CH 14: The Feelings
Reid POV…
Eating, not the right word, playing with the food was more informative about the actions I was doing sitting on that table with rest of my team. I hated the tension between me and Morgan. I never felt lonelier in my life than this day. But I was angry. Every time I saw his face, it reminded me of his betrayal. On top, now Emily knew all about me! I was so tensed under her constant gaze. My mind had no idea what she was thinking. The formalities that suddenly fell between all three of us were slowly deterring me. I was helpless at how fast life twisted in front of me.
Soon, the dinner was over. I didn't dare talk during the eating any longer, I had enough with Morgan. Last thing I wanted to do was to tell others what made us fought in the first place.
Since Emily entered the party, I did nothing but profile her and her thoughts about me. So far she seemed confused and lost. Now that Morgan told her everything, did she really laugh on me or considered giving it a little thought. I can't imagine her thinking about me, a guy like me don't deserve her. Everyone got off the table as they finished. Morgan walked over to me. I remained seated. The avoidance mode started.
"Reid, I need to talk to you" He said standing real close to me bothering the hell out of me.
"Not interested" I answered getting away a little. Rest of the team all moved here and there doing their businesses.
"Reid, don't show me attitude here" this time he grabbed my right wrist and said. He started to pull me off the chair.
"Morgan, let go!" I demanded more angrily.
"I need to talk now!" He raised his voice just a little this time. Anger boiled inside me. How dare he pull my wrist like this?
"Leave me!" I forcedly tried to pull my arm away but he held his grip.
"Don't make me do this here" I warned him but he seemed intact. He then pulled me off my chair and dragged me. I was tired of his games. I was exhausted of myself and this world. I had no energy to fight him any longer so I walked with him to a side. He pushed me against the wall and stood in front blocking my way.
"What is this stupidity?" I asked fuelling with annoyance.
"Why did you call me yesterday?" He asked me what I feared. I remained quiet.
"I am asking you something, why didn't you say anything then?" he asked again. I looked away.
"You know you can't hide from me" He said.
"Morgan-"
"Reid! Why the hell you called me!" He was very angry this time. He came even closer, driving me insane with the intrusion.
"Morgan, please—"
"Please what?"
"I am not in a mood to discuss anything right now"
"Accept it Reid, you need me, that's why you called! You need all of us, we are like a family to you" Morgan's tone switched to concerned sounds.
"I don't need anyone anymore!" I answered back.
"Please, I begging you, let's get over this now" Morgan requested.
"You might easily get over after breaking someone's trust but not me, I am hurt, I am broken because that one person that I trusted more than myself, that one person who I cared and needed the most in life, betrayed me. You think I can get over the fact that I have no one left to share my thoughts, ideas, dreams, wishes …everything! I am lonely as ever and there's nothing you can do now to fix it!" I answered holding back my tears. Morgan stood still. Silence followed.
"I am sorry" he lightly spoke.
"I wish you had never done that. Morgan, I miss you, I miss us" I answered.
"You can always turn back, always count on me" He said.
"You hurt me once, you won't hurt me again and I will make sure you never get that chance" I said and shoved him aside to walk back to the glittering lights of the party. Maybe he won't ever understand what he meant to me, not just a co-worker, a friend, a brother. Just then I saw Hotch standing and watching over us. He gave me the most concerning stare to which I rejected to respond and left to where ladies were sitting. I guessed that Hotch will now deal with Morgan before he approaches me.
I took the seat beside JJ. Emily's wheel chair was on her other side. JJ's phone rang and she excused herself attending Will's call. Rossi and Garcia were now getting ready to launch their scheme of fun. I sat back and waited until Emily's eyes threw my world upside down. Her behaviour seemed so unusual since the start of this gathering. Even with so much experience of profiling, I failed to understand her. I gained all my confidence and returned her a gaze. She smiled in returned.
My heart sank seeing her so still in her wheelchair, so broken by William. Her fingers wrapped in bandages must constantly remind her of the life threatening cold. A shiver ran up my spine remembering the cool air I was breathing in there.
I had to snap out of my thoughts to pay attention to her words rather than her thoughts.
"Is everything okay there with Morgan?" She asked.
"I am angry at him for some reason" I answered her.
"Care to share the reason?" Emily politely asked and I quickly ran all the consequences of telling her. How could I tell her that she is the reason of this fight?
"Well, it's nothing, just a little argument" I responded but she did not buy my idea. She was a dam good profiler, impossible to hide from. Her face expressions clearly showed sign of acknowledgement. What if Morgan told her about this quarrel as well? All my previous theories about his behaviour went out of the window.
"Oh, I hope it gets sorted out soon. If you need me to scold him or something just let me know." She cackled off and left me mesmerized by her laugh.
Who could deny she was the girl of my dreams, the only girl I ever felt nice being around, the only one who could understand me without speaking. I respected her more than anything, her morals, her values, her knowledge, everything felt so perfect. Since her first day with us, I knew she was different, maybe different enough for me. I never wanted her to know I admired her in such a way.
She was the objection of my love that I could be happy to see from far but gaining her acceptance was never my plan. The embarrassment hidden in confessing to her was too much to even live on. I considered myself a disgrace to her majestic ways. And now Morgan had done something I feared so much. I was having hard time being normal in front of her. I couldn't focus on anything but her. The more I looked at her, the madder I got on Morgan for ruining such a delicate friendship. I knew she changed her behaviour for me, she wasn't the same anymore. Why Morgan had to destroy my only secret happy lala land?
I came out of my thoughts when Garcia's voice interrupted the perfect classical tunes playing in the background.
"My fellows, this party is in honor of the BAU family reunion. Thanks a lot for all coming out and making this evening memorable." Garcia spoke over in a microphone. She cleared her throat before starting again "the first surprise of the evening is here….ladies and gentleman our very own…David Rossi". She pointed over to where Rossi was standing, mick in his hand. Music started to play and he tapped his feet to the beat.
"Can't miss seeing this epic moment!" JJ exclaimed as she returned.
"Is he actually going to sing?" Emily's face brightened up and she glowed beautifully in the lights. A brilliant smile displayed on her face as Rossi started to sing.
This was the first time he ever sang in front of us. Although it was an English song, he seemed prepared. He wasn't as good as he was in the field of profiling but the surprise sure was shocking for everyone!
Emily POV…..
I sat there listening to Rossi singing for first time in life, there was music playing in the background, all the tension that we went through past few weeks started to fade in that moment. Garcia started to clap with the beat and soon everyone followed her and with each beat, claps supported his singing.
From my peripheral vision, I could see Reid clapping for Rossi. His eyes focused on the singer and he was smiling. In that moment, I didn't know who to pay more attention to. Without thinking, I shifted my head to enjoy the happy scenes radiating from Reid.
For first time in life, I couldn't understand my actions. I had no explanation for what I was doing and why. These past few weeks, he became my medicine. Maybe I just wanted my dose daily to become healthy again.
Maybe my mind had classical conditioned his existence, his smile with rescue. He was my saviour from William. How could I forget what he had done for me? I thought he deserves appreciation in his life and if I provide that for me, he would the happiest man for rest of his life.
Maybe I should talk to Morgan, ask more about Reid's feeling but at the same time I wanted to retract from the developing plot in our lives. This decision could ruin everything for us. I planned to remain quiet for now.
The face I was staring for so long turned to my attention. I hesitated but continued my gaze in the same direction. He kept his eyes on me, my eyes now staring straight into his eyes drowning in the painful seas so advent in that look. I knew, Reid was in trouble, some grave problem. The challenge remained as both of us not wanted to break that stare and melt away in that powerful moment.