Hey people. Sorry it took me so long to update. I just lost my inspiration…so I've been rewatching GG episodes that contained Nair and reading lots of fanfics and checking out a lot of NB dedicated blogs so I am fully charged with Nair. This chapter is most Nate, but it involves a lot of Blair too.

Thanks for the reviews and keep 'em coming, it really helps to feel appreciated

I do not own any characters or songs used, just the ideas are mine

Session four

''So that's when you realized this needs to stop?'' the woman hopefully asked

''No'' he answered bluntly. She fixed her eyes on him and raised an eyebrow, urging him to continue. But he didn't want to, so he just stayed quiet. It was all a big torture for him anyways. He didn't want to talk about it…her. He wanted to forget, he wanted for all of it to just fade away. This wasn't helping as promised.

''Nathanial I would appreciate your cooperation'' she said calmly. She was pretty thick and persistent; he had to give her that. From what he could gather in these few sessions, she turned out to be pretty nice and calm. It was good. It was a nice change to spend even an hour a day in that surrounding.

''I answered to all of your questions'' he said, his voice still monotone. He wasn't in the mood to be nice though, that emotional, sincere part of him died a long ago. Two months and 17 days to be exact.

''Sure, I appreciate that'' she put the legal pad on the ebony coffee table between them and fiddled with her glasses ''-but while you're giving me all the answers, you're still giving me nothing''

He just shrugged and decided to play stupid. It's what he did a lot lately. He let others run his life. It was easier that way; it was a lot easier to have people make decisions for you. He was never good at making them on his own anyways…

Seeing he still would not talk to her properly she decided to move pass the subject and move to the other one, she already had a feeling she would get less though. The next topic on the list was the only thing he never agreed to talk about. She tried, multiple times, but he would just keep quiet or get angry or nervous and demanded another topic.

''Okay. Let's move on'' he slightly nodded, his eyes were still fixed on the snow, she wondered if it had a deeper meaning, if the snow reminded him of her.

''Are you ready yet?'' she said straight up earning a slight frown from him.

''Ready for what'' playing dumb, another thing she noticed he liked to do around her

''I think we both know what I'm talking about Mr. Archibald''

He looked up at her for the first time in three sessions and she could really see the hurt. His eyes were his giveaway and no amount of dumbfounded speech or angry fallouts could mask the pain he really felt.

''No'' and those sapphires, once again wandered over to the snowflakes melting against the fragile glass. She just couldn't help but ask, the suspense was killing her.

''Does it remind you of her?'' there were no objects or names pointed out but both of them knew exactly who the question was referred to.

His silence was all she needed to hear in order to know.

''I think we're done for today''

He sighed and pushed himself of the leather sofa. Just when he opened the door to leave I had to stop him to ease my mind also

''Nathanial wait-'' I stood up too, he was looking at me all confused ''- I know you think that this is pointless and that the only reason you're coming to our sessions is because you are pressured to in order to avoid rehab…but I really think that there's something behind that cold exterior and I really really hope one day you'll be ready to open up…and you know talk about it all, talk about her. You can't avoid it forever''

Yes he could. But once again he would say what she wanted to hear, he learned the tough way that if you say the wrong thing, people will give up on you and leave you…and he really needed for someone to believe in him right now.

''Well Dr. Allen, I hope so too''

It took two months and 19 days for it to happen. For what she dreaded the most. And it turned out as badly as she thought it would. All because she was so incredibly emotionally damaged. There was only one person to blame

''Blair would you please just talk to me?'' he pleaded from the other side of the door

At that exact moment she hated him, she hated him along with the rest of the world. Why couldn't they just leave her alone…just for a second.

''I am fine, just please…I'll talk to you tomorrow''

''Why won't you even tell me what happened?''

Nate Fucking Archibald. That's what happened. She managed to avoid him for two full months. Switch all of her classes to the ones she didn't have to share with him. Threw everything he ever got her away. Exiled everything blue from her surroundings and stopped wearing blue clothes cause they reminded her too much of his eyes. Hey there Delilah was no longer on her ipod, along with Faithfully. The word love was no longer in her vocabulary; it no longer existed in her mind. Her boyfriend was a complete opposite. His skin was paler, hair black and curly, he had no man bangs, he was skinnier, had no interest in music. Kissing him tasted like coffee, it helped her forget. And that was okay.

All that blew up today when she ran into him going home from school. And she no longer liked the taste of coffee, she wanted chocolate, chocolate and Armani and for someone to hold her tight at night, run his fingers through her hair and sing Delilah to her.

