This is based off the Team Fortress 2 videos that introduce the different characters/classes. I've never played the game but I love the videos. If you have not seen them, you've missed out until now. New tab to youtube and watch them, from Meet the Heavy to Meet the Pyro. Do it now. The words below can wait.
Meet the Hero
Following the title screen, Kim sits on a crate in a dark warehouse littered with unconscious henchmen and talks to the camera.
"I'm Kim Possible. And this..." she indicates her white and blue outfit, "Is my battlesuit. It weighs next to nothing, but it's impact and energy resistant with a built-in grappling hook and energy scoop, and comes with both shield and stealth capability." She leans forward. "And if the suit does get damaged, it heals itself automatically."
Cut to an earlier shot of Kim laughing as frustrated henchman beat against the battlesuit's forcefield with shock staffs, to no effect.
The shot returns to Kim on the crate as she wipes a yellow substance (that has been there the whole time) off the belly of her battlesuit with a finger. "Oh my god, what's this?" She sniffs the substance, then tries to keep her temper under control as she looks off-camera. "Alright... Ron, have you been wearing my battlesuit again?"
Cut to a closer shot of Kim's face. "Some villains still think they can outsmart me." She shrugs. "Maybe. Occasionally." She grins and shows off the kimmunicator on her wrist, a boy genius giving a thumbs up on the display as she continues, "I've yet to meet one that can outsmart Wade."
The closing shot slowly zooms back from Kim beating up the small horde of henchmen as they attack from all sides, a brief sting of the Kim Possible theme accompanying Kim's grunting and the pained cries of her opponents, until she yells, "Meet the bubble!" and activates the forcefield, sending the nearest henchman flying in all directions just as the shot cuts to black.
Kim's voice giggles. "Meet the bubble..."
Cue ending group shot.
Meet the Teacher
The segment starts with several brief examples of Steven Barkin catching students doing things he usually punishes with detention, the last involving Ron Stoppable who goes, "Oh, man!" when he notices Barkin is present.
Cue title screen.
Like a drill sergeant, Barkin addresses what appears to be a group of schoolchildren in detention as his theme plays. "Alright, people, listen up! 'If fighting is sure to result in victory, then you must fight!' Sun Tzu said that, and I'd say he knows a little more about fighting than you kids do, because he invented it! And then he perfected it, so that no living man could best him in the ring of honour!"
Brief cut to a flashback of Barkin's time in the military, screaming and brandishing a collapsible shovel before charging into a battlefield mostly involving guns and the occasional rocket.
Cut back to the classroom. "Then he used his fight money to buy two of every animal on Earth," he continues, demonstrating with a pair of chalkboard erasers. "And then he herded them onto a boat, and then he beat the stuffing out of every single one!" He bashes the two erasers together and starts choking in the resulting cloud of chalk dust.
In the flashback, Barkin miraculously fails to get killed by anything, jumping just as a grenade explodes, sending him up onto a wall behind which the enemy are taking cover. He jumps down and knocks out three soldiers in quick succession with the shovel.
In the classroom, Barkin finishes wiping the chalk off himself with a hankerchief before returning his attention to the room. "And from that day forward, any time a bunch of animals are together in one place it's called a zoo!"
The camera angle is suddenly reversed, revealing the supposed school children to be crash test dummies wearing wigs and occasionally hats. The head of one takes this opportunity to drop off its body and fall to the floor.
Cue ending group shot.
"Unless it's a farm!" Barkin, on his hands and knees, informs the fallen head.
Meet the Mad Golfer
The title screen is interrupted by explosions, revealed to be caused by Duff Killigan as he holds off golf course security with exploding golf balls.
Cut to the interior of his castle, where he is sitting at a table covered with the tools of his trade. "What makes me the world's most dangerous golfer?" he incredulously asks the camera, apparently repeating the question that was just put to him. "If I were a boring, hum-drum, run-of-the-mill golfer, I wouldn't be sitting here, discussing exploding golf balls with ye, now, would I!"
Cut to a second action shot. "Let's do it!" Duff yells as he jumps into frame and starts swinging, a barrage of exploding golf balls scattering a group of Global Justice agents. He laughs and yells, "Not one of ye's gonna survive this!"
