Twenty Questions, Part 14: Pucci Gucci
f.k.a. Oodles of Poodles

January, 2021

It was deathly quiet. He loved working under these conditions. The peaceful silence offered no distractions. Will turned the page in the legal folder that sat on the counter and continued reading as he absentmindedly dried the dishes. The fourteen year old boy at the table doing his homework dropped his calculator, making Will flinch violently. He frowned and picked up a coffee mug, distractedly rolling it around in the dishtowel he held as he tried to make sense of his latest case.

Just as the motive was beginning to become clear, the door crashed open and Jack flew into the apartment, arms raised in victory. "HUGE news!" he bellowed as Will's head snapped up and the mug dropped to the floor at his feet. "Benjamin," Jack greeted as he sauntered past the boy into the kitchen.

"Jacqueline," he replied without looking up from his textbook.

Jack paused and pointed back at Ben, a fake laugh growing quickly until he abruptly stopped and glared at him. "You're going prematurely gray," Jack shot back and turned again towards the kitchen. "Now, William. Wi–? Where'd you go?" Jack clapped his hands twice and Will reappeared from behind the counter, broken coffee mug cradled in his hands. "Ah, there you are."

"Jack! You scared the crap out of me. What do you want?" Will dumped the mug in the trash can as Jack retrieved a bottle of water from the refrigerator.

"Just a box of Lorna Doones and some ham. Rosario's sick so Karen tried to cook dinner. Whatever it was, I don't think it was dead yet." Jack shuddered and peered down at Ben's notebook. "What are we doing?"

"Math. Want to help?"

Jack laughed. "Oh, dear lord, no." He sat down next to Ben and turned to Will. "But I'm also here to allow you to bask in my glory. I am now accepting praise, tokens of appreciation, and ass kissing. That last one's not meant to be taken literally, thank you very much."

Will leaned heavily on the counter and eyed Jack warily. "And what exactly am I praising you for?" He suddenly looked enlightened and gasped. "Did you finally learn how to write your name in cursive?"

Jack rolled his eyes, but stunned Will when he failed to respond with an overly emotional outburst or a fake laugh. "I'm serious, Will. I figured out why Karen's been acting so weird for the last couple of months. She doesn't know I know, but she's upset because some people," he emphasized with a pointed look at Ben, "think they're too old to stay with us any more."

"Uncle Jack, I can stay home alone for two hours while they go to a movie."

Will finished the dishes and started for his bedroom. "Yeah, Jack. Kids grow up. There's nothing you can do about it. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get ready for our weekend in the Berkshires."

"Fine!" Jack exclaimed, crossing his arms dramatically. "The three of you just go ahead and abandon Karen in her time of need. I was going to ask for your advice, but I see that I'll have to do without your support. So go ahead. Escape to the suburbs," Jack addressed Ben, who hadn't moved an inch, waving him away. "Go on."

"Actually, I'm not going. I have a paper due Monday."

"Oh." Jack paused, a thoughtful look crossing his face. "Well, you're in luck. I know for a fact that your Aunt Karen has a whole stockpile of term papers she bought off of Olivia and Mason's classmates. Just in case. Everything from 'The Fall of the Roman Empire' to 'The Rise of the Legwarmer.'"

"That was your term paper," Will reminded him as he returned to the living room with his suitcase.

"And so not worth the D it got me."

"Ben is going to stay home, not have any parties or friends over," Will explained evenly and Ben rolled his eyes, "and concentrate on his homework."

Jack waited until Will was occupied once more by his packing before leaning towards Ben. "You can have a party at our house," he whispered.

"Jack!"

Jack flew back in his chair and glanced around innocently. "What? I didn't say anything. I certainly didn't just promise your son a party on Park Avenue." He once again leaned towards Ben and whispered, "Eight o'clock tomorrow. You want girls there?"

"Stop that! He will stay home and finish his homework. We want to read this thing on Sunday."

"You're some friend, Will." Jack stood and approached him seriously. "She has feelings, you know. You just don't pay attention to them. You never have. It's like Olivia and Mason are leaving her all over again. She just needs someone to need her."

Will watched the younger man for a few seconds, becoming vaguely aware of the sincerity in his earnest eyes, before scoffing. "You're overreacting. What is she bored now that you're finally paper-trained?"

Jack stared him squarely in the eye for a long moment, finally making Will shift uncomfortably and turn awkwardly back to his packing. "You'll figure it out one day when Ben goes to college," he heard Jack say as he stepped around him. In the hallway, Jack turned back for a moment. "P.S.: You're a genius, but don't let it go to your heard. It's already disproportionately large."

In the manse's spacious kitchen, Karen was staring uneasily at a pile of dirty dinner dishes. Head cocked slightly to one side, she studied them curiously, hands on her hips. Rosario had refused to eat any of the food Karen prepared for her after Jack ran from the penthouse muttering excuses and she couldn't begin to fathom why. Karen shrugged and picked up a fork, moving the leftovers around on the plate. She leaned down and took a cautious sniff before recoiling in horror.

Maybe that's why.

Karen gingerly picked up the plate and dumped it in the garbage, immediately pushing the can back under the sink and closing the cabinet door. She spun around as Jack entered the kitchen holding something behind his back and she brightened considerably. "Hi, Jackie! I made dessert." Karen held up a box of Little Debbie cakes.

"Later, Kar. I have something for you first." Karen brightened even more and Jack grinned. "Now, I noticed that my Bear's been sad lately, so…" He turned around and pushed the large box onto the kitchen table. "Happy birthday!"

Karen's face twisted in confusion. "But my birthday's not for two weeks."

"Oh. Then … Happy Friday!" Jack tried again and pushed the box towards her across the table. Karen eyed the present suspiciously as Jack beamed down at her, bouncing slightly on the balls of his feet. "It doesn't matter! Open it! Open it!"

Jack's enthusiasm was contagious and Karen was soon grinning along with him. She eagerly pulled off the lid and flung it away, reaching inside the box. "You got me a – a purse? You went handbag shopping, you big fairy?" Karen pulled a massive designer bag from the box and looked it over, the weight of whatever was inside shifting clumsily. "It's a little big, but –."

"Noooo!" Jack whined, truly disappointed that she didn't understand whatever point he was trying to make, and pouted severely. "It's not a purse, Karen. Put it down; open it!" He resumed jumping in place as Karen set the bag down on the table and curiously unzipped it.

Karen froze as she stared into the bag. She glanced up at Jack, mouth hanging open, as he grinned from ear to ear. "Poodle, you got me a … a poodle?" she asked, gaping down at the brown puppy cowering in the corner of his designer dog carrier amidst various toys, packages of food, and other supplies. Karen reached in and gently reached for the dog, which protested and tried to back further into the corner. He landed on a squeaky chew toy and jumped, startled.

"Actually, he's a Yorkshire Terrier," Jack stated matter-of-factly, "but, look, he's named already and everything! Look!" He pointed at the puppy and continued bouncing.

Karen reached for the small dog's matching designer collar and the puppy whimpered, staring at her through large scared eyes. Karen found the tag and turned it over in her hand. "Gucci," she read. "You named the poor thing Gucci?"

Jack nodded vigorously, obviously proud of himself. "Yeah. Do you like him?" he asked eagerly, nervously fingering the zipper on his jacket.

"I do," she answered, still stunned, and Jack grinned. Karen stood up on her toes and kissed him sweetly on the cheek. "Thank you, honey. But why?" Jack reached out to pet the dog and it whimpered again, writhing away from him and burying its head in Karen's arm.

Jack shrugged, but smiled knowingly. "He looked like he needed you."