Shine
By Luna
Chapter 14: Most unexpected and serious
Will watched as Beth made her way off the floor, through the crowd, and out the door. He took a deep breath and ran a hand through his hair, and then he left the floor as well. He caught Cole's eye as he passed the band, and they switched to a faster paced song. Cole smiled and waggled his eyebrows suggestively.
Will could only shake his head slightly and smile back. He'd thought the abrupt change to the slow song earlier had been on purpose; now he was sure. Cole was up to something. And it had almost worked.
Caroline scuttled over the moment she saw him walk off the dance floor. She'd been closely watching for a moment when he wasn't with Beth. She linked her arm with his, possessively.
"I never knew you were such a good dancer. How rude of Beth to leave you," she insinuated, and missing the expression of tired patience on his face, she continued.
She was trying to convince herself that Will was not attracted to Beth, but it was becoming harder and harder to do so. "Do you remember last year? We were all in New York for Christmas, finally away from that Hell-hole town in Maryland. We went to that restaurant opening, and the paparazzi were simply everywhere," she said, and her eyes were glowing with the memory.
She realized then that Will hadn't heard a word she'd said. His head was turned toward the door that Beth had walked through. Something in her chest tightened painfully.
"Will," Caroline said suddenly. It had an oddly vulnerable sound to it, which caught his attention. He turned to look at her in surprise. "She's not right for you. Out of all the people you could've--" Caroline cut herself off. Without her usual expression of haughtiness, her face looked much younger and prettier. "Why her, Will?" It was obvious that what Caroline really wanted to say was 'Why not me?'
Will had never seen Caroline be anything but conniving and cruel, and so this look of real honesty and almost pain caught him off guard enough to respond.
"Beth isn't like anyone else, Caroline. I'm--happy when I'm around her."
A bitter smile played across Caroline's mouth. After a pause, she said, "You'd better go out and get her then."
With such a sentence coming from such a source, Will didn't need to be told twice. He nodded, gave Caroline's shoulder a gentle squeeze, and walked toward the door.
At the same time...
"What? What's wrong?"
"It's Lydia. She's in the hospital; she—she OD'd."
Beth felt as though someone had just punched her in the stomach; it was suddenly hard to get enough air. She quickly sat down on the step.
"Someone found her in the bathroom at a party. She'd collapsed from too much cocaine," Jane was continuing, though Beth could hardly make herself listen.
"No." Beth felt hot tears spill out of her eyes. "Is she going to be okay?" Beth barely whispered it. She didn't know what she would do if Jane said no.
"She's okay now. They got her to the hospital in time. They gave her something…diazepam, maybe. We're all just in shock. Mom and dad don't know what to do. None of us do." Jane's voice was shaky as she spoke.
Beth felt a tiny wave of relief at the thought that Lydia wasn't dead, but it was only the topmost of the swirling tornado of emotions she was feeling. Beth rubbed her forehead with a shaky hand, trying to steady her breathing.
"I've never seen dad so angry. He was so worried, but now that she's okay he's—he's furious. We don't even know how she got into it. Who would sell drugs to a sixteen year old?"
Beth froze, staring at the sidewalk before her without seeing it. Instead she was seeing a man with sandy blond hair and wickedly tilted brown eyes. She knew exactly who would do such a terrible thing.
"It was Jamie Wickham," she said seriously, and then she laughed bitterly. "It was Jamie."
"What? How do you know? Did Lydia tell you something?" Jane asked frantically.
"No, Caroline did."
"What?"
Beth couldn't blame Jane for sounding completely confused. She wasn't doing a very good job of explaining herself, however, everything had clicked into place in her head. That was what Caroline had been talking about at dinner. She had seen Lydia doing the drugs at the barbeque that summer; hell, maybe she had even been doing them with her and had asked who her dealer was.
Beth shook her head, feeling sick. "Never mind how I know; I just do. It was Jamie. What does it matter, anyway? The damage is already done. What are they going to do with Lydia?"
"She has to stay in the hospital for a few days, and then I'm sure dad will want to put her in some kind of rehab facility. I—I don't know how to deal with all of this. You're coming home tomorrow, right?" Jane asked desperately.
"I already have tickets for the earliest flight."
"Good. I need you here."
Beth could hear indistinct noises in the background, and Jane responded distractedly to whoever was talking. "I've got to go, Beth. I just wanted you to know what was going on."
Beth sighed heavily. "Okay. Call me if anything happens, and I mean anything." Jane promised she would and then hung up.
