Disclaimer: I do NOT own rights to any of the characters from Glee. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
A/N: It's a dodecahedron of love! One giant slash-tastic orgy... wait til Mr Schue decides he wants Kurt too! LOL – Nah just kidding! Mr Schue will be keeping his dick in his pants during this fic!
And yes – it's totally weird to want Puck with Mercedes *shudders*
Thank you also to all of the well-wishers ahead of my interview on Monday. I should probably tell you that they offered me the job this afternoon... and I turned it down. Shit salary... long story but very pissed off for being messed around.
WARNING: Vaguely nauseating hetero sex alluded to in this chapter. It's there strictly for comic purposes however. Can I also say how annoying it is that my spell-check keeps automatically correcting 'hetero' and writing 'hereto'...
Anyway – onwards!
Chapter 14 – Work in Progress
Kurt woke the following morning to a high-pitched chirping sound from his cell on the bedside table. Sleeping alone after two nights with a warm body spooning him had left him feeling cold during the night, even with an extra blanket and flannel pyjamas.
Groaning and keeping his eyes defiantly shut, the brunette stretched out an arm and with a move borne of much practice, snagged up the gadget and flipped it open with one hand.
'Hey K. Listen... don't be mad but I kinda won. x'
Kurt's sleep addled brain took a moment to process the message before he double checked the sender.
'...cedes...'
"Oh...", he exclaimed as clarity was finally achieved. Smiling broadly at his friend's imagined triumph, the soprano quickly re-read the girl's text before he tapped out a quick response
'Tell. Me. Everything. XD'
The boy lay in bed waiting impatiently for the inevitable reply as he digested the consequences. The girl's usual text speak had been abandoned in favour of clear English which proved to the brunette his friend wasn't feeling herself.
'So 'cedes snagged Noah... I'm happy for her...'
And he actually was. Both friends had been 100% honest when they'd sealed their pact to put their friendship before any romantic entanglements. Kurt smiled widely as his cell vibrated in the palm of his hand and he hurriedly clicked open the message.
'It was in the Auditorium. He sang the song I chose for him and he sang it to me! It was so... HOT!'
Kurt chuckled as he threw back the covers on his bed and sat on the edge of his bed.
'That sounds so romantic 'cedes... Damn you! ;-p.'
Getting to his feet, Kurt padded into the bathroom and started up the shower as the black girl's next communiqué arrived.
'It was. And he wants to actually date me. Like in public, out at a restaurant or movies date... me... Mercedes Jones...'
Kurt tutted as he read the message and saw quite clearly the girl's deep rooted insecurities once again beginning to plague her. He had to nip that in the bud right now.
'Damn straight he should be wining and dining you. You're fabulousness deserves nothing less. I want you to tell me everything when we get to school x'
Seeing that the shower was now heated up, Kurt laid his cell down on the counter and stripped out of his pyjamas. Taking a moment to examine his appearance in the full length mirror, Kurt took in his pale chest proud of the slight definition to his abs that football had brought as he turned to the side and took in his side profile.
'Yep... I have a killer ass... I think my charcoal grey pants today...'
Spotting the livid bruise on his back, Kurt prodded at it and hissed at the pain.
"Thank God that crazy Chinese guy didn't say I couldn't have painkillers..."
'Unlike poor Justin...'
The brunette's thoughts turned to the blonde jock as he stepped under the superheated spray and felt his muscles relax fully. Their talk the day before had been a complete revelation for the soprano. Finally, he didn't feel quite so alone in the world.
Sure statistically in a school the size of WMHS there should be in the region of two dozen gay kids. It was just that none had come out of the closet and into mainstream like Kurt had.
But now... now that Kurt knew the identity of even just one other person like him, it gave him a long needed sense of security against the niggling fear that he actually was as abnormal as the jocks had always said.
'Maybe if Justin comes out he'd like to date me?..'
