Shō 14 - Tōtatsu Auto Kare
Chapter 14-Reaching Out to Him

Akatsuki knew that if she had never had that separation ceremony performed, that soul to soul connection could have proved beneficial in saving her life now. But she also knew, she had had no choice, she had had no say. She was unconscious and dying and if her handmaidens had not performed it, she would have had no life now, to be saved. But to attempt to form a connection like she was currently considering; could something like that even be accomplished? Could she possibly do it? Or was she simply insane for even thinking such a thing? Ōji Akimaru had claimed he was playing with her mind, could these thoughts be a result of that?

Had she been affected by the dark magic that surrounded this room? Ōji Akimaru had appeared to go insane because of it. After so many days, had she as well? Had she been deluded into believing the impossible as fact? Had that magic not only stripped her of her fire power, but also addled her brain? This child she carried would be the first male life sorcerer in all the lands - the only one. And she believed in him, just like he believed in her and together, they would get themselves out of this. Through him, she had realized their souls were connected and she was determined for this to work. She would be his voice and he would be her medium. But would such a connection be impossible for him to bear? She knew not, but she had to try; despite knowing his tolerance for magic had always been so low. She likely had no other options.

With determination hinged on desperation, the youkai lady pushed aside the other end of her sash and removed the threads from the other side of her kimono to enable herself to freely touch her flesh with both hands. This would be an absolute reversal for her; to reach out and let someone see through hereyes. She had been considering it, but she had not considered this. This was something she had never even thought remotely possible; something no-one had ever tried. But no-one had ever been in a situation such as this; and she had already done things she had never previously done, many have. Even restoring the young hanyou to life had been a first for her. She had healed numerous youkai with her life force, but she had never restored any one to life until young Inuyasha. That is how the world evolved. Someone takes a chance and tries something no-one else had ever done.

Now, she would prepare herself like she had never done before. She was a powerful life sorceress; touching another's soul had always been second nature to her. But this would be different; because for the sake of her love and her child, she would do whatever she had to. Convincing herself, Akatsuki laid back on the bed, her body completely relaxed; her eyes closed as she freed her soul and prepared her mind to reach out. She would let it travel through the child she carried within, reaching deep and mixing with his soul which she also carried; until she believed she could reach him wherever he was and she would call to him.

Traveling from the southern Suzaku castle, Sesshomaru had more information, but no more of a direction than he had before. Probably even less of one, because now he knew who he sought, but he still had no idea where to look; and he was tormented by that fact; to know and yet not know. He could scarcely believe that no one in the castle seemed to remember the location of the southern manor. All they could say was that it was somewhere on the island of Kyūshū, off the southernmost tip of the main island. He was headed toward it now; but he did not know exactly where that manor was; the servant had not been able to provide definitive directions. He had not been there in nearly 400 years, no one in the castle had.

Sesshomaru had no idea if this Ōji Akimaru was truly foolish enough to go to his family's abandoned manor; but in truth, he did not think him overly bright after resorting to taking the mate of his lord. Did he not know he would pay direly for such a transgression? But he probably had no idea this daiyoukai was already on his trail. Sesshomaru hoped his luck would hold out. This Akimaru may foolishly think himself clever, going through the trouble of masking his scent, but he had not managed to hide it from Rin's fingers. Some low grade youkai such as him could not make a fool of the lord of the western and southern territories and be permitted to live.

Akatsuki my lady, know that I will find you; wherever you are, I will find you.

Sesshomaru's thoughts began to drift. For five days he had walked these lands with no definitive direction. Ōji Akimaru. He had a name, he had a scent, but the youkai lord still had no idea where to go. He knew more than he did before, but he still knew nothing. So many thoughts rambled through his head. For five days he had been separated from his mate, he had been uncertain of her well-being or the well-being of his unborn son and he had wanted to kill the youkai responsible for separating them. He wanted to comfort her; to hold her in his arms; to reassure her; to find her and let her know that everything would be restored to normalcy. He had hoped that once he knew the perpetrator's name, everything would be made clear. But things were more confusing now than ever before. The only thing he knew for certain was that he would continue looking for him and he would find him. He knew undoubtedly that whenever he found him, he would kill him.

