Chapter 14: Faithfully
I didn't expect the party to turn out the way it did. Hell, I didn't even think a party was going to happen. I got the call from Carly the day before, and I couldn't help but ask how she decided on doing a going away party. It was almost as if she read my mind.
"You told Jesse that we were having one." Oh well, that made sense. "He told me that you told him we were planning a going away party, when he came to tell me you stayed over Melanie's house. And I thought it would be a good idea."
"You don't have to do this Carls," I remember telling her. "I can just tell him that we decided to cancel or-"
"No." Carly stopped me. "I want to do this. Not just for you Sam. I think it's a good way to bring Spencer back home finally and also it would be a good way to say my proper goodbyes. To everyone."
I told her I would come early to help with decorations but she told me everything was already taken care of.
"Just come to the party kind of early okay? I don't know how many people are coming." I assured her I would be one of the very first, and after hanging up on her I went straight to my closet and pulled out my favorite dress. It was a short one piece, a shade of aquamarine blue that made my eyes sparkle and my hair look angelic. I remember wearing it to Mel's bridal shower, how I was the envy of everyone there, and have never worn it since. Because it was pretty, just too pretty. And it would make me feel pretty, but at the same time sexy. It was a toss up I guess. But now that my best friend was leaving, I wasn't going to hold back and be a plain Jane. I'm sure that Carls was going to go all out. And momma wasn't going to be fall behind on that.
On the day of the party (which was earlier today) I made sure I shaved as close to my skin as I could, put curlers in my hair to add even more curls than I already had, and even went as far as to brushing my teeth with water and toothpaste, instead of my usual root beer and toothpaste. I did my makeup very swiftly, just applying my usual foundation and eyeliner with a hint of mascara. I felt like all those times when I was in beauty pageants: hot.
It wasn't until I was ready to head out the door that I heard Joanne's shrill voice coming from the room, telling me to go to her. I went, trudging my feet into the carpet which was sort of hard to do since I was wearing high heels that matched my dress. I walked inside and saw her and my jaw literally dropped to the floor. She was wearing practically the same thing I was! Aside from the color (her dress was black), her dress looked exactly the same as mine, but it looked better on her due to her engorged chest and ass that stuck out like two pillows. Her boyfriends paid for them, and the tummy tuck, liposuction, lips and other surgeries I can't remember. All I can say is she has had her fair share done. And her hair even matched my own, dirty blonde and extremely curly. She was adding the finishing touches; poking her diamond earrings a boyfriend bought her not too long ago into her ear lobes.
"Not leaving without me I hope." She smiled, a genuine smile. I haven't seen one of those since the day she went to an AA meeting that the judge made her go to. She wasn't drunk. Wow, shocker. Other than this day, I don't recall the last time I saw her get ready without a tiny vodka bottle or a glass of wine on the dresser. "I'm almost done, so we can go together."
"Go where together?" I asked her a little confused behind her meaning. Surely she wasn't leaving with me to Carly's?
"To Carly's going away party of course." She grabbed her favorite perfumed and sprayed it all over herself. It was a heavy smell, and it filtered throughout the room, and up my nostrils. I wasn't used to such a smell. She smiled as she looked in her face and figure in the mirror, admiring every part of her body. She looked great, and just like me. Fuck. There was no denying that fact at least. She was my mom after all. After spending a good ten minutes in the mirror, she walked past me and out of her room only to slip inside mine.
"Whoa, what the fuck are you doing in my room?" I asked her as I walked in as well. She didn't say a word, just kept looking through my jewelry box (a present from my grandma), oblivious to me. She then turned to look at me and help out her hand, that godforsaken ring right in the center of her palm.
"Here you go. Jesse wants you to wear it." She said. Her voice might have sounded sweet to anyone else, but to me it was dripping with venom. I didn't say anything, but walked away from her and her deluded fantasy of me marrying the guy. "Samantha Jolene Puckett!" she yelled. Can't say I didn't expect it. Defying my mom was what I would do best. And she hated that.
"I'm not wearing the fucking ring mom." I told her. "I told you before and I'll say it again: I am not gonna marry him." She simply sighed.
"Fine." She said defeated, and turned away to walk back inside her room. It was weird. She wasn't normally one to admit defeat. She would fight tooth and nail with me until she would knock some sense into me. Literally trying to knock some sense into me. But this time she refrained. Was it the non-alcohol in her system that was making her do this? Or was she just not in the mood to fight? Whatever it may have been I was happy that for once in her life, she thought of someone other than herself. But how long that would last, I was not entirely sure of.
