PART 13: IN THE BEGINNING AGAIN

~2~

Scott tried to sleep, but how could he possibly? All he kept thinking about was Kita, if she was okay, where she could be… Where could she be? God, what could be happening with her? Scott buried his face in his pillow and groaned. To think about that was a torment. He loved her so much. He adored her from a distance, because he was too shy to just walk up to her and ask her out. Besides, what would girls like Kita find attractive about guys like him?

Scott wanted her here. He wanted things to be easy, he wanted to be able to tell her who he felt about her. Why couldn't things just be easy? Why did he have to be on his own, with a group of people that really didn't care less about him, wondering if there would be enough food tomorrow, if a new tribe with bad intentions would rise, if he could make it through the day.

Sometimes he just felt so devoid of hope and alone. Sometimes he wanted nothing but to have his old life back. Just his old life. His school, his friends, his home, his dad…

His dad had died in a hospital like this.

*

The 14-year-old boy with the shaggy brown hair sat on a chair in a sterile, cold, white hallway. He hated this place. It represented death to him. He could hear the coughing and the cries of pain. The whole hospital was full by now. There was no way to handle it anymore, people were lying sick in the hallways.
The Virus. Scott had finally heard about it on the news, finally he got to find out what was going on. But now he wished he didn't.
Life for Scott had never really been hard, although he did learned how to do things on his own. He was one of those people that were thrown into a nice place at birth, one of those lucky kids. A nice big house in the suburbs, with a pretty, nicely mowed lawn, and two nice parents that would do anything to make sure there only child would have a nice life.
Things changed when he was seven, and all of the sudden not so fortunate anymore. He was to young to really follow what happened, all he noticed was that his mom and dad were mean to eachother all of the sudden, and all he knew was that he didn't like it. And then he heard the word 'divorce' and before he could have a say in it, his mom had moved out of the house, all the way to Canada.
Canada. He already started to worry he would never see her again.
However, he got to spend the Christmas-holidays at his mom's, and the summerholiday's too. He was really excited, because he got to fly a plane for the first time. And all on his own too, because there was no chance his dad ever wanted to see his mom again. This made Scott kind of sad, but he soon forgot about that when he arrived at his mom's house.
She had gotten a new, good job over there in Canada and she had bought a really beautiful, big apartment. And a lot of Christmas-presents for him. This made Scott feel kind of uncomfortable, because every time she gave him one of those presents, she had this scary smile on her face he had never seen before.
And at the end of the vacation the major question came: didn't Scott want to stay with his mom afterall? This confused his seven-year-old brains to no limit, because how was he ever going to pick. But he made his decision in the end: he was going to stay with his dad.
He wouldn't forget the look that was on his mother's face when he said that. He had the feeling he made her angry and sad… disappointed her. For a few years there was a true battle between his mom and dad, and his mom spoiled him outrageously during every holiday, and when he was about to leave for home, she always asked him if he didn't want to stay with her.
But Scott didn't like new things, he didn't like change. The divorce had been enough of a shock for him. He was now used to living at his dad's, and only going to his mom's during the vacation. He couldn't imagine what it would be like to completely adjust to a new country, a new town, a new school, make new friends… He made it clear to his mother once and for all that he didn't want to live with her.
After that, the holiday's with his mom just became less amusing. Every time, she became more and more of a stranger to him. Not even his parent anymore. She never asked if he wanted to live with her again.
But life at home with his dad wasn't that great anymore either. His dad had given up rivalry with his mom, about who would be the best parent. He had this arrogance over him, the kind of air a person gets when he knows he won a battle.
His dad had gotten a new job as well. A good one, but he was going to spend more time away from home, so he told Scott. And that's how Scott's absolute hate and fear for being alone began. He didn't want to get his father out of his dream; the man was so excited about his new job. And as he said: it would provide a better way of life for the both of them. Scott didn't want to ruin everything by saying he wasn't happy like this at all, and he doubt it would've mattered.
Scott became strangers to both his parents. He lived in a nice, big house in a peaceful, beautiful suburb, he went to a good school, got good grades and had friends, and everybody would say that he had every reason to be happy. But Scott was a very warm, affectionate person and if there was one thing missing in his life at that moment it was warmth.
He only saw his mother a few weeks a year, and he started to dread visiting her, because every time he saw her, she seemed like more of a different person to him. She had gotten married again, to a guy Scott knew nothing about, and he never trusted that man. Scott felt his mother loved her new husband more than him. And he was probably right. He was sensitive when it came to things like that.
Meanwhile, his dad was never at home. His job kept requesting more time, and Scott was alone the whole time. He hated it, and on every occasion he invited friends to his home. Because his dad was out at night so often, a lot of parties were thrown at Scotts big house, which did make him very popular at school… But he didn't want plain popularity. He wanted something else.
And then they first heard about a dangerous disease. This disease, which caused rapid aging, was spreading over the whole world quickly. It had already reached Canada, and his mom was one of the first people there to fall prey to it.
Scott knew what kind of person his mom had been. She was the kind of person that never listened to her body, that kept working even though she had a high fever or something, that didn't care about being sick. But when she finally collapsed and had to be taken to the hospital, it was already too late. She died there within two days.
It had all happened so fast, and Scott only heard after his mom had already died. That new husband of her… He had just sort of forgotten that there were other familymembers too, and he had only phoned Scott after his mom was already dead.
It was a total shock ofcourse. One quiet afternoon he was just being called by a guy he hardly knew (but hated with passion what so ever) and it was like: Hi, your mom has just died.
Ofcourse that bastard couldn't have called a little earlier. Now Scott didn't know until it was too late. If he had gotten a call the moment his mom had been taken to the hospital, then maybe, just maybe he could've arrived in time to say goodbye to her. Now he would never be able to do so.
Scott tried to imagine what his mom would've looked like, laying dead in her bed, but to his great amazement, he could hardly imagine what she looked like again. It was so long since he had last visited her, and when he did it was in a chilly atmosphere, like they were complete strangers to eachother.
All pictures of his mom had been cleared from the house by his dad, except for one that Scott had managed to save. He kept that in a special, secure place, because he knew his dad would be angry when he saw it. His dad had never really given him the chance to love his mom again.
It was a familypicture, the only one that had been spared. In his rage Scotts dad had cut his mom of every picture in the house, burned her face out with cigarettes, things like that. It had scared Scott, and he had quickly gotten this picture and put it in his treasurebox. The picture on which he was just five years old, and his mom and dad were still young and happy together. The versions of them that weren't cold, hateful and bloodless. The likable versions.

