-The Faerie -

Mark's head was a mess. He did not know what he was feeling anymore, everything felt numb somehow. It was as if someone had shown him a place of total happiness and utter satisfaction, just to take it away from him again.

He had retuned to the other hunters alone, avoiding talking to anyone. Now he was sitting at the fire, watching the flames dancing in front of him. Kieran had not talked to him since they had separated in the woods and Mark was thankful for that, for it gave him time to think. Kissing a boy was nothing he could not imagine. To him it was no big deal. Fairies were known to be attracted to men and women and his own sister Helen had a girlfriend.

And yet he knew that in the world of Shadowhunters it was not that easy. He knew about Alexander Lightwood, whose father had almost broken with his son because he fell in love with another man, and he knew that his own father had not been too happy about Helen's relationship with Aline Penhallow. But Mark also knew that Andrew Blackthorn would have accepted his son's decision, just as he had accepted Helen's. But Andrew was dead. Again, the thought made something deep inside Mark turn cold with pain and desperation. Again, he felt alone.

Mark tried to swallow down the tears that were making their way. He did not want to cry; he did not want the others to see his weakness, but he also did not want to be alone anymore. He did not want to mistrust everyone around him any longer; he did not want to feel like an outcast anymore.

Mark held his breath for some seconds until he dared to release a soft sigh.

The problem was, he did not know what he actually wanted. All day long he had been trying to sort his thoughts, but there was only one thing he knew - he had to talk to Kieran. Whatever had happened or whatever was going to happen - Mark did not want to loose the only friend he had in the Faerie.

Slowly he rose to his feet and walked towards the trees, where Kieran was sitting by a smaller fire. He was focused on graving new arrows and did not look up when Mark stopped beside him.

Mark cleared his throat and asked carefully, "Can we talk?"

"Sure," Kieran answered without looking up. "Have you made up your mind, Shadowhunter?"

Mark flinched at the sound of the words. "I - I don't know. I just wanted you to know that -"

He paused and finally Kieran looked up to him. The flames of the fire made his silver eye sparkle. His gaze rested on Mark's face and Mark tried to read it. But if Kieran was angry or disappointed, he did not show it.

"What is it that you want to tell me, Mark? That kissing me was a mistake? That it is never going to happen again? Fine, then just do it and leave me to do my work."

Mark bit his lower lip. Actually, that was exactly what he had wanted to tell Kieran, but now he was not so sure about that anymore. He examined Kieran's face, the sharp line of his cheekbones, his full lips that had kissed him just a couple of hours ago.

Mark swallowed. Even thinking about the kiss made him shiver again. He lifted his hand and rubbed his forehead. "You're right. I wanted to tell you exactly what you just said. But -"

He fell silent and Kieran dropped the wood and the knife he had been holding. "But what?"

His voice did not sound cold anymore, but hopeful. "Why are you here, Shadowhunter?"

"Stop calling me that!" Mark looked at him. "I am not a Shadowhunter any longer."

"Then stop acting as if you still were," Kieran yelled at him. He stood up and moved a step towards Mark. "You tell me that you are no Shadowhunter, but yet you try to hold on to your old life so desperately that it almost makes me sick!"

Mark had to force himself not to draw back. "Maybe I am, but only because -" He could not finish the sentence, afraid to show how weak he really felt.

Kieran shrugged his shoulders. "What you have to accept is that there is no going back to your old life, Mark. You have to let go."

Mark swallowed hard. He was tired of holding back his emotions, tired of hiding. When he spoke, his voice sounded hoarse and angry. "I can't. I am too afraid to let go, to forget everything. I feel like I don't belong here and I am afraid that I never will belong here. Or to anyone else. That's why I was afraid to kiss you. Cause when you did, I finally felt good. I felt safe. And I don't want to feel safe here; I want to return to my family." His voice got quiet and desperate. "But when I kiss you, when I allow myself to feel something for you - then I will probably never be able to return to them. Don't you understand that?"

Kieran thought for some seconds, before he answered. "Yes, I do understand. But you have to think about the options. If you choose to stay alone, if you choose not to let anyone get to you - then you will live a life not worth living, Mark." He moved a step closer and whispered, "I kissed you because I think you're beautiful. And because I wanted to kiss you. I wanted it from the day you were brought here."

Mark closed his eyes and tried to calm his breath. Kieran's words were sweet and exactly what he had longed to hear for so long.

Kieran reached out and put his hand on Mark's cheek. Again, his touch made Mark shiver and longing for more. Kieran caressed Mark's skin and whispered, "I don't want you to suffer anymore, Mark. I want you to be happy and to accept who you really are. I want you to live. Unconditionally and free."