There was a soft knock on the door afterwards and I went to get it. I was getting ready to leave, and company for my mom would probably keep her here instead of going along with me. It was a win win for me. As I opened the door, I had to take a double take to recognize who he was. For a second I thought it was my eyes failing me, because he looked like Freddie, short hair, and his style was also similar. In the sense that he looked neat. Upon closer inspection however, I noticed this Freddie impersonator didn't have the dark brown hair that I loved running my fingers through, it was dark jet black. And his light hazel green eyes didn't hold the exact same affection that Freddie's deep brown ones held for me every time I would look into them. But nonetheless Jesse grabbed me in a tight embrace and I found myself returning it, but pulling away gently after a while. He failed to notice it and snuck in for a kiss to which I turned to the side, making him kiss my cheek. Again he failed to notice that I was trying to distance myself away from him, because he simply stared at me.
"Sam, I missed you. How was it with Melanie?" he asked, letting himself in. I followed him as he entered the living room. I sat down on the couch across from the one that he was sitting on. "Did you get everything straightened out that you needed to?" He had one of the biggest smiles he could ever produce. And I smiled back, a bit uncomfortable.
"I really enjoyed the country side. And she is fine." I didn't want to answer the question. Everything was straightened out as I was coming home from Mel's. And he came and fucked everything up by leaving that goddamn ring here with my drunken bitch of a mother. "But I was glad to come home." I told him.
"I knew you would have missed me sooner or later." He got up and sat down next to me, trying to hold my hand. As if on cue I got up and my mom came out of her room.
"Jesse! What a pleasant surprise! Now we can all go to the party together!" Again with the smile. Either there was a reason she was smiling the way she was or again, it was just the lack of alcohol in her system that was making me feel as if I never met this woman before.
The drive over there was quick (thank god for that) and I opened the door to see everyone looking over his or her shoulders to see who it was that arrived. I noticed Freddie straight away; mainly because he was the one I was looking for. When he noticed me, I felt my cheeks get hotter, and my tummy did a somersault. I knew it was a good idea to have worn this dress. Even though my mom looked better in it. It was as if he only had eyes for me, and I him. When Jesse shut the door behind him, I turned away from Freddie, knowing the face he would be pulling when he saw Jesse wouldn't be a good one. But we mingled with everyone. I saw Gibby, Guppy, Tasha, and Jesse was such a good sport to them all as he joined our circle. It made me forget about everything that he had done so far. Instead, I kept thinking that this relationship could be put on the basis of a friendship. We could all be happy. Me, him, and Freddie.
When everyone was giving their speeches I retreated away from both Freddie and Jesse, standing right beside Carly. I hoped my speech spoke more than anyone else's. With her hand enclosed in mine I knew that it did. Either that or she was holding my hand to try to fight back some tears. It didn't matter to me which of the two choices that were going through my head was. Both held their merit for me.
I knew I had to thank her for all this. Even though I know that it was selfish of me to think this, there was a part of me that knew the reason she was doing this was to keep Jesse from thinking anything was going on between Freddie and me. It wasn't just a going away party for her. It was also a party to keep me from any unwanted trouble. Thanking her was the proper thing to do, no matter what kind of manners I was taught, which weren't many. And I told her so. I thanked her even though she felt a thank you was unnecessary, but I think she got it as she looked at my face. I was so in her debt, and because of that, she could ask any favor from me. I would do it without a second thought.
Just like the one where she asked me to get more Peppy Cola's from the studio. What I didn't expect was to find Freddie there, a case already in his hands. I looked through the glass door and slowly opened it and entered just as silently as I shut it closed. I haven't been alone with him in so long that I wasn't going to waste this time now. He didn't notice me until he turned around, staring at me again like he did when I entered the apartment. He had this look in his eyes that was as if he would devour me right then in there. But also it was sad. I knew why too. Because I brought Jesse. He came with me, so that must mean that I was still with him. I wanted to kiss that sadness away from him, among other things.
"Hey." I said, breaking the silence and giving him a small playful smile.
"Hey." He said. When he noticed that I was acting playfully, he gave me a smile that made my knees go weak. Weaker than those that Jesse would give me. He wasn't near me, wasn't touching me, and I already felt hot and wanting him. I felt like I was walking on air as I walked toward him. He put the case down to his side and shoved his hands in his pockets, but I stopped him from doing so, interlacing my fingers with his. He looked straight at me as I did, and I felt those emotions again. The ones that made my mind go blank, and making me blind to everyone but him. The butterflies were fluttering like wild in the pit of my stomach, and I felt as though electricity was circulating in my system, waking every one of my nerves to the simple touches that came from him. I never felt that way with anyone else. Nobody could ever make me feel the way Fredward Benson did, and I was happy for that fact. Suddenly, everything made sense again. That simple gesture of touching my fingers with his own made everything clear as day.