The Ōji's servant had said he loved her; no actually he had said he 'loves' her; as if he still did. Could he still? Is that why? But how could he possibly love Akatsuki and do such a thing? But perhaps that is exactly why he had done it. Because he still loved her. Was it his intent to control her as he had done with Dejamo and the others who had attacked the castle? Perhaps he had deluded himself into believing that Akatsuki loved him as well. That all he had to do was take her, and he would be able to convince her that they belonged together. But Sesshomaru knew that would never happen. He loved Akatsuki, and he knew she loved him; of that, he had no doubts. But the more time he spent looking for them, the less sense any of this made.

Angered, the youkai lord clenched his claws deep into his palms with the thought. He had done that numerous times over the past few days. It was his reminder that he needed to control the anger that railed inside of him until he found the one he would kill. It was his reminder that until he could bring Akatsuki back safely, anything he felt; any physical pain he suffered was insignificant.

And so, he refocused his thoughts once more. Perhaps Ōji Akimaru was indeed foolish enough to try to hide in his family's abandoned manor. But whether he did or not, Sesshomaru would check every manor he saw, if he had to. He would find him; and he would kill him - slowly. He would not enjoy the swift death with which he had dispatched Edera. For taking his mate, Akimaru deserved nothing less than a death that was slow and extremely painful.

Once more, Sesshomaru refocused. There was no doubt that he would make this youkai pay; but he had to concentrate on finding him first. He had considered staying at the southern Suzaku compound in the hopes the Ōji would return, but the more he thought about that, the less likely it seemed. For Ōji Akimaru to have carried out such an indiscretion the youkai lord was certain of one thing; he had no intention of ever returning to his castle. He had not told his servants where he was going; he had left his castle in an uproar; and he had taken the mate of his lord. He had to know, such an act, surely meant his death. Which meant it was unlikely he would ever return. Which probably also meant he had most likely concealed himself with some form of dark demonic barrier; not unlike Naraku's or the one Edera used to conceal her castle. That was likely why he had not scented them. It had taken a long time to locate Naraku - years; in fact; Edera had been found because of Akatsuki. Was that because she was connected to Inuyasha or was locating barriers a trait that all life sorceresses possessed? If he went back to the western Suzaku castle; could her mother be of more assistance.

My lady, forgive me for not knowing all I should.

No, he could not return to the western Suzaku compound until he had more information. He would be unable to bear witnessing any more distress in her mother's eyes. Distress he himself had put there. So Sesshomaru forged ahead, venturing toward this unknown southern manor in the hopes that he would encounter them somewhere along the way; but thus far, he had found nothing. Not a scent or a sound to indicate their whereabouts.

A south easterly wind blew steadily around the youkai lord; his long white hair whipping gently; his mokomoko buzzing with the breeze as he moved rapidly on the ground to approach a nearby lake. Kneeling before it, he dipped his hands in to scoop up some water and took a sip then splashed a little across his face before he rose to continue on route. He paused momentarily as he surveyed the area. He had barely stopped moving since he had set out in search of his love. Once more, he was confined to traveling by foot.

"Sesshomaru. Father."

Freezing in his tracks; Sesshomaru's heart tightened within him. He could barely breathe. His body flushed with a warm heat as the hair on the back of his neck prickled. His eyes widened as he turned his head. What..? It was a faint sound, distant yet also close, but extremely faint. Was... was that Akatsuki? It sounded like ...

"Sesshomaru. Father."

"Ak...Akatsuki?" He spun to look, his words choking in his throat; for an instant, he could not breathe. His heart began to pound as the reality sank in. It was her; was it not? Where is she?He saw no sight of her. He could not even scent her. But that was her voice; he was certain. "My love where...?"

"Sesshomaru. Father."

"Ak...Akatsuki?" He called out again in anguish. Was this real? Could it be? Or was it his own desperation that he heard; because he had searched for five days and found no trace? Sesshomaru spun as his golden gaze searched frantically for some sign of his mate. His body suddenly flushed cold as a sinking feeling of helplessness engulfed him. "What is this?" he choked out; not knowing to whom. At that instant, he felt himself flooded by a wrenching sadness. He did not understand that. He had never felt such sadness. He could not recall ever feeling sadness of any sort. Even when Akatsuki had been taken, it was not sadness he had felt, only an unfathomable anger. He wanted only to kill the one responsible. But what he felt now; this emotion was foreign to him; it seemed to come from outside of himself. What was this?

