Author's Note: Has anybody seen the cover of the VHS/DVD of The Voyage Home? It's the gayest. thing. I've. ever. seen. It has Kirk and Spock standing back to back with an explosion of a purple/pink sunset with San Francisco below them. If there wasn't a Klingon ship in the middle of it would honestly look like the cover of a gay drama. No joke, look at it here (just takes the spaces out from before and after 'Amazon': http://www. Amazon .com/Star-Trek-IV-Voyage-Home/dp/6305609721/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&s=dvd&qid=1246390122&sr=1-4

Two men, purple/pink, San Francisco. You don't get much gayer than that. Srsly.

The poster for TMP was a big beacon of gay too. Huge rainbow? Wow.

I love this episode as well. The drama, the courtroom, and an ending that honestly took me by surprise the first time I watched it. And, of course, yet another moment of slash that slips right by if you're not paying attention. But we know better. ;)

***As of just this moment, this project has become my most reviewed/commented on piece here on this site with a wonderful 112 reviews!!! ::Dances:: I appreciate all of the glowing responses and cunning insights. You guys really keep me going…yes, even the ones that lurk and don't comment. I know you're out there! I love you anyway. =P

Season One, Episode Fourteen: Court Martial

Kirk: "Captain's Log, Stardate 2947.3: We have been through a severe ion storm. One crewman is dead. Ship's damage is considerable. I've ordered a non-scheduled layover on Star Base 11 for repairs. A full report of damages was made to the commanding officer of Star Base 11, Commodore Stone."

(((Why is any of this important? Oh you just wait.)))

Kirk is in Commodore Stone's office, getting ready to sign a sworn deposition as to what happened during the ion storm. He has to read it over a couple of times because he's preoccupied with having lost a crewman.

(((This is yet another glimpse at how Kirk absolutely hates losing any member of his crew. He considers it a personal failure on his part and that just kills him. Poor guy.)))

Kirk recaps what happened during the storm. The ship was on red alert, the storm got worse, and he was forced to jettison the pod that held crewmember Finney but he waited until the last possible moment. Spock beams in with the Enterprise's computer log extract then, and he looks like he's got something on his mind.

Kirk: "What took you so long, Mr. Spock?"

Spock: "Captain, I believe I-"

Stone: "I'll take that."

Stone then takes the log from Spock.

(((Uh, hi Stone. Rude much?

And what the hell was Spock about to say? Will we ever find out? Who knows? This is the first time I've ever seen this episode, I don't know what happens, what's this whole "Star Trek" thing, anyway?…::cough:: )))

Then a teen girl who looks like she's on her way to a Worst Cosplayers of Sailor Moon convention comes in. Kirk identifies her as Jamie, and the girl wastes no time with silly things like rationality. She starts screaming and hitting poor Kirk, accusing him of murdering Finney and crying all over the place.

Stone asks that Spock get rid of the emotional chick 'cause she is like totally bringing down the room.

Spock: "Ms. Finney come with me, please."

Spock takes the girl by the arm, glances up at Kirk for a brief moment, then leads her away.

(((At the moment I can't quite put Spock's expression into words…all I know is that it's adorable. Kind of a 'I'm sorry this is happening' look. Precious.)))

Stone asks Kirk if he's sure he jettisoned the pod after the ship went to red alert. Kirk confirms, and Stone accuses of him willful perjury since the computer log extract says the pod was jettisoned before the red alert was in effect, Kirk's actions thus turning from duty to murder. Stone confines Kirk to the base.

(((What? Kirk accused of MURDER? How wonderfully dramatic. XD )))

Once the titles are done, we see Kirk and McCoy entering a bar. Kirk tries to strike up a conversation with a couple of buddies from the Academy.

Kirk: "How're you doing, Mike?"

Mike: "I'll get by, Jim."

Random Buddy: "I understand you're laying over for repairs. Big job?"

Kirk: "Couple of days."

Random Buddy: "Be moving out, then?"

