Chapter 15

Derek's POV

In horror- I rush to Meredith's side.

'Meredith' I shake her. No response. I check her pulse and her breathing, both were still there, although faint.

'Meredith' I shake her again. Still no response.

' We need to hook her up to the ECG machine and IV lines.. and her vital signs have to be monitored regularly' I am back in doctor's mode and barking orders frantically. This is not just any patient lying here on the floor in his arms, it is my Meredith.

Meredith's POV

I slowly open my eyes, and find myself in a bright lighted room. It was sparkling clean, and there is no trace of anyone else or any furniture in there. It was totally empty. Panicked, I call out 'Hello! Is there anyone there?' My voice echoed back to me. I shudder, my hair was now standing on ends. 'Hello!' I call out again. I hear footsteps walking towards me and I brace myself.

Suddenly I gasp in shock as a middle aged man stood in front of me. I have only seen him a few times before, but there was no mistaking who it was. My father- Tatcher Grey.

' Meredith?' he looked pleased but surprised at the same time to see me.

'Dad?' I say hesistantly. Over the years, our relationship has never improved. He never sent mom money to support me, not a single phone call even. He only showed up a few times to harrass both mom and I. He died of leukaemia a few years ago. There is no doubt where I inherited the leukaemia gene from.

' Meredith' he whispered my name again and walked slowly over to me, and embracing me. I let him hug me, missing the warmth of a father's love.

'Meredith- why are you here? You don't belong here... go back please….'

' I don't want to go back' I say stubbornly. It was true. I was going to die anyways, might as well stay here forever.

'You have to go back!' he was sounding desperate now. ' Your mom will be devastated if you left her alone. The Sheperds would miss you too- especially Derek. I know how much he loves you..' I stood still, stunned. How did he know about Derek? I never mentioned Derek at all during our few encounters.

' Time is running out Meredith…. You have to go back to them. It's not time for you to be here…yet….' my father said before he began to fade away and vanish into thin air.

I find myself running and running away from the bright light.

I slowly open my eyes, which took quite a while to adjust to the bright fluorescent lights.

Realizing that I am not in my own bedroom, I try to sit up, alarmed. But my entire body ached. And it was then that I notice the IV line inserted on the dorsal aspect of my right hand. I trace the line to find myself attached to a normal saline and a 5% potassium chloride solution. And there was a blood pressure monitor cuff wrapped loosely around her left arm. What the?

'Hey, hey, wait….' I heard a familiar male voice call out. It was Derek.

'Welcome back' he smiles at me softly

'Derek- why am I in the hospital?' I ask- still confused.

'Mer- you collapsed in the OR during my surgery, remember? You have a slight concussion on your head, and you had electrolyte imbalance, but other than that you're fine..'

His voice trailed off and he looks away from me.

Suddenly, I remember everything. I was about to scrub out, pleased with the way the surgery progressed, when suddenly without warning the entire OR began spinning and then it all turned black.

' I guess I was just too exhausted. 48 hour shifts can do that to you….' I try to reason.

' Meredith- stop lying to me! You called me out for keeping something from you yesterday, when you yourself are keeping something from me' Derek just can't help himself.

'So you know' I say softly.

'How long have you known?' he had calmed down by now, and his voice was softer.

' For about one month. I was feeling tired easily, and looked pale, and I had bouts of epistaxis….'

'Mer- why didn't you tell me?' he asks sadly, taking a seat beside my bed and holding my hands in his.

' Because I didn't want you to be upset. I didn't want to worry you.' I answer simply. It was the truth, and besides he had said the same thing to me last night.

' I can help you , you know' Derek says earnestly.

'How? I am about to start chemotherapy today. That is the best they can do. I am going to get weaker and weaker. How can you help me, Derek?'

Derek grips my hands tighter in his.

' Please- promise me you'll get better. Please?' he pleads with me with his blue eyes.

' I can't promise you that, Derek. But I'll try ok?'

' I love you so much Meredith, please don't leave me.'

' I wouldn't leave you, I promise…'

'You sure? Promise you'll fight this with all the strength you have?'

'I promise'.

He kisses me on the forehead, and then stares at the wall blankly. I have never seen him this upset before.

Just then, Dr. White enters the room. He is wearing the same look in his face as he had when he delivered the diagnosis to me. This doesn't look good at all..

'Meredith' he says, pausing after that, as if thinking of what to say to me.

'It's ok, go on Dr. White. I think I'm used to this by now' I say, trying to make light of the situation.

'We can't find a suitable bone marrow donor for you. You will definitely have to start chemotherapy today. The treatment might be able to delay the progression of the disease- but the likelihood of cure is very unlikely. Your disease is too aggressive- I'd say you have…..at most three more months to live. I'm so sorry Meredith.'

A lump has formed in my throat as I try to absorb the news. I have only three months to live. I am only an intern- I still have the entire career ladder in front of me. And I still have yet to get married and give mom grandchildren. There were still so many things I want to do with my life. Why does God want to take me away so soon? That is not fair! But then again, nothing in life is fair.