"Help us."

The youkai lord could not move. That voice, it was a mere whisper, but he did hear something. Was it magic? It seemed to be coming from all around him; above him; through him; every direction. Was it in his head? Was he imagining... But no, Akatsuki is a life sorceress. Had she found some way to reach out to him, even though they were familiar? Is that why she sounded like she was in his head? Does that mean she was close by? Did she see him? But this sadness, was it hers or his? He could not ...

"Sesshomaru, you must ... to us."

He could barely hear her. What had she said?

"Akatsuki, I did not..."

"You must give ... to us."

He did not understand that. Why was she so faint? Was her power weakened? Was she having difficulty reaching out to him? But then, she had said such a connection was impossible. But clearly, she was making an attempt to contact him; but he could not understand her. How could he help? He had no idea; was this because of his lack of magic? What could he do?

"Sesshomaru, you must give yourself to us."

Her voice was still faint, but now, he heard her, it was Akatsuki, but what did she mean? Give himself to them? To whom? Who was she speaking for? Then, he remembered he had initially heard the word father when she called to him. Was something wrong with her? With his son?

"Akatsuki," he choked out; not knowing to whom; hoping she could hear him as he seemed to hear her. "Where are you? How can I help you?"

"Sesshomaru, ... need you. Help us."

"Akatsuki, tell me where you are?" Sesshomaru demanded. "What do you want me to do? I do not understand."

"See through our eyes, my love."

"What..?" Sesshomaru stopped moving completely, as he stood in stunned silence. Did she say see through their eyes, but how?

"See through our eyes, my love."

"I do not understand. How can I ..."

"You must give yourself to us, then you can see through our eyes."

Give himself to them? But he already belonged to them, did he not? The youkai lord was confused. His lady was asking the impossible. He could not see through her eyes. That could not be done. But then he remembered the conversation they'd had and what she had told him about herself.

Everything is connected. Akatsuki had specifically said it felt a lot like I have made my own soul so small that it allows my subjects soul to flow freely through my body. Then, when I close my eyes, I see what they see.

Were they truly connected? Is that what she meant? That he must close his eyes? But even though she had said that, it still seemed impossible; it could not be so simple. It might be easy for her, she was a life sorceress; but he knew nothing of magic, he could not manipulate his soul. He would not be able to see through her eyes. How could he? But his love was in contact with him somehow. She had said she could not reach the soul of anyone with whom she was familiar, but somehow she had found a way to contact him. Perhaps she had found a way to make it possible for him to see through her eyes. He would try. No; he would do it. He had to; his lady needed him. He would do whatever she required.

Closing his eyes, Sesshomaru tried to tap into his own inner being; hoping to find some way to do as his lady requested; trying to find some way to manipulate his soul, trying to find a way for her soul to flow through him. But try as he might, he was not a life sorceress and there was no way he could affect his soul. He had no idea how to produce the desired effect. It simply was not an ability he possessed.

For five, fifteen, twenty minutes or more, he tried but he could not see. His lady and his love had requested it. She relied on him; she had faith in him; she trusted in his abilities; but he could not do it. Why could he not? He wanted so desperately to do as she wished him to do; but he was incapable. But time passed. How long, he did not know; he did not care. Because he knew he had probably lost his one best chance of ever finding his love and he felt inadequate, because he was unable to fulfill her desire; or his own. He felt as if a part of himself was truly lost to him, perhaps forever. His brain, his body and his heart ached with a throbbing he had never felt in all his years. His eyes burned from the agony he tried to contain. His lady and his love depended on him, trusted in him; in his abilities; but he was unable to comply. If he could not do this, how would he find her? For five days, he had searched the lands and had obtained only a name. For five days, he had searched the lands and found no trace. If he could not find her, he would be lost. Without her, his life meant nothing.

Sesshomaru, do you have something to protect?

Once more, his chichi-ue's words haunted him. Words he was beginning to hate. But he remembered clearly now; his chichi-ue had not even looked at him when he had asked that. He had been unable to meet the eyes of his eldest son. Because he had thought little of his desire for power; which is why he had not bequeathed him his swords. He feared his son would never change. He feared he would forever have interest in nothing and no-one, except his quest for power. Is that why he taunted him now?

