Interview: Pikachu's Brother
"You know, back in 1995, I had no idea the fame were about to receive beginning in the two years afterward," Pikachu said. "Um… the fact, even now, that we're still at the top to me is just amazing. I mean, the generation of people living in this world right now always say how we played an important role in their childhood.
"Well, the climax of our fame probably hit in 1998/1999, when the first movie came out. However, little did I know that was probably the beginning when things got really shitty for me. Now, that year was when the first movie came out, and well, you know what all went down and that was when I got introduced to my brother, who was a clone of me."
"It was kind of a weird introduction," Clone Pikachu said. "I mean, the whole movie was based around cloning shit and all that."
"Well, my brother and I got along at first," Pikachu said. "We were different in some ways but obviously that wasn't a problem."
"We were both partiers," Clone Pikachu said. "But, sometimes I took things a bit too far."
"He likes to go hardcore at parties," Pikachu said. "Probably more than I do. And well… there was gonna be times when I would have to kick his ass."
"Yeah, I've had my experience with drugs," Clone Pikachu said. "I won't lie."
"So, the one night, we were at Roppongi, this club in Japan," Pikachu said. "I had gotten there a bit later than everyone else but once I got there, my brother was already having his way with the women."
"Hey baby, I got myself a nice resort right here in Tokyo," Clone Pikachu said to an Eevee. "I may be timid in public but you and me alone I let it all come loose!"
"Well come on, you got all these nice women in the club, guy can't just help himself to seconds," Clone Pikachu said. "You pick out one of each, you know?"
"The thing is, women tended to flock to him like geese," Pikachu said. "As for me, I never tried getting myself into that, besides I had a girlfriend at that point. Anyway, so it was about the summer of 2000 and while still at Roppongi, I had come back into the club little bit later and then-"
"Blood Brother!" Clone Pikachu yelled, popping out of nowhere and punching Pikachu in the face.
"He just came out of nowhere and got me right in the forehead."
"I remember that was one hell of a punch," Clone Pikachu said. "He had that bruise on his head for almost a week. His girlfriend was worried sick about him."
"And I just stunned by what just happened," Pikachu said. "I just thought he had one too many. I was split in my mind what I wanted to do after that. One part of me thought I should just keep it cool while the other wanted me to curb-stomp his ass.
"So later on, he left with some girls back to his hotel room and I decided to follow him back afterwards. Then, I found him in his room with those same chicks."
"Pikachu!" Clone Pikachu yelled, getting to his feet.
"And he had his fists raised, as if he was getting ready to bop me again and out of instinct I just pulled a Bruce Lee kick and sent him flying into the mirror behind him."
"He just pulled some random Bruce Lee fighting kick, that was ridiculous," Clone Pikachu said. "The next I remember saying was-" "Security!" Clone Pikachu yelled, and soon, some of his bodyguards came in, both of them big Machokes. Clone Pikachu then moved over close to the window. "What are you going to do now brother?" he then said. "You can't get out of this one."
"You dudes come any closer and I'm sending him out of the window," Pikachu replied.
"Man, why you gotta be like that?" Clone Pikachu said.
"Because you punched me right in the head!" Pikachu snapped.
"I'm sorry brother, I was having too much fun," Clone Pikachu said. "Tell you what." He then pulled out a joint. "As a token of apology."
"Man, my head is killing me," Pikachu said, taking the joint and lighting it.
"Yeah… and I'm probably bleeding in my chest," Clone Pikachu replied.
"So, the incident at Roppongi blew over," Pikachu said. "But… it wasn't the last time that I would have to kick his ass. So here we go again."
"Cocaine is a hell of a drug," Clone Pikachu said.
"After the second movie he was in finished, it was the last time he was part of the entire script and was pretty much thrown out of it," Pikachu said. "They didn't need him anymore. After that, he started using the money he had and always used it to get either shit-faced or fucked up. Some time later, I was spending one night with my girlfriend. But later on in the night, my brother shows up and he's completely fucked up."
"Nice house," Clone Pikachu said drunkenly, walking into the living room.