(((This guy is clearly not a Kirk fan right now. Word about Finney must have traveled fast…)))

Kirk: "In a hurry to see me go?"

(((…and Kirk's not a dumbass, so he suspects as much.)))

Random Buddy: "Oh I just wondered how long it would take for you to get a new records officer."

Kirk: "You can talk plainer than that."

(((If Kirk were a cat, his back would be arched to the ceiling. Thanks to Shatner, this moment isn't over the top. Kirk is calm, cool, but we can see his tension. We can also see his pride, he doesn't like being treated cruelly when he's perfectly innocent and he's not afraid to stand up for himself. At this point Kirk is very confident that this whole 'murder' business won't go very far because he knows what he did and didn't do.)))

Random Buddy: "I can, but I think the point's been made. Ben was a friend of ours."

McCoy: "Come on, Jim, let's go."

Kirk (to Random Buddy): "No go on, finish. Ben was a friend of yours and…?"

(((Translation: "Yeah, prick? You wanna go? Let's go. Give me a reason. Give me ONE. REASON. I DARE you.)))

McCoy: "Jim…"

Kirk: "Go on. I'm waiting to hear the rest."

Mike: "Why don't you tell us?"

Kirk: "What would be the point? You've already made up your minds."

Kirk ends up choosing the high road after all, and leaves the bar.

Right as he's leaving, however, the Dame of the Hour enters and gets a glimpse of him. She runs into McCoy, who confirms that it was the captain, and the Dame says that her name is Ariel Shaw and she's an "old friend" of Kirk's.

Cut to Stone's office. Kirk is there for the inquiry to determine if a court martial is necessary.

Stone: "Let us begin with your relationship with commander Finney. You knew him for a long time, didn't you?"

Kirk: "Yes, he was an instructor at the Academy when I was a mid-shipman, but that didn't stand in our way of beginning a close..friendship. His daughter Jamie who was here last night was named after me."

(((::Spits her water all over the screen:: Say WHAAAAAAAAAT???? Exactly how close WERE you to this Finney, Captain Happy Pants? He says that line fondly, even with a little smile. And Finney's CHILD was NAMED after KIRK.

…

WHOA.)))

Stone: "It's common knowledge that something happened to your friendship."

Kirk: "It's no secret. We were assigned to the same ship some years later. I relieved him on watch once,"

(((And when that was done I let him go on break too. HEY-OOOO!!!!)))

Kirk: "and found a circuit open to the atomic matter piles that should've been closed. Another five minutes could have blown up the ship."

Kirk then goes on to explain that he reported the incident and Finney was punished. Finney believed that Kirk's snitching was the result of Finney's career being held back.

As for what happened in the ion storm, it was Finney's turn to go in the pod so Kirk sent him. The ion storm got worse and he had to go to red alert. Finney knew he only had seconds left and Kirk insists that he gave him those seconds, and more.

Stone waves the computer log extract around then and is all 'Then like why does this piece of plastic we're supposed to believe has complex recorded data on it say you jettisoned the pod while on yellow alert?'

Kirk's answer? "I dunno."

Kirk says that Spock is running tests on the computer right now to see if there's something wrong with it but he doubts he'll find anything.

Stone then makes the kind-of-gentle-but-not-really suggestion that they play this whole thing off as 'poor little ship's captain was uber stressed and cracked under pressure,' to which Kirk says in the most polite way possible, "Uh…FUCK that."

(((Kirk's reputation is very important to him. He takes pride in his work and his place in the Starfleet. He commands the freaking FLAGSHIP of the whole damn thing, for chrissake, and he's damn proud of it.)))

Stone: "Admit nothing, say nothing, let me bury the matter here now. No starship captain has ever stood trial before and I don't want you to be the first."

Kirk: "But if what you suspect is true then I'm guilty and should be punished."

