You've Got Mail
(26 years old)
Helga Pataki did not play fair and she never had, Rhonda Wellington Lloyd could safely testify to that fact.
Unfair conduct was an old habit of Helga's, one that had been displayed time and time again from the day Rhonda first met her at pre-school. As very young children Miss Pataki was often the cause for missing paint pots, and she always managed to cut ahead in the line at snack time. She was sneaky, calculated and absolutely derived of morals. Or, at least, that's what Rhonda liked to tell everybody whenever Helga managed to pull a fast one on her.
During their elementary school days Helga racked up a herculean tally of unjust pursuits, everything from managing to evict the janitor from his own closet in the third grade, to infiltrating the school records system by fifth grade. She was absolutely devious, and Rhonda had a difficult time discerning wether she underwent her schemes for solid and identifiable reasons, or if it was all just for kicks.
In high school Helga's more intense shenanigans began to dissipate, and her foul play tactics were put into use in smaller situations, mainly for the benefit of frustrating her friends. Monopoly was irreversibly banned amongst their friends at one stage, especially in small groups, as Helga G. Pataki could not be trusted to keep her thieving hands to herself.
Mainly, however, there was the fact that whenever Helga knew of gossip before Rhonda, which was a surprising amount of times in all honesty, she would find a way to torture her with silence. Rhonda would know Helga was hiding something from the flicker of mischief in her big, evil blue eyes, but the devious blonde would remain tight lipped. Helga would always tell her eventually, but always when it was far too late. For example, after Rhonda had made a pass at the gorgeous football player who had a very strong new girlfriend, Helga felt fit to inform her of that fact mere seconds before that very strong girlfriend arrived at their lunch table to kick Rhonda's teeth in.
After these moments, Helga would simply grin with satisfaction at her horrid social felony, like a wicked little minx.
Once, during college, Helga neglected to mention that Rhonda had met the cute guy named 'Tad' from her Economics class before... because he was Curly Gammelthorpe. And it was then, after Helga had managed to duck one lampshade and every one of Rhonda's cosmestics, that Rhonda quipped the soon-to-be-infamous line...
"Honestly, one day I'm just going to wake up to a wedding invitation, and not have even known you were dating!"
The aforementioned sentiment was then aptly applied to any situation when Helga withheld information, or refused to play fair. Phoebe even began to use it sporadically, and not long after Lila picked it up, too, until it became a classic joke.
Phoebe and Gerald broke up during spring break of Junior year. Helga neglected to mention it until Rhonda invited them to her party – together.
"Won't know 'til I get the invitation." she grumbled in response.
Lila received a placement at PS118 for her childhood teaching studies during Senior year. Helga laughed when Lila brought it up in conversation later on, much to Rhonda's surprise.
"Got a wedding invitation for me, Helga?" she had glared.
Helga's book went to print a year after they finished college, and Rhonda found out via a display in the local bookshop window.
"Won't tell me a darn thing until I have to buy a bridesmaids dress." she growled at Helga's voicemail later than evening.
Last year, when Helga couldn't attend Rhonda's yearly reunion celebration, citing a 'personal holiday' as her reasons, Rhonda had become a little suspicious.
"Hey, you know I might like to meet whatever boyfriend you're hiding at some stage... you know, before I get the invitation to the wedding!" she had insisted, and Helga had simply laughed.
Now, Rhonda stood in her driveway, hardly dressed for the cold winter weather she was stuck standing in, completely rooted to the spot by her letterbox. Because, Helga Pataki was absolutely, bone-chillingly, soul-consuming-ly, stomach-churning-ly, EVIL and Rhonda had the little piece of fancy paper to prove it.
"I'm going to KILL HER!" Rhonda screeched from her position by the sidewalk, flailing the piece of paper in the face of her dishevelled, and very sleepy, looking boyfriend who had come outside to check on her.
Sliding the paper from her hands, he read over the words quickly and smirked, "Pataki actually did it." he chuckled with amusement, "In all fairness, this is the best thing she's pulled since accessing the records system in fifth grade."
Rhonda glared in return, "It even says 'ps. call me about your dress', I mean, who does that! I cannot believe her!"
"Hey, at least you should expect something like this from Helga." Tad, or rather Curly, depending on the situation, concluded, "If anything, you should be disappointed in Mr do-the-right-thing for allowing her to get away with it!"
Dear Mr Thaddeus Gammelthorpe and Miss Rhonda Wellington Lloyd,
Your presence in requested at the marriage of...
Helga Geraldine Pataki
Arnold Phillip Shortman
on Sunday, May 16th at 2 o'clock
Hillwood Heights Estate
1276 Capitol Drive, Hillwood
ps. Rhonda, call me about your dress ;)
Rhonda sighed, "Worst thing is, she gave me a hint... they both didn't come to the reunion for the same reason, exactly the same reason." she glared at the invitation once more, "Evil woman!"
Tad just laughed at her, pulling her into a tight hug and it made her feel so much better that she even let out a little laugh. Pataki had completely outdone her on this one.