Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural.

A special thanks to AlElizabeth for beta'ing my story.

A/N: I know it has been a very long time since I've worked on this story. Believe me when I say that even though I was not working on it, it was not far from my mind. I made promises that I would not abandon a story and I mean that. But I do feel that an explanation is needed. Supernatural was the one show that my husband and I would watch faithfully every week it came on. Supernatural was our show. No one could talk to us when the show was on. And it had been like that through all ten seasons that we shared together. Now, that he has passed away, it is really hard to watch my favorite show alone. Not being able to watch the show like I use to {being that it was so hard to watch it alone}, my muse pretty much stopped working for Supernatural.

I would like to thank everyone that has stuck with me during this very hard time and I ask that you please be patient with me as I try and get this story finished.

Enjoy.

Chapter 13: John's shortcomings

Dean woke up and sat up in the bed. He looked over at the other bed in the room and at its occupant. Sam was currently curled up on the mattress. Dean's heart broke as he looked at his baby brother. It has been two weeks since he had told Sam who Jessica really was and after the outburst in the hospital room, Sam had stopped talking. It didn't mean that he didn't follow Dean around though. It was just like having a second shadow trailing behind him all the time.

Dean got up and went downstairs. Bobby was sitting at the table drinking coffee.

"Dean."

"Morning, Bobby." Dean walked over to the coffee pot on the counter.

"Sam still asleep?"

"Yeah," Dean sighed as he pour himself a cup.

"You know you're not suppose to have that. Not yet anyway."

"Yeah, well, I need to wake up. And if I don't have coffee in the morning you can forget it." Dean sat down at the table in front of Bobby. "Where's Dad?"

The side door opened and John walked in the kitchen. The silence in the room was deafening. Neither man spoke much less looked at each other. The silence was broken by the sounds of footsteps rushing down the stairs.

Dean put his mug down and went to the stairs in time to see Sam almost running down them. He gave his brother a questioning look.

"You weren't there," was Sam's quiet reply.

Dean didn't respond to that statement. He just reached up and gave Sam a comforting squeeze on the shoulder, narrowing his eyes. Sam lowered his eyes in response.

They stood there for a short moment, and then both walked into the kitchen. The tension in the room was palpable. Dean could literally feel Sam shaking behind him.

"Why don't we all sit down?" Bobby asked.

Bobby and John sat down on one side of the table while Sam and Dean sat at the other. Again, silence reigned over the small kitchen.

John looked over at his sons. He couldn't believe what he was seeing. Never in his darkest nightmares did he ever think that Sam would be hurt in that way. It pained him that Sam felt that he couldn't tell him. Thinking back on the day he confronted Sam about his admission letter, it always bugged him about how scared Sam looked. Even though his temper got the better of him, he didn't think that Sam would actually fear him.

John looked over at Dean. His first thought saddened him more. Dean had killed. Not a monster, but people. Looking at Dean, he thought back at all the times before leaving them at some rundown motel, and drilling that same order to his eldest son over and over: Watch out for Sammy. John knew that Dean took protecting his baby brother seriously. He had been on the receiving end of Dean's fury from some argument that he and Sam would have. He did not blame Dean for what happened. Hell, if he actually been there when the assault happened he would have done the same thing, if not something worse to those boys that hurt his baby. His Sammy.

Looking back between his sons, John puzzled over knowledge that neither of his sons spoke. Why had they not told him? How could they keep this from him?

Sam could feel his dad's eyes on him. It was bad enough that Dean knew. Not that it would have been any other way, but the last person he ever wanted to know was his dad. He knew he couldn't take his dad's judging eyes. He didn't want to have to answer his dad's questions. Hell, there were things that he hadn't told Dean and Dean was there. He could never tell Dean what all happened in that garage.

Sam hazarded a glance up and saw his dad's eyes on him. He involuntarily flinched and quickly lowered his gaze back to the table, swallowing the lump of anxiety in his throat.

"Dammit John," Bobby growled, making everyone jump at the sudden noise of his voice. "Talk to your sons."

Everyone looked up. John saw resignation in Dean's eyes and fear in Sam's.

"Sam," John's voice was a little harsher than he intended, causing Sam to again flinch. "How could you-"

"How could I what?" Sam cut his dad off. Anger that he didn't even know was boiling under his skin making itself known. His voice shaking a little. "How could I let this happen?"

"Sam," Dean voice was soothingly low.

"How could I not fight back?" Sam yelled this time not paying attention to Dean.

"Sammy, calm down," Dean soothingly said, gripping Sam's forearm. Dean knew if he didn't get Sam calm, Sam would soon get physical and fist would start flying. Even though Dean was out of the hospital, the last thing he wanted to do right now was to restrain Sam.