Beth looked down at her hands in confusion; they were smudged with black streaks.
She remembered that Marianne had done her make-up, what seemed like years ago, and now she had ruined it by crying. Somehow, this on top of everything else was just too much; she began to cry again.
"Get a grip," she said to herself, angrily, and reached into her coat pocket. She was extremely grateful to find some tissues. She quickly wiped away what was left of her eye make-up.
Beth was suddenly aware of the music again. She hadn't noticed it while talking to Jane. She sighed with dismay as she thought of the party. She did not want to go back in. She didn't think she could face all the happy people dancing and laughing inside.
She was hardly in the mood see anyone, let alone explain why she had been outside for so long. She formed a plan quickly. She would go back to her room, pack, and then go to bed early if she could. She had a very early plane to catch. She stood up and slowly started up the walk to the door. She had to say goodbye to everyone.
However, the door opened and Will stepped out before she reached it. With a swift intake of air she did an abrupt about-face, briefly closing her eyes. She was an emotional wreck, and one of the last people she wanted to see her that way was Will.
With a groan of dismay she slowly turned back around. She would have to face him sometime, and it was better outside than in. Squaring her shoulders, she tried to calm her breathing. She hoped he wasn't perceptive enough to notice she'd been crying. Maybe the night was too dark for him to see...
Will was about to say something, but changed his mind once he actually got a good look at her. "What's wrong?" his voice was filled with alarm.
She sighed with something like amusement. So much for Will not noticing.
She spoke softly in an attempt to keep her voice from breaking. "I'm fine."
He closed the distance between them and gently grabbed her shoulders. She had to look away from his searching gaze. "Beth. You aren't fine. What's wrong?"
Beth took a deep shaky breath and tried to explain. "I'm okay. It's…my sister...she's…" It was no use. Her voice broke, and she couldn't blink the tears away. She bowed her head; she didn't want him to see her cry.
Will stood awkwardly for a few moments, not knowing what to do. Before he could decide she straightened up and laughed slightly at herself. "God, I'm a mess." She shook her head and cleared her throat. "I'm sorry. You probably think I'm crazy."
"No, of course not. I just want to help you. You should sit down."
She shook her head again. "I'm fine." But she allowed him to guide her to the steps to sit down. He waited patiently for her to start.
She sighed. "Lydia's in the hospital. She was at a party and she overdosed on coke."
She watched Will's expectant face drop into a frown. He ran a finger over his top lip. She couldn't tell what he was thinking.
"She's going to be okay, but…" Beth trailed off. "I feel so—I had no idea. Absolutely no idea. I've been away here at school, but I didn't even know it was going on. How could this happen?"
Will looked as though he understood only far too well what she meant. It was a sad look of understanding that passed between them. Beth found herself continuing, even though he hadn't asked for any more information. She couldn't seem to stop. "I knew Lydia liked to party, but this? Almost dying?" Beth shook her head in helpless bafflement.
Will placed one of his hands over hers. "At least she's okay," he said quietly. "Are you sending her to rehab?"
Beth raised both hands in the air in a helpless gesture. "I have no idea. I have absolutely no—I just don't know." She sighed heavily. "I'm sure my parents will make her go but—"
She stood up to pace in agitation. A sudden wave of fury had run through her. "She was getting it from Jamie!" The sentence finally burst from Beth.
Will looked at her speechlessly, and then he closed his eyes for a moment. "Wickham?"
Beth nodded, steamrolling on. "I could shoot myself. I knew what he was and what he was capable of. I knew! You told me. If I had only told someone…Lydia or my father even, none of this would have happened." Beth exhaled violently. She hadn't known she had so much anger inside of her.
Will stood up quickly and walked over to where Beth was standing. "You can't blame yourself. This isn't your fault."
Beth clenched her jaw. "No, no it is—"
Will cut her off as he reached forward and grabbed her shoulders gently. "Listen to me; it's not your fault."
She was still attempting to tell him it was, and he shook her slightly for emphasis. "There are just some people who get sucked into that world. Lydia would have done this whether you'd been there or not. If not now, some other time in her life in some other situation. It's her fault; or maybe it's his for taking advantage of her, but it's not yours, Beth."
It was her name that finally got Beth to stop protesting and listen to Will. She couldn't ever remember hearing him say it like that, so earnestly. He was looking down at her seriously, trying desperately to help.
"If you try to blame yourself, it'll just eat away at you. Take it from someone who knows." He sighed after he said it, and a frown marred his features.