(((He knows he's innocent, but he's not going to take the easy road out and he doesn't want any sidesteps taken. Kirk wants Stone to do his motherfreaking JOB, even if it means something inconvenient to the fleet like taking him to court. He wants the RIGHT thing done, the RIGHT way. He's. A fucking. Hero.)))

Stone: "I'm thinking of this service."

(((Translation: I'm willing to be a prick and fuck your life up for the good of the Starfleet's reputation because I'm high up in the chain of command. It's what we do.)))

Stone: "I won't have it smeared by-"

Kirk: "By WHAT, commodore Stone?"

(((This is the second time in less than ten minutes of the episode where Kirk has confronted someone, demanding for them to just SAY IT already. In instances like these, Kirk is not a fan of beating around the bush. He has too much on the line here.

He even, literally, stands up to Stone at this moment, becoming taller than the COMMODORE for a little bit. Cajones. He has them.)))

Stone: "Alright. By an evident perjurer who's either covering up his bad judgment, his cowardice, or something el-"

Kirk: "That's as far as you go, sir."

(((Did he…did he just tell the ranking officer in the room to shut the fuck up?

…WHOA…)))

Kirk: "I'm telling you, I was there on the bridge. I know what happened, I know what I did."

Stone: "It's in the transcript, and computer transcripts don't lie. Now, I'm telling you captain, you either accept a permanent ground assignment or the whole disciplinary weight of Starfleet command is gonna light right on your neck."

Kirk: "So that's the way we do it now, sweep it under the rug and me along with it. Not on your life. I intend to fight."

Stone: "Then you draw a general court."

Kirk: "Draw it? I demand it, and right now, commodore Stone. Right now."

(((Kirk will do whatever it takes to have justice sought PROPERLY, even if it means putting his reputation through the ringer because, at the end of the day, he knows he's innocent.)))

We come back from commercial to see a nice mushy mushy scene between Kirk and Ariel. Kirk is alll grins, but she wants to talk about his case 'cause she's a lawyer and shit.

(((::GASP:: A Dame of the Hour with a BRAIN?

NO. WAY.

I actually quite like this chick. She's smart and doesn't come off as some chick who doesn't just fawn all over Kirk like a weak little…Kirk……fawning……person.

Now, since Kirk is grinning in that special way of his, we know he's flirting and why shouldn't he? Pretty girl from his past enters the scene, Spock's not around, and oh yeah he could use a good lawyer right now and she happens to be one. He even slides that question into the conversation. I don't think that was the ONLY reason he was charming the heck out of her, she's a nice chick and all, but we know that Kirk has no problem flirting to get what he needs so it only makes sense that he thought he could whore his way into some good legal council.)))

Ariel says she can't defend him 'cause she a touch busy with, you know, prosecuting. His case. Fuck. Being the good sport she is, though, she does recommend the best defense attorney she knows.

Cut to Kirk entering the room he's staying in on the planet to find said defense attorney surrounded with books. He is quirky. End of scene.

Courtroom time! Blah blah blah, law law law, Kirk pleads 'not guilty' big surprise there, Spock takes the stand first! ::Dramatic gasp::

The computer rattles off some interesting facts about Spock as he takes his seat on the stand.

Computer: "Service rank – Lt. Commander. Position – First Officer, Science Officer. Current assignment – USS Enterprise. Commendations – Vulcanian Scientific Legion of Honor, Awards of Valor: twice decorated by Starfleet command."

(((That's pretty impressive. Also, between here and a certain episode he develops the reputation for being the best First Officer in the fleet. Spock ain't just a pretty face, people.)))

Ariel questions Spock, asking him if he knows any recent malfunctions in the Enterprise's computer, to which he says 'no.'

Ariel: "That answer is based on your mechanical survey of the Enterprise computer, ordered by the defendant prior to this trial, is it not?"

Spock: "Affirmative."

Ariel: "Now the Stardate-"

Spock: "But the computer is inaccurate…nonetheless"

(((Everybody settle in. This shit is GOOD.)))

Ariel: "Why do you say that?"