'Ok, thanks Dr. White' I say calmly, although my heart was breaking inside.

When the doctor left the room, I let out a sob involuntarily from my throat. Derek sat beside me very still and silent, holding my hands.

The sobs became even louder and I can't stop the tears from rolling down my cheeks. I seldom cry, but I am just too tired to be strong anymore.

Derek holds me close and hugs me as I continue to cry, not caring that I am now wetting his scrubs. What I didn't see was that he was crying too.

I honestly don't know now what the future holds for me, or whether I even have a future at all. Tired, I drift off slowly to sleep in his arms.

When I open my eyes again, I am pleasantly surprised to see mom Ellis sitting beside me, holding my hands.

She smiles gently at me.

'Derek' I try to say, but my throat was so dry.

' I had forced him to go back for some food and shower, he'll be back soon.' Says mom softly. 'How do you feel?'

'Like crap, mom'

She sighs and strokes my hair lovingly, the way she always did when I was younger and felt sick.

'Mom'

'Yeah?'

' I don't know how to be strong anymore. Dr. White said….'

'Shh…..I know that…. It's ok…..you'll be ok….'

Mom always knows how to make things better.

'I'm too young to die'

' Don't say that' she scolded softly…. ' Are you hungry Mer? I know you can't take anything solid at the moment, but I've brought some cereals with me'.

I manage a weak smile. There is nothing like a mother's love.

Mom has just left and I am now flipping through TV channels. There was nothing interesting to watch. Cristina barged in still wearing her scrubs.

' Meredith- are you ok?' she made her way to the side of my bed.

'Yeah' I smile weakly.

She picked up my charts and file without even asking my permission, causing me to roll my eyes.

'Cris- have you learnt anything about patient privacy?'

' That rule doesn't apply to my person'.

She suddenly spotted the diagnosis in the file and she looked at me in shock, not saying anything. Our eyes met, and our eye contact was enough to let us know what the other was thinking at the moment.

' Why didn't you tell me?' she sounded hurt. 'I thought that I am your person'

' Yes Cris – you're still my person' I try to reason with her. 'I just….didn't want you to get worried. You are so busy with work'

I can't believe it when tears begin rolling down her cheeks. The tough hardcore Cristina Yang was crying? I think I may be dead after all.

' Meredith- promise me to fight this ok? You have to fight this. Because we both are fighters remember that? We are the kick ass twisted sisters, we always get through every adversity together.' Cristina had an ectopic pregnancy earlier this year- and I was there for her.

'I'll try, Cris- I'll try' I say, feeling my eyes well up as well.

'Move over' she said as she took her place next to me and we both flipped through crappy TV channels together.

Derek's POV

I had initially wanted to respect Meredith's privacy, but I care too much for her to leave her alone. Dr. White was reluctant to tell me what was wrong with her at first, but I kept on pestering her until he finally caved in. When the doctor told me her diagnosis,I had to pour over her charts and file to see for myself. He just couldn't believe my eyes and ears. It was like a cruel twist of fate. This certainly can't be happening. Meredith, my Meredith was ill. And it was not just a simple cold, she had leukaemia, the blood cancer that kills hundreds of young people annually in this country.

That very moment, it was like my entire world had crumbled around me. No, I am not going to let her be taken away from me like that.

Meredith's mom had convinced me to leave her alone for a while to take a break for myself. I had my shower and had a quick snack before I made my way to the National Donor Registry. This was the best I can do for my Meredith. I know I am not biologically related to her, but at least I can say that I've tried.

That night, I am cuddled up with Meredith in her hospital bed, and she was flipping through TV channels again. Cristina and Lexie had just gone back after being in here for a couple of hours. Cristina especially had been devastated to say the least, Meredith is her person, she had said to me in person when Meredith wasn't listening. Lexie seemed upset too. I wonder if Meredith knows how lucky she is- to have so many people care about her.

' You know Derek- I have a list' she said suddenly.

'A list? What list'

' A list of all the things I want to do before I die' she said earnestly.

' Hush, don't say that!' I scold her gently. 'You are not going to die'.

Ignoring me, she continued

' I want to go to Europe. It has been my dream place. I want to go to London, Barcelona, Rome, Milan, Amsterdam'

I chuckle. 'You are being ambitious aren't you? Get better first- then you can go touring around Europe.'

' I want to finish my internship and become a resident at least...'

' You don't want to specialize?'

'Yes, I want to specialize in either general surgery or neurosurgery. But I'm just taking in one step at a time' .

I smile, holding her hands in mine.

' I want to fall in love and be loved in return…'

I look at her. 'Meredith, I'm here you know- and I love you' I say, meaning every word of it.

She smiled widely at me. I've never seen a smile so beautiful.

' I have another wish'

'What is that?'

Without answering, she kissed me passionately on the lips, and I return it more than willingly.

Before we know it- we are both naked under the sheets and exploring each others bodies. That night, we didn't sleep much as we were lost in each other, and the pleasure of making love to Meredith was unlike anything I've ever felt before.

Ok, I have to end this chapter here as it is getting too long ;) Hope you like it- and please, oh pretty please do review!