"We've gone over this theory a million times. Why do we always get stuck with this one?" Howard chewed around on the straw Raj had happily placed in the glass along with a little umbrella. A small overreaction to just a beer but Howard hadn't complained.
"Because we never really came to a conclusion!" Leonard answered and side-eyed his best friend.
Sheldon had been awfully quiet the entire evening, quiet and thoughtful. Usually it was easy to read him, he was either in his 'zone' or annoyed or sad. But this was a different kind of thoughtfulness – something Leonard had never witnessed before. Sheldon didn't seem unhappy. Maybe it was a mix of insecurity and overthinking. Leonard couldn't tell. The others had realized that something was wrong, too, and shared confused looks with the experimental physicist but Leonard was just as baffled as them.
"Maybe it's time to go home"
Suddenly Sheldon seemed to wake up from his trance. "Already?"
They all looked at him. It was way past his bedtime, he had to work tomorrow and usually he was grumpy when things like these happened. Of course he could have never ever said no to a Back to the Future evening – but he surely would have been grumpy.
"Sheldon, it's almost midnight. You have to work tomorrow."
"Yes, but… but…" Sheldon got off the sofa. "We haven't discussed this to the end?!"
"And we won't within the next few decades" Howard mumbled. "Give it a rest, Sheldon! It's time to go home. Maybe this was a bad idea after all."
"Ohhh no!" Sheldon turned around, shaking his head. "Going home now, that is a bad idea"
"Did you fight with Amy?" Raj asked, shoving a few nachos in his mouth.
He flinched so hard when he heard her name that someone could as well just have shot through the window. He was no one to be embarrassed or ashamed but he was afraid of blushing when he would have to face Amy again. What would he say? Would he tell her he had seen her? No, he couldn't do that – then she'd know he had watched instead of just leaving.
"Are you okay? You're kind of pale…" Howard squinted and stared at the physicist.
Sheldon just nodded.
"We're gonna go home now, buddy" Leonard sighed and stood up.
Sheldon was defeated. He had to go home anyway… sooner or later.
Quiet like a squirrel Sheldon entered the apartment. Leonard had bombarded him with questions on the way home and finding stupid answers and excuses had occupied him so much that he had hardly thought of Amy.
He closed the door, turned on the light and got out of his shoes and jacket. It was quiet. Amy's door was still ajar but it was entirely dark inside – she was surely asleep. Sheldon took a deep breath. That was good at least – he wouldn't have to face her.
Sheldon put his keys into the bowl and his satchel away. Then he turned his head so his neck cracked. He would have needed a good massage but the thought of a stranger touching him almost disgusted him.
Sheldon dragged his feet up the little single step that led to the bathroom and the bedrooms. He tried to be quiet to not wake Amy.
With a big yawn he entered the bathroom and got ready for bed: Washing himself, brushing his teeth, combing his hair – even though Leonard had always told him how awkward that was. Sheldon didn't care, he had his routines.
With one last mirror check, he quickly nodded at himself and turned around. Dressed in his bathrobe everything felt better and he started to feel light and tired. He yawned again and opened the bathroom door half blind.
"Sheldon"
His yawn turned into a scream and he jumped back. Amy stood in front of him, hair messy and face looking tired.
"Why are you up? What are you doing here?" He sounded more panicked than he had intended. The tingly feeling in his nether regions immediately woke up again.
"I just heard you rumbling around. I have a very light sleep at times. And I just wanted to make sure it was you." She gave him a tired smile.
"Well, who else would it be?" He barked.
He hadn't meant to be so rude but he was overwhelmed with all of his feelings. Amy looked down onto her feet and crossed her arms, slightly nodding.
"I'm sorry" Sheldon sighed. "I am just tired, it was a long evening. I think I just need some sleep."
Amy was astonished. She wasn't used to her boyfriend explaining any of his behavior or even apologizing for it but she was happy he had noticed that his tone of voice had been inappropriate.
"I'm sorry, too. I didn't want to scare you."
"You should go back to sleep" Sheldon cleared his throat because he felt a big lump forming inside of it. The scene he had witnessed earlier flashed back up in his mind. He blushed and hoped Amy wouldn't see it in the dim light.
The neurobiologist rubbed her eyes. "I will. I just wanted to make sure you're okay."
Sheldon didn't answer because he wasn't sure himself. Was he okay? He didn't feel okay. He felt tingly and nervous.
"We had fun tonight" He answered politely and shoved himself past her towards his bedroom door.
"I'm happy you had a good time" Amy smiled after him.
Sheldon just nodded and waved at her. "Good night"
"Sleep well" Amy smiled and disappeared in her room again.
The physicist rubbed his forehead after he had closed his bedroom door behind him. No, he would never ever tell her he had seen what she had done. He would keep it for himself. Whatever that meant.
"Ames, hurry up!" Penny was leaning against her car, phone in her hand. She hated waiting in CalTech's parking lot, there were way too many nerds and perverts staring at her. They probably didn't see a woman that often. Bernadette had complained about it, too, and at first Penny had laughed but since she had started visiting her boyfriend and her best friend regularly here, she exactly knew what the petite blonde had meant.
Penny rolled her eyes and checked her make-up in the reflection of her car window. "I've been waiting for you for already fifteen minutes. Light the damn monkey a cigarette and get outta here!"
A rather corpulent guy with thick glasses and suspenders over his hideously patterned shirt winked at Penny and whistled. She couldn't believe it, her mouth hung open for a second. Where the hell did some men get this much of a self-esteem? And why?
"Amy, I swear to God, if you're not showing up here within the next three minutes I'm gonna go without you!" Penny growled into her mobile phone.
About a minute and a half later the young neurobiologist came running out of the building, breathing heavily and leaning against her best friend's car.
"Get in, we need to get out of this place! It's full of weirdos!"
"Next time I'll make sure to go shopping with Bernadette" Amy grumbled and shuffled over to the passenger side.
Sheldon could have gone home already but he didn't feel like it. Even though he knew Amy was out shopping with Penny he felt better here at his workplace. In his office. Where nothing sexual whatsoever had happened. He hated himself for not being able to get rid of the memories. He had tried to push them back but the smallest things reminded him of what he had seen and the worst part was, that he had liked what he had seen. He knew that if he ever was to catch Amy doing that again, he'd stand there again and just watch and suck in the images of her trembling, whimpering and squirming. It had even haunted his dreams and Sheldon had woken up rather confused and with a painful erection. He sighed and grunted. What had this woman done to him? Why did he have such feelings? He enjoyed the animalistic primitive needs that got stirred up inside of him. Before he had met Amy he had always thought of them as something annoying that simply happened because the human being was designed that way and because nature was still stupid enough to think it required coitus to reproduce, but things had changed, especially after last night.
He had accepted the fact that he had started to enjoy touching Amy and being touched by her, that he enjoyed hugging and kissing her, smelling her hair when she was close to him. But sexuality? That was too much. Sheldon Cooper did not crave sexual intercourse with a woman. He did not want to. He refused. If only he could have told his body.