But he did have someone.

Chichi-ue I have changed. Because of her, I have changed so much; so why is this happening? Either help me now, or taunt me no more; leave me be,he ordered.

Is this what his chichi-ue felt that last night? Did he feel his heart being ripped out of him? Did he wish to end his own life to protect the ones he loved? Akatsuki was his heart, his soul. He had never loved anyone or anything the way he loved her. He had never thought himself capable of such love. She was the first one, the only one he had openly admitted to wanting to protect; that he had openly vowed to protect. But he did not protect her; she had been taken from him and now, he could not even do what she needed him to do.

"Sesshomaru."

Hearing the resonating baritone, the youkai lord turned and looked across his shoulder. "Chichi-ue," he called as he once more saw the image of the man he had always revered. He was much the same as he was after that battle with Sou'unga. He was much the same as he had been all his life. But now, he smiled lovingly down at the son who had wished to take his life.

"You love them, do you not? If you wish to save them, release your inhibitions and open your heart to the ones you love, my son."

Sesshomaru stared wide-eyed. During his life, he had always found wisdom in his chichi-ue's words; but now, he felt no more comfort in them, than he had found in Akatsuki's. Because the only thought that flowed through his head at this moment, was that he could not do what his lady needed him to do. And the youkai lord wanted only to die; because he had failed her. To him, there was no greater pain than the knowledge that he had failed her, of all people - his love - the one who needed him most; and his heart bled in tortured anguish as he released his torment, pleading for someone to somehow show him how to do what she needed him to do.

Overwhelmed by his own ineffectiveness; that searing pain and frustration that had besieged him ever since he had touched his mate's sword, once more yearned to be free. Unable to control his anger another second, Sesshomaru did something he had never done before; he hung his head, slumped his shoulders and collapsed to his knees; pounding his fists into the solid ground; then digging his claws deep into the hard unyielding earth. Finally, he let loose a soul wrenchingly ferocious howl that started somewhere in the deep recesses of his being then burst forth from his lungs and shuddered the leaves on the trees; giving way to a feeling of complete and utter hopelessness.

With his heart opened, revealing his tormented soul, the youkai lord yearned for a miracle to help him find some way to enable his love to touch his soul.

Then, finally, he heard her call once more.

"We are here, my love," her words were clear to his ears and the youkai lord closed his eyes and quickly grabbed at his chest as he sucked in several rapid breaths between his quivering lips. He was instantly flooded with warmth and a deep love that flowed through and around him. It was unlike anything he had ever experienced. His hands clutched tightly against his chest, as if he was trying to hold it in; trying to trap it within himself; to never let it go.

"We are one soul, through our child. We are here," Akatsuki's voice said, and he heard her, as if she was beside him speaking to him; and he saw a distant place through his closed eyes. "Help us."

"Ákatsuki, what is this. I do not understand. I did not think you capable of connecting to a familiar."

"Forgive me my love, do not be angry, but it is us. I know this will likely be difficult and unnatural for you," Akatsuki said softly. "But I will temper my emotions as much as possible, but I am afraid you must temper your own heart. I do not have my normal level of control," she tried to explain. "I know you care not for magic, but we are connected through your son, he... he will be...," Sesshomaru detected a distinct hesitation in her words. "A warrior sorcerer."

"Warrior sorcerer? I do not understand," his world seemed so unfocused. He was uncertain if he had spoken those words or only thought them.

"He will have both of our powers... and ..."

He knew what she meant, he understood. He could feel her. He could feel his son. Above the sadness, he could also feel such love, such emotion; it belonged to them both and it was directed toward... him.

He was not skilled enough to separate their heart's emotions, so he could now sense through their three hearts, and if he was not already on his knees, the youkai lord would have collapsed when he felt himself completely overwhelmed by the degree of love, respect and admiration he felt encircling him; embracing him; flowing through him; loving him. He felt like she was a part of him; his son was part of him; and he of them. Even with all the love Akatsuki had shown him, he now felt a love he had never known. His heart and soul was finally opened more than it ever had been in his entire life. Through their connection, he could truly feel her love for him; and he knew his love for her was equally as strong. And he knew without question that he would find her; he had to.