"I'm leaving Jesse tonight. After the party." I reassured him, the words trickling from my mouth out in the open. There was no going back now. Nothing was going to stop me now. With his look encouraging me, it gave me courage to know who I wanted. No poisonous thoughts from my mother were going to change it. "You know as well as I do how hard it is for me to say this…" I cautioned him as I dropped my gaze, hoping he would understand what I was trying to say. I was forever Freddie's; I was never anyone else's, even if I wanted to be. I just couldn't be. He held me in his fists, in his body. I could swallow him up and still be hungering for him. If I went a day or two without him, he would be in my thoughts, and never leave them.
He took the hint that I was trying to give and let go of my hands, bringing them up to touch my face. "Thank you Sam." He slowly bent down and gave me one of the most delicate kisses I ever had from anyone. It was like our first kiss all over again, full of innocence and excitement. As if I was discovering him for the first time. He pulled away and I breathed him in, his smell intoxicating me, numbing me from everything in this world. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and pulled his lips back to mine, tasting him with my tongue. He too began massaging his tongue with mine, and I swear I let out moans that weren't supposed to escape my lips. But I lost control with him. And I loved it.
He started kissing toward my neck and I shut my eyes as his hands roamed throughout my body. He would focus on my ass, my small breasts, cupping them and feeling them through the aquamarine fabric. I wanted all of him. I needed him so badly. It felt like ages since we touched like this. He needed this as much as I did. I could feel the urgency in his body. He came up again and kissed me deeper, as I felt my legs wrap around him, feeling him so close without penetrating me. He pushed me against the wall and steadied me there, and he pulled the strap off from my left side to kiss my collarbone. I felt one hand letting go of me and saw he had it up as if to steady himself. The other hand went straight towards my core. I jumped at the invasion of my inner legs and was amazed at how he was reaching for me when my legs were stuck to him like glue. He played with me through my thong, and I wanted him to pull them off and push himself inside me.
I dropped my legs to the ground as he kept pushing deeper and deeper, circling his thumb against my clit. I felt myself getting wetter and wetter as he did so. I gasped as quietly as I could, knowing we should have stopped a century ago. Anyone could come and see us. They could catch us in our moment of passion. But Freddie's constant teasing pulled me away from that fear, and as I felt for him and pulled him out, I couldn't care less. It could have been Jesse that would fall witness to our reckless lovemaking for all I care. There was no going back. Freddie pushed himself inside me and I closed my eyes in ecstasy. He moved in and out of me that was further driving me into insanity.
"I love you," I whispered to myself. But as he froze, I knew he heard it too. I opened my eyes and he looked straight at me, staring in disbelief, as if he couldn't believe I said it. But as I stared back at him, panting in the process, he knew. His eyes were interlocked with my blue ones, and I didn't turn away. I saw that passionate stare and waited for him to deliver his own line.
"I love you." Those three little words cemented what four years of sex, hurt, kisses, and admiration one held for the other. What we went through for each other. But most of all, it cemented what we felt for each other. I felt him go out and in again, resuming what we started and then I closed my eyes again. He kissed me again calmly as he moaned into my mouth. I wanted him to go deeper, so I lifted up my leg, wrapping it somewhat around his hip as he tried getting in deeper. I let out a soft moan of my own and began roaming my hands around his body. I was so close to the edge…
The door that opened awoke me from my desires, from Freddie. I pushed him off quickly, hoping Carly wouldn't notice what just happened. I gave her such little credit. I could play off a ton of shit, but this was too obvious. She must have known by the way I was panting, the way he was trying to straighten himself up. Not to mention the pungent smell of sex. It killed me to have had her find out this way, and worse when she didn't say anything. But what could she say? I would be in shock too if I were to find my two best friends up in my studio fucking. She didn't need to say anything really. Her look said more than any words out of her mouth could say. I darted right past her, even though Freddie wanted me to stay. I couldn't do that. I didn't know why but I felt embarrassed that Carly just found out something that we should have told her years ago. And right now, all I wanted to do was straighten up and get away from her.
