Is it a good thing if you cry while proof reading and editing your own fanfict? Because I definitely have a few times while writing this story. T.T

Chapter Thirteen

"Life without you isn't what I want it to be. I don't think it ever will be. There are so many things I want, but I can't have. I want you back, but there's nothing I can do or say that will bring you back to me. I don't want to, but I've finally accepted the fact that you're gone, gone forever. I miss you everyday of my life, but I know the pain will eventually go away. Someday I'll be able to sleep through the night without waking up because of your ghost. Someday I won't pick up my phone to call you and ask if you want to get lunch together. Someday I won't look at the calendar and realize I only have a week to buy you a birthday present. Someday I'll accept that you're gone.

"But I think someday is today."

Horatio walked along the beach. He could see her standing at the other end of the strip of sand, the water gently lapping at her bare feet. She turned and smiled at him, shielding her eyes from the sun.

"Hey Dad," Jessica quietly said.

Horatio approached her. He stood there and just stared at her. "Can I touch you?" he quietly asked.

She smiled gently at him. "Yeah, you can," she whispered.

Horatio walked forward and carefully wrapped his arms around her shoulders. He held her in his arms and felt tears form in his eyes, as the memory of how her body felt against his washed over him.

"I'm sorry, Bug," he whispered. "I shouldn't have…"

"I know," Jessica whispered in response, "I know all the things you're going to tell me. You should have test fired the gun, you should have given me the good one, you should have gone to the right. I know it all now. I've listened to you say it for three years now. But what I never heard you say was good-bye."

Horatio carefully pulled back from their embrace and looked into her blue eyes.

"You had so many chances to do it," Jessica whispered, tears forming in her eyes. "You could have said it in the warehouse, at my funeral, every time you dreamt of me." Pain played through her gaze as she stared at him. "You could have come to visit me to say good-bye. You never told me good-bye."

Horatio blinked back tears as he stared at her. "I didn't want to let you go," he whispered.

"I know, Daddy," Jessica said, grasping his hand in her own, "But I need to hear you say it. I've waited for three years for you to finally tell me good-bye and move on with your life, but you won't. You're being selfish. I'm dead, Dad, and there's nothing you can do about it. Just tell me you love me and tell me good-bye, one last time. I'll always be your little girl, whether I'm alive or not. I love you more than anyone in this world, because you're my father, and you always will be. Please Dad, just tell me one last time."

Tears rolled down Horatio's face as he listened to Jessica's words. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her forehead. He buried his nose in her hair and held her close.

"I love you, Jessie Bug," he whispered. "I'll always love you no matter what. You're my little girl, and nothing can change that." He held her face in his hands and looked deep into her eyes. "Good-bye Jessie," he whispered, "I love you, Bug."

Jessica smiled at him and kissed his cheek. "Good-bye, Daddy H. I love you, too."

Jessica released him and smiled. "I have to go now," she whispered.

Horatio nodded his head and looked at his daughter one last time. "Will I ever see you again?" he quietly asked.

Jessica smiled at him and hugged him tightly. "Yes, and you'll know it when you see me."

Arianna walked out onto the back porch of her house to find her husband sitting alone on the steps. The sun was rising in the sky and a heavy mist hung over the morning ocean. She walked over and sat beside him and held his hand.

"You didn't wake up screaming last night," she whispered. "That's the first time in three years."

Horatio smiled and kissed her. "That's because I didn't have a nightmare," he quietly explained.

"You didn't dream of Jessica?" Arianna gently inquired.

"No, I did, but it was different this time. I wasn't reliving that day, she wasn't dying."

"That's good," Arianna commented. "What did happen?"

"She was already dead," Horatio softly said. "She told me I needed to move on with my life, but she wanted me to tell her good-bye, because I never did." Horatio looked out at the ocean, the water reflecting the amber light of the rising sun. "I think that's why she's been haunting me all these years. She wanted me to tell her good-bye so she could move on."

Arianna leaned over and gently kissed him. "I think you're right," she whispered.

Ryan stood with Horatio on his back porch. He leaned his forearms onto the railing and watched his children play with Horatio's.

"Jessica was in my dream the other night," he quietly said.

Horatio looked at him from where he leaned on the porch railing. His stomach churned at the sight of the beer bottle in Ryan's hands and he had to turn away.

"What about?" Horatio quietly asked.

"She told me it was ok to move on." Ryan quietly explained, "She knew I was developing feelings for someone else but I was holding back. She told me it was time to move forward with my life. She said she wouldn't be mad. She was actually happy."

Horatio smiled and briefly looked at Ryan. "Good," was all he could manage to whisper, as he felt tears begin to form in his eyes.

"Natalia's pregnant, H," Ryan practically whispered.

Horatio looked at him a little surprised. Ryan didn't say anything else for a moment, just continued to look out at the ocean.

"Natalia's pregnant?" Horatio quietly repeated.

"Yeah, and it's mine," Ryan said.

Horatio smiled at him and walked over to where he stood. He encased the young man in his arms and held him close.

"I'm so happy for you," he whispered.

"Thanks Dad," Ryan whispered. He looked at Horatio as their embrace ended and Horatio saw the tears that had formed in his eyes. "Can I still call you Dad?"

Horatio smiled as a single tear rolled down his cheek. "Yeah," he said, his voice cracking slightly, "You can still call me Dad, because you'll always be my son."

Tears fell down Ryan's face and he wrapped his arms tight around Horatio's body.

"Thanks Dad," he whispered.