Saria: Why is it that right when I think I'm settled, something happens?
Tori: Come again?
Zas: She means right after we finish unpacking the last of the moving boxes; it seems we are moving… AGAIN!
Tori: WHAT?
SA: Stop it, both of you. That's one of the downfalls of the career that Saria chose. I have just one question though.
Saria: And what would that be?
SA: Well, I know you weren't that fond of your current workplace, so before we leave… (Pulls out a bazooka) May I PLEASE blow up that dusty old hangar?
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Ichigo skipped up the hall, grinning as he popped random pieces of candy into his mouth, wondering if he might run into Lillinette. He knew that Lilli liked candy too, and Stark wasn't a bad guy either. So maybe he should share some of this treasure with them!
Turning a corner, Ichigo almost dropped the candy he was carrying when he ran into the ultimate party pooper; the biggest killjoy in existence; the only person who could take all the fun out of an amusement park. He also went by the name of Ulquiorra.
The pale man looked less than pleased about Ichigo running into him. His displeasure became more apparent when he noticed the candy.
He didn't give any warning before he snatched the sweets from the child, determined to not allow the child to get sugar high, he was a terror enough as he was.
"These are terrible for you," Ulquiorra said monotonously as he dumped the sweets down the nearest garbage chute, ignoring the glare he got from the boy.
For his part, Ichigo already knew this about Ulquiorra: don't bother crying, he won't react. He was just going to have to wait for a sympathetic ear, and as he glanced up the hall, a slight smirk played across his features; one that was not missed by Ulquiorra.
Glancing in the same direction, Ulquiorra felt an almost smirk play at the edges of his lips. Grimmjow, who was carrying an armload of undergarments, was being chased up the hall by Gin, who was sporting a malicious grin of his own. It seemed like one of those moments that humans referred to as Kodak moments. But, there were other things he felt a need to attend to.
"Come Ichigo, we are going to be going over etiquette and grammar," Ulquiorra stated as he turned to march down the hall.
Behind Ulquiorra, Ichigo hadn't moved at all aside from pulling a face before his eyes alighted back to Gin, who in turn had just noticed Ichigo at the corner.
"Remember Grimmjow, you are to wash those then put them back in my drawers!" Gin yelled after the retreating blue haired Arrancar, who seemed to be attempting to break the sound barrier.
The sly man then ambled over towards Ulquiorra and Ichigo, his trademark grin in place.
Ichigo grinned up at his favorite "uncle".
Ulquiorra was tempted to hide, but chose to ignore what his instincts told him to do in favor of trying to fulfill his duty.
"What might I ask were you doing with Grimmjow?" The pale arrancar asked.
Somehow, Gin's grin grew wider. "I caught Grimmjow in the midst of raiding my underwear drawer. He was either looking for candy, or he has a serious fetish that needs to be addressed."
Ulquiorra immediately remembered the candy Ichigo had been devouring when he ran into him. Internally he winced and wiped his hands on the material inside his pockets. He'd have these clothes burned later.
"I see. If you'll pardon us, Gin-sama, I will be taking Ichigo for his daily lesson."
"What will you be addressing?" Gin asked, his typical grin becoming more conniving right in front of Ulquiorra's eyes.
"Manners," Ulquiorra replied immediately, hoping to deter Gin by naming the one thing to immediately come to mind that should be near impossible to mess up. And that should hold no interest with the fox faced man.
"Alright, I'll join you!"
'Damn.'
"Might I suggest starting with table manners?"
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Ulquiorra should have known to expect this from Gin when he wanted to work on table manners. This had nothing to do with manners. This was CHAOS, pure and simple!
It also went by the name of Chuck E Cheese. A child-themed pizza restaurant in the human world.
Poe was the only one at the table with him, and the tall male seemed very confused.
Coolhorn and Dordonni were playing some strange game where they were jumping on arrows in combinations; he believed it was called "Dance Dance Revolution". Dordonni was earnestly playing, Coolhorn on the other hand was attempting to pose while playing and had thus far caused about six visits from paramedics as people went into convulsions.
Avirama was screaming "KILL KILL KILL!" as he played something called "Whack-A-Mole" and looked to be only seconds away from pulling out his zanpakuto.
Ggio, Nirgge, Findor, and Lillinette were on some sort of racing game, and the males were losing spectacularly.
He had no idea where Gin and Ichigo were, and part of him didn't want to know.
All around him, little hooligans ran rampant, and he saw more than one set of exhausted looking parents looking a little hopeless.
Great, now he was starting to feel a connection with humans.
Suddenly, the loudspeaker gave a faint squawk and all adult heads (or at least ones that he didn't know the names of) turned toward the ceiling. They were about to make an announcement, and Ulquiorra had been there just long enough to know that this either meant one of those horrifying shows involving a human in a trashy mouse suit, or an order was being filled.
"Party of Arrancar, your order is being delivered to your table!" the chirpy voice called.
Several of the adults at other tables groaned, realizing that they were still stuck in this limbo without an end in sight. Others showed honest relief on their faces, obviously preferring this to another loud, nerve wracking performance set up by the mascot of this hellish establishment.
Moments later, the table was crowded as the various arrancar and shinigami appeared and took their seats as their pizza and beverages were served. Ulquiorra found himself smashed between Poe and Coolhorn.
Across the table, he caught sight of Gin grinning in a particularly vicious manner, and it caused him to do something even having Coolhorn so close had failed to do: he shuddered and felt dread begin to build in his stomach.
Nothing happened right away though. The group ate the terrible pizza that they were served without complaint, the sugary drinks helped wash down the greasy feeling it left in Ulquiorra's mouth. It was so close to finally being over… Ulquiorra could see the end coming! There was their waitress right now in fact! They could pay the tab and leave! But why was she smiling like that? What was with the group behind her?
"Ladies and gentlemen! We have a spectacular birthday today!" A voice declared over the pager.
Oh hell.
"What a nice big brother you are, to come here on your birthday because your little brother likes it so much!" the waitress chirped with a big smile.
Ulquiorra felt the twitching start to get worse, and his stomach was openly rebelling.
Then the cake was plopped down in front of him and the group of waiters and waitresses began to sing.
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Aizen stared at the report that Szayel had sent to him and couldn't stop a sigh.
Truly, to have a complete nervous breakdown? He had obviously been working Ulquiorra too hard. He did easily shoulder about three times the work load that the other beings under his command did, but he should have insisted upon the Cuatro taking a break, even if just for a few days.
What confused him though were the symptoms of the breakdown. Why was Ulquiorra screaming about cake and making "the tone-deaf harpies shut up"?
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Saria: Yay! Time for a new vote! Whom shall be my next victim?
SA: Next victim: THE HANGAR!
Zas: Some reason I doubt that.
Tori: We don't have any food again!
Saria: Zas! Did you pig out while I was trying to write?