As I walked out the room I tried looking for a mirror to see if I didn't look like I was just upstairs having sex with the man I was in love with. I had to see and make sure it wasn't that obvious. I stole a glance in the mirror in the hallway that Spencer put in made of aluminum, with lights all around it. It wasn't noticeable. I looked like I did when I came to the party, just my makeup was a little smeared and my hair lost some bounce. But other than that, I looked exactly the same. After I straightened out my face and hair, I marched down the stairs to see Jesse, who was ready to go up the stairs. I knew then that Carly stopped him from going. She volunteered to go find me, when it was Jesse that wanted to go. Another favor no doubt that I would have to repay.
"Good, come here and give me your hand." He reached for my hand and walked down the stairs with me. I was a little bit confused. What was the rush? The party girl was upstairs, not down here with the rest of us. "I found her everybody." Everyone was staring at us. My mom raised her glass up to me. I was so confused. What was going on? Jesse turned to me and stared straight at me, but I couldn't look back at him. But that didn't stop him from what he was about to do. He came close and I felt her breath, making my hairs stand on end.
"Sam, I want to show everyone in this room how much I love you." He whispered in my ear. Suddenly my stomach felt as though it turned to stone. What the fuck could he possibly mean by that? I saw his hands go into his pocket and automatically I thought the ring. That fucking evil ass ring was going to show its ugly face here in front of all these people, in front of all of my friends that were like family to me. "Samantha Jolene Puckett," he began. Oh dear God, now it made sense as to why my mom came with us. Why she looked for the ring and then didn't fight me. Because she knew that if she failed to have made me wear it, Jesse would try here, at the party. "I want you to make me the happiest man…" I held my breath and closed my eyes, shutting him out of my mind. This was a dream. This had to have been a fucking dream. I was still upstairs, asleep in Freddie's arms because we just made love…
"FIRE!" I heard the angelic voice of Spencer say. My eyes shot open and straight to the model figure that was supposed to look like Carly go up in smoke. As everyone was clamoring and fearing for their lives, I was inwardly thanking whichever God was out there that spontaneously combusted this mannequin. He saved me in ways I could not imagine. Saved me from humiliation, embarrassment, and publicly breaking someone's heart. I saw Carly come down and Freddie right behind her. I then looked at Spencer as he told his baby sister what happened after they teamed up to put out the Carly-giant. And as I shooed out the guests after serving them a piece of cake, I sat down and let Carly grill Freddie and me. I expected her to yell at me until sunrise. Instead she just sat down on the coffee table and let the tears come down. Anger I could handle from a best friend. But tears just made me feel like shit.
As I saw the tears streaming down my best friend's face, I felt as though I was undeserving to have a friend like her. No, scratch that. I didn't deserve a best friend like her. I have done too much to her and yet I still wish I could take it all back. I made her have a party just to save my ass. I copied from her every chance I could get in school. Stole food from her kitchen. Slept over her house; I even borrowed some of her clothes. And I kept a secret from her, when earlier I promised I would never do such a thing like that. I saw Freddie staring at me as he was holding her close to his chest, consoling her, and I too went to her side and pushed her shiny brown hair away from her face. Her hair was always something I could be envious of, it was always healthy looking and shiny too. I didn't know what else to do, because she was practically engulfed by Freddie's body. I couldn't help but think if when he held me, I was that small in comparison too.
We stayed with her until almost midnight, cleaning up and explaining. Freddie talked more than I did. I was zoning out, focusing on what I had to do as soon as I was done helping them clean up. I said my goodbye to Carly as Freddie walked me over the elevator. I gave him another smile and kissed him goodnight as I waited for the elevator to take me down. He didn't want me to go; I could see it in his eyes that he wanted to finish what we started, but he and I both knew that I had to finish something that should have been finished a while back. He shoved his hands in his pockets and I gave him the same smile I did when we were up inside the studio. I knew it would drive him crazy.
When I stepped out of the apartment building, I saw someone standing there. I noticed right away who it was.
"Jesse. Where's my mom?" I asked him. He didn't say anything. "What's wrong?" I couldn't help but ask. His face looked hurt and at the same time a little angry.
"She told me…" he said, his voice somewhat cracked.
"Told you what?" I said.
"Is it true?" he looked straight at me with eyes that looked borderline crazy now. I took a few steps back as a precaution.
"Is what true?" I asked calmly. He was acting like my mom used to when she was drunk: he wasn't making any sense. I couldn't read what a drunken person is thinking of. They could be thinking of pizza for all I know.
"You…fuckin' slut. YOU KNOW!" He answered. I froze. He never called me anything like that before. I never saw any other emotion from him aside from happiness.