Beth had never heard him talk about what had happened with Anna; she had only read the letter. She could imagine perfectly now how much pain his sister's situation had caused him. She felt terrible for making him relive it tonight.
She blinked slowly and finally nodded. "You're right. Of course you are; I should have listened. I'm just…" Beth trailed off. She didn't know what she was feeling.
They both seemed to realize at the same moment that Will was still holding onto her shoulders. He hastily dropped his hands, shoving them into his coat pockets.
Will broke the silence that had descended on them. "I'm sorry; you haven't had any time to deal with this. I'm sure you just want to be alone or talking with your family. I can't believe I'm still standing here. I'm sure I'm not helping anything." He went on before she could reply that she hadn't minded his company in the slightest. "You're probably not coming back inside, right?"
She nodded. "I think it's best if I just go back to my room. I can't deal with all those people right now."
"I'll drive you back," he offered quietly.
Beth wanted to protest, but it seemed clear that he was determined. She found herself following him instinctively, grateful that someone else was taking control of her situation. She was suddenly so tired.
The ride back to campus was quiet and oddly tense. There was something growing in the air between them, but Will no longer seemed inclined to talk and Beth was too emotionally exhausted to try to break the silence. She thought he might've just dropped her off in the parking lot, but he got out and walked her to the doors to her dorm. They stopped just before the steps that led to the doors.
The night air was crisp and very cold. Beth's breath formed a white cloud when she exhaled and she rubbed her hands together to keep warm. The sidewalk and leaves glittered with frost.
"Thank you for the ride. And dinner," Beth added on hastily. In light of the recent events, she had almost forgotten about what happened earlier in the night all together. "You didn't have to take the trouble—"
"It was nothing," he said, cutting off whatever she had been about to add. "I'm just sorry about Lydia."
Beth nodded, backing up onto one of the stair steps. "Me too," she said quietly. "But you shouldn't have left your party just for me…"
Will waved her off again and looked down at his feet briefly. "Don't worry about it; you're more important than that stupid party." His eyes were suddenly on her again, and he didn't look away.
Beth inhaled sharply after he said it, and the moment of silence dragged on between them. With a pang, she suddenly remembered just where they had left off on the dance floor. It was the obvious time for a goodbye hug or kiss; but instead they simply stood there, looking at each other. Will's jaw was tight.
Just when Beth thought that she couldn't possibly take the silence and tension between them any longer, Will finally took the step forward, bringing them as close as they could be without touching.
Beth was suddenly aware of her heart beating in the hollow of her throat, and she swallowed heavily. The step she was on brought her up enough so that she was almost at eye level with Will. It was strange to be eye to eye with him. She found herself searching his face, her eyes continually drawn down to his mouth.
The touch of his hand was light on her cheek. They were so close that she could feel their breath mingling.
"Beth…" He said it so quietly and his voice was so low that she wasn't quite sure she'd heard it, but all thoughts were pushed from her mind as he leaned in. She grabbed the lapels of his coat, leading him forward, and his mouth touched hers.
With a loud bang, the door to Beth's dormitory slammed shut, causing Beth to jump wildly and break away from Will. She turned her head to look at the door in surprise; she'd forgotten that anything else existed in that last moment. Her heart was beating frantically in her throat.
The girl looked up in concern as she lit her cigarette and smiled sheepishly, blowing a cloud of smoke up into the night. "Whoops, sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt."
Beth ignored her, and, letting out a breath she hadn't known she was holding, she took a slight step back, feeling extremely flustered. The moment was ruined. She certainly wasn't going to do anything when they had an audience. She had to look away from Will; she suddenly felt like she was going to cry again. If only all of it could have happened on some other night.
"Will…" To Beth's total and utter embarrassment, she actually did start crying again before she could say anything more. She hastily wiped the few tears away and then was suddenly overcome by a fit of the giggles.
When she chanced a look at Will, his eyes were as wide as she'd ever seen them, and she couldn't blame him in the least. The first time they'd kissed, she'd broken it off to have a yelling match with him, and now she had broken it off to cry. He had to think she was totally bonkers.
"Oh god, I have no idea what's wrong with me," Beth mumbled, still fighting off her giggles. She closed her eyes for a long moment, trying to regain control of herself. "I'm sorry," she finally said, quietly. "This is your last night, and I've just—just completely ruined everything about it."
She opened her eyes to see Will give a slight shrug, the corner of his mouth quirking up. "Not quite."