Dean could feel Sam's muscles tensing under his hand and knew that at any second things were about to get physical. Dean glanced over at Bobby and his dad and saw the same look of shock on their faces at Sammy's outburst. Dean knew what he was going to have to do so this wouldn't get out of hand. Steeling his heart, Dean let go of Sam's arm, reached over and gripped his baby brother's head and forcefully turned it so that Sam was looking and Dean and only Dean. At the force of Dean turning his head, Sam stopped at mid-rant. For a split second fear shown in Sam's eyes until it focused on his big brother.

"Calm down."

Tears instantly filled Sam's eyes as he nodded. Well, as much as he could move his head in the grip that Dean had on him.

"What happened was not your fault," Dean said.

A tear leaked from Sam's eyes as he pretty much deflated in Dean's grasp. Dean gently wiped the tear away with his thumb and then released his baby brother's head. Once Dean got Sam calm, he turned to his father. The glowering look he gave his dad let John know that he should be careful of the next thing he said.

John mentally flinched at the look he was getting from his oldest. And he couldn't help but shake his head at how he ruined both of his son's lives with how they lived. He looked at the harsh glare he was receiving and knew that what Dean did back at that garage; he would not hesitate to do again.

Watch out for Sammy. Protect Sammy.

Oh, how John wished he could go back in time and amend that order. Tell his son that if something bad happened that daddy would take care of it. But no, he pretty much told his sons that they were on their own and now he was seeing the fruits of what his absentee father status has got him.

The guilt was eating John up inside, and when Sam started yelling about what he thought John was going to ask, he couldn't help but feel that guilt multiply.

John lowered his gaze. He couldn't look at his sons. The guilt of not being there when they needed him the most was eating him up inside. As quick as he could, John got up from the table and headed for the back door.

"John," Bobby called out, following the older Winchester out the door.

Dean blinked. He had never known John Winchester to look away from him. Was he that much of a disgrace. He knew he dropped the ball when Sammy was attacked, but to see the look in his father's eyes and then see him turn away from him, Dean was shocked. Dean did not regret what he did. If he had a do over, he would have done the same thing. The only thing that he regretted was that he put his Sammy on the back burner. If he didn't do that, if he actually dropped him off at the movies before going to see his so-called friends then none of this would have happened. But the minute they put their hands on Sammy, their fates in Dean's eyes were sealed. Dean didn't hesitate. And if it happened again, he would do anything to protect Sammy.

Muttering from Sam brought Dean out of his thoughts.

"I didn't want it. I didn't ask for this. I tried to get away."

Dean pulled his baby brother over towards him and brought him into an embrace, holding him tightly as he listened to the sad mutterings of his brother.

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"John," Bobby yelled when he stepped out onto the porch. "Where the hell do you think you are going?"

"I can't stay in that room," John called back, walking towards his truck.

"Dammit John," Bobby said, walking off the porch and going to the other hunter, grabbing the back of his shirt. "Talk to you boys."

"They're better off without me," John said.

Bobby grabbed John's shoulder as he tried to get into his truck and forcefully turned him around to face him.

"Your boys need you."

"I can't even look at them."

Bobby narrowed his eyes in disgust.

"And why not?"

"They should not have had to go through that. They should have told me."

"Told you what?" Bobby countered. "The way you are acting now, I see why they didn't. Talk to your boys. They need their father."

John sighed.

"No, they don't," John replied, leaning against the truck. "Did you see how Sam responded to Dean? They don't need me. They've never needed me."

"They always needed you. You just weren't there." John looked up at his friend. "Change that. Be there for them now."

"What am I supposed to say to them?"

"How about nothing. Just be there for them. Don't accuse them, for one thing, which is what you were about to do when Sam started yelling."

"They should have told me," John said, sounding deflated.

"Maybe," Bobby said. "And maybe you should have just asked why they moved instead of assuming that they disobeyed an order. Maybe you need to work on that Winchester pride and rein in that temper of yours."

Bobby held out his hand. John looked down at his friend's hand; understanding what was being asked, put the truck keys in the upturned palm.

"Talk to your children."

John looked at Bobby one more time and then walked back into the house.

"Idjit," Bobby said, as John walked through the door.

He turned his gaze skyward, sighed, and then looking at the house thinking, he never thought that he would have this family in his life. They had their ups and they had their downs, but he's grown to love them as his own.

Bobby walked back into the house.

TBC

A/N: Thank you to everyone that has stuck with me throughout this story.

There will be one more chapter to this story.

Please leave a review, letting me know what you think about this chapter.

Many hugs and kisses to you

Mandancie :D