A/N: This is a request from LucyXHeartifiliaXFan. Enjoy!
#13… Noisemaker - bang it against anything to make loud unruly noises. Parents and especially mothers can become quite irritated with this. Be careful.
#14… Getting someone's attention – same concept as noisemaker, but this time with purpose.
The list… that nefarious list (well in the wrong hands it can be considered as such), started to make the rounds at Ouran Private Academy when Satoshi was in his first year in high school, and every year since it seems to make a resurgence at some point in time. There were some who believed the Hitachiin twins were behind the rise in popularity, but no one had been able to prove it. And let's face it, the Shadow King wouldn't find any interest in finding the reason since it meant a boost in sales and therefore profit for the Host Club. Yet each year Tamaki would dread the moment the list found its way into the forefront of students. 101 Uses for a Shinai… more like 101 ways to torment the king of the Host Club.
Satoshi swore on a bible, dictionary, encyclopedia, an original publishing of A Tale of Two Cities, Kyoya's black book (which everyone involved got wacked on the back of the head by said black book when Kyoya found out), a copy of The Art of War, and finally a copy of the school policies and rules (from Ouran and 3 other schools in the area) that he did not create the list to torment Tamaki. The smile that ghosted his face did nothing for his defense, which is when Haruhi took over.
Or at least she tried. It took a moment.
Finally tired of everyone ignoring her, the brunette grabbed Satoshi's shinai from his bag and started to bang it on the furniture in the room. Once everyone's focus was upon her, Haruhi snapped, "Now that I have everyone's attention, let's examine the matter at hand." When it appeared as if Tamaki would argue, she lifted the shinai in the air and spoke in a deathly calm voice, "No more arguing. You are a second year in university Tamaki-senpai. I would think by now you would know how to behave better than this."
She knew when she had everyone's attention and almost felt as if she was arguing on behalf of a client (and this wasn't the first time dear reader), "Tamaki-senpai, the list in question happens to be a list which was written about three years ago, is that correct?"
"Yes, but…" the blond began.
Holding up her hand, Haruhi stopped her friend before he could start another mindless rant which would end in him glomping her and her boyfriend having to rescue her… again, "That is all I needed to hear. Going through this list, I see there are several items on this list that don't involve any kind of torture or torment, is that correct?"
"Daughter, if you would listen…"
"Yes or no Tamaki-senpai?"
"Yes," Tamaki pouted.
"Are you a lion or a lion tamer?"
"No."
"Are you a light switch, a light, dirt on the ground, a wild animal, a golf course, hockey rink, a television, or a flag/flag pole?"
"No, but…"
Holding up her hand again, Haruhi stopped him, "Kyoya-senpai, did you or did you not ask Satoshi to create this list for the purpose of adding to the repertoire sold by the Host Club."
Kyoya smirked and pushed up his glasses. He already knew where this was going, "I did."
"Satoshi, when you created this list, was it with the sole intent to cause harm to your senpai?" Haruhi questioned.
"No. Taka-bro says you should always respect your senpai and I do," the younger Morinozuka answered.
"Takashi, you have read the list. Are all the items listed things that you can and have done with a shinai?" She asked her boyfriend.
Mori answered quickly, "Yes."
"By all accounts and by even your own admission, this list cannot have been created just to torture you. It is not Satoshi's fault that you tend to become overly excited or cross lines that result in having to use a shinai in a defensive manner or to pry you off of me. Ergo, this list was not and could not be created with the intent to harm or torture you. Is that correct?"
"You would be correct Haruhi," Kyoya replied.
"MOMMY!" Tamaki screeched. Seeing no help coming from that corner, he once again tried to gain sympathy from Haruhi, "Daughter! It's those evil doppelgangers! They try to use me for every item on that list! Satoshi had to have known that they would do that to me!" Upon witnessing the blank expression on her face, he should have known that wouldn't work and tried another approach, "Don't you love your daddy?"
"I love my father very much, and you are not him," Haruhi deadpanned.
Tamaki fell to the floor, an arrow lodged in his heart.
Standing up from his position on the couch in his room, Kyoya spoke, "Please do not get any blood on any surface in my room. It is horrible to get out."
All eyes shot to Kyoya and they shrunk back in slight fear as they sweat dropped. Was he serious? It was always hard to tell if he was or not… and many times he wasn't.
"Well, now that we have that problem resolved, I believe we can discuss the preparations for Renge's birthday party. She will be expecting something grand seeing as we are or were once the Ouran High School Host Club, and we don't want to disappoint," Kyoya smiled noticing everyone's reaction towards him.
Two weeks later, some members of the Host Club stood on a yacht supplied by the Ootori family and banged shinais on the metal railing to celebrate the birthday of their friend Renge. It created quite a commotion, but no one stopped them because there was no telling where they would swing those bamboo sticks next. Haruhi, Kyoya, and Mori just let the club have their fun using the swords as noisemakers… even if the birthday girl had to cover her ears due to the loud noise.