The sudden thought popped into Kurt's head from left field and he paused in his exfoliation to consider the potential.
'He said he was happy being in the closet though...'
Returning to his cleansing efforts, Kurt sluiced before applying an apricot scented body wash to his pale skin. Absently humming the Greatest Hits of Gaga, Kurt worked the suds in gentle circles before he rinsed the soapy residue from his skin. Shutting off the water, Kurt stepped out of the shower before wrapping himself in a fluffy pink towel.
As he moved to dry his legs, Kurt felt the contours of his ass as he murmured,
"Definitely the charcoal pants..."
If his fledgling hope to snare Noah was now dead in the water as Mercedes had intimated, then he was going to have to go back on the prowl. He wanted some action god dammit and if the half-back wasn't going to be warming his bed anymore and prodding him in the back with that log of his, he'd need to find an alternative.
'God I'm turning into such a horny slut...'
Kurt blushed at his own hormonal thoughts and tried to ignore his rapidly stiffening cock in favour of spritzing on some cologne.
Hanging the towel back up on the rack, Kurt wandered back out to the bedroom and over to his stereo. Hitting shuffle on his iPod, Kurt smiled as he listened to the opening bars of piano before he joined in with the lyrics and started to dance his way across the room towards his closet,
"Oh, I could hide 'neath the wings of the bluebird as she sings
The six o'clock alarm would never ring
But it rings and I rise wipe the sleep out of my eyes
The shavin' razor's cold, and it stings
Cheer up, sleepy Jean, oh what can it mean
To a daydream believer and a homecoming queen?"
You once thought of me as a white knight on his steed
Now you know how happy I can be
Oh, and our good times start and end without dollar one to spend
But how much baby do we really need?
Cheer up, sleepy Jean, oh what can it mean
To a daydream believer and a homecoming queen?
Cheer up, sleepy Jean, oh what can it mean
To a daydream believer and a homecoming queen?
Opening the door to his closet, the mirror on the inside reflected first the soprano's own cheerful and flushed face, then the rest of the room before finally...
"Aaaaaaaaarggh!", screamed the soprano as he physically ran into the closet, heedless of the irony.
There at the bottom of the stairs, standing stock still and looking supremely uncomfortable was Noah.
Puck had fallen asleep on the couch midway through the second double episode of Deadliest Catch. His dreams had been confusing, a myriad of images none of which seemed to be connected in any way to each other.
The blue eyed brunette girl was there and she was standing side by side with Aretha on a revolving platform. Before the jock could process what was going on, the lights flared up around them and he was sitting in a chair opposite Regis Philbin.
"OK... Puck... this is it... no more lifelines left... you've used 'em all..."
Puck watched as the floating characters came up in front of his eyes as Regis re-read the question,
"Do you want to schtup A) The brunette chick with a dick or B) Aretha Franklin's grand-niece..."
Before he could think to form an answer, a scuffle distracted the jock and he watched as Regis defended his seat against a strangely mohawked Jerry Springer who appeared to be carrying a glazed ham under his arm.
"Uh... Regis dude, what's going on?"
Slapping at Springer's questing arms as he tried to unhook the man's microphone, Regis looked at him in impatience,
"A or B, Puck... dick or chick... it's an easy enough question."
A loud crashing noise woke Puck up with a start as he tried to work out exactly where he was.
"GOD DAMMIT LIL!", cried a voice completely heedless of the volume. Puck quickly grabbed for the remote and switched the TV off, plunging the living room into darkness.
'Oh great... Jeff's back...'
"SHUT UP JEFF... GOD!", replied his Mom's hoarse, gravelly vocals.
'She really needs to lay off the cigarettes...'
Staying perfectly still, Puck hoped the pair would simply bypass the living room entirely as he tried desperately not to focus on the wet smacking sounds emanating from the hallway.
"C'mon tiger... you're in for a treat..."
'Oh for the love of... time to go...'