*

Scott got his treasurebox from his closet. He opened it –rusty, screeching metal- and looked at what was inside. Little cars. Baseball-cards. A little stuffed puppy with a missing ear. All the type of treasures little boys could possibly gather. And on top of it, the most precious of it all: the picture.
The picture of him, his mom and his dad. The way they were, the way they always had to be. The great link to the past.

*

"You can see him now,"a young nurse said. Her smile was kind enough, but her eyes were deadly tired. No wonder, she had to work hard here. All the adults were starting to fall prey to the virus. She was probably also dealing with the knowledge that she would soon follow. Was she making arrangements for her death?
Scott wondered when he started thinking things like that about strangers. Such morbid things, that were really very logical questions. Because every adult was dying now, and the smell of death was everywhere. There was no hope left for them, no chance for a cure; the world was going to be passed onto the children.
And Scott noticed the jealous looks from adults he got when he walked through the hallway. Those looks from the sickly yellow eyes made him shiver. They hated him, because he was healthy and they were sick. Because he was young, and they were growing old so rapidly. Because he would live and they wouldn't. Scott had the feeling that… well, they couldn't kill him… but if they could somehow take his body over, push him out like in a fairytale, they would.
Scott walked faster, ran into his dads room and slammed the door shut, as if he just escaped from a herd of monsters.
His dad was laying in bed. His skin was like shriveling parchment, in a very sick coloured, his eyelids were crusty and his hair was snowwhite. Scott whimpered, scared to come closer. His own father had turned into a monster.
"Scott, is that you?"his father asked. Even his voice sounded like that of a demon; horribly hoarse and nothing like the voice Scott knew. With hesitating steps, shivering, he slowly came closer.
"Scott, I'm glad you came. Scott, you need to know something. That thing that killed your mother, I'm suffering from it too. The Virus. It kills people, Scott. And nobody has found a cure. And they won't find it in time either. I'm going to die,"his father said.
Scott just stood there, his face frozen, slowly nodding his head. He looked like a scarecrow moving back and forth in the wind. He couldn't think of a proper response to what he had just heard.
"Scott, you're on your own now,"his father said.
Those words made him snap out of his lethargy. On his own. "No,"Scott screamed right away, "I don't wanna be alone!"
"I'm sorry, Scott. I wish I could be there for you. I wish I could've been there for you more often. But I'm sure you'll make it. You always did. I'm proud of you, you just remember that. Guess I didn't show it often enough… Just don't give up, okay? Try to find some other good kids just like yourself,"his dad said.
That was the last thing Scott ever heard from his dad, as than his dad went into a coughing-fit, after which he lost consciousness. Scott went nearly hysterical, as the thought of being alone was too much for him. The nurses and doctors quickly removed the screaming boy from the room.
His father wasn't dead yet. But he never came to from his consciousness. The next morning he had really died, in his sleep. Scott had been waiting in the hospital all that time, until a nurse came to inform him of it. She did this pretty quickly and feelingless, she must've already broken news like that to countless of other children.
Scott got up, in a daze, and ran from the hospital. He had never ran so hard in his life, and he felt like he was losing it. He was crying, screaming out loud, and he didn't care about the weird looks he got from those people. He didn't care about anything. He was all alone now. Really he didn't want to do anything but go insane.
Didn't happen, too bad for him. He ran all the way to his house, and as soon as he reached it, he fell down, exhausted. He lay there for half a day, motionless. People that walked by could've thought he was dead. But nobody walked by anymore. If people weren't laying in the hospital, they had locked themselves into their houses, scared of infection.
Scott got up when he got hungry. By then he had made a plan. He packed all the stuff he would need –warm clothes, a sleepingbag, the treasurebox, and as much food as possible- and left town. He didn't ever want to come back there again. He wanted to forget about it all. Hopefully he would die somewhere in the wild.
But he didn't die. He walked through the forest, eating only little bits –enough to just stay alive- of the food he brought along. Until he came to a cabin one day. Inhabited by a guy that happened that happened to know something about survival, and his girlfriend. Randy and Justine they were called. They invited him in, cold, exhausted and hungry as he was. He was allowed to stay, and even though it wasn't there name back then, he became a member of the Argonauts.

*

He wasn't really alone anymore, not really. He lived in a tribe now. But did he have anyone special in that tribe? No. He thought about it very often, when he couldn't fall asleep again. When it was dark and quiet –which always soothed him- he could nearly cry and choke because of feeling so lonely.
He wanted someone. He wanted to know where Kita was.