"And I don't even know what the hell he had been doing, but he looked like he spilled random shit on himself and reeked of alcohol," Pikachu said. "Plus I think he was high to."
"Think I'll lie down," Clone Pikachu said.
"And he just laid down on the couch, and this was all new furniture my girlfriend, flannel and he just got his shit all over the place."
"That's right bitch!" Clone Pikachu yelled. "Fuck your damn couch! Fuck your couch!"
"Yeah, I remember doing that to his girlfriend's couch," Clone Pikachu said. "Why? Because she could get another one. It was his money after all."
"At that point, I was just pissed off and luckily my girlfriend wasn't in the room at the time," Pikachu said. "And I just held him down and beat the living shit out of him. I didn't punch him in the face, just everywhere else."
"You fucking asshole!" Clone Pikachu yelled as he was getting beaten up. "You fucking rich ass motherfucker! Fuck you!"
"And at that point, he left while dragging himself on the ground because he couldn't move his back legs that well," Pikachu said.
"They should've never given you assholes money!" Clone Pikachu cried out. "I knew they were gonna throw me out of the script because they always favored you!"
"And you know, my girlfriend, she's a whole lot more compassionate than I am, after he left, said, "Man, your brother really needs some help." I was like I just gave him help by kicking his ass. But even after that, it wasn't the last time."
"So there was the incident at Roppongi, which later took place at my brother's hotel room. Then after that was the incident at my girlfriend's house," Pikachu said. "But even after that, it didn't end there. Anyway, we were in L.A., you know doing our regular promoting and all that and that night we went to the Cabana Club."
"Yeah, I remember that night we went down to Cabana," Clone Pikachu said. "This was a true story."
"So when I get there, not much to my surprise, my brother is behind the bar serving drinks," Pikachu said. "I wasn't exactly sure how high or drunk he was until-"
"Pikachu!" Clone Pikachu yelled across the bar. "My blood brother everyone!"
"And he had given me the nickname "Blood Brother" because he found the name fitting for me somehow," Pikachu added on. "Of course… the reason was probably obvious. So I go up to the bar and he's talking to me."
"Hey Pikachu, there's a new joke running around," Clone Pikachu said. "What did the five fingers say to the face?"
"…What?" Pikachu replied.
"SMACK!" All of a sudden, Clone Pikachu reached back and smacked Pikachu right in the face.
"And at that point, I thought, "He's lost his fucking mind,"" Pikachu said. "Because one, you don't smack a dude. I mean, even when smacking was formal back then, in like Paris, France, they would slap you and say, "I challenge you to a duel!" They had a gunfight after that! So pretty much after that, I waited a couple minutes before going back to the bar."
"That's right bitch, that's right bitch!" Clone Pikachu yelled as two female Pokemon walked away from him. "Ah, Pikachu!"
"What's up man?" Pikachu said. "Hey listen man, I gotta tell you something." As Clone Pikachu moved up to listen, Pikachu moved his paw back and hit him in the head, banging his head off the table.
"I smacked the shit out of him," Pikachu said. "I grabbed him and his head went right into the table."
"That is absurd!" Clone Pikachu said.
"And then his eyes water up, like he's about to cry," Pikachu said.
"What the fuck did you hit me for!?" Clone Pikachu cried out.
"Because you hit me first!" Pikachu snapped back.
"Asshole that was weeks ago!" Clone Pikachu yelled.
"No that was tonight!" Pikachu yelled back. "And looking in his eyes, I realized he had totally forgotten what had happened."
"I hit you?" Clone Pikachu said.
"Cocaine is a hell of a drug," Clone Pikachu said.
"I'm sorry man," Clone Pikachu said. "Brother." He then gave Pikachu a hug. After they broke the hug, he laughed. "This calls for a celebration!" He then motioned two ladies over. "Bitches, I want you to give my brother here a good time tonight!" Pikachu just smiled in response.
"And pretty much after that, it kind of just became a repetitive thing," Pikachu said. "He hits me, I hit him back, it kind of becomes the natural thing we do nowadays. And honestly, I don't mind it anymore."
"You think this kind of thing is normal between us?" Clone Pikachu asked. "Cocaine is a hell of a drug…"
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