Beth wrung her hands and transferred her weight from one foot to the other, nervously. "I just don't know how to deal with everything about Lydia. I don't know what to do, or what…" Beth trailed off, looking at Will. She was suddenly breathing quickly. She didn't know what she wanted from him, but she couldn't tell him that. She clenched her fists in frustration.
He seemed to understand anyway and looked down at the sidewalk for a few moments. When he looked back up, he seemed resigned. "It's okay; I understand. You should get some rest," he said slowly, his voice low.
Beth bit her lip, but she nodded. "Yeah, you're right. I—good luck in New York," she finished lamely.
He smiled lightly. "Thank you. Goodbye, Beth," he said after a moment.
"Goodbye, Will," she said quietly. She waited anxiously for something more to happen, but after a few seconds he only nodded his head at her before heading back in the direction of the parking lot.
Beth watched his broad shoulders get further and further away, a wave of panic welling inside of her. Why had she done that? What did it matter that they were both leaving in the morning? All of her rationale and practical thinking suddenly seemed worthless.
Will was gone from her life; he was gone. For the first time it was totally clear to her. She had wanted him to make a move. She had wanted him to hold her… to kiss her. But he was gone. Now that she could finally admit to herself that she wanted him, he was gone.
Why had she pushed him away? She looked back on their past. They'd had so many chances. But she'd screwed it up. Why had it taken her so long to realize what she wanted? She knew when he came back in the beginning of March things would be different. There was no way he would still feel the same way in three months, especially not after the events of the night.
It was all over.
Marianne looked up in surprise as Beth walked into the room.
"What are you doing back so early? I thought you were going to the party?"
"I did. Now I'm back," she said simply. She couldn't talk about any of what had happened.
"How did it go?" Marianne asked excitedly, waggling her eyebrows.
Beth shook her head slightly, trying to keep her expression neutral. She couldn't think about the almost-kiss; it would drive her crazy. "Nothing happened."
"You're kidding me! I was so—"
"Marianne," Beth interrupted, hating what she was about to do. She'd forgotten about Willoughby briefly during the time she had been dealing with the Lydia issue, but the sight of Marianne had brought it all back. She didn't want to tell her roommate the awful news, but she had to do it. "I saw something tonight that I need to tell you about, and I need you to be serious."
"Ok-ay?" Marianne said laughing, drawing it out into a question.
Beth took a deep breath and then plunged in. "I saw Willoughby tonight. He was at the party. He was with another girl."
Marianne narrowed her eyes. "What are you talking about? He called and told me he was sick and couldn't go out tonight."
"He lied," she said simply. "He wasn't sick. I saw him dancing and—and kissing another girl…"
"Beth," Marianne breathed, looking wounded. "I'm sorry that things didn't work out between you and Will, but that's no reason for you to do this. I can't believe you would make something like this up," she finished, sounding very hurt and angry.
Beth stared at her, flabbergasted, her mouth actually hanging open in complete surprise. It had never crossed her mind that Marianne wouldn't believe her. She knew what she had seen. She'd thought that Marianne would take her word for it.
"Wh—what?" she managed to get out, her own anger quickly rising up. She had already dealt with so much. A whole wave of anger was waiting right below the surface.
"No, I don't believe you!" Marianne cried out angrily. "John loves me; he would never do that to me."
Beth knew that Marianne wasn't the right person to take all of her frustration out on, but her roommate was making it so difficult to resist. "Call him up then, and ask if I'm such a liar," she spat out. "But don't be surprised if he's too busy partying to pick up his phone to talk to you."
Marianne glared and spoke through clenched teeth. "I don't have to call him. I trust him."
"Come on! That's total bullshit."
"I don't know what your problem is, Beth. You've never been supportive of my relationship with John. I'm beginning to think this is some kind of ploy to get me to break up with him, and go out with that stupid friend of yours."
Beth narrowed her eyes. "Now you're being ridiculous."
"No, you are." She walked to the door. "I can't deal with you right now," Marianne said and walked out, slamming the door behind her.
With a yell of frustration, Beth grabbed the nearest pillow and threw it as hard as she could at the door. With a soft thud, it nailed the door squarely in the center and fell with a plop to the floor.
Breathing angrily, Beth walked over and threw open the closet door. She began to pack, shoving the clothing into her suitcase and muttering to herself. It was too much. On top of everything else she had to deal with, she was now in a fight with Marianne. Grabbing more clothes from her drawers, she shoved them into her suitcase as well.