His voice was soothing and awoke feelings in Mark he had thought never to feel again. He felt affection and passion roaring inside his chest so intense it almost scared him. It was nothing he had felt when he had touched Mia - what he felt for her was honest, but innocent. Mark opened his eyes and looked at Kieran. What he felt for the other hunter was something wild, exciting and passionate. But he was not sure if he wanted to allow himself to feel that way. A part of him still longed for his old life, for the love of his siblings and most of all for the love of Mia.

As if Kieran could read Mark's mind, he bent forward, so that his face was so close to Mark's that their lips almost touched. Mark could feel Kieran's warm breath on his own skin, when the hunter softly whispered, "Let go, Mark. This is your home now. This is where you belong."

For a split second, he pressed his lips carefully on Mark's, before he continued, "I know you don't want to hear it, but your family does not care about you any longer, Mark."

Mark frowned, without turning his face away. He thought of the sign on the tree and for a moment, he wanted to tell Kieran that he was wrong, but he remained silent. Kieran kissed him again, this time on the corner of Mark's lips and Mark held his breath. A part of him still wanted to push Kieran away, but he could not move. Every part of his body seemed to be too heavy to move; he felt paralyzed.

Kieran's lips were tracing across the skin of Mark's cheek, until he had reached his ear. Kieran's hand was still placed on Mark's other cheek, so that Mark could not turn away from his touch. Kieran whispered into Mark's ear, "You are alone, Mark. There is no one left that cares for you and you know that."

The words hurt in the worst way, because somewhere inside he knew that they were true. Mark closed his eyes and before he could do something, he sobbed quietly. He felt the tears burning behind his eyelids and he knew that this time he would not be able to stop them. He was panting heavily, every breath he took pressed his chest against Kieran's. Like in a daze Mark raised his hands and clenched his fingers into the fabric of Kieran's shirt, wanting to push him away, to break free from the other hunter - but he could not move.

Kieran sighed and spoke under his breath, "You don't need to be alone any longer, Mark. Just let go … And embrace what is offered to you."

With his thump, he carefully wiped away the tears on Mark's cheek. His touch sent shivers through Mark's body and made his head swirl. Kieran sighed again. "You are here now, Mark. You will never return to your old life. Accept that and be free."

Mark suppressed another sob and Kieran drew back a little bit. "Look at me."

Slowly Mark opened his eyes and blinked some tears away. He looked at Kieran and the other hunter whispered, "You are beautiful, Mark. But you are torn between two lives and as long as you remain like that, you will never be happy. You don't have to suffer or to hurt no more. I can make it stop. And will, because I care. I care for you. The decision is up to you, Shadowhunter."

Mark felt his heart beating so heavy in his chest that he feared it make break through his ribcage. He did not know what to think anymore; while a part of him wanted to hold on to the hope that Mia would find him, another part of him wanted to believe Kieran.

Before Mark even realized it, he had leaned forward and pressed his lips on Kieran's. This time it was Kieran who seemed to be shocked. The kiss was not sweet and soft, but passionate and demanding. Kieran returned the kiss, moving a step closer and pressing his body against Mark's.

Mark staggered back, so that his back was pressed against one of the trees. Without even noticing it, he had his hands still clenched into the fabric of Kieran's shirt, pulling him closer. Kieran pinned him against the tree and Mark kissed him again, surprised how soft Kieran's lips were. This was not like kissing Mia, it was completely different. Kieran tasted like fire, like smoke, like the wind and freedom and in that moment, it was exactly what Mark wanted, what he needed. He let his hands wander under Kieran's shirt, letting his fingers sweep across the skin and the tight muscles. It felt completely different from anything he had ever felt before, but if felt good. It felt right.

Kieran's breath was heavy when he finally drew back from Mark. Their eyes met; gold against silver, green -blue against black - so different, but so alike at the same time. All in a sudden Mark did not know why he had been afraid. This was perfect. He smiled shyly and Kieran brushed his fingers gently across Mark's lips.

"Do you want me to stop? I will only ask this once and I want you to answer honestly. What is it that you want?"

Mark hesitated, Kieran's fingertips still on his lips, his own fingers still on Kieran's chest. He could feel Kieran's heart beating, strong, steady and synchronous with his own.

This Is what I want, Mark thought. This is where I belong.

Kieran sighed silently. "What do you say, Shadowhunter?"

Mark took Kieran's hand and entwined his fingers with Kieran's, before he whispered, "I told you, I am not a Shadowhunter anymore."

He bent forward and pressed his lips onto Kieran's.

This is how it feels to let go, he thought. This is what it feels like to be free.