Puck wasn't a religious man, he didn't believe in a supreme being or some benevolent dude from 2000 years ago that promised to make things all better. But as Jeff and his Mom, stumbled down the corridor towards their shared bedroom, Puck thanked every deity he could think of for small mercies.
Now all he had to do was get out of the apartment before his 'family' started rutting like there was no tomorrow.
Being careful not to knock over any of the empties laying beside him, the jock kept low to the ground as he inched towards the hallway,
"Oh BABY... you make me so wet..."
'…'
There were no words to describe how nauseated that sentence made him feel and Puck simply concentrated on keeping the contents of his meagre dinner down. Finally after what felt like an eternity, Puck reached the hallway. His stomach roiled as he crept towards the front door whilst trying valiantly, to ignore the sounds of sucking echoing in the empty apartment.
'Fuck... I need a shower... and a brain enema...'
Quickly and silently hoisting his backpack filled with supplies onto his shoulder, Puck cracked open the front door, wincing as the hinge creaked ominously. Thankfully, or not, depending on your viewpoint, Puck's Mom chose that exact same moment to squeal.
"Not that hole you asshole... put it in my asshole..."
'Yep... I am definitely going to be sick...'
Deftly slipping out the small gap, Puck let the door shut behind him with a soft click as he stood illuminated by the strip light on the landing.
All thought of subtlety gone, the half-back sprinted down the steps two and three at a time before jogging a good quarter mile down the deserted road. Coming to a panting stop, Puck's stomach finally waved a white flag and the jock found himself doubled over as his curry and rice revisited on him.
Several minutes later, Puck had finished rinsing his mouth out with a bottle of stale water he'd found in his backpack as he popped a stick of gum in his mouth. Checking his cell he saw it was a little after 5am, too early to go to the school and to late to do anything else.
Taking his time to walk back in the direction of his apartment and his truck, the jock considered his options. Finally deciding he'd go visit with Kurt before school, Puck fished his keys from his pocket and unlocked the truck.
Peeling out of the apartment parking lot, Puck gunned it in the direction of the Hummel's house, feeling more and more human again the farther from his own home he got.
Pulling up outside the Hummel's house, Puck was surprised to see the garage doors opened and the elder Hummel working on the engine to Kurt's Navigator. Killing the engine, the jock hopped from the cab and hesitantly approached the man.
"Oh... Good morning, Noah...", said the man as he straightened up from examining something and wiped his hands on a greasy rag.
"Uh... morning Mr Hummel..."
"So what brings you round at 5.45 in the morning?", asked the older man as he checked the clock on the garage wall and raised an eyebrow in surprise.
Puck couldn't help the blush that suffused his face as he thought of exactly why he'd fled his apartment that morning.
Burt Hummel may have been a hardass mechanic by day, but by night, or early morning in this case, he had a penchant for teasing people that his son had inherited from him,
"There's clearly a story there Noah. Spill. That's an order."
Scratching the top of his head and realising with some satisfaction that the stubble was slightly longer than the day before Puck ducked his head before he mumbled,
"Oldpeopleshouldn'tbeallowedtohavesex..."
Burt just looked at the clearly mortified boy as he worked out what he'd said. Deciding he'd have some fun at the boy's expense however he just raised an eyebrow,
"In English, Noah?"
Puck looked at the man in undisguised horror as he realised he'd have to repeat himself,
"Old people, should never be allowed to have sex... Sir..."
Burt's rumbling laughter clued the jock into the fact that he'd been played as he looked chagrined, whilst the older man gripped his belly such were his spasms.
"Oh, son... you just made my mornin'...", he said wiping a tear from his eye.
Puck's wry commentary as he rubbed the back of his head caused the older man to re-evaluate his initial thoughts on the boy,
"Glad I could be of some amusement..."
"Go on in son, Kurt usually gets up about 5.30 to use all his lotions and potions so he'll be awake by now...", said the older man as he turned back to evaluating the car engine, "... Don't be surprised though if his face is maybe green or blue... he seems to like rubbing pond scum on his face... says it's good for his pores."