She sank down on her bed, suddenly exhausted. It had been a very long and trying day. She had to fight the urge to cry again.
Will parked on the street across from the frat house where his goodbye party was being held, but after he turned the car off, he didn't immediately get out. The interior of the car was so quiet. He rubbed a hand across his forehead distractedly.
The night was certainly turning out differently than he had anticipated. He clenched a fist reflexively as his thoughts inevitably turned to Wickham. He hated Jamie so much. Will wanted nothing more than to punch his sorry face in. He wished, for the billionth time, that he had never met Wickham. The man lived to cause pain, it seemed.
He only wished there was something he could do for Beth. She'd been so distraught over the news. He didn't know how he could help; killing Jamie was the only thing he could thing of.
Will sighed. Talking about Jamie again—it'd brought back memories from his childhood, none of which were particularly happy. He could still remember perfectly the day his father had sat him down to tell him that the Wickhams would be moving into the guest house.
Will had been ecstatic. Anna was too young to come along with him on any of his outside adventures, and so Jamie was welcomed with open arms into the family. The boys were the same age, Will being a few months older, and they hit it off immediately. They could usually be seen outside on the enormous grounds of the Darcy estate, running, racing, playing, and having a wonderful time together. Times were never as good as they were that first year.
Although he never would have admitted it, Will soon became jealous of Jamie. He was able to get his father's attention in a way Will was never able to do. Jamie also possessed the amazing ability to charm his way out of every punishment. Try as he might, Will could never successfully lie to his father. It always made him feel horrible. He usually ended up confessing, and as a result suffered through many more punishments than his equally guilty, if not guiltier, counterpart.
Will's mother had understood her son's personality perfectly. When she was alive, she had always been able to facilitate the relationship between her husband and son. After her death, their relationship slowly began to crumble. By the time Will was 16, it was already on very shaky foundation, and it would only get worse.
In that excruciatingly painful summer, Will grew a whopping seven inches and learned the truth about the relationship between his father and Jamie's mother. His father no longer seemed the towering omnipotent ruler of his childhood; Will was now at his eye level, if not a little taller.
After what seemed like thousands of fights, he gave up on his relationship with his father and refused to talk to anyone but Anna; a feat made quite simple by the fact that he and Jamie were both going to prep school, he didn't have to see his father nine months out of the year, and he could easily ignore Jamie at school. With the addition of Charles Bingley to the mixture, Will could honestly say that he was happy. Why did he need family when he had such a great best friend?
He always regretted that time before his father's death. He wished he had made some effort to make up with his father before he died, but how could he have known that his father would suffer a massive heart attack? Suddenly an orphan, Will had no idea what to do. He was completely lost.
Thankfully, his great-aunt Catherine took total control. She sent Anna and Will off to live with their mother's brother, Richard Fitzwilliam Sr., and his family until Will was old enough to take care of the estate. Unfortunately, this left the Wickhams no choice but to move out. Jamie was insulted and furious. He did not take well to being thrown out like the trash.
His revenge was quick and easy; he got into as many illegal activities as he could. He knew it would drive the straight-laced Will crazy. Will, whose world had just been toppled, was in no mood for games. He let Wickham's activities accidentally slip to the headmaster. A little undignified, but he was only 17. He certainly had a lot of pent up emotions to deal with. Getting rid of Wickham had felt good, until, of course, it all came back to bite him on the ass.
In the car, Will shook his head. He didn't want to think about what happened with Anna. It still made him unimaginably furious. Thankfully, he and Rich and intervened before Anna could overdose or do irrevocable damage to her life, but it had been a close call. He sighed and rolled his shoulders, trying to get rid of the tension that had built up.
Anna had made a full recovery, and it was mostly due to the excellent rehab facility she had lived at for a year. The Anne Wentworth clinic was world renown. Even the Darcys had been lucky to get Anna in; the clinic was selective about the cases they accepted, and the service didn't come cheap. If it hadn't have been for his great-aunt Catherine, Will doubted that Anna would have been given a place. They would've had to take her to another, less exemplary, rehab clinic.
Will froze and then blinked slowly. He was looking at the dashboard without seeing it, a sudden insight dawning over him. Perhaps there was a way he could help Beth after all…
Will nodded to himself several times before pulling the keys out of the ignition. With a plan in mind, he suddenly found the energy to get out of the car. First, he had to return to his party and give Beth's goodbyes to Charles and Anna, and then as soon as he was in New York he would set everything up.