Cut back to the castle, where Duff is gesturing with a hand holding a bottle of scotch. "One crossed wire, one wayward pinch of potassium chlorate, one errant twitch... and KABLOOIE!" He slams the bottle onto the table to help make his point.
The third action shot is interspersed with brief cutbacks to Duff draining the bottle of scotch. The action comprises of various trick shots such as rebound, backspin and bouncing a ball off the end of his golf club before sending it flying, thus ensuring it explodes on impact.
Duff slams the empty bottle down on the table, causing a golf ball to roll off the edge without him noticing. The alcohol has briefly turned rage to sorrow. "I wear a kilt, with a sporran in font an' pleats behind, because I'm Scottish!" Another slam of the bottle. "And the yanks call it a skirt, 'cause they've got more nessies in America than they've got the likes o' me!"
Duff's theme begins to play as he regains his resolve. "So!" The shot cuts to a slightly slowed down sequence of events, starting with Killigan running from GJ agents, led by Will Du who bears a smug smirk. "T'all ye fine dandies, so proud, so cock-sure, prancin' aboot with yer heads full of eyeballs!" Killigan runs around a corner, reaching the end of a corridor. Stopping, he sprays all around the floor, walls and ceiling with a spraycan, and grass very quickly starts to grow. "Come and get me, I say!" Now a safe distance away, he wacks away at a row of golf balls. "I'll be waitin' on ya with a whiff of the 'ol brimstone." Du and the other agents round the corner, and the smirk becomes a horrified gape as he notices the golf balls stuck in the tall grass around the end of the corridor. "I'm a grim bloody fable, with an unhappy bloody end!"
The golf balls explode.
When the smoke clears, we see from Will's point of view as Killigan walks over, laughing maniacally, before looking down at him. "Oh, they're going to have to glue you back together... IN HELL!"
Cue ending group shot.
Meet the Mad Scientist
The title screen is followed by the interior of Dr. Drakken's lair. Drakken is standing in a haphazard pile of equipment dominated by the death ray he is currently tinkering with, while Shego sits nearby in an armchair, reading Villainess magazine.
We join them in the middle of a conversation. "Look, Shego... mad or not, I'm a scientist. That means I try to solve the world's problems!"
"All of 'em?" Shego asks in disinterest as she turns a page.
"Well... not problems like, 'what is beauty,' because that would fall within the purview of your conundrums of philosophy."
"Uh-huh."
"I solve practical problems!"
Shego finally looks up from her magazine. "So, for instance: how are you going to stop the cheerleader from tearing you a structurally superfluous new behind?"
"Language, Shego! And the answer? Build a death ray!" He gestures dramatically at his death ray.
Shego's stare remains fixed on Drakken. "And if that doesn't work?"
"...Build more death rays?" He roots around the junk surrounding him before dragging a smaller weapon out of the mess and struggles to lift it onto the work bench. "Like this... heavy..." He finally succeeds in planting the weapon on the bench. "Tripod-mounted little number! Designed by Dr. Drakken!" He raises a wrench, lost in the throes of his grandstanding. "Built by Dr. Drakken!" He taps the top of the weapon a couple of times with the wrench.
The weapon discharges, and happens to be aimed in a predictably unfortunate direction. When the smoke clears, Drakken is a charred, smoking mess that topples after an appropriately comical pause.
"And you'd best hope not pointed at Dr. Drakken," Shego sarcastically finishes for him as her attention returns to her magazine.
Cue ending group shot.
Meet the Henchman
One of Drakken's henchman is in the driver's seat of a parked van, using a tablet to look at faked porn images of Shego. He swipes, then turns the tablet ninety degrees. "Boom. Money shot."
Cue title screen.
Cut to the henchman driving the van. "Henching's a good job, bub!" He pauses to signal and turn. "It's challenging work - in the lair or out-of-doors - and I guarantee you'll not go hungry, 'cause at the end of the day, as long as there's one supervillain left on the planet, they're gonna want minions."
Cut to Drakken's lair where a random act of the henchman sets off a slapstick sequence of events resulting in the injury of other henchmen, Dr. Drakken and, ultimately... "Ooh." ...the destruction of his latest death ray.
