as that type of guy. Why did I even have that thought? My mind was spinning out of control. Would Edward hold my hand in the theater? Would he actually kiss me tonight? And what would I do if he did either or both?

Ding Dong

Edward was here. And I was a nervous wreck again.

A/N: So here we are. This is the last written chapter and edited. I do have chapter 14 in the works, and hope that I will be able to post it next week. In lieu of this I will change posting on Wednesdays to Fridays. I hope you will be patient if I am a few days late but I promise I will update as quickly as possible. Thanks for all of you who have been following on. I let you in a little on Bella's past, any thoughts?

Jlyn and DennaRose, no words can express my deepest gratitude for your hard work in editing. Love you both.