"Know what?" I said. But somewhere, deep down in the back of my mind I knew. He was alone with my mother, who was somewhat drunk. I mentally slapped myself. She must have told him everything. About how I was seeing Freddie behind his back, how I didn't want to marry him. I know she told him everything or else he wouldn't be confronting me this way. He wouldn't say fuck in front of me. Not to my face at least.
"You and Freddie." He said in disbelief. "I thought you wanted to marry me Samantha." I tried to avoid pitying him, as he let go of some horrible sobs. But he looked like he needed it. He needed every ounce of pity I could give him. But that would further hurt him. It told him that there was still a feeling for him there. There was, but not the one that he wanted. He wanted me to love him, when all this time I couldn't even do that. But I didn't want to be heartless. I went to touch him, and he slapped my hand away. I was caught off guard with that little angry swat. Hell, I was caught off guard by his whole character at the moment.
"Don't fucking touch me!" he yelled. I raised my hands as if to say all right, I won't touch you. But his eyes still let the tears stream down his cheeks. "You fucking whore!" He screamed every profanity that he could muster. I didn't blame him. I was a whore, a two timing bitch in heat. I was a cunt that never got enough. I was every vulgarity that was spilling from his mouth out into the open. And I didn't stop him. I just let him keep going. Until he didn't say anything else did I feel as though I should say something. But even then I couldn't think of anything else to say except…
"I'm sorry." Those two little words was the only thing that could express everything that I was feeling for him. For stringing him along all this time as I was confused with my own feelings. I wanted to tell him that I did picture a life with him; I'm not going to lie, because I did. But not one that I knew I would be happy in. It was a life that I would have settled for, not thrive for like what I wanted with Freddie. "There's not much else to say except I'm sorry."
"I thought you loved me Samantha." He said as his arms extended in front of his body, as if he expected me to hand him something. But what could I possibly give him without giving him the wrong idea? If I hugged him close to me he would still want picture a chance. If I just touched him I bet he would think that as well. So I didn't. I didn't go in his arms, and he dropped them in defeat. "You know he won't love you like I do." He tried tricking me, his face still angry but with tears wetting his cheeks. I couldn't help but think that he looked like such a little boy. He wanted to punish me for punishing him. "I love you even if you did this to me. I still do. I'll forget all about it in the sense that we continue, just don't…" he choked back another sob, "…don't say its over Sam. Please..." He begged me. It was because of me that he looked that way: utterly helpless and lost. I was guilty of everything he was feeling. I was the poison in his veins that he had overdosed on. I didn't want to tell him that I never loved him. I did, just not in the way he wished I did. I just hoped he could see it the way I did. That since this was not going to work out; we could have something else instead. We could still be friends. We could still call on each other for help if we needed it. But even that was asking for too much. I have done so much damage to him that he couldn't possibly think of forgiving me of. And again, I didn't blame him.
"I'm sorry." I repeated. That wasn't what he wanted to hear. He wanted me to tell him yes, to tell him that I would accept him because he forgave me for everything. But I couldn't do that to him. When I didn't do what he wanted, he just looked at me one last time at my stern face and simply departed. Not saying anything to me anymore. There were no more whores and fuck yous. No more thoughts of love. He just left me stranded there in my own shadow under the light of the lampposts. I didn't go after him as he left me there to my own thoughts. Selfishly, the only thing going through my mind was that I was free. I was free from a relationship that should never have happened in the first place. I was free to be with Freddie, the one I was strongly in love with.
I couldn't help but lift my head toward the black midnight sky and breathe in a sigh of relief.
A/N: Well here is the longest chapter I have ever written. I don't even think my Oneshots are as long as this. But I wanted to give the back story as to why Sam's dear old mother went to the party (yay for the sober!), and what happened between Sam and Freddie in the room upstairs, not to mention I haven't written a lemon in a while in this story. So for all you lemon lovers, this one goes out to ya'll :P
Plus, the entire reason I decided to write this: to break up Jesse and Sam. You all knew it was coming, so I figured it was about time. This does not mean that the end is near though, or maybe it is. Who knows what will come to mind, like what new obstacle will find its way into the story. Or not. And Yes I know, Jesse sounds pathetic, but believe me when I say I have seen men like this. One of them was actually a boyfriend of mine. (NOTE: I didn't cheat. I just didn't want to be with him anymore. Let's just say he didn't take the breakup well).
Well that's enough for today and hope you guys enjoyed it, because I sure did enjoy writing it. Now Seddie can be together! Or can they? Guess you'll find out with the next chapter! Until next time! :)