I just want to say a big "Thank you" to all of you who are reading and have given me feedback. I like to think that I not only write this for myself, but for your enjoyment as well. Sorry for any errors, etc. I do not have a beta reader so I fear that my grammar may be jumbled at times. I hope it doesn't detract too much from the story though.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of Big Time Rush nor do I actually own the Carly character. Carly is borrowed from a good friend of mine And now I give you part thirteen of Gotta Live it Big Time. Enjoy!

Two days pass by and still no word from James except a brief text saying he landed safely and was swept up in meetings right away. So begins the routine…

You are just getting home from school and begin to work on a paper due for History class next week. As you log onto the computer, you see an email from JMaslow007 and smile. Clicking it open, your smile crumbles and withers away like a blossoming flower at the end of its life.

To:

From:

Subject: Skype Date

Carly –

Sorry to do this, but I won't be able to keep our Skype date tomorrow night. The record company has us doing an appearance/signing in San Francisco and we leave early in the AM and won't arrive back until sometime the day after tomorrow. I don't know yet when my next available day is as they are working on the rest of our schedules at the moment. I will get back to you and owe you that date though. In the meantime, I love you and hope school is going well. We will talk soon, I promise.

xoxoxox JM

You don't even realize that a tear escaped down your cheek until it hits your hand. The paper forgotten, you close up the computer and crawl underneath the covers of your bed, falling into a tear induced, fitful sleep, with doubts flitting through your mind like butterflies flit around countless meadows.

Over the next five weeks things become more and more strained as James cancels and reschedules more and more. You have talked to him on the phone only a handful of times and rarely even text each other anymore other than an occasional smiley face or "hello, how are you?". Schoolwork is mounting and the added stress of it being senior year plus the "James situation" isn't helping. Your Mom notices you haven't been eating and have been losing weight even. Finally, she intervenes – enough is enough.

Around the two month mark that James has gone back to Los Angeles, you are up in your room watching Big Time Rush on TV and listening to your BTR CD working on yet another big project, when you hear a knock on your door.

Carly: "Come in!"

Mom: "Hey sweetie. You didn't eat much at dinner so I thought I would bring you up a small plate of cheese and crackers."

Carly: "Oh thanks." You smile softly, taking the plate from your Mom. She lingers in the room.

Mom" "So…how are you doing?"

As you sit there nibbling a cracker, thinking that is why your Mom is lingering, it is like the past few weeks just seem to collide and catch up with you and tears form in your eyes.

Mom: Oh no sweetie!" She sits down on your bed next to you and wraps her arms around you, smoothing her hand over your head like she used to do when you were a little girl.

"I know it has been rough and to be quite honest you knew going into this relationship with James that it would be difficult at times."

Carly: "I know, but it just seems so much harder because we rarely talk…he is either busy or I am at school when he isn't. It's getting frustrating! I am beginning to doubt if I have the strength and patience any more Mom."

Mom: "Sweetie, any true relationship has its ups and downs – your Dad and I have ours. This is your first real relationship, you need to remember that. You are still learning patience and your feelings and all that goes with them. It can be overwhelming. In fact, it is meant to be overwhelming. If it isn't then that means there truly is a problem somewhere."

Carly: "Really?"

Mom: "Really. Now, wipe those tears off that beautiful face and why don't you write James a nice long email about how you are really feeling right now. Maybe if he sees in writing how you are feeling, he will make a better effort to contact you a bit more especially before him and the guys leave for that tour."

Carly: "That is a good idea Mom. Thanks, I love you."

Your Mom kisses you on the forehead and leaves the room. You grab your computer and power it up. Opening the email, you stare at it, thinking of what to write. You think back to what your Mom just said and start to type. A good ten minutes go by before you stop typing. Glancing over what you just wrote, you realize it is almost two pages long! Before you can second guess yourself and what you have written, you hit the "Send" button. Looking over at the clock, you realize how late is is getting so you change and get ready for bed. As your head hits the pillow, your email is being opened across the country.

James opens the email from you and sits reading it as the rest of the guys toss a football around. Carlos sees James' face fall and breaks off from the others and heads on over.

Carlos: "Hey bro, why the long face?"

James: "It's Carly. She is depressed and having a tough time right now and I feel horrible because I am the cause of it."

Carlos: "Oh bummer dude. From what you have told us though she is a strong girl. I am sure she will be okay."

James: "How do you and Sam do it?"

Carlos: "Easy. While we both may be busy, we always make time and even if that means holding something up for just a few extra minutes so we can say "Hi" on the phone. As long as I hear her voice and she hears mine and we know the love is there, it brings us a sort of comfort that we are good ya know?"

James: "I never thought of that. We have just been so busy that I haven't really gotten a chance to call Carly lately. I either send her an apologetic email or a few texts here and there."

Carlos: "Well there is the problem bro. To her thinking you are casting her aside and that she isn't important enough. You should give her a call right now man."

James: "But she is probably asleep, it is midnight in Minnesota after all."

Carlos: "So…just call her and when she picks up tell her you love her and miss her and sweet dreams or something. It doesn't have to be a long convo right now bro. Just let her know you got her email and do care."

James: "You're right of course. Thanks bro!"

Carlos walks back to the others while James goes into the house to call Carly.

*ring*

*ring*

*ring*

*ring*

Just as James is going to give up and call another time, you answer in a sleepy tone.

Carly: "Hello?"

James: "Hey beautiful."

Carly: "James? What's wrong?" Suddenly you are wide awake, thinking that something bad has happened.

James: "Whoa…nothing happened. I am fine. I just read your email and well I have been a jerk lately. I am sorry. I know you are probably tired though so I won't keep you on the phone too long. We can talk some more tomorrow."

You try to interrupt him but he stops you.

James: "Just…let me finish please. I know I have been canceling dates and have been lousy at calling and talking to you. I read what you wrote and it gave me a pain right in my heart to think that I have been hurting you like that. I make this promise to you – no matter what or how inconvenient on my end, I will call you at least twice a week to talk to you even if it is just to say "Hi". I love you Carly and I want to make us work."

For what seems like the longest minute there is silence on the phone. James, fearing you have hung up or fallen asleep frantically calls your name into the phone.

Carly: "Ow! I am still here." You sniffle a bit.

James: "Oh no, I made you cry. I am such an idiot."

Carly: "No James you aren't! I am not crying because of what you did, I am crying because of how beautiful and caring what you just said was. I love you too and will try to be more understanding."

James: "I am so glad I called and woke you up to talk about this. I know I feel a lot better, I hope you do too."

Carly: "You know what? I actually do feel a lot better, like a small weight has been lifted up."

Suddenly, realizing how tired you are, you and James tell each other "Good night" and he makes a kissing noise at you over the phone which makes you smile even more. You both hang up and for the first time in months your dreams are plagued not with nightmares, but peace.

But will they stay that way?...