He had never realized what it was truly like for her to endure the emotions of others, but now he, himself, was overwhelmed by them. But he believed he understood. "Akatsuki please, do not concern yourself my lady," he responded reveling in the emotions that surged through him; knowing of her continued concern for his lack of previous understanding. Is this what true love was he wondered? He had never felt such love directed at him; such respect and admiration; and he knew his son would never suffer the narrowed existence he himself had felt all of his life. "I love you both," Sesshomaru told her. "And I love your magic; how could I not?" He tried to reassure her. "But where are you, my lady? I cannot see you." the youkai lord called out to the open air as he spun, turning his head sharply to his left, then his right; searching, hoping. His heart tightening and pounding within him. Talking to no-one; hoping beyond hope; his heart throbbing violently; his body churning with a vicious ache that ebbed from deep within. He could not bear it; he had to find her. "I do not know where you are! How can I find you?" He had almost screamed.

"I am sorry my lord, but I do not know. I believe I am losing my memories."

"Losing your memories?"

"It is dark magic, but it is also unimportant. I remember what I need to know, but we require your help. I have no power, I..."

"Tell me what to do, my lady. I will be there," Sesshomaru declared.

"It is Ōji Akimaru who is responsible. I believe I have erred in my decision not to allow you to kill him. He has grown... quite insane. He has..." Akatsuki could not continue and Sesshomaru's heart flooded with the level of emotion that flowed through hers.

"Has he injured you my lady?"

"In truth I am undamaged, my lord; but he wishes to take... our child. He has made a pact with Lord Balthazar."

"Take our child?"

"Yes, he says he will be council to his lord. I may well be incorrect, but I believe Balthazar wants to possess our son so he can return from his realm."

"Then tell me, how can I help you?"

"You must locate this place. Ōji Akimaru has two barriers erected around us. He says you can neither see, nor scent through them, so you must see through our eyes to determine if you can find us."

"Let me see my love and I will be there," his heart filling them all with his own overwhelming love and desire to find her; filling them all with the frustration he had felt these past few days when he had not.

"We believe in you my love; we know you will," then she was quite for a moment, "Sesshomaru," she began as she rose from the bed to peer through the window.

Sesshomaru was amazed when he seemed to sense even her movements. Their union was so utterly and totally complete. So this is what it meant to be of one soul.

"I do not know if we are north of the southern castle or south of it, but that mountain is on our left," she said, her eyes turning toward the tips of mountain tops with a distinctive white cap that peaked, then dipped, then peaked again behind what appeared to be an expansive rice field. "See how the sun sets over it. Find it. We are here."

Sesshomaru knew from the direction of the sun setting on her right that she was essentially facing a direction opposite to his - south, because the sun was setting on his left. And he was certain he had seen those mountains before. He knew he would have to look for the mountains on the eastern horizon; so he took particular note of how the sun angled off the cliffs so he could better determine if Akatsuki was ahead of him, or behind him. He knew from what he saw, that she was a considerable distance away from the mountain, as well as the rice field.

"That forest of trees is on our left," she said as her eyes now focused on a cluster of trees in the distance that opened onto a small lake with large stones cresting its waters and traveling its entire length. "That tree in the front, seems distinctive, it should help guide you." Her eyes were centered on a tree that seemed to be three, perhaps four trees conjoined together as it twisted, turned and knotted against the forest backdrop. The tree appeared to be a few hundred feet away from her and he knew if he found it, he would find her.

"Beware my love. Ōji Akimaru is..." but she did not continue.. "He contains lightning power within him," she said, closing her eyes and lowering her head with a sadness that filled the youkai lord's heart as he saw her eyes cloud while a warm flush slid down her cheek, confusing him; until he realized her sadness was for an old friend lost. "He also has an ouroboros amulet around his neck."

"I do not know if this is a trap, so please prepare yourself, my love. He has developed some devious ways since last I saw him," she warned with a previously unfelt strength of mind. "We seem to be sitting in the middle of an open plain," she continued as her eyes focused in the distance displaying an open field with grass that seemed to grow at least two feet tall as it led the path to where she was hidden; and the youkai lord took it all in, remembering every detail.