Cut to a shot of the henchman speaking at a payphone by the road. "Dad? Dad, I'm… Not a crazed thug, Dad, I'm a henchman! ...Well, the difference being one's a job, and the other's mental sickness!"
Back to the van. "I'll be honest with you: my parents... do not care for it."
Cut to a shot of the henchman sneaking a peek around a corner, then looking back to the camera, whispering, "I think her sidekick saw me..." From out of shot, we hear Ron Stoppable doing his monkey impression. The henchman facepalms and says, "Yes, yes he did."
Cut to a shot of Kim Possible facing the camera when she is stunned from behind with a shock staff. "Feelings?" Back to the van. "Look, bub, you know who has a lot of feelings? Guys that bludgeon their wife to death with a golf trophy. Professionals have standards."
The henchman salutes to Shego as she passes, ignoring him. "Be polite."
The henchman tightens the ropes binding the unconscious Team Impossible together. "Be efficient."
The henchman stands by a lever, watching Team Possible sneaking through the lair. "Have a plan to capture everyone you meet." He pulls the lever and the screen goes black, with only the sound of a loud metal clang and a yelping Stoppable to follow.
Cue ending group shot.
Cut to the roadside again. "Dad. Dad, put..." The henchman sighs. "Put mom on the phone."
Meet the Sidekick
We start with a montage of Ron Stoppable following Kim Possible through an air vent, waiting for her to engage Dementor's henchmen, running around pressing buttons and flicking switches, opening panels and pulling wires, until things start exploding, at which point the heroes escape the lair as it blows.
Cue title screen. Ron hesitantly walks in front of the title screen from off frame. "Um... I don't even know where to start," he stammers, clearly insecure. "I mean, do you even know who you're talking to?" He gestures to the screen behind him.
From here we cut back and forth between Ron and his archfoe. Monkey Fist is about to eat a naco, when he gets poked in the head by a quarterstaff wielded by Ron, who is standing behind him. "Hey, you really gonna eat that?" he asks.
"Do you have any idea, any idea who I am?"
Monkey Fist failing to land any hits on Ron.
Ron gets cocky. "Between you and me... Team Possible wouldn't work without the Ron factor."
Ron on Monkey Fist's back, trying to strangle him with the quarterstaff.
Ron flexes his noodle of a bicep. "Oh man, that's beautiful."
Monkey Fist holding Ron in a headlock.
"Are you listening? Okay. Grass grows, birds fly, sun shines, and man..." he pokes the camera, "I distract the bad guys," he finishes with typical undeserved smugness.
Ron whacks Monkey Fist in the gut with his quarterstaff with a "BOINK!"
"I'm the mystical monkey master!"
A quarterstaff strike to the chin. "BONK!"
"If you'd been through what I'd been through, there'd be major bone-breakage. At least!"
Monkey Fist is on the ground, reaching for the naco; Ron runs a few steps up the wall, jumps off and slams his quarterstaff into Monkey Fist's head.
He strikes a faux kung fu pose. "BOO-YAH!"
Cue ending group shot.
The final shot slowly zooms back as Ron chows down on the naco, revealing that he's sitting on the back of an unconscious Monkey Fist.
Meet the Naco
A naco sits inside a fridge.
Cue title screen. There's probably a 'copyright Ron Stoppable' logo on it.
Back to the fridge interior. From nearby, Drakken's voice can be heard. "There he is!"
Shego's voice follows. "You! Stop right where you are! Dr. D, he's getting away! Do not let him get to the refri-"
The fridge door is opened, presumably by Ron Stoppable, who reaches for the naco. Drakken warns him, "Don't do it, buffoon!"
Shego agrees. "Do not do it!"
The fridge door is slammed shut, but it doesn't block the sound of Ron hungrily devouring the naco.
"Oh, doodles," Drakken says. "Okay, let's just calm down here! Are you listening... uh, what's his name, again?" Any answer is interrupted by Ron's monkey impersonation. "Oh god. Oh god oh god oh-" The fridge is rocked by a collision as Drakken cries out in pain, before he exclaims, "Stoppable! It's Stoppable!"