Spock: "It reports that the jettison button was pressed before the red alert."

Ariel: "In other words, it reports that Captain Kirk was reacting to an extreme emergency that did not then exist."

Spock: "And that is impossible."

(((Teeheehee…)))

Ariel: "Is it? Were you watching him the exact moment he pressed the jettison button?"

Spock: "No, I was occupied."

(((…for a change.)))

Spock: "The ship was already on yellow alert."

Ariel: "Then how can you dispute the finding of the log?"

Spock: "I do not dispute it, I merely state that it is wrong."

(((Uhhh…that's kiiiinda the same thing, but whateva.)))

Ariel: "Oh? On what do you base that statement?"

Spock: "I know the captain. He is-"

Ariel (to judge): "Please instruct the witness not to speculate."

Spock: "Lieutenant, I am half Vulcanian. Vulcians do not speculate. I speak from pure logic."

(((So SHUT. THE FUCK. UP. WENCH.)))

Spock: "If I let go of a hammer on a planet that has a positive gravity, I need not see it fall to know that it has, in fact, fallen."

Ariel: "I do not see what that has to-"

Spock: "Gentlemen, human beings have characteristics just as inanimate objects do. It is impossible for Captain Kirk to act out of panic or malice. It is not his nature."

(((Well hawt dayum.

So we saw in the previous episode that Spock can bullshit the 'logic' thing if he wants to, twisting it around until it looks like his decision is rational when that is soooo not the case. Same thing here. The LOGICAL assumption here is that all humans are fallible, even the mighty Kirk, and so then the conclusion is that there's at least a possibility that Kirk honestly made a mistake and/or cracked under the pressure…but not to Spock. No no, Spock thinks SO HIGHLY of Kirk that he compares the captain's reliability to fucking GRAVITY. Spock knows this man, damnit, they've been flirting for a LONG TIME now, and no pretty blonde in a red dress will ever convince him otherwise.

This, my friends, is straight up loyalty, respect and trust.)))

Ariel: "In your opinion."

Spock looks down for a moment, the back up.

(((It's clear he doesn't want to say that it's his opinion, because he believes what he just said to be fact.)))

Spock: "Yes. In my opinion."

Kirk's defense lawyer passes up the opportunity to cross examine Spock, so he steps down.

Ariel calls up a chick from the Enterprise to tell us stuff we already know and Kirk's lawyer doesn't question her either. Then McCoy gets to the stand.

Ariel: "Doctor you are, on the record, an expert in psychology. Especially space psychology, patterns which develop in the close quarters of a ship during long voyages in deep space."

(((Well that would certainly explain why he's picked up on the whole Kirk/Spock thing when no one else on the Enterprise seems to.)))

McCoy fights for Kirk too, but at the end of the day he does have to admit that it is possible for someone who is hated by another to develop a hatred for the person who hates them…or something.

(((He doesn't have the "logic" excuse to bullshit around like Spock does. Poor guy.)))

When Kirk's lawyer passes up the chance to cross examine McCoy, the judge asks why he isn't doing his damn job. The lawyer's reason is that he's been waiting to get all of this crap out of the way and call Kirk to the stand, so he does.

This is what the computer has to say about Kirk:

Computer: "Service Rank – Captain. Position – Starship Command. Current Assignment – USS Enterprise. Commendations – (((I can't make out whatever the fuck the first one is, the super amazing computers mumbles to all hell))), Ranked High Order of Tactics, Class of Excellence, Red Taris Ribbon of Commendation, Classes First and Second-"

Ariel cuts the computer off, saying that they all know Kirk is super amazing and no one's arguing that. Kirk's lawyer has them listen to a little more.

Computer: "Awards of Valor: Medal of Honor, Silver Palm with cluster, Starfleet citation for Conspicuous Gallantry, Terragise Order of-"

Then Kirk's lawyer cuts the computer short to save them all some time.