And she hated herself for it.

It took her six nights of crying herself to slee,p to put herself together. One night for each month she spent in heaven with him. How ironic, cause now, she was in hell because of him.

Session six

''I'm ready to talk about her''

I looked up excited and utterly happy to hear I finally got trough my patient. I smiled lightly and gestured for him to take a seat.

There were so many questions, so many riddles, my first one being reasonable

''What made you finally give in Nathanial?''

He was as per usual looking out in to the white distance. That's when I realized. Today, for the first time since our first session, there were no snowflakes, the snow has stopped.

After a couple of agonizingly long minutes he finally spoke

''I miss her insanely…and if I don't scream or just talk about it to someone…anyone-'' he stopped and sighed deeply ''-I'm afraid I'm going to destroy myself completely…and no matter how much she hates me-'' his gaze fell down ''-it's going to destroy her too''

It was not the kind of answer I expected…but it was the one I hoped for.

Session eight

''I saw her today''

I was surprised to the calmness he held. But I knew better by now, if anything it only meant he was hurting too much to speak about it.

''Was it the first time after…'' my voice wandered. I wasn't sure if he was comfortable with me naming the situation. But after telling me the whole story during our last session, I couldn't help but feel utterly sorry for pushing him too hard in the beginning. So I decided to do this under his terms. He could speak when he wanted to, and I wouldn't be pressuring him.

''-after she told me she loved me and I turned my back on her?'' he will never forgive himself for that, it was killing him everyday more and more… ''Yes. It was the first time after that''

''How was it?'' I know this was hard on him, but he had to give me something, it was my job to get it out of him

''She cut her hair'' he said simply. Although it was the most random sentence to anyone else, she knew it held a lot of meaning to him. The way he said it…so lovingly.

''It's shorter now. I like it''

I nodded ''Is that all?''

''Yes''

It wasn't, but even this was a huge progress

She couldn't be happier; it was what she told herself. NYU was a great college and she was ecstatic to go. Her sister was there, and her boyfriend was going also. Besides there must be some musical program in there. But it wasn't Julliard…and Dan wasn't Nate. But Dan loved her, Nate didn't. And that was the problem.

''Blair?'' her mother came in her room, Blair immediately put a smile on her face, continuing with her fake happiness over NYU, her "dream college"

''I've got a letter for you'' she said and handed her the envelope

Blair's eyes went wide as she realized she was holding in her hands a Juilliard acceptance letter

''I….I got in to Juilliard?'' she asked her voice shaky, unsure if this was another one of her dream sequences and she would wake up any minute

''What?'' her mother smiled widely ''I didn't even know you applied, that's amazing Blair'' she hugged her

''That's the thing…I…I didn't even aply'' she said, her face hurt from smiling

Session ten

''College is coming soon, how do you feel about that?

''My emotions are mixed up…don't get me wrong, I am so incredibly happy that I've gotten Julliard. But still, I feel like I'm disappointing-'' he stopped, we reached another painful issue

''-your father?'' I asked sincerely

''Yes'' he said sadly

''Nate we've talked about this. Your father would've been proud of you. No matter what, you were his son, he loved you. You just need to find that peace again and do what you want to do. You deserve it. Stop apologizing for the privilege and start living.'' I smiled to him and surprisingly he smiled back. I was incredibly happy for him. Ever since our eighth session he's been nothing but open with me. We talked about everything. He had no urge to use pills again and was finally getting happy. There was still one unanswered question in his life though, and she was the majority of it all.

''What about Blair, what college is she attending this fall?'' I asked with ease, Blair was no longer a banned topic

He smiled a little suspiciously ''I hope Juilliard...''

It was more of a question than a statement, and he couldn't get the smile of his face

''Are you smiling cause you'd be seeing more of her if you would both attend Julliard or is there more to that story?''

''Blair sings. She is incredible actually, but she thinks she's never good enough and she never gives herself some credit. When we were together I tried to convince her to apply for Juilliard but she said that she's a joke-'' he stopped for a brief moment

''She didn't want Juilliard?''

''No, she did. It is her dream college. She just didn't believe in herself…but I did. So without her knowing I applied for her and... she got in, I got someone to give her, her acceptance letter''

''So she has no idea it was you?'' I smiled

''No, she has no idea. And I don't want her to know… I just want her to believe in herself like I do and-''

I put down my glasses

''You love her don't you?''

He looked up at me, hurt resurfacing in his eyes

''I never stopped''

The next chapter is N&B college style, even better, it has Nair interaction. So if you'd like to read more, please leave a review ;) xo L