The man's whistling as he tightened something with a spanner, implied to the jock that his torture at the hands of Hummel Snr., was over at least for now. Quickly moving to the back of the garage, Puck entered the house proper and made his way to the basement stairs.
Hearing the telltale sound of music coming from the basement Puck relaxed in the knowledge that Kurt was indeed awake at this ridiculously early hour. Not bothering to knock given the volume of the music would make hearing him unlikely at best, Puck pushed open the basement door and descended the steps.
His brain froze in place at the exact moment his feet locked into position at the bottom of the steps. Kurt was dancing. No not dancing... gyrating like some ho in a strip joint.
A momentary flash of memory assaulted Puck as he pictured the naked soprano with his back to him, wearing a tiny silver thong. He blushed.
Unable to move and incapable of making any noise other than an unmanly squeak, Puck had no option but to watch as the brunette swung his hips and sang along to the cheerful song.
'Christ he's got a hot body...'
Puck's random thought would later on, after he'd had time to digest its full meaning, cause him major problems. For now however he simply accepted the fact that the little kicker had a kick-ass... ass...
The jock's leching was interrupted moments later when Kurt pulled open the door to his closet and the mirror inside revealed his presence to the singing soprano. Puck couldn't help the chuckle that escaped him at the boy's terrified squeal and his subsequent stage dive into a pile of shoes at the bottom of the closet.
Shaking himself from his shock, Puck crossed to the iPod and went to switch off the track. Unfortunately however, having had very little experience with the gadgets up until then, Puck mistook the track forward button for the pause button.
Dis' the house that funk built
Groove Armada style!
Uh, what? uh, c'mon, uh, what?
Uh, Wooo! Uh, what? uh, come on, uh what?
Break it on down
Ooooooooooooh.
Instantly recognising the familiar track and realising with a growing dread that he'd hit the wrong button, Puck desperately mashed at the iPod – only succeeding in increasing the volume.
"I see you baby
Shakin' that ass
Shakin' that ass
Shakin' that ass
I see you baby
Shakin' that ass
Shakin' that ass
Shakin' that ass
woooooo!"
His humiliation now complete, Puck ran a hand over his head in agitation before grabbing hold of the gizmo and pulling, watching with relief as the little wire came loose and the speakers crackled before falling silent.
From Kurt's position huddled on the floor of the walk-in closet, he'd had the perfect vantage point of the jock as he'd attempted to switch off the music.
'No Noah!... Not that button...'
Before he could vocalise however, Kurt's blush overtook him and he sunk his head into his hands as he listened to the beginnings of the next track and cursed fate.
Digging a Ferragamo from out under his naked ass, Kurt watched as Noah realised his mistake and tried desperately to correct it and only succeeded in compounding the problem.
'He's so damn cute when he's flustered'
Finally watching as the jock ran out of patience and wrenched the iPod from the docking station, Kurt breathed a sigh of relief as the music faded to nothing.
'Oh God... he saw me naked and dancing...'
Kurt kept a wary eye on the jock who was standing, still facing the stereo as if afraid to turn round.
'Hell he probably IS afraid to turn round...'
Grabbing his dressing gown from the back of the door, Kurt slipped it on and cinched the belt around his waist.
"Uh... hi?"
Puck's feet weren't working.
He was telling his body to turn around. To flee back up the stairs and to go back to his apartment. Listening to his Mom and Jeff fucking was preferential to the utter humiliation that awaited him if he stayed where he was.
But his feet wouldn't move.
Finally a small voice broke through the haze of the jock's mind,
"Uh... hi?"
Sighing and letting his head fall to his chest with a groan, Puck replied over his shoulder while still refusing to turn around,
"Uh... hi yourself..."
"It's... I'm decent now...", offered the brunette.