(((Long story short: Kirk isn't just a captain, he's a DECORATED HERO. We all knew that Kirk was awesome, and badass, and brave and shit, but here we actually get a glimpse of just how much he's done. We don't even get the full list! It could go on for another five minutes, for all we know. He's a big deal, people. Now we know why his reputation is so important to him. It's fucking IMPRESSIVE. Kirk, crack under pressure? PUHLEASE.)))

(((By the way, I looked up the specific definition for 'conspicuous' because the whole citation thing sounded more bad than good, but the technical definition of conspicuous is "easily seen or noticed" so we're good. The word just has a bad connotation.)))

Kirk's lawyer cross examines him and he restates everything we already know and he defends his actions right to the ground.

Kirk: "Given the same circumstances, I would do the same thing without hesitation. Because the steps I took, and the order I took them, were absolutely necessary if I were to save my ship……and nothing is more important than my ship."

(((Another instance where we hear just how important Kirk's ship is to him. The point really can't be stressed enough, actually.

Man, wouldn't it just be incredible if Kirk sacrificed the ship, of all sacred things, for that one special person? ::Sigh:: That would be soooo romantic.

Ah well, I highly doubt we'll ever see that. The great playboy Kirk would never fall for someone THAT hard. I mean come on, please, that would never happen in the climax of the third Star Trek movie called The Search for Spock. PSSH. Keep dreaming.)))

Then Ariel shows real footage from the bridge of the Enterprise during the ion storm that shows Kirk hitting the aptly labeled JETTISON POD while the ship was only at yellow alert so…uh…whups.

(((Take a look at the button panel on Kirk's chair. It's got a yellow alert button, a red alert button, and a 'Jettison Pod' button, all of which are marked so clearly it reminds of those phones for the elderly.

You know, the ones with the HUGE number pad that's there so that not even a violent seizure could stop the person from calling up their great grandkids to lecture them about World War II and adult diapers? Yeah. Those.

Yay 60s.)))

Ariel: "If the court will notice, the log plainly shows the defendant's finger pressing the jettison button. The condition signal reads yellow alert. Not red alert, but simply yellow alert."

(((Yes, but did the condition signal read 'yellow alert?')))

Back from commercial. Well NOW Kirk is confused, he even thinks he may have been mistaken for a minute while he's talking to his lawyer in his room…but then he dismisses the notion.

Then Spock calls him on the communicator.

Kirk: "Kirk here."

Spock: "Captain, I've run a complete megalyte survey of the computer."

(((Non-sensical technobabble. It's cute. But only when Spock says it.)))

Kirk: "I'll tell you what you found. Nothing, right?"

Spock looks down for a moment.

Spock: "You sound bitter, captain."

(((Well he certainly took this to a personal level but quick.)))

Kirk: "Not bitter enough to forget to thank you for your efforts."

Spock: "Further instructions?"

Kirk: "No. It's not all bad, Mr. Spock. Who knows, you may be able to beat your next captain at chess. Kirk out."

(((::Falls over::

This comment was slashy enough to begin with, but our recent revelation of the historical meaning of chess takes this to a whoooollllleeeeee new level. Now that we know about how chess (wayyy back in the day, think Shakespeare) was used as a tool in courting and also as a metaphor for sex/intimacy, Kirk's line now snaps into focus. He just told Spock, "Hey, maybe you'll actually get somewhere with your next captain."

The way he puts it makes it one of those poignant jokes in bad situations that we often see in entertainment. You know, when a character makes a joke in a tragic situation that just nails the truth ho- SON OF A BITCH, hold on, my mind is reeling again. Damn thing just won't stay PUT. ::Runs off:: )))

Spock looks down with a sad sense of understanding, then gets an amazing idea about chess that we're not let in on at the moment.