"Sesshomaru, please do not let him...," she hesitated for a moment; clearly not wishing to say the words she knew she must; and the youkai lord felt her tears and sadness inside himself as she fought to contain it. "...take our child," she finally let it out. "I can do nothing to stop him," he could feel her trying to find strength, but it was too late; the distress of her tone had soared through the youkai lords heart, and with their souls connected, he could feel her pain as well as her distress; and he knew what she had felt all her life and it saddened him. "I cannot break through his shield. He has sealed my powers."

The youkai lord's heart tightened within him; "Akatsuki, my love has he...?"

"No, I am undamaged, my lord, this threats are insignificant, but... " she began, but he knew her comfort was unsteady and the youkai lord obtained little solace in her words, because he knew her mind was damaged and her heart had been broken, despite her efforts to shield him. He saw and felt her wipe her hands across her eyes; and that angered him more than he could have ever imagined, because he was not there to ease her pain and he wanted so desperately to cut that youkai Ōji's heart from his body. "Please do not concern yourself my love; for now, we are fine. But I am afraid I am helpless," she said then grew momentarily silent as she reflected on the hopelessness she had felt. "I am sorry my love; please find us."

"Do not apologize my lady; this is not your fault, I will find you," he said with a heartfelt emotion that he wanted so desperately to fill her heart with; the way hers had filled his.

"I feel you my love," she said as he sensed her smile and he again felt that warmth flow through him and he wanted never to break their connection, to always feel her love flow through him like this; to let his love flow through her; she felt like she was a part of him; and he of her; but he contented himself with the knowledge that she would soon be safe and in his arms.

Akatsuki continued, telling him all she could as she refocused their attention on the objective at hand. "The barrier around this room has stripped my fire power. The other conceals and cloaks this place. But I believe it is some kind of manor."

Sesshomaru listened, and thought and knew he had to plan. He remembered the evening sky he had seen the night before. A half-moon had hovered overhead. The new moon was still at least a full week away, so that would not be a problem; he still had time. Now, he needed to determine exactly what he had to do.

"I am afraid I must break our connection my love. I believe this is taxing on our son."

"Akatsuki, my lady," Sesshomaru called out once more. "Can you see the moon?"

The youkai lady looked up and allowed her vision to scour the night skies, but she saw only blackness with spots of stars lighting its way. "No," she said. "There is nothing."

"I will find you," he said with determined conviction and knowledge in his heart. The moon was currently located in the northwestern skies. Since she saw nothing, she had to be facing an easterly or southerly direction, but he was confident the mountain range in her vision was Unsen, located on the island of Kyūshū, the location of that southern manor. "I will not let him hurt you," he said, disappointed that he could not go to her this very second; but he knew he could not make mistakes with her life and the life of their son in the balance. "There are several things I must prepare, but I will be there - soon."

Okay dear readers,
Well here's my regular Friday update. Hope it came out okay. I'm rushing them a bit now. Wow, so that was what the baby wanted to tell Akatsuki? That since he was a life sorcerer, Akatsuki actually had a tenuous connection to Sesshomaru through him. Wow, in some ways, that's kind of sad. The child had to realize they were gravely endangered and he would probably die if Sesshomaru could not find them. His mother has no power and she did not seem to be able to contact anyone.

Wow, Sesshomaru must have experienced a lot of emotions he has never been exposed to in his life. My sister said he must have felt like he had died and gone to heaven. Will it change him? If so, how? I don't think I want Sessy to change much more. Maybe it will just change his normal approach to things in some small way. Well, I must say I guess we are truly coming to a wrap. We even got an appearance from the great dog general; how lovely.

Wait a minute, what is Sesshomaru planning? Shouldn't he just go get his lady? I hope whatever he plans turns out okay. For some reason, I'm sure he's not all that concerned about Akimaru or his lightning power, even if he does have an amulet containing the demon lord's power.

BTW: No, the baby does not have a name, yet. Based on the anime "Swords of an Honorable Ruler" (where Sesshy's chichi-ue gave Inuyasha his name, I've decided to leave that up to Sesshomaru when and if the baby is ever born, (and if Sesshomaru is still alive). I feel that should be another youkai tradition.

Next up:
Sesshomaru executes his plans.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Akatsuki - (Aurora/Dawn)
chichi-ue - (father)
daiyoukai - (great demon)
Tsuka — (hilt)
youkai - (demon)
youki - (dark demon power)