"You call that monkey kung fu?" Shego snarks. "You wouldn't know how to do kung fu if-" CRACK. "Augh! You monkey!" Shego's glow can be heard lighting up, and further sounds of violence ensue.
Cue a step-by-step ending shot depicting the creation of the naco, followed by Ron in the rafters of a warehouse, a Bueno nacho take-away bag beside him, eating a naco while he watches Kim Possible taking on a small horde of henchmen. (Her cry of, "Meet the bubble!" might be heard just as the shot fades to black.)
Meet The Agent
An intruder alert in a lair sends a fit Henchmen scrambling.
"Is it Possible?" the fit henchman asks as he grabs a shock staff.
Via the speakers, Gemini's voice orders, "Protect the briefcase!"
"We need to protect the briefcase!" the fit henchman declares redundantly as he rushes to the room containing the briefcase.
A thin henchman is trying to open the door to the briefcase room, with no result. "Yo, a little help here?" he calls when he sees the fit henchman approaching.
"All right, all right, I've got it. Stand back," The fit henchmansays as he approaches, and begins tapping at the keypad on the door. "One, one, one... uh... one!"
"Let's go, let's go!" the thin henchman says as the code proves to be incorrect.
Meanwhile, a big henchman appears behind them and begins to charge. "INCOMING!"
Cut to the door from inside the room. It explodes inwards as the three henchmen pile in. The thin one is knocked into the table on which the briefcase still sits. "Hey, it's still here!"
"All right, then," the big henchman says.
Someone behind them clears their throat, and the all turn to see Gemini, carrying Alpha's unconscious form over his shoulder. "Gentlemen," he says with false civility.
Cue title screen.
"I see the briefcase is safe?" Gemini asks as he approaches the table.
"Safe and sound," the fit henchman declares.
Gemini is not impressed. "Tell me, did anyone happen to catch an intruder on the way here? No? Then we still have a problem." He hoists Alpha onto the table, beside the briefcase. A pair of electrodes are attatched to his back, from which hangs...
"And a GJ stopwatch," the fit henchman adds.
"Oh-ho-ho, big problem," the thin henchman says sarcastically as he yanks the wires from Alpha and tries to retract them into the stopwatch. "I've taken on plenty of Global Justice agents. They're a dime a dozen!" Anything else he might have said is interrupted as he shocks himself. "Ouch!"
Gemini snatches the stopwatch from the henchman and successfully retracts the wires before throwing the device back to him. "If you managed to stop them, I assure you they are nothing, nothing like the woman loose inside this building!"
"What are you, president of her fan club?" The thin one asks, causing the fat one to chuckle.
"No," Gemini answers, drawing an open envelope from a pocket, "That would be your mother!" He tosses the envelope onto the table, and photos depicting Betty Director having intimate relations with another woman spill out.
The thin one is shocked to recognise the other woman. "What the..."
Gemini sneers at the henchman. "Indeed. And now she's here to 'handle' us! So listen up, boy, or lesbian pornography starring your mother will be the second worst thing that happens to you today!" He threatens the thin one with his metal hand, while the other two look at the photos.
The fit one hums appreciatively at a photo the big one shows him, drawing the thin one's attention. "Gimme that!" he says, snatching at the photos.
The intimidating moment lost, Gemini gets on with business. We see Betty in action as he narrates. "My twin sister has already breached our defenses. You see what she's done to our colleagues! And worst of all, she could be any one of us!" After this declaration, we see her scan an unconscious henchmen with her belt buckle and assume his identity.
Cut back to Gemini in the briefcase room. "She could be in this very room! She could be you! She could be me! She could even b–" He is unexpectedly interrupted by a shock staff and collapses.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" the thin one says, backing off from the unexpected violence.
"What?" the fit one asks. "It was obvious! He's Doctor Director! Watch, he'll turn into her any second now." He taps the unconscious Gemini's boot with the staff, giving him another shock, but nothing changes. "Aaany second now..."
The fat one, also leaning over Gemini, waits a moment longer before looking at the fit one to say, "When he wakes up, he's going to kill you." Neither of them notice the thin one putting on the stopwatch, then fiddling with his belt buckle. His image shimmers to reveal Betty.