(((::Sits back down:: Okay, I'm back…::panting::….damn that thing can MOVE. Where were we? Oh yeah, apparently Spock new exactly what Kirk meant because the way he reacts to Kirk's line before he gets the bright idea about chess is just way too- GODDAMNIT. ::Runs off after mind again:: )))

Jamie enters then, and apologizes for blaming Kirk. She feels really bad about the whole scene she made earlier and she realizes now that it wasn't Kirk's fault.

Jamie (after already apologizing and carrying on): "I'm sorry."

Kirk: "Don't say anymore."

Jamie: "But I have to. I never realized how close you and dad had been until I read through some of the papers he wrote, letters to mother and me. I don't know how I ever could've thought that…"

(((Okay, BACK. Again. Ugh. Where were we? Oh yeah, Kirk and Finney getting it on.

Seriously, look at what Jamie said, "I never knew how CLOSE you and dad had been, etc." She had to read some of her fathers letters to realize it, and afterwards she knew just how ridiculous the notion of Kirk murdering Finney was. It doesn't take much to draw the conclusion that she found out about her father and Kirk's romantic history. This plus Kirk's comment earlier really and truly points in that direction.

Hm? Oh, no my mind's fine. I'm sitting on it until it calms down. No worries.)))

On the Enterprise, McCoy finds Spock playing chess with the computer. McCoy is, understandably, appalled at how Spock is playing games while Kirk's reputation goes down the proverbial toilet. That is, he's appalled until Spock explains himself.

Spock: "I've just won my fourth game."

McCoy: "That's impossible."

Spock goes on to win the game.

Spock: "Mechanically, the computer is flawless. Therefore, logically, its report of the captain's guilt is infallible. I could not accept that, however."

(((Oh really, Spock? A being built from the ground up on logic just *couldn't* accept a 100% perfectly logical conclusion? The very notion of Kirk having made an error like this trumps LOGIC ITSELF? A "purely logical" being, such as yourself, should have no trouble accepting this. Humans are fallible, computers aren't. Done deal, yes?

Apparently not.

Don't look now, Spock, but I think this situation has brought out your human side of gut instinct. This doesn't happen very often either…and by that I mean this doesn't happen AT ALL. How interesting…)))

Since Spock programmed the computer himself he shouldn't be able to win, he should only be able to get a 'draw' at best and, well, you can just guess the rest because Spock and McCoy ran off to save the day.

Kirk's lawyer puts on a great show for the judge to convince him to let the court move to the Enterprise so Kirk can face his accuser (the ship's computer) and prove his innocence.

(((You might watch this scene and think Kirk's lawyer is way overdoing it, saying that if the court doesn't comply with this request that it'll be a crime against humanity itself, but really it quite a nice tactic that's commonly used in debate. Make it seem like the world will end if X doesn't happen…that's a pretty compelling argument when done properly.)))

So the court reconvenes on the Enterprise and Spock explains the whole computer/chess thing once again for the slow folks and/or Megan Foxxes in the audience. Through Kirk's lawyer's questioning Spock deduces that, since there's something clearly wrong with the computer, that the footage of Kirk jettisoning the pod could have been falsified by someone, BUT only three people have the know-how to pull of something so advanced: Kirk, Spock, and the records officer.

But AHA! They no longer HAVE a records officer because the records officer was Finney! Then Kirk's lawyer turns to Kirk.

Lawyer: "Captain Kirk, would you tell the steps you took to find Mr. Finney after the storm?"

Kirk: "I instituted a Phase 1 search."

Lawyer: "Describe a Phase one search…"

(((…so the audience isn't completely buttfuck lost for this next bit.)))

Kirk: "It's a pain-staking, thorough attempt in and around the ship to find a man whose presumable injured and unable to respond."

Lawyer: "It pre-supposes, does it not, that a man wishes to be found."

Kirk: "I beg your pardon?"

Lawyer: "If you start a search for a man you assume, don't you, that he wants to be found?"

Kirk: "Yes…"

Lawyer: "On a ship of this size, could a man evade such a search?"

Kirk: "Possibly."

(((OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, NO WAY. Finney could be alive? SHUT. UP. I did not see that coming.