Slowly turning around, face blazing with embarrassment, Puck stared fixedly at a point about two feet above Kurt's head.
"Oh for God's sake Noah... I'm down here!"
The kicker's snapped rebuke caused Puck to meet the smaller boy's eyes as they both looked at each other for the first time that morning.
Several seconds passed as each boy tried to control their breathing and their thoughts before Puck cleared his throat,
"Your Dad let me in..."
Nodding at the explanation, Kurt busied himself by turning back to the closet and tried to settle his nerves by looking out the pair of charcoal grey pants he'd had his heart set on wearing. Pairing that with a light purple dress shirt with flouncy cuffs he'd found in a vintage clothes store and his Admiral's jacket, he carried his bounty to his bed where he laid each item out in turn.
"So... no that I mind or anything, but why are you here?"
Kurt's interest was piqued when the jock looked sheepish and mumbled,
"My Mom and Jeff were about to go at it..."
Kurt giggled as Puck winced in remembrance and shook of the glare he received in response.
"Hetero sex does that to me too Noah... ewww..."
The jock chuckled at Kurt's exaggerated shuddering as he watched the brunette move about his room gathering up everything he needed to perfect his look for the day.
Kurt grinned at the half-back as he pantomimed unhitching his gown and watched with amusement as Noah slapped his hands over his eyes with a squeak.
"Dude... that's so not fair..."
Deciding that flirting with the jock for now was still technically alright seeing as he'd yet to go on a date with Mercedes, Kurt replied in a wistful tone.
"I know... you got to see me naked and I haven't seen you... so not fair..."
Kurt's delighted laughter echoed in the room as the jock blushed to the roots of his admittedly short hair in response to the teasing.
Using the distraction as a means of slipping on his underwear, Kurt picked up his pants.
"If you don't mind me in my underwear, it's safe to look now Noah..."
Dropping his hands and squinting before realising the soprano was being serious, Puck watched as Kurt bent over and shimmied into the tightest pair of pants he'd ever seen in his entire life.
"How can you wear those Kurt? They look so uncomfortable."
The brunette rolled his eyes as he finished doing up the pants,
"Just look at my ass though...", he said turning in a full 360, "... does it not look all firm and perky?"
Despite his mind screaming at him not to look, Puck's eyes were drawn to Kurt's admittedly very firm and perky looking buttocks, as he nodded involuntarily.
"That's why I can wear them then...", replied the brunette as he slipped on his shirt and began buttoning it up.
'I saw you baby... shakin' that ass...'
Somehow Puck didn't think he'd be able to shake that image from his head for a good while yet.
Kurt was pushing the boundaries of his agreement with Mercedes but he just couldn't help himself. He knew he shouldn't, but he still wanted the boy despite knowing that he'd lost the competition with his BFF.
He'd slipped his pants on making sure they looked perfect, as Noah had asked how he could wear them.
Though he silently agreed that they were extremely uncomfortable, they did highlight his ass like no other pair of pants he owned and so he told the jock as much.
Kurt's heart fluttered as he completed his twirl and noted the jock's glassy-eyed stare and the definite flush of his skin.
'Hummel 3 Jones 3?', he wondered.
Deciding that the moment would best be broken, he checked his cell and spoke,
"We'd better get going..."
The pair shared Kurt's Navigator on the way to school, with Puck leaving his truck in the Hummel's drive. It still surprised the soprano exactly how comfortable he was being in close quarters with Noah so soon after they'd agreed to put their past behind them.
"Get your hand off the dial...", warned Kurt as the jock made his third attempt to switch the iPod off and get to the radio.
"But Kuuuurrtttt...", moaned the jock causing Kurt to giggle at his childish behaviour.
"You realise that whining like a bitch ruins your badass rep completely right?"
The jock just chuckled as he replied,
"If I'm going to be dating Mercedes and being friends with you... I think my rep is already ruined. And I don't care. I'm starting to like this new me. This new me laughs more."