The fit one sighs. "Alright, who's ready to go find Doctor Director?"
"Right behind you," she answers. The screen cuts to black as she uses the stopwatch on the fit one before we hear her beating up the big one.
Cue ending group shot.
Betty, briefcase in hand, sorts through the photos on the table and selects one to take with her. "Well, could be worse," she admits with a sly smirk. "Could be Kimberly's mother."
Meet the (other) Mad Scientist
A peaceful scene in the German mountainside is interrupted by an explosion, and a pair of Henchco henchmen are fleeing for their lives.
"Move, move!" One cries to the other. "Come on, come on, we're almost-" A blast of orange knocks him to the ground. Looking back the way he has come, he sees a blob of wavy green energy (not Shego's) flying through the air like an artillery strike. "Whoa, what the-"
The energy impacts, the henchman goes flying with a scream. He slams into a small window and groans, "Professor..."
Cue title screen.
The henchman's face slides off the window as the camera zooms back to reveal an operating room, with a number of bats hanging here and there. Another henchman is on the operating table, fully conscious despite the fact that his chest is open and his internal organs are exposed. A ceiling-mounted 'medigun' is firing a continuous beam at his torso, keeping him alive. Professor Dementor, holding the henchman's heart in the beam, is telling a story that the henchman finds hilarious despite his current circumstances.
"Vait, vait, it gets better! Vhen ze patient voke up, his skeleton vas missing, and ze doctor vas never heard from again!" They both burst out laughing again. When they calm down, Dementor adds, "Anyvay... zat's how I lost my medical licence. Heh." The henchman is suddenly no longer amused, but they are both distracted when a bat pokes his head up out of the henchman's guts. "Archimedes! No! It's filthy in zere! Ugh," Dementor scolds the bat, waving it away until it takes off to rejoin the other bats hanging from the surrounding equipment. He shrugs at the henchman. "Bats," he says, as if it explains everything.
Turning to grab a small device with 'UBER' written on the side, he plugs it into the heart. "Now, most hearts couldn't vithstand zis voltage, but I'm fairly certain your heart-"
The heart explodes. A piece of it knocks Archimedes from his perch, the bats on either side of him following his progress across the room.
"What was that noise?" the henchman asks.
"Ze sound of progress, my friend!" Dementor tells him as he plucks a scrap of the detonated heart from the device. He opens a refrigerator containing several hearts sitting in petri dishes. "Ah, perfect," he declares, taking the 'mega dachshund' heart, revealing the severed head of a Lorwardian behind it.
"Kill me," the head mutters.
"Later," Dementor answers before closing the fridge and turning back to the henchman. "Vhere vas I? Ah, zere ve go..." The new heart does not explode when the uber device is plugged into it, but begins to beat rapidly. "Come on... come on..." He starts to laugh maniacally as the beating gets louder and louder, and the henchman very nervously joins in. The other bats edge away from Archimedes.
Everyone looks away as the heart glows brightly, but the beat settles. When they look again, it seems normal except for being 'uber-textured.' "Oh, zat looks good," Dementor decides before dropping the heart back into the henchman's chest. "Very nice."
"Should I be awake for this?" the henchman suddenly asks.
"Ah... vell, no; but as long as you are, could you hold your ribcage open a bit? I can't seem..." the professor pushes as the henchman more or less complies. A sudden shove and a snap, and the henchman cries out in pain before holding up one of his own ribs. "Oh, don't be such a baby," Dementor says, taking the rib from the henchman, "Ribs grow back!" Tossing the rib over his shoulder as he turns to the medigun, he whispers to Archimedes, "No zey don't."
Pulling the medigun close and increasing the power, they both watch as the henchman's body seals itself back up, followed by his grey uniform. He takes a deep breath; all seems well. "What happens now?" he asks.
"Now?" Dementor chuckles as he helps the henchman up. "Now we test my bondocannon."
Dementor grabs the medigun off the ceiling mount while the henchman grabs what looks like a futuristic minigun. Cut to the heavy metal door of a bunker sliding open. Dementor steps out, bats flying free from the darkness behind him. The henchman follows in their wake, running ahead of Dementor. They observe the fleeing henchman that did not hit the window running in their direction. "Professor!" he cries, as another glowing gleen artillery shot approaches from the horizon and sends him flying on impact.