No really, I didn't. I had the most delightful surprise the first time I watched it. This show surprised me a few times, actually. I didn't guess that Lenore was an uber crazy psycho killer in The Conscience of the King either, but I probably should have.)))

Cut to everyone on the bridge, waiting for proof that Finney is alive and hiding somewhere on the ship. In order to do this, every member of the crew has to GTFO, which means the impulse engines had to be shut down, which means the ship will eventually go through orbit decay and burn up in the atmosphere if they don't snap to it… so…you know…that's happening.

A device on the computer can play back the heartbeats of every single person on the ship. Thankfully, the Enterprise has a "white sound device" (also known as, to those with extensive knowledge of technical jargon, a "hand held microphone") that can record and identify a person's heartbeat and eliminate it from the general play back. McCoy does this with everyone's heartbeat until they're all accounted for but SHOCK! There's still one heartbeat left! Spock isolates the sound to the engineering deck and Kirk goes galloping off with a phaser to track him down.

Cut to Kirk getting to the engineering deck, and a voice over from the captain to tell us that Jamie should be on board any minute to try and keep Finney calm.

Kirk pokes around the engineering room.

Booming Voice: "Hello, captain."

(((GOD?!?!)))

Booming Voice: "Anything to say, captain?"

Kirk: "I'm glad you're alive."

Finney: "You mean you're relieved 'cause you think you're career is saved. But you're wrong!"

They chat a bit, until Finney finally decides to reveal himself by poking a phaser into Kirk's back. Mr. Willem-DaFoe-Look-a-Like then admits that he's sabotaged the ship because that would hurt Kirk more than just killing him. Kirk then admits that Jamie's on board which makes Finney freak out just a tad.

Each man's respective stunt double then has a knock down drag out fight. A fight that Kirk wins. If you are surprised by this outcome, you have not been paying very close attention to the entire series.

Kirk then tells us via voiceover that Finney told him where he sabotaged the ship and Kirk runs to that big cylindrical area to fix it.

(((I think this is the first time we see this space, and it becomes a staple of Scotty…so…woo!)))

Kirk saves the day (like we all knew he would =D ) and all the charges against him are dropped.

Cut to the final scene, where Kirk and Ariel have a very mushy, and very public, goodbye right smack dead on the bridge of the ship.

Ariel: "Do you think it would cause a complete breakdown of discipline if a lowly lieutenant kissed a star ship captain on the bridge of his ship?"

Kirk: "Let's try."

They then share a pretty brief, polite kiss. Afterwards, they both look around the bridge.

Kirk: "See, no change. Discipline goes on."

(((I would like to point out the fact that, after he kisses her and they look around the bridge, Kirk looks in the PRECISE direction of where SPOCK is. His gaze flutters off for a second, but there is an undeniable and most-definite focus on that ONE area.

Kirk, you DIRTY. BASTARD. Trying to make Spock jealous, how shameful!!! SHAME. FUL.)))

Ariel leaves and Kirk sits in his chair. McCoy is standing on his left, Spock on his right.

"She's a very good lawyer," Kirk insists, with a glance Spock's way.

Spock: "Obviously."

Kirk: "Indeed she is."

(((Spock and McCoy are both standing on opposite sides of him, and Kirk decides to glance at who? SPOCK. Kirk, sir, you play dirty. This is also the only time we ever see Kirk kiss a woman when he knows Spock is there. Fascinating.)))

(((This is also a great comedic moment, with all three of them wearing completely straight faces. They play so well off each other, it's frightening.)))

End of episode!!

Scooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooore!

Times Kirk rips/loses/has no shirt – 8

Times Kirk Kissed a Woman While Driven By an Ulterior Motive/Controlled by Other Force – 4 (making Spock jealous DOES count as an ulterior motive)

Times I said 'fuck' in this episode's commentary – 438,259,930,865 (really it was just ten…but it felt like more so I rounded up a smidge.)