And for the first since he had been brought to the Faerie, he felt some kind of hope.

- Los Angeles -

The silence in the library was almost scary. None of them spoke or made any other sound, it was almost surreal. Everyone was staring at Ty, their faces full of disbelief. Finally, it was Grayson who found his voice first.

"Are you seriously suggesting that we negotiate with the Seelie Queen?"

Ty nodded, but before he could say anything Emma burst out. "This is completely stupid, Ty! How could we possibly ever do something like that?"

Ty turned his head and looked at her. "We would not be the first to ask for a meeting with her. Others have done it before."

"Others?" Emma echoed and he said, "Yes. There are reports in the books about meetings like that."

Emma stared at him and shook her head. "Ty, what we're doing here is kind of an unauthorized mission - you know that, don't you?"

Again, he nodded and she said, "There is no way we ever gonna get a permission to ask officially for a meeting with the Seelie Queen. Only the Clave can do that and they are not very keen on putting any effort in finding Mark."

Amelia closed her eyes. Of course, Emma was right, but hearing the words still hurt. She breathed in and out a few times, before she opened her eyes again.

"Emma's right," she said, her voice clear and steadier than she had hoped. "We cannot ask the Clave for help. They would never arrange a meeting for us."

Ty's face got angry, his grey eyes were cold and his lips only a small line in his face. Suddenly Amelia felt sorry for him. He had put so much effort in helping them and now he had to be disappointed. She nodded at him and continued, "But Ty's idea isn't that bad."

All eyes turned to her and Amelia raised her eyebrows. "We know that the Queen has negotiated with Shadowhunters before. So there must be things she wants, things she cannot get without the help of others."

"Correct." Ty closed the book. "If we find something the Queen or Gwyn want, we can give it to them in exchange for Mark."

Grayson's gaze wandered from Amelia to Ty and back, as if he was trying to figure out which one of them was crazier. "And what would that be? A sword? An old book with spells? A Playstation 4?"

Amelia hissed. "Grayson! Don't be silly!"

"I'm not the one who's being silly," Grayson countered. "Actually I think I'm the only one who is still thinking straight." He moved closer to his sister and said a little bit more quietly, "Negotiating with the Seelie Queen? Offering her a favor? There is no way this is ever gonna work out. Even if we find something she wants - we will never get close enough to her to make our offer."

He turned around and looked at Ty. "I know that you want to help Mark - we all do, but this -" Grayson sighed deeply. "This is something we cannot do, Ty."

Ty stared at him, took a deep breath and said, "Well, if we can't find anything to offer her, there is another way." He bent forward, took another book and opened it. "Maybe we have to look at it from an other point of view. This book here says clearly, that fairies have to join the Hunt out of free will. So we have to prove that Mark did not do it freely."

Again, everyone was silent for some seconds, before Julian asked, "What exactly does "out of free will" mean?"

"I think he must have said himself that he wants to join them," Emma answered. "Or is eating and drinking their food enough?" She looked at the others and Amelia shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know. Does the book say something about that?"

Ty frowned and skimmed through the pages. "I think, drinking and eating is enough as an agreement when it comes to stay with the fairies, but about the Hunt I'm not sure. The book says nothing about it."

Julian sighed. "That's not even the hardest part of the plan. We have to prove that Mark did not agree. How should we do that? Will his word be enough?"

Grayson cleared his throat and murmured, "Well, fairies cannot lie, so -"

"But he's part-fey," Emma countered. "He can lie. And they know that. I don't think that his word will be enough."

"And we can't question the fairy knight who made him join the fairies," Grayson said. "Alexander Lightwood killed him."

Amelia took a deep breath and whispered, "Clary said that Mark had scars on his arms. She said he must have been … whipped or something." She felt a sharp pain inside her stomach. Thinking about the pain Mark must have gone through made her feel sick. She forced herself to continue. "I think they whipped him, because he refused to eat and drink."

Her gaze wandered to Julian, who looked shocked. For a second Amelia wanted to hug him, to comfort him - but somehow she knew that it would be wrong. She felt Grayson's hand on her arm and turned her face toward him. Grayson nodded quickly. "If that's true, no one can say that he joined them out of free will."

Amelia nodded too and Emma sighed. "So, what's the plan? Do we try to find a way to speak to the Seelie Queen on our own?"

"I guess we have to," Julian answered. "The others would never agree to this." He looked at Ty. "Can you find a way, Ty? Is there something in your books that helps us to find the Queen?"

Ty closed the book in front of him. "Not in this one. But I'll check other books."

Amelia frowned. "Maybe I know someone we can ask for help. Someone who has already found the Seelie Queen before."