Kurt couldn't agree more with the jock that this new Noah was a definite improvement on the old model. There was still plenty of work to go, he was definitely a fixer-upper, but once fixed Kurt could easily imagine he'd be a keeper.
"I'm glad you feel that way Noah, really..."
Both boys exchanged a soft smile as Kurt growled,
"Noah... dial..."
Pulling into the parking lot, Kurt was surprised to see Mercedes and Tina waiting for him. Furrowing his brow he looked at the equally as confused Noah, they both unhooked their safety belts before hopping from the car.
"Uh... hey guys...", offered Kurt, watching with interest as Tina did a double take as the dreaded Puck jumped from the gay kid's car.
"Morning K...", answered Mercedes as she spared a shy smile for the jock who smiled back.
"Mornin' sweetcheeks..."
Mercedes just rolled her eyes at the boy, but the twitch of her lip belied her feigned unhappiness.
"Uh... Kurt..."
Tina had shaken herself sufficiently from her shock to ask a pertinent question,
"Why is Puck in your car? With you? In the morning?"
'Cos he caught me dancing naked in my bedroom and I offered him a lift?... oh and I totally want to jump his bones?'
Kurt decided to err on the side of caution and didn't vocalise his initial planned reply,
"He stopped in to see my Dad..."
"Oh...", Tina seemed to accept the reasoning without question.
"So what has you two gorgeous ladies waiting for Puckzilla this morning? I'm good but I don't think I need a cheering section following me around all day!"
Both girls tittered at the jock's haughty tone as he struck a superhero pose. Mercedes face fell first as she realised that she'd most likely be ruining the mood of her new,
'Boyfriend?... maybe not quite yet...', she thought.
"It's a whole damn mess yo. Finn and Quinn told her parents about the baby...", Mercedes winced as the laughter in Puck's eyes died at the reminder, "... and her Dad like, freaked out..."
Kurt's eyes widened noticeably as he absorbed the news and Tina took up the story,
"And to make things worse, he kicked her out... baby and all..."
"Oh God that's terrible...", said Kurt as he kept a close eye on the stoic jock.
"She's staying with Finn."
Puck's monotone voice cut through Tina's excited conversationalist tone like a knife through butter. Cocking her head and looking strangely at the jock Tina confirmed his suspicion,
"Yeah. How'd you know?", she asked genuinely curious.
Nodding behind the girls, they turned to watch as an obviously strung out Finn and Quinn walked through the main gates together, the Quarterback hovering even more protectively than usual by the blonde's side.
"Oh... she looks so tired. Do you... should we say something?", asked Tina.
Before anyone in the group could answer her however the pair had reached the assembled Gleeks,
"Uh, hey guys...", offered Finn in a defeated and tired tone of voice.
"Hey Finn... Hi Quinn...", chorused three out of four of the group. Puck didn't speak and instead settled for standing with his arms crossed over his chest.
"I guess you heard huh?"
The group all nodded in sympathy, again bar Puck, who tried to meet the blonde's eyes though she studiously ignored him.
'God dammit Quinn...'
"How you holdin' up?", asked Mercedes and the pair both nodded listlessly.
Kurt was both surprised and a little hurt when Finn looked at both Mercedes and Tina but refused to meet his eyes.
'Does he blame me for it going wrong?... an outfit can only do so much...'
"It's still all a bit of a shock right now...", said Finn as Quinn studied the patterns on the sidewalk.
The bell for classes rang as the group realised that the conversation had essentially killed any cheer the group had retained.
Each mumbling their goodbyes they split into groups to head off to class without a further word.
A/N: Another fun little chapter and I hope something that will make Eliza happy. I could have kept writing as I have more to tack onto the end of this chapter, but it'll serve just as well as a stand alone chapter tomorrow instead.
Musical credits in this chapter go to The Monkees and 'Daydream Believer' and Groove Armada and 'I see you baby'.
For now however, I'm going to head to my bed.
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