Another chapter...yay! I finally finished another one...! lol Please review!

It was hours before either of them said much of anything at all. There weren't really any words, not to describe how either of them were feeling. The whole situation was so beyond any horror either of them had ever faced. They were both in so much pain, different forms of pain, yes, but pain nevertheless.

At first, all she did was cry quietly. That outward release of emotion was so needed. All her life, since her earliest days on Arvada III, Beverly Crusher had locked her feeling inside. She had never really known her parents, and the tragedy on Arvada had stuck with her entire life. On Arvada emotion was seen as weakness. So much death and destruction had touched the colony that no one dared to let themselves feel. And that defense had, in ways, transferred into her life as a physician as well. In school, they called it "professional detachment," they said it was in their patients' best interests if their doctors didn't have an emotional response to their pain and suffering. But the truth was that this skill was as much a protection for the doctor as it was for the patient. If a doctor took every injury…every death…to heart and felt the pain of all her patients…well it would all just be too much.

Jean-Luc was almost shocked when Beverly first spoke. They'd been sitting their together on her office floor for so long in absolute silence, he'd almost forgotten that speech was an option.

"I remember the first day I met Jack Crusher," she started. I'll probably never forget that day as long as I live because it pretty much embodies his entire life. He was just a jokester. Sometimes I wondered if he wasn't really just perpetually an eighteen year old stuck in a thirty-year-old's body. Anyway, sickbay was just dragging that day. I think we may have had one patient my entire shift, which arguably is a good thing, but I was bored out of my mind! He comes in-I knew who he was but we hadn't actually met yet-arm clutched against him body and when I asked him what he did, he told me he got in a fight with Romulans! Romulans, Jean-Luc! Clearly he wasn't even trying to make his lie believable. But he intrigued me from that moment…even after I got the real answer out of him. Commander Jack Crusher, First Office of the mighty Stargazer…had tripped over a coffee table and fractured his wrist in two places."

The Captain couldn't help but laugh at that. Jack had never told him that part of the story.

"He was never the guy I imagined marrying, you know. Jack was brave and strong and fiercely loyal, but I always saw myself with a quieter, more reserved man…the intellectual type. Jack was definitely a doer and not necessarily a thinker, meeting him just kind of changed all my plans, you know. Then again I think I changed his too. I'm not sure he saw himself marrying a Starfleet Doctor for a minute and I definitely don't think he imagined himself as a father. I don't think Wesley was part of the plan until the day that he was. But Jack is such a good father…was."

The young doctor grimaced at the last words. Referring to her husband in the past tense seemed so strange. It felt wrong coming out of her mouth, the words were bitter, painful.

Jean-Luc brought his hand to her shoulder as a comforting gesture. He noticed the sharp intake of her breath, knowing full well that she was trying to stop the tears from flowing again. He wanted so badly to comfort her and make the events of the last two days disappear.

"Jack loved you more than he had ever loved anyone in his entire life, Beverly, of that I know without a doubt. I remember the day Wesley was born and he introduced me to your son with the biggest, proudest smile on his face. I'd never seen a happier man in my entire life…"

I was so jealous of him. For the first time in my life, I wanted that too.

Picard felt incredibly guilty acknowledging that thought.

What kind of person did that make him?

"Jack died protecting us, Jean-Luc."

"Yes, Beverly, he died protecting ALL of us." The Captain closed his eyes, refusing to let his own emotions come to the surface. He had to be strong for her sake.

"He was doing his duty," Beverly said, "and I failed to do mine. I…I..couldn't save him…it was my duty to save him and I failed. "

How can she blame herself for this? I was the one who ordered her husband to his death and she's blaming herself?

With that, The Captain gently pushed her off his lap and placed his hands on the red head's shoulder so that she faced him. Looking directly into her tear-stained eyes he said:

"Beverly Crusher, please please listen to me. I can't even pretend to understand the pain you are feeling. I loved Jack Crusher like a brother, but my loss pales in comparison to yours. But listen to me, Doctor. I don't ever want to hear you say that again. Jack's death isn't your fault. There are some things even the best doctors can't fix. Some lives are beyond even your help…I am so sorry Jack's was one of those. If there is anyone to blame here, it is me…but never ever you. You fought for him as hard as I've seen you fight for every person who ends up in your sickbay. There is no doubt in my mind—in anyone's mind about that."

She gave a soft sign and met his gaze one last time before rising to her feet.

"Selfishly, Jean-Luc, part of me wishes that I hadn't been on duty in sickbay yesterday, because maybe another doctor, a better doctor could have saved my husband's life. I'll never know. But I do know that I am the Chief Medical Officer and I was the attending physician on duty and my signature is on his death certificate. Those are the facts that I'll have to live the rest of my life with."

Beverly walked to the door and started to exit her office, but hesitated and turned to Picard once more.

"Jean-Luc, I'm not sure I can stay here…on the Stargazer…it's…it's just too much…too painful. I…I…think I need to request a transfer.

She didn't give him time to reply before hurrying out of her office, leaving him there still sitting on the floor of his office.

And as the doors hisses shut behind Beverly Crusher, Jean-Luc Picard couldn't help but think that even in death Jack Crusher had managed to tear him away from his one true love.