Dementor heals the henchman once he lands, then notices the one that hit the window and heals him too. They all take cover as orange energy blasts start peppering their location.
The henchman with the uberheart peeks around a truck to see an army of Lorwardians rushing their position, supported by several quadropods. "Professor!" he calls over the increasing alien gunfire. "Are you sure this will work?"
Dementor laughs. "I have no idea!" he admits, before flicking a switch on the medigun labelled 'ubercharge.' The henchman shrugs, readies his weapon and breaks cover. The uberbeam from the medigun hits him from behind, making him yell as his whole body starts to glow. In the next moment, his body, his clothes, even his weapon are uber-textured.
He begins to advance with Dementor close behind, firing the bondocannon at the oncoming alien horde. Orange and then green energy weapons begin to focus on him, but it all bounces off and doesn't even slow him down. "I AM INVINCIBLE!" the henchman roars, as the bondo ammunition detonates among the aliens, essentially gluing each of them to their neighbours.
Climbing over the growing mound of incapacitated Lorwardians, with Dementor at his back, the henchman turns the weapon against the legs of the alien war machines, toppling them. The final shot is the pair of them atop a mountain of writhing aliens, triumphant.
Cue ending group shot.
Cut to the waiting room outside the operating room, where various other villains are waiting. Dementor's voice can be heard through the doors.
"Zat looks good, very nice zere, yes!"
"Hey, thanks prof!" Motor Ed declares before exiting the operating room. "Aw, dudes," he addresses the waiting villains, "You would not believe how much this hurts. I mean, seriously."
Ed's chest bulges as a bat's squeaking is heard from within. Ed looks down at his chest in shock.
"Archimedes?" Dementor calls.
Meet Shego
The title screen is burned from the center out by green fire.
Extreme close-ups of Shego prowling - boots stepping, clawed gloves clenching, kicking open a door, lighting up the glow - are interspersed with apparent attempts at anonymous interviews in a dark room backlit by a large curtained window.
Kim: "I fear no man... but that woman... she scares me."
Ron: "No, I'm not... I'm not talking about that freak, alright?" He cringes suddenly. "She's not here, is she?" he asks in a near panic as he struggles with his clip-on microphone. "How do I get this thing off?"
Gemini: "One shudders to imagine what inhuman thoughts lie behind that scowl." Cut to a shot of said scowl, illuminated by her glow. "What dreams of violent and sustained cruelty..."
The camera zooms into one of her eyes to discover Miss Go Land, featuring sickeningly cute and sweet candyland, and a happy song playing in the background.
Toddler Kim appears and begins rushing toward Miss Go, who pulls a lollipop from her pocket and skips over to Kim. When they meet, she pops the sweet into toddler Kim's mouth - a quick shot of Shego punching teen hero Kim in the mouth interrupts - toddler Kim seems delighted with the lollipop.
Toddler Ron rushes over to join them. Miss Go blows bubbles in toddler Ron's face, who somersaults backwards in delight as they pop ; Shego hits sidekick Ron in the face with a concussive blast that sends him somersaulting backwards.
Miss Go notices toddler Dementor waving at her before ducking into a gift box, so she skips over and plays peekaboo with him; Shego blocks the warehouse doors with a fireman's axe, then burns it down with Professor Dementor inside.
Miss Go leads a parade of toddlers Kim, Ron, Dementor, Killigan, Drakken and Barkin through candyland...
Duff Killigan is on the ground, on fire. "Och, I'm burning!" The camera turns to reveal Dr. Drakken fleeing the carnage. Another turn to reveal an injured Barkin crawling toward the camera, reaching a a green boot with an ankle pouch, and making the mistake of grabbing it while screaming for help.
Cut to a shot of Shego's enraged face looking down on him. She seems to grab him by the collar and hoists him up before raising a glowing fist and punching him in the chest. Barkin can be heard screaming.
Cue ending group shot.
The camera slowly zooms back as Miss Go skips away, pulling back through the hole in Barkin's torso before he collapses, and revealing Shego stalking through a